A
female
age
41-50,
*hilippa
writes:Well I have been threw many ups and downs in my relationship . It was very long and ans stressful experience for,but my husband actually made a 360 degree improvement .So I should be happy right ? The truth is I don't really care .He did not care for me for years .I met somebody online and I am really attracted to him...a lot .My body says yes ,my mind says yes a part of me says I might regret it .My husband is the only man I ever had in my life, ifI do something will it make me a slut or will I be labeled as one ? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2011): People please how easy is it to quickly leave a marriage because your husband isn't living up to your expectations? The OP is here because of her conscience. For some its pretty easy for others there are a lot of factors to consider. Family, friends, colleagues, etc who would never understand. So Very Confused has given you the answer no one else wants to. Sleep with him if it will'scratch the itch'. Only I doubt if any man would give his consent to that HELL NO! My hubby has been less than caring over the years and yes I am going to 'see' an old friend to sort myself out. we're both married so no one wants out of their relationships and I know I'm not gonna ask for permission. I know people strive to do the right thing but then, things happen. Not sure about just meeting someone on line though.
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female
reader, AlaMich88  +, writes (7 December 2011):
I just want to say that I caught my boyfriend talking to another girl online. I had no idea but here were these hundreds of emails back and forth between them two and I want you to know how hurtful that was to find out. It happened months ago and im still so very sad about it. Maybe you should just down right end things with your husband before making any decisions about another person you've talking to online.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): 'The truth is I don't really care.'~ OP
Then the marriage is over. Put the guy crush on the back burner. Get your life sorted out.
It does no one any good to remain married to some guy you don't care about. Its dishonest.
Time for a separation with the FULL INTENT to divorce. Hand in Separation Papers. Move out. Get on your own two feet. Give it sometime.
Get counselling. You have underlying issues that need to be addressed otherwise you are just bringing your baggage and carry over behaviours to the next relationship.
Date.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): you are not a Kid now. SO it does not make sense for you to ask the obvious. You will any way do what ever you want to do. I do not buy in the theory of Cheating on your spouse on the pre-text of bad treating and all that. New one after the marriage may be even worse. All of wives regret the guilt of cheating and being unfaithful to themselves and husbands and kids. That you can not avoid any way. In fact the fact that you are here in forum finding answers and approvals, is result of your conscience deep down has started troubling you. You will be lot happier not being unfaithful else you yourself will loose yourself and all t hat youi have. gain is nothing. There is no comparison of responsibility less EMA,and a responsible life of married person ( Men and women, kids, In laws, grand kids and all those beutiful things in life ), which requires lot of efforts to achieve. New man will not be much diffrent.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Yes, you will....
Good question.....
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Slut no, cheater yes.
If you are done with your husband and marriage - get a divorce before moving on to the next guy. Not just for the sake of your husband, but for your own sake and the sake of the guy you met.
An affair will not fix a darn thing in your life, only complicate it and I think you know that. You are old enough to know better.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 December 2011):
 IF your only concern is that you will be a slut or labeled one for having an affair, you have the wrong mindset here. An affair will not fix things. It will not ‘get back” at your husband.
Are you and your husband in couples counseling? Would he go? Would you? Are you in therapy yourself? Would you go? You should to help figure out what you are feeling. It sounds to me like you are still pretty angry and resentful at your husband for his past behavior that you said he’s changed. Changing behavior is a very very very hard thing to do….
IF you do something you become a liar and a cheater.. is that what you want for yourself???
IF you really have to have this other man I see several options.
1. Leave your husband for this other man and find out that it was worth it
2. Leave your husband for this other man and find out that the grass is not always greener on the other side and you are swapping one set of problems for another. (although in my case the swap of problems was worth it)
3. Propose to your husband that you be permitted to ‘scratch this itch’ and see if you can get it out of your system with his approval. (a temporary open marriage sort of thing)… that way you get to see what’s out there and yet you are not lying or cheating… (not a popular suggestion but I’m all about honesty vs sexual needs)
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): Well never trust people who you meet on the web. If you have not met or spoken to him on skype or web cam then you are most likely getting into a spot of trouble.
If you do not want to be married to your husband get divorced. Then you can think about moving further with another man.
Dont commit adultry or be unfaithful.
To answer your question, yes, you will probably regret it!!
Hope all works well!
P.s: If you cheat on your husband then you WILL be labelled as a slut. Be responsible and get divorced before making any descions.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): Please do not trust online guys. You are definitely not the only one he flirts with. Forget that alien and focus on your husband and ways you can mend the relationship.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (7 December 2011):
 It wont mean that you will be labelled as a slut (generally a slut is a person who has slept with multiple partners often in a one night stand scenario). However it WILL make you a cheat, a liar, an adulterer and a heartbreaker. Which are all probably worse than being a slut.
At the end of the day you made vows to your husband 'for better for worse' - and you have been through the 'worse' part but your husband has made an effort and turned things around. Now I'm not saying that because he is a better husband now all of a sudden you should be 100% ok with him, it is going to take time for you to build your feelings back up after what he did to you.
BUT having an affair is only going to make things a lot WORSE. Your husband has made an effort to change in order to save your marriage, it would break his heart to find out that rather than you making an effort too to fix this marriage you have gone out and found someone else then went behind his back and had an affair.
You now have a choice - your husband has made an effort to change, so do you want to put in the same amount of effort as he has and fix things? Or do you want to give up and walk away? Having an affair is not an option, your only options are to make things work with your husband OR walk away and get a divorce so you can be with your online guy.
I think you at least owe it to your husband after the work he has put into this to give it one last try - go to marriage counselling, get some help so you can get your feelings back and then the marriage back on track. But you will have to end things with your online guy - you have already been emotionally unfaithful to your husband which is actually just as bad as physically cheating, so you need to end it quickly with your online guy before it gets any more complicated.
But if you are 100% certain that you can never get your feelings back for your husband and that it is too late, that the damage has been done - well walk away and end the marriage. There is no point in dragging out a marriage where you dont feel anything, it is best to get the divorce and then you are both free to move on and be happy again.
But whatever you do, please dont take things any further with the online guy until you have decided to leave your husband (if that is your choice) - it is not fair on your husband, it is not fair on the online guy (does he even know you are married?) and it will end up being a great big mess where everyone gets hurt.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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reader, DoubleM +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Probably not a good idea at all, but it sounds like you are not happy in your marriage. An affair is very unlikely to help. We do not know what's going on there, but perhaps you need to reassess. Hope no children are involved . . .
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