A
male
age
30-35,
*m81690
writes:Alright, so I'm just wondering here if a good friend of mine is gay, I'll try and make this breif...He's been going with a girl for a couple weeks, and he tells us (the guys he hangs with) that he's doing stuff with her... But the other night I was at a dance, they were both there, and he constantly rejected her, wouldn't even dance with her, in fact she actually said outloud that he wasn't doing ANYTHING and he didn't seem bothered by it. He was also on E the entire night, which you would think would make him a bit more eager to go with her.And yesterday the girl asked some of his friends straight up if he was gay, because apparently he hasn't touched her dispite her efforts.He always goes on about hot women, but that could just be a cover up, and he is also a bit of a homophobe.Another things that weirds me out should he be gay (don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against gay people) is that he always says me and him should go splits on an apartment after highschool... I'd be uncomfortable living with a guy if he was straight, if he was gay that'd just be a bit strange, not to mention it'd make me look gay too.So what do you think, could he be gay?Thanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, jm81690 +, writes (23 September 2007):
jm81690 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for all the answers, but I'll clear up a couple things.1. He isn't shy, in fact he's one of the most outgoing guys that I've ever met.2. To answer the person who asked if the girl was attractive, yeah she is, very.3. Someone asked if he has ever hooked up with a girl, I've heard of him macking a chick once, and dozens of times he's lied about doing stuff with girls. I once met a girl he said he was having sex with, and she didn't even know who he was.4. In regards to me coming off as homophobic for not wanting to move in with a gay guy, or any guy for that matter... Well, I just think it would be a drag never getting any privacy is all, I wouldn't mind it if I was living with a girl whom I was seeing though, ya dig?5. As far as us (my friends and I) judging him or not judging him for being gay, we're all somewhat convinced he is gay, and our opinion of the guy hasn't changed at all, whether he likes to bang guys or girls really isn't any of my business. I'm just asking this question simply out of curiosity.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (23 September 2007):
 Hi there,
Maybe your friend was shy, maybe he wasn't into her, maybe he just hasn't gotten around to making the first move, or maybe he's gay. Either way, it's really none of your business.
If you CARE about your friend and therefore want to know - just out of the goodness of your heart - then, the best thing to do is talk to your friend. If you only want to know because you don't want to house up with a gay guy, well... I think you need to step back and take a look at your friendship with this guy. Are you friends with him because he's a cool guy? Or because he likes girls? Because no matter what his sexual preference, he's still the same guy you were friends with before.
You won't "look gay". Don't worry, I promise you won't.
I think you're thinking too much about this. Just be friends, be cool - if he is gay, well... feel bad for him since he still has to live his life as if he's straight. If he came out, friends like you would judge him and make him feel bad about it. Be a true friend and support him.
Who knows if he's gay? Who cares?
xxIndia
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): guys tend to say that they're doing 'stuff' with their girl, even if they're not, just to big themself up. just because he's not doesn't mean that he's gay, more than likely it means that he's just very nervous about doing anything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): Well if he hasn't touched this girl and said he did, then he lied, so I guess the reason he hasn't touched her could be that he is gay. Of all the other things you mentioned that is the only one that stands out as possibly making him gay.
Well is it possible that he just doesn't like her?? I mean is she pretty, would you guys hook up with her?? Has he ever hooked up with a girl??
Anyways how do you know that when she said that she was referring to a usual thing. Maybe she was simply referring to that night.
Why don't you try calling him out and see what he says. Be like "oh that girl said that you never touch her and that she thinks your gay." And see what he says.
Well if you don't feel comfortable, you don't have to move in with him. I don't think you should let someone's sexuality change your feelings about them but I understand that their is alot of intolerance in this world. Maybe being friends with a gay guy is like a thing of freaks where you are from. That is unfortunate because I am sure that alot of young guys are probably gay and have to hide it out of fear of being ostracized from your society.
All the gay guys I have known have really pretty girl friends. Something to think about in the future if you want to meet hot chicks.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od  +, writes (22 September 2007):
 first, it is completely normal for guys to live in an apartment togther, like flatmates, so you come across as the homophobe, not him and secondly, if he doesn't want to "do stuff" to this girl, he shouldn't be pressured into it or made to feel less of a man because he hasn't done all the things a oushy, arrogant man sees as normal
and you know what, if he is gay, he will come out when he is good and ready, and he is so lucky to have mates like you, who don't judge or feel threatened by his sexuality.
it takes a real man to understand his sexual preference and a coward to judge him because of it.
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A
female
reader, Emaz help +, writes (22 September 2007):
 Well i've just found out a good friend of mine is gay when before he has had a few gf'z, i always knew he was gay and that going out with girls were just cover ups but you can't call your friend gay just because he's 'rejecting' this girl, you need more evidence, yes he could be gay, but what else have you got to prove it? Maybe he just feels insecure with this girl or worried that things might go too fast or too serious. So what if he was gay though? You're his friend and if he did turn out gay then it shouldn't change anything between you. I speak about getting a place with my girl m8z after school, it doesn't mean im a lesbian!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): well I have a friend who is similar sounding to your friend. I am pretty sure my friend is not gay, he refers to women as pretty or hot or whatever and last time I went to his house he had pics of women in their underwear on the walls. He has a girlfriend and though they have kissed nothing much else has happened, so I think he is shy or lacking in the confidence or knowledge of what to do with a woman. Maybe your friend is like mine....
Of course it is possible he is gay and is struggling with his sexuality, anything is possible.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): hey there! Well this is a hard one..however the one thing that i can think of mainly is that you should talk to him. He is your friend you say, so maybe you two should have a chat-not that you sit down and simply ask him if hes gay, but have a bonding session with him, do whatever you both enjoying doing (eg sports, activities etc...)and have a chat. Perhaps ask him whats going on with his girl and why is she saying that he doesnt touch her, and perhaps mention you are just wondering if hes ok and so on...maybe he will feel he could open up, maybe he doesnt. But you have nothing to loose by trying. Perhaps the day you talk he will not tell you how he feels, but he might think about it and realise he can tell you after a while, because your his friend and you will be there for him.
Now about moving in together later, you have to think hard whether that would bother you or not. Even if he is gay and isnt honest to you about it, you have to think whether you will be able to live with him, whether he admits it, doesnt or isnt even gay.
Good luck xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): im sorry to say he aint the good mate you think he his, its obvious he dont trust you, cause if he did dont you think he`d of confided in you.
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female
reader, Kay-lee. +, writes (22 September 2007):
 Hi,
I actually don't think he is gay, I think that he just doesn't want to be with the girl he is currently with anymore.
Let time take it's toll and make sure you keep an eye out on your friend's and his girlfriend's relationship.
Also you could check out www.wikihow.com - It's a tool manual that let's you know how to do a variety of things, maybe you could search 'how to tell if someone's gay' or something similiar.
Sorry if this wasn't much help.
Thanks!
Kay-lee. x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): Not from what you've said, no. But it's always a possibility.
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female
reader, Cupcake +, writes (22 September 2007):
 Your only indication that hes gay is that he didnt want to touch this girl he was seeing... So what perhaps hes a gentalmen, or maybe he was shy.. It does not at all mean hes gay. And just because you live with a gay person it does not make you look gay.
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