A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has beat me more than a couple times before and hasn't in a period of time and has told me he wouldn't ever again but I am scared of him im scared a lot of the time and if he gets really mad at me he threatens to choke me or beat me but thing will be so perfect for a while n sometimes when im happy I have flashbacks of being beaten by him and I just don't know how to make the flashbacks stop.does anybody know how I can forget about what has happened to me?will I ever?
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male
reader, Bob Loblaw +, writes (11 July 2012):
Get out of there, NOW. Do NOT make excuses for him. His promises mean nothing if he hasn't been convicted for his crimes against you AND gone through intense therapy for it. Anything less than that is meaningless, so don't believe him. He is a very sick/bad/dangerous man who will ultimately hurt you even worse than he already has.
Not only does he need help, *you* need help. Please get it right away. Take care of YOURSELF, because until you do, you cannot care for anyone else.
There's a reason that all the advice you're getting here today is unanimous.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): He will not change. I myself was in an abusive relationship. When I ended it, I felt so guilty. Wondered what I could have done to change him. Wondered if I was the only one he had done this to. I remembered him talking about him having an ex wife and I looked her phone number up and called her. He beat her too. I finally fell on good friends who drove me to the courthouse and got an EPO on him. That way, NO MATTER WHAT, I couldn't talk to him, even if I wanted too. Thats the way of abusive relationships. No matter how bad they treat you, you for some reason try your damndest to make things work.
Don't do it. Go to the courthouse. File an EPO. Take pictures of any bruises and have medical statements ready. Get this idiot out of your life before he kills you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 July 2012):
 The first thing you MUST do is end the relationship.
You are a statistic waiting to happen...
http://www.domesticpeace.com/ed_nationalstats.html
just a few pieces from the above page:
•Anywhere from 1-3 million women are battered each year by their intimate partner. (Bureau of Justice Statistics, Intimate Partner Violence. Washington DC, 2000.)
(you are already part of this statistic)
•Of those who abuse their partner, well over 65% also physically and/or sexually abuse the children.
(to convince you to protect any unborn children you have I'm letting you know if you stay with him and have children he will be more than likely to abuse your children too.. many women will take it themselves but won't allow their children to be hurt...)
And this is the statistic I do not wish for you to join:
•Each day .....4 women die as a result of abuse.
(will that be you one day?) NOT go to the hospital they DIE... the man that supposedly LOVES them KILLS THEM... what do we tell your mom then?
You leave him.
you get into counseling to work on yourself and healing.
IF you have no where to go call a local women's shelter....
please don't die because you think this is acceptable behavior.
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A
female
reader, IamJess  +, writes (11 July 2012):
 The fact of the matter is, how hard it is to hear this, he probably isn't going to change and only says he won't do it again because he doesn't want you to leave him and he doesn't want to lose you.
No matter how good things are, things always get bad at some point nobody can not argue forever, and when you argue and he says things like that, its scary and you don't want to stay around if your scared what he's going to do to you, its not safe for you.
He needs help obviously, trying to get over his anger issues, you won't get over this if you don't leave him because he will just keep hurting you.
End the relationship, because deep down I think you know its the right thing to do anyway, for you both.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): You must be desperately unhappy and troubled and misguided to even consider staying with this guy and wanting to believe things are "perfect" when he's not physically abusing you.
Also realize it's probably not as easy to leave him as it may appear despite the obvious urgency of the situation. If you can get out of the house, then go to your nearest police station, fire station or hospital emergency room and tell them your story. They will get you the help you need and deliver you to a safe haven.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (11 July 2012):
 get away from him. you have these flashbacks because he has traumatized you. he may be fine for a while but if he has hit you once he can and more than likely will beat you again.i do not have any respect for a guy who will hit a woman. you need to get out of this relationship, and find a nice guy. you have this trauma because of him,and him alone. you did nothing to cause him to go off and hit you. it was a choice he made, actions he did. you are the victim. you have these flashbacks because of the fear , and trauma he has done to you, and you know he will more than likely do it again. don't take a chance of letting him hurt you.
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A
female
reader, eternallyinfinite  +, writes (11 July 2012):
Please leave your boyfriend. Physical violence is a dealbreaker - things may feel "perfect" for a while, but you never know when he may snap and beat you again. You deserve better!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): Get rid of this man right NOW. Once a person lays a finger on you be assure that they will do always do so.
Please please please get rid of him and get counselling, please talk to your GP.
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A
female
reader, Aarti  +, writes (11 July 2012):
Leave the boy who you know does not know how to respect grls. You need to find someone who respects and cares for youAnd live your life to the fullest and enjoy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): LEAVE HIM! The memories and flashbacks will never stop coming back and he'll continue to hurt you. He's not worth it, you deserve so much better. Tell your family and friends and make sure the law is involved. NEVER let anyone hurt you, no matter what it is, it is never okay to result to violence.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (11 July 2012):
 Get him of him RIGHT NOW. This is no small matter, if you don't get away from this guy then he will kill you. Please wake up. Unless you get rid of him completely, you will never be able to get over your flashbacks either. Every time you look at him, he will remind you of your nightmare of a past and possible present and future too. Such people never change. Please, please, please leave him.
Ask your parents and friends for help, contact the law enforcing agencies, get the help of women's shelters and throw this man out of your life. Only when he is completely flushed out and there is not even a shadow of him around you, can you begin the healing process and can get over your flashbacks.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 July 2012):
 You leave.
I'll say it again:
YOU LEAVE HIM.
If you're scared of leaving him, then you go to the police, the courts, your family, your closest friends, anyone you can turn to for support, and you leave him. Get a restraining order against him and make the break.
His promise to not beat you again is as worthless as he is. He's done it more than once. He still threatens it even after he promises you. It's a cycle. He beats you, he feels sorry he did, then it's all sunshine and roses, then the anger starts building again, and then he beats you.
Do not even entertain the idea of "helping" him through his anger problems. I'm going to make it plain as day:
If you stay with him, he is going to kill you. This is not about chipped teeth or black eyes. He'll kill you because wife battery always gets worse.
I don't know where you are in the U.S., but they have battered women's shelters nationwide. There is help out there for you. If you have children with him, now more than ever, you need to act to protect them, and you certainly need to protect yourself. To a child, physical abuse to them or their parents is the most terrifying trauma.
The time is now. Get your support together and get away with him. Don't even be screwing around with such irrelevant thoughts as "Will I ever be able to forget?" You do not WANT to forget! The fear you're feeling must change to anger and fury at the position in life he's put you in. The flashbacks will cause you to GET OUT of this situation!
You won't forget because you're still in danger. If you get away from him and break free of him, you'll still remember, though the hardship and trauma you went through, as well as the fight to break free, will make you stronger. You do not WANT to forget, because if you break free, you must never make the mistake of being attracted to traits such as the one your boyfriend possesses.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): Please dump him now. He has beat you, and he WILL do it again. they always promise not to hit you again, but they always do. Of course your scared of him, leave him and got o the police and tell them how scared you are of him. You have to end the relationship, whilever you are still with him the flashbacks will remain, because you are in danger.
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