A
female
age
30-35,
*ancerGirl09
writes:Hello everyone,I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 years now. Like any other relationships we've had our ups and downs but always work stuff out in a matter of time. We love eachother a lot, my family loves him and his family loves me, etc.Last week out of the blue he told me "(my name) we need a break". There was no arguing or fights that led to this so I was surpised. He also said it thru text which hurt me even more. I texted him back and wanted to know reasons, and told him he owed it to me to tell it to my face. I even tried calling him 1 day later but he just hung up on me. This has made me so upset because I just don't want to be like this. How can we be good and then one day he says that.I have been talking to his mom for a little support and I asked her if he mentioned anything and she just said that he had told her "we broke up". I then asked her if he goes out because I was curious and she says sometimes to the gym or to play basketball with his friends. I know that he works hard and needs his friend time BUT WE WERE JUST FINE! I never hold him back to do anything. If you ask anyone they would say im the nicest girlfriend and sometimes they say how easy he has it infact. Im not a bitch or a needy girlfriend either. I havent contacted him in a week but I just keep thinking about how he ended it with not even closure. IF we had closure I'm sure I would be 10 times better now but with no closure and leaving me out in the dark all I can say is how im just puzzled.Today 6/16/12 I had texted him asking "Hi, How are you" and also mentioned to him that I love him so much, I want to see him, hear his voice, and to please talk to me. I also mentioned to him that I am in pain from what happened and if we can just talk"Now i know some of you are going to say why did you text him yada yada yada however this is not something to just throw away.My biggest fear now is him not answering and me getting rejected. He is a scorpio and I am a cancer girl. Please help me out. Its hard to move on. I really love him and care for him. For crying out loud he even got my name tattoed on his chest over his heart 2 years ago. (not that you care but im just saying)
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (17 June 2012):
 OP you have to let him go because he has clearly made his choice. What was perfect for you was obviously not enough for him and many times, people don't even have a specific reason, they just grow out of the relationship. If you continue pressing him for an answer he might just say something that he doesn't mean just to hurt you so that you back off, something like, "you didn't make me happy". You know that's not true, he knows that's not true, but he might just say it. Or what if he says, "Its not you, its me". How on earth do you respond to that?
I say you keep your dignity intact and don't contact him further. He might have been the best boyfriend but breaking up out of the blue over a text message doesn't really speak volumes in favor of him. Yes it hurts to have such an abrupt break-up but what can you do about it? Treat his as HIS loss, not yours. Also, don't put his mom in a difficult spot by asking about him because she would obviously want to defend her son and even if he has said anything about you, she wouldn't be comfortable divulging that information.
A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (17 June 2012):
 I have had something very similar happen to me once and was so devastated that I had to attend counselling over it. My therapist told me (because I kept saying that I wanted answers and closure) that the answer is that sometimes you must accept that you will get no answer. I explained to her again and again that I couldbn't cope with being in no man's land and she reiterated this answer. At the time I found it just annoying but in hindsight what she said is spot on. At this moment in time and maybe for ever you are not going to get an answer. I can really feel for you because you felt the relationship was going well and saw no warning signs which makes it all the harder. I think the only thing you can do is leave him alone, not send any more texts even if you get a reply and do not ask his mother anymore about him. The reasons will probably become clear over time but by then you hopefully will have moved on. It is difficult to know why men in particular do this, I can only think that most of them do not want to deal with any kind of confrontation so just disappearing is easier to them. Keep yourself busy and off the phone and when you think of him immediately swap to thinking about something else that gives you happiness. Please just leave him alone for now.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (17 June 2012):
 So did he text you back? If so, what did he say? I know this is hard to believe, but when men like women...they find any way they can to be with that woman. I agree with the other response. If he has not explained anything to you, then you need to give him some space. If you have told him you miss him, you are hurting, etc and he does not respond to you in a kind and considerate way, you must move on with your life. Unfortunately, most of the time we do not get closure. They only closure we sometimes get is saying to ourselves that we did all we could do, we tried our best, and the relationship did not work out. You have to give yourself closure and be realistic about it. Don't keep believing in something that is no longer there. I am not trying to be mean, but sometimes we have to look at the bigger picture and look at reality.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (17 June 2012):
Hi there. Wow. 5 years is a long time to be together.
It's hard to say what is going on in his mind right now.
You have said there was no argument leading up to this breakup by him. And that everything had been fine up till that point.
Perhaps he is thinking that his feelings for you are getting too deep and serious, and he still has a few more years of education left before he goes into the work force, and doesn't want emotions to get in the way of that.
It is distinctly possible.
For instance, could you imagine the relationship is going along pretty well, then there's a hiccup and you have an argument, and then it's off!
And there were some exams coming up over the next week.
How would it affect the thinking process during the exams?
In a very negative way, it would be seriously compromised.
You have done nothing wrong, so don't feel that you have.
The tricky business about men, is that very often they DO NOT share with others what they are really thinking.
They instead, keep it all to hemselves - which is understandably, incredibly frustrating!
Because as a result, the other person - in this case, you - doesn't know where they stand with them, anymore.
You have tried to get in contact with him - and to no avail - so really now, you can do no more.
As hard as it is, all you can do is to give him some space.
Weeks or months - and DO NOT text him anymore now, as it serves no purpose.
And if you were to persevere with it, well then it might only serve to annoy him - and you don't want that.
It's NOT going to be easy I realize, however right now, there is no other alternative.
The ball is now in his court.
So any action from now on, is going to have to come from him - and ONLY him.
You have done all that you can do.
The rest is up to him.
It could be weeks or it could be months before you hear from him again.
And it will take as long as it takes, it can't be forced.
You could hear from him again, or you might not - it's impossible to say.
However, you must give him the space he needs to sort out what he wants.
And in the meantime, get on with your own life - DON'T stand still waiting for him - and begin to see your friends again, and go out with them and have fun and be happy.
It probably won't be easy, however it's better than sitting at home waiting by the phone, for him to call.
And in the meantime, if he does call and you're out, get someone to say you are out with friends, so he knows you are not sitting around waiting by the phone.
He needs to know that you won't let yourself be taken for granted by anyone
And supposing he doesn't call you anytime soon, well then if it gets to be 2 or 3 months and he hasn't made some kind of contact - text or phone call - you might have to come to a point where you decide that in your own heart, it really is over.
And only then can you move on with your life.
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A
female
reader, strawberrycake +, writes (16 June 2012):
I know you don't want to hear this but it's time for you to move on. He clearly has.
I see that you are aged between 18 - 21 and you say you have been dating for 5 years? That's a really long time for anyone but for 2 people so young, it can seem even longer. Maybe that's what the problem is; he wants to date other girls and try new experiences.
This is not your fault so don't beat yourself up about it. It also clear that he does not want to talk it out (some people are just immature when it comes to break ups) so stop calling/texting him because you are only making yourself look needy.
I know you love him, but try to move on. The same thing happened to me; I thought I would never get over it but within a few months I was fine. Things will get better. Time is a healer.
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A
male
reader, Discovery +, writes (16 June 2012):
If he is around your age - being 18-21 - while that sucks it's not something that's totally unexpected. Maybe your relationship was becoming more serious than he was prepared to handle at this time/age. A number of guys would want to suddenly back out if they feel like things are advancing faster than they are prepared for. Knowing him during high school doesn't really count for serious relationship time, in my opinion.
If he is older - like later 20s or something - and he randomly backed out after 5 years then that's very puzzling.
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