A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What is this indicating for my future? My boyfriend of over three years and I have been discussing marriage and babies for about a year now. And every time I tell him I want to work as well to bring in a second income and have only two or three kids, he tells me I'm being stupid. That I should stay home when the kids are born and that we'll have four or five kids. -- Tax cuts, basically.Also, it's the little things that bug me as well. As petty as this sounds, I recently created a Facebook page I didn't know would garner the support it already has (I got pretty excited about that) and my boyfriend refuses to "Become a Fan" because he said it was stupid. Apparently, everything I do these days is stupid. I don't get it and it's actually starting to hurt my feelings a bit.I barely do anything during the day (the American economy does not help my cause). And creating something as small as a Facebook page actually gave me sliver of hope that I'll have something to do for a little while. I wanted support from the one person who refuses and then with my writing, he cuts that down as well. Saying there's some creativity and the sentence structure sucks and yet complete strangers love my work.I know I'm being dramatic and I should swallow my pride and think better of the situation but why is everything I'm doing to make myself happier always so stupid?
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female
reader, dorothy2342 +, writes (12 March 2010):
 From what I can tell your not married and your not pregnant and you don't have any children. If you want to work then get a job, if you want to write, then write. You do not need him to validate you as a person. But one thing I do agree with him about is that if it is financially possible you should be a stay at home mom. Children need all of the parenting they can get, especially at an early age. Its your body and basically your decision as to how many children you want to have. You both need a clear understanding and agree upon work and children after marriage. You are young, there isn't any need to hurry into motherhood. Decide how many years you want to work after ya'll marry, save your income to help raise your kids when you decide to have them, know when you want to start, how many, how for apart, and when you want to stop. Decide and agree on these things before you marry. After all he can't do it alone. Be happy.
A
female
reader, curious0hot +, writes (4 February 2010):
 It's not stupid. He's being a... unkind person. You should tell him that his lack of support/willingness to comprise is hurtful. If he doesn't respond in a respectful/caring way, that's a bit of information right there. Also, make a pros and cons list to help you see how good/bad your relationship is.
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A
male
reader, Canewood +, writes (4 February 2010):
Girl, been there done that with my partner. We got through it but it was hell. This isn't going to change. Not unless he can see it and the chance are slim to none. You won't be able to tell him either becuase "your stupid". Look he is insecure. He needs to do stuff for you becuase he is trying to prove stuff to himself. He can support a family by himself. You only need him because he is so great. And the list goes on. He isn't going to be happy with anything that you do because it will show him up. Even facebook or myspace. You do need to take a deep breath and make sure you are not angery. But don't go running to him to make you happy in every way. You need to take a hard look at this person and see if its worth the next 25 years of you being "stupid". It will not get better unless God gets into his heart and bangs him over the head with a stupid bat. You can't change him. You just don't need to feed it. I wish you all the best. You are not alone in this and it isnt just a woman thing. I am a gay man who had the same problem. Its a leadership issue. And it just brings out the worst in some men. Love him through it and around it or leave.
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A
female
reader, SillyA +, writes (3 February 2010):
 You aren't stupid and someonwho who says they love you should never call you that either.It sounds to me like your husband has some major insecurity issues. At the sign of you finding happiness that has nothing to do with him, he belittles and cuts you down. You are very young and have your entire life ahead of you. You will change so much as a person throughout your life, and it sounds like you have a passion about something that makes you feel good and my opinion is to stick with it! I don't think your being dramatic, don't let anyone devalidate you or your feelings, there's a reason you feel the way you do. It's never OK for someone to try and break your spirit and talk down to you. I'm a strong believer in that you teach people how to treat you, if you don't command respect from this man or any other person, chances are you won't get it. Good luck honey!
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A
female
reader, Keyshantasy  +, writes (3 February 2010):
 I don't think of it that way and I wish you would'nt either.I think his ego is bruised. He wants you to be where he wants you to be and he sees that you have wings. You want to be employed when he would rather have you at home ALL DAY-where he knows where you'll be. Your FACEBOOK page (curious to know;~}),is like an accomplishment for you and I think he calls it stupid because either he isn't involved or it's not about him. Maybe you should talk to him and let him know that you would rather have his support instead of his negativity. I have kids and If I had to stay at home 365 days of the year with them for the rest of my life I would lose my mind. Everyone needs thier own personal ME-TIME, and if this is what you need to seperate your idenity from MY HUSBAND AND I-THE KIDS AND I-----GO FOR IT! Communication is key in a relationship, so please let him know how you feel when it comes to him and how uses STUPID because the more you let it go the more he could be more verbally abusive in the future. Hope this helps;~}
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A
female
reader, girl from bristol  +, writes (3 February 2010):
i think he is the stupid one in not supporting you if what you want to do and you dont have kids just for tax cuts what you do when you have kids is your choice i would end it with and find somebody who treats you right it seems you have different ideas of the future
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A
male
reader, Boombadaboom  +, writes (3 February 2010):
 Well maybe your boyfriend is being stupid. He shouldn't call you that. If he's the only one that says it, then you shouldn't believe it even once. It's when everyone says it that you'll have a problem. Start shooting it back at him, see if he likes to be called names. If it doesn't get better, then stop doing it but hey you can try it for a few days :D From what you've wrote here, I don't think you're stupid at all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): You don't need to swallow your pride. Your boyfriend is being controlling and frankly more than a bit of an ARSE!!
You need to make a decision PDQ.. YOu are getting a very good insight into what this T_rd is going to be like as a husband. Really want that type of relationship or husband??
I'd be thinking about better options starting like yesterday!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 February 2010):
 I myself don't like myspace and facebook because the friends online are not real, they are merely pixels on the screen. No matter what he thinks he can not call you stupid. I think having four or five kids with only one income is stupid. Can you start a daycare at your place and handle all these kids? He doesn't treat you well. I don't want to marry him if I were you. He will always devalue everything you do.
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