A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Nobody seems to believe in waiting for that one special person anymore. As a society we have come to expect sex all the time, and people don't care if it's with someone they truly care about or not, all they really want is thrills and excitement. You would think that schools, the government, media etc should be trying to teach teens that there is more to a relationship than just sex, and that sex should really mean something, but no, society is actually encouraging teens to have sex (and they get away with it by putting the word "safe" in front of it). We are now living in a society where sexual promiscuity is the norm and even expected of people and you are an outcast if you save your virginity - Isn't that the exact opposite of how it should be? We're turning into animals.It's so sad because I have always been waiting to share the experience with someone special who I love truly and want to spend my life with, but it's really depressing to think that all the nice girls I meet, even if they seem sweet and innocent have probably already slept with a guy or two, and frankly I don't want to be with a girl who isn't a virgin because it simply wouldn't be as special. I'm right aren't I? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): HiIt's good that your 'thinking'about things that are important to you, but better to think broader and not have a narrow fixed attitude, where it becomes judgmental.The person is special...not their virginity.I ask you to think again...what if you meet your virgin and she is a nasty bxxxx behind her purity....what is special the virgin or the person?spunky monkey.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): Most women don't want men to hold out for marriage these days. Women praise chaste men on principle but they don't respect or desire these men with their actions.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 "We're turning into animals."
We are now, and always have been animals. Mammals specifically.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): Don't generalise everybody, some people aren't like that. Just because you might have lost your virginity and slept with somebody before, it doesn't make you an "animal" or obsessed with sex.
You're going to have a hard time finding a girl who is a virgin, unless she's religious. If you met a girl and really liked her but found out she'd been with another guy before, you'd really not even think about dating her?
What about the people who, at the time, did love their sexual partner but things didn't work out and they broke up? They'd have had sex before but does that make them an "animal?".
I agree that being in a loving relationship before having sex with that person would be the ideal situation but life isn't that black and white. Virginity has been made into such a huge issue and really if a person has had sex before it doesn't make a blind bit of difference.
Your logic doesn't make sense. If a girl has had sex before she could have loved that person but the relationship might not have worked out. Are you going to judge her for that?
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A
male
reader, Cupid Boy  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 You said it! Wish there were more young people who agreed with you. In the past, the ruling authorities may have made people overly ashamed and afraid of their sexuality. But now we've gone too far the other way and adopted an "if it feels good, do it" mentality. Sex is viewed as a basic "need" or even a right, even though no one literally needs it to survive.
I think one reason is that the Theory of Evolution is being over-applied to everything. Seems you can't find any modern article on psychology that doesn't invoke evolution over and over to explain or justify all kinds of behaviour. I don't deny that we humans have an animal side to us or most likely started out as animals. But to focus solely on that is to neglect our higher nature, the side that includes love, self-discipline, spirituality, commitment, and compassion. We're repeatedly told to explore and indulge our lower natures, while everything above is ignored or assumed not to exist.
If people are animals, says society, then anything we do to satisfy our animalistic urges is "natural", while denying those needs is "unnatural". Therefore... things like monogamy and abstinence until marriage supposedly go against nature. But sex with multiple partners and no commitment are "natural" because they are what nature is urging us to do -- to spread our "seed" everywhere.
Well, whether something is natural or unnatural from an animal's point-of-view is not a good guide for humans. Because wanting to kill someone who wrongs you is also a perfectly natural impulse. At the same time, brushing your teeth, wearing deodorant, and avoiding fatty foods that you most want to eat are all unnatural acts. And helping the disabled completely goes against natural selection. In fact, whenever you force yourself to do something your body doesn't want to, whether it's eating brussels sprouts or staying faithful to one person your whole life, you're doing something unnatural and defying evolution.
Sorry this got so long. Anyway, I don't know what to tell you about finding someone who shares your beliefs except that you may have to look further from home to find love. Though it can seem as though everyone has been corrupted by modern thinking, there's probably a couple of girls in a small village in eastern Europe somewhere who still have actual values!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): Wow. You do have very strong views. Seek a woman who shares the same views, and is a virgin like yourself. Although, I would remind you to keep an open mind. The girl that could be the ideal match for you and would love you best may have already had a partner. Maybe she was thinking about spending her life loving one man before, and they had sex. Then something changed in their relationship, and they fell apart.
I am not a run around. I enjoy the experiences I have with my boyfriend, sexually, and non-sexually. I make it my person mission to connect with his heart, mind, and body, and to love him in the truest sense. Because I love him, I accept his past, and his past lovers. Our bond is strong and genuine despite the fact that he isn't a virgin. Love, Poster, is the ability to respect, trust, cherish, and ACCEPT. When you learn to accept, you will find someone to love deeply and share you life with, despite their "virginity" status.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 Be very careful in making condescending generalizations about society simply because they do or do not conform to your beliefs & values... it serves only to alienate people from your plight...
Just because you hold a certain view, does not make you morally superior, or "right", simply because you choose to live a certain lifestyle. See, you have a major conflicting interest here that does not give you any more objectivity than the billions of other people on the planet.
Yes, I thought the same way as you at one point... did it help me? Not one bit... My advice? Try to keep your problems as they should be... YOUR problems, not societies... Even if it is an emerging issue in society, you are in no position to pass judgement, given your own personal conflicting interest.
I lost my virginity later than your current stated age... so suck it up and start focusing on what YOU'RE gonna do about it, rather than focus on the faults of society that may/may-not be working against you.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (23 February 2011):
 Whether to have sex before marriage or to save yourself for marriage is a very personal question and I think it's based mostly on 1. Religion 2. How you were raised 3. Personal beliefs
1. Religion-it's a sin to have sex before marriage, even though most people do in this day and age. No longer is it unacceptable in society to have sex before marriage, but with porn being around it is somewhat encouraged. Most religious persons believe it to be a sin to have sex before marriage and are widley against it.
2. How you were raised-morals and values play a big role in how you view sex before marriage. Back in the day children/teens were taught that sex before marriage is immoral and isn't done. Period. SOmeone raised from a home where sex is openly talked about and it is understood that sex is an intimate act that should take place between two people that deeply love each other and that are married, the person would probably wait until marriage to have sex. Someone raised in a house where sex is openly talked about but only in lude and vulgar terms, that person is more than likely going to have some type of STD before they are 25.
3. Personal beliefs-even if someone is taught that sex before marriage is wrong, as they grow up, they can change their mind from surrounding influences. It's a question of personal beliefs. You believe that sex before marriage is wrong. Good for you. Then save yourself for your future wife and go on with your life.
There is nothing wrong with your viewpoint. Save yourself and wait for that special someone that will come along and let you be her first as well. Sexual liberation has happened and because of that sex is viewed as a basic need, not something that should be saved for someone who is very loved and special to that person. Its all about biological function for most people.
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