A
male
age
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*obbye
writes:I have been married for many years my wife had a couple of sex partners before we met. She always said that when she was with the them that they didn't have a lot of sex which would not have bothered me if she did. My problem came up as we talked about former sex partner encounters after we were together a while. She said that when she had sex they always had trouble so I asked why she said wasn't sure. I came to the conclusion they were much bigger than me she of course said oh no I am not small 7 inches long and almost 5 inches around, but we never had trouble from the first time to now. My question is why lie, I know now it is true. I overheard her and a friend talking about former partners and she told her friend that both guys were much bigger than me she has measured me. When I heard them her friend said her husband is the biggest she ever had and my wife said from what she can figure they both were over 8 inches plus bigger around. She always tells me she can't remember. Should I tell her I overheard the conversation?
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female
reader, femmefemale  +, writes (3 May 2017):
There's a post from a few weeks ago about a woman who told her man he wasn't the biggest she had ever had. 6 years down the line he was still hurt by it... I'm sure your wife was just trying to avoid a similar situation.
Don't talk to her about it. Try to deal with whatever feelings you have about this situation on your own.
Who cares if they were bigger, like you said the sex is good. In my experience bigger isn't better. I've found the bigger the guy is the less effort he puts into sex because he relies on his size. I've enjoyed sex much more with medium sized guys because I've found they try harder to please.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 May 2017):
 Ah, great to hear you know that being big can be a problem rather than something great. But as I said before, with so many men having insecurities around their penis, penis envy, and wishing they were bigger just because they imagine it is better, no wonder women lie about the size of their ex lovers or are reluctant to tell. We have experienced that it only causes problems to be honest in this department. It's like a trick question, same as the "do I look fat in these pants" - question. If you say no, you are a liar, if you say yes, you just hurt their feelings... So most people opt for the wite lie, the lie that is meant to save the feelings of their partner. And when it all comes down to it, it's a lie about something that really does not matter.
There is a big difference between lying about, say, your age or financial status, as opposed to lying about the size of your ex lovers. Because the latter is honestly none of your business to begin with, and knowing this information is not necessary.
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A
male
reader, bobbye +, writes (2 May 2017):
bobbye is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do want to thank al who took time to make a comment. I do appreciate them and understand the answers. I want to clarify a couple of things. A couple of people thought I was sneaking around when I overheard her I started into the room right when she said it. I backed out listen a few minutes which I probably shouldn't have then left and came back in about 15 minutes later. I also said I would not have cared how many times she had sex with them. I also really don't care they were bigger we have a great sex life, it just bothered me that she lied to me and I'm not hung up on size. I have been the biggest for a couple, which we had trouble doing it.
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (1 May 2017):
The problem with asking questions like this is that the only answer a man ever wants to hear is that he is GENUINELY the biggest and best his partner has ever had and, well not to be too harsh, that might not always be the case. That means the wife is left with two choices - lie or hurt her husband's feelings. Just like a man is very unlikely to tell his wife that her bum does indeed look big in those trousers, a wife is not going to say that her husband's penis is smaller than other men's! In fact if she did people would say she was being cruel.
The problem is OP, you are looking for reassurance about something you'll never feel reassured about. In my experience, penis size is one issue that men will NEVER think logically about. They mostly believe bigger is better and that all women are lying if we say otherwise. I've often thought men assume penis size is akin to men and the tight/looser vagina debate. As in, that could actually be the difference between a man enjoying sex or not. Whereas actually for women, it's much closer to how men view boob size. Sure there might be some men who NEED a partner with huge breasts to enjoy sex, but in my experience most men are attracted to a wide variety of boob sizes and it's actually only a small variable in how enjoyable the sex is overall.
My advice to you is to realise that the reason women lie about such things is not to hide their own disappointment, but to spare their partners any. Focus on being the best lover you can be (I'm sure I don't have to tell you that most of a woman's enjoyment of sex lies outside the vagina...right?) and enjoying every day with the woman that chose you as her husband.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (30 April 2017):
She lies to not hurt your feelings, because she knows men care way too much about penis size. Women on the other hand, genuinely do not care!!!! As long as it feels good, we're good. Size does not matter to us. But men seem to not want to hear this, and refuse to believe it. So why pour fuel to the fire? She lied to stop you from asking about it and to prevent you from feeling upset about it.
What would talking to her do? It will not change the facts, and will only cause an argument. Unless you are actually sincerely and truly NOT bothered by them being bigger than you. In which case you can say calmly: Honey, I overheard you and your friend, and I know your exes were bigger than mine. You don't need to lie to me about such things. It's all okay.
But if you're one of those guys who refuse to believe that size does not matter, and believes that bigger is always better, I have a task for you to complete before you confront your wife: Take a carrot, dress it with a condom, and put it up your butt. Next, take a squash or a cucumber, dress it with a condom, and put it up your butt. Then tell me if bigger is better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2017): Duh no!
Women always exaggerate with friends!
She might have worried said friend had her eye on you and no one wants to pass someone on that they are not done with.
Wifey likes the whole package and friendy is good for a laugh but she doesnt want her under her skin!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (30 April 2017):
 Of course not. What good would come of that conversation? What positive outcome could you possibly have in your head?
Your wife was doing YOU a favour. Sparing your insecurities, but unfortunately you overhead it.
Just let it go. You've said yourself you're not small so why does it matter?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2017): The fact that his wife's comments were troubling does not prove she didn't mean them.
Being patronized does not make men feel better. We need respect, not only love.
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A
male
reader, sleepwalker +, writes (30 April 2017):
Are you willing to become the poster boy of "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"?
Unless in the conversation with her friend, your wife was disrespecting and belittling you for your penis size, then there would be an issue that would need to be addressed with her. An issue NOT related to the size of your penis but a greater one related to the size of her heart.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (29 April 2017):
 Absolutely not. Your wife was being sensitive and trying to spare you feelings of insecurity.
Good sex is not about size. It is about sensitivity and tuning in to someone else's sexual needs. Instead of listening in on her conversations, channel your energies into sharing sex you both enjoy so that you feel more secure in your relationship.
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