A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Today I came home from school and found my little brother with a brand-new iPad. I am so freakin jealous of him! My parents said its only "because he needs a certain app for social skills." (he has aspergers so he needs help) I still don't see why he gets an iPad for 1 APP!! All I have is an iPod touch 1st generation that really sucks. I have told my parents since I was 10 (when I got it) that I want a new(er) iPod. But NO!!! He gets a $500 iPad when they can't buy me a good iPod for 1/4 of that. Apparantly they won't buy me anything anymore because I was sent to surf camp in Florida for a week. So the plane ticket (about $100)+ the camp ($300) is about $400 total. That's $100 less than one iPad!I don't care if he has aspergers or not. I DON'T WANT HIM TO HAVE AN IPAD!! I seriously don't see how it's fair... please respond. Thanks.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 March 2013):
 STUFF (tv, IPod and what not) doesn't mean your parent LOVE him more or you more. The size of his room doesn't mean they love him more. Maybe your parents are overcompensating due to the Asperges? Have you thought of that? Many parents who have children with disabilities feel that it in some ways is THEIR fault it happened and that guilt carries over in how they (for instance) spoil their child.
So, hard as it may sound, you need to STOP being so focused on STUFF. Life is not just about STUFF. And resenting your brother over STUFF well, it's petty.
My kids don't GET stuff, for the most part. They do chores and save up and BUY their own stuff. Because that is grown up reality. No one hands you everything.
Honey, be PROUD that you bought your OWN IPod. That is something your brother may never be capable off due to Asperges. It might be that he will be living with your parents while you go off to University, to see the world, to live life.
Think on it. And don't live your life angry and resentful.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey iAmHereToHelpYou, If you read the previous comments, you would see people complaining and calling me a 'spoiled brat'. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't jealous of him because of all of the technology he has in his room. He also has a queen size bed, a FLATSCREEN TV in his room, 3 windows, at least 1,000 dollars worth of legos, 2 dressers, and a desk. Not including the laptop from 2003, I have a twin bed, 1 window, and a dresser. It's basically like living in a laundry room. And don't get me wrong, my family's not that wealthy. We don't live in a nice two story house like many people do. We live in a tiny one story house where my brothers room takes up probably half the house! Yet my parents spend enormous amounts of money on him but choose to exclude me. I know that it's their choice on what they want to spend their money on. I've talked to my parents some and we have agreed that I can get my iPod back. And yes, you are right that I am lucky to have even a cheap old laptop and enough money to buy an iPod but again, I worked and saved up A LOT of MY OWN money by doing extra chores, doing yardwork for people in my neighborhood, etc. It probably took me eight months to work up half the money for that iPod. Please don't take this as an offence, but if you had to live how I did, you would be jealous too. It's like going into a rich person's home when you walk into my brother's room. Then you walk into my room... Well, you get the point. Thank you for your reply anyways.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2013): You really need to sit down with your mother and talk to her about how you feel. A mature communication and mutual understanding about this is the only thing that can make a difference to this situation. Stamping your feet and slamming doors won't solve anything.
Your brother does what a typical sibling does, if he has something you don't, or he has permission from your mother against your will to use something that belongs to you, he is always going to tease you about it and he will do it all the more if you show that it bothers you. Best thing to do (as hard as it may be) is to act and pretend like you don't care, then when you get some free time with your mother, ask her for a chat about the situation and explain everything to her.
It won't hurt to try. You've pretty much achieved nothing by throwing tantrums, except aggravate things more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGuys, I know I was acting like a spoiled little brat. I'm really not. I finally got a better iPod for my birthday and Christmas, since they're so close together, and I'm happy with it. It was one of the only thing I got for both my birthday and Christmas, along with a sketch pad and some pencils. Turns out my parents are letting him use the iPad a lot. And NOT for the ONE app, but for random games (doodle jump, fruit ninja, ect.). In fact, they didn't even get the one app that they were supposed to get him for social skills. Instead, I had to get the app on my iPod, so I rarely get to see MY iPod, let alone touch it. Now I have a reason to be jealous. He has my iPod (you all were complaining about how I should get a job) that I EARNED MYSELF by paying for 3/4 of the iPod with MY OWN MONEY. Now what? My iPod, an iPad that was meant just for the one app but is now for useless games, an Xbox, a wii, a tv in his bedroom, and a Nintendo 64. That's all the crap he has. And what do I have you ask? A laptop. A cheap old laptop from like 2003. Try calling me spoiled now. What do you have, hmm? Do you still think that just because he has aspergers he's a perfect little child? If you read my other post, you would see how I have to live on a daily basis. Well, I guess I'm still the "spoiled child" right? Thanks for nothing guys.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 September 2012):
 well now that we know that your brother teased you... you had every right to rant.
glad you did it here....
did it help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2012): I have a history of sibling rivalry, also with my brother who has taken a leave of absence from college and is now using my parent's money to tour East Asia - that makes him TWO years behind from graduating. I will graduate before him!
I am by no means a perfect little angel, but I help a bit w/ housework, get good grades, have a part time job while my brother gets poor grades, does nothing around the house, doesn't have a job, and gets to go on vacation...
What the heck, right? But, it's just something I have to accept b/c my brother has his own issues (as much as I don't like how he deals with them, but not everyone is like me).
Your brother has Aspergers - which probably makes him unable to consider how other people are feeling. That means when he brags about an Ipad, he doesn't know you're insanely angry at him. He can't perceive what you're thinking so don't hold it against him.
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male
reader, BachelorGreatUncle +, writes (26 September 2012):
"Why does he get an iPad? It's not fair!"
Because your parents decided to give him one. No, it's not. Life sucks and then you die. Meantime they're your parents and they have all the power and all the authority
until you reach legal age, and they are not required, obligated or inclined to consult you before exercising their parental authority, no matter how unfair or arbitrary or one-sided any individual exercise thereof may appear. And don't start keeping score on how much is spent, you're no match in earning capacity.
Tough fact of life is kids get screwed over all the time by grown-ups who think they can get away with it just because they're grown-ups, which is EXACTLY why they can get away with it so that is EXACTLY why they do get away with it which id EXACTLY why they screw kids over in the first place.
From adult POV that makes them a-holes, but from adult POV parents are often a-holes, that's why so many a-hole parents, because they know they can get away with it. Of course when kids become adults (as kids inevitably do) that's when they level the playing field, and that's when a-hole parents of adult children usually end up estranged alienated a-hole parents of long-gone adult children who cut them out of their lives years ago.
"I don't care if he has aspergers or not."
Your opinion doesn't count. Your parents' opinion does,
and they do care if he has Aspergers because he's their kid and you're not his parent, and you can be sure the little brat is going to milk it for everything he can squeeze out of his advantage over you, and you can be sure
he will use every hissy fit you pitch in response to his advantage and score another payday.
As delay-diagnosed Aspie I can tell you he is probably a
scary-smart calculating little bleep into whose logical objective greedy little hands you are playing with your ill-timed outbursts of illogical emotion. Believe me, he is not someone you should get into the habit of pissing off on any type of basis.
You'll be much better off in long run by sucking up to him, you can either be on his side or not be on his side and you would rather have his brainpower working for you than against you. He's a far far greater match for your parents than you'll ever be, earlier you join forces is earlier the trickle-down benefits trickle-down.
Find a way to make yourself useful to him, help him socially and fight his battles with your peers while he fights yours with your parents. Win-win for both of you. The earlier you make nice is the earlier you will benefit, when you are adults you'll be so glad to have that quirky little mutha-bleeper (said with the greatest of affection) in your corner.
He's going have it tough in the outside world, he's going to be picked on and abused in situations where he'll be where you are now, unable to fight back, completely overwhelmed and bewildered and overcome by forces far beyond his control. Take it from experience, I know. But you'll want to be around when he gets even, because he will. Bank on it. Don't start giving him valuable experience at your expense now. Let him know you're there for him now, you will be so thankful when you see an iPad in an antique museum. So will he.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 September 2012):
 Ahh, sibling rivalry at its best. Isn't it crazy how family can press your buttons in a way that NOBODY else ever can?
In this case, your brother's being a dork. You *know* your parents don't love him more than you. Just tell him to choke on his ipad and don't let him get to you.
You're lucky! When I was 12, my little brother got Tae Kwon Do lessons and proceeded to chase me around the house kicking me and saying "Fight me coward!" I tried to ignore him until he kicked me in the ear. I went to the linen closet, got a hand towel, wet it down, twisted it, and cracked him one so hard in the fleshy part of his back leg that it left a welt, which got him running off to our mom. Of course, being the elder, *I* got into a lot more trouble. That little brat. heh. We still laugh about that now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Guys I am not being selfish. Like I said I got to go to Florida for one week. On top of that, this was only the second time in my life that I have ever been out of state. Yes, Yes I know that life's unfair and no, I would not want to trade lives with him just for an iPad. Sorry if I sounded like a total brat, but I just needed to take it out somehow. I care about my brother very much. It's just that I came home from school late and I walked through the door and he literally walks up to me and sais "HAHA MOM AND DAD GOT ME AN IPAD! THEY LOVE ME BETTER!" Then I glace over at my mom and say "So not true. Right mom?" and like always, she says "Sure..." So then I just got really ticked at everyone. Then I had to deal with the "HAHA" from my brother the whole rest of the day. I always see how I can help out around the house for a few extra bucks, but I always get the day after never! Sorry again for sounding like a brat, I was just angry.
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female
reader, Foxglove  +, writes (26 September 2012):
Honey, I think you just need to grow up a little bit. Realize that if you were in your brother's shoes, you would just be so happy that your brother is receiving help to make his life easier. I don't believe you are neccessarily spoiled or a bad person, you are just lacking perspective that doesn't come easy without much life experience. In time, you will see.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 September 2012):
I actually don't think this is a troll post. My son was just talking about how his school uses ipads during daily work, and how much he really wants one. I don't want to call the OP a brat or spoiled. When we were young, many of us had tunnel vision as well, especially when it comes to something that *everyone* wants.
Right now, the ipad is the ultra-cool toy to brag to your friends about...well, that and the newest smart phone out there. I can't condemn her for looking at the toy before considering the circumstances.
To the Original Poster, you understand why your post is getting a negative reaction from some, right? You must look with eyes older than your own here. Right now, you see that he's getting an Ipad, which I'm sure that you would have traded that week in Florida for. You don't want him to have it because it'll remind you that you don't have one of your own. Don't think of it that way. Trust me, what if your brother's legs were blown off in a car accident, and your parents spent money to buy him artificial legs? First of all, no matter the sibling rivalry, or the teasing that goes on in families, or the feeling you have inside that you worry that your parents care about him more, you would hate to see your brother suffer. It's kinda like the whole sibling code.."nobody teases my brother but me".
Your brother is suffering, and the ipad, though attractive and the "in" thing to have, is his artificial legs. You can always have an ipad. He can't always have the ability you take for granted. As for your parents, they don't love him more than you. They don't care about him more than you. You're not an afterthought. There's just only so much money to go around.
Even though it may feel like it, don't look at this as a "It's not fair that they're treating my brother so much better" moment, because that's not what this is. You may not believe it, but they feel terrible that they have to say no to you. The real bottom line is, they don't love him more. To your parents, who don't go to school with you and don't fathom the incredible toy they just gave your brother, this is simply a medical necessity to try to give him a fighting chance in the world. People with Asbergers have a hard time getting a job, having a relationship, coping with social and learning situations.
I don't know how you feel about your brother, but there will come a time when you will be one of the few things in life, apart from his parents, that he can truly count on to be there and love him. Now's a hard time for both of you, but you must be stronger than to allow yourself to only see the ipod as a prize you feel you're being denied. It's time to look at this with the eyes of a young woman who refuses to give into indulging your hurt feelings.
I won't call you a brat. I will challenge you to think beyond the toys and beyond your years.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 September 2012):
 Did you try stamping you foot and holding your breath until you turn blue?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 September 2012):
 " All I have is an iPod touch 1st generation that really sucks."
When I was your age I spent my own money on buying one of the crappy first cell phones you got on the market. Then when I could afford it, I went and bought myself a newer Nokia phone, which was much better than the Motorola I first had.
I still, to this day, don't have a smart phone.
What's my point? If you want something then get it yourself instead of whining, because you're not going to collect any pity points. It's a pity your parents got you that first smart phone at the age of 10, because now you're only growing up expecting things to be given to you.
This does smell like a troll post though, I doubt you're for real. Btw, I moved out at 16 and paid all my own clothes and things I needed from the age of 13 (got my first job then). Just to give you some perspective on how spoiled your post makes you sound. Don't take offence, just start to change your ways and you can grow out of this.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 September 2012):
oh and I asked my non-disabled child how he felt growing up with a disabled brother... as soon as he replies I will post it here.... he's the younger brother but by age 10 he was feeling like he had to be responsible for his brother.
do you not feel protective about your brother?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 September 2012):
As a parent of two sons close in age one with special needs one without, I feel your pain.
You are behaving like a brat to be honest.
Parents pretend to love each kid the same. WE don't.
WE can't be fair.... fair is for even steven...and life is not fair or even steven..
You will not understand this till you are a mom and have two kids... one with a problem and one without.
the kid with the problem often needs more time, more money and more of EVERYTHING. the other kid(s) have to wait their turn..... thankfully my "healthy" kid understood this long before he became an adult (my baby now 26)....
tell you what... you don't get to go to camp
you don't get to fly to SURF camp... seriously honey... you got to go AWAY TO CAMP and you are whining that your DISABLED brother gets an IPAD...
buy yourself a kindle fire for 150 bucks with your allowance or baby sitting money... at 13 I was working and babysitting... so don't' tell me you can't earn money.
offer to do chores for it...
truth is you will appreciate it more if you have to earn it...
what did you do to earn surf camp?
you do know that the only things your parents owe you is food clothing and shelter....everything else is extra...
and no one likes a spoiled kid who goes "gimmie gimmie, gimmie"
My oldest child is on the autistic spectrum more serious than Aspergers... IF an IPAD would make him better and the only way I could do it was donate body parts... I would do it for him......
Parents would do anything for a child to give them NORMAL.
YOU have NORMAL your brother does not.... is that fair?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): Life isn't fair. The older you get, the more you'll realize that. You just learn to live with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): Hmm...
I think somebody needs to be sent to "BRAT" camp, let alone surf camp.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): I have the same problem with my niece. She was brought up very different from what I was. For example, she would be able to go to the mall once a month and have her parents/grandparents buy her a new wardrobe. Her closet is bursting at the seams with all her clothing! Where as I don't go to the mall at all and wait til xmas to get all of my clothing. Yet I've still been called 'spoiled' and such. What you learn is that as others have said, life isn't fair. My mom may have enough money for her, and not enough for me. It hurts a lot and you can sometimes feel like your 2nd best, but in the end, we're all raised differently (even with the same parents). Appreciate the things you do have, and try not to compare yourself to your brother. Best of luck
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male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (26 September 2012):
 "Honey, not to be rude.. but you sound like a spoiled brat." to quote honeypie.Your brother has a disability he has special needs to help him develop to his full potential..the ipad app may be able to help him in that struggle...what do you need one for..in ten years it wont matter.. in the mean time grow up a little and dont take it out on your brother he has real challenges he doesn't need you on his case.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): I know it sucks when your siblings get cool new stuff and you don't, this has happened to me millions of times, and I think most people with brothers or sisters experience some jealousy in the course of their lives.
If you really want an ipod/ipad, figure out how to get one, get a part time job and earn the money for it, offer to pay for half if your parents will pay the rest, or ask for it for your birthday or christmas, or sell some of the old stuff you don't want, or ask for money instead of gifts so that you can save up.
I'm afraid that as much as we would all like to be spoiled and for people to buy us what we want, sometimes you just have to go after what you want to make it happen.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 September 2012):
Honey, not to be rude.. but you sounds like a spoiled brat.
When you get older, get a part time job and BUY whatever YOU want.
Your parents have to feed you, clothes you and put a roof over your head, teach you right from wrong and hopefully raise a good person... That is really all.
IF you were my kid... I'd cancel your camp.
YOU, honey need to learn to be grateful and graceful. Don't let the green eyed monster take you over.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): You think that's bad OP, I'm lying in bed right now really warm and the house is freezing and I would love a nice cup of hot chocolate but I'm not dressed, the floor in our kitchen is like an ice rink, my dogs have taken up snug positions all around me and even though my girlfriend would love one too she won't make me one. Life sucks, it would only take 5 minutes for her to put on her slippers and make me one but she too is too cosy to leave the bed.
It's not fair OP, FIVE GOD-DAMN MINUTES! I don't care if she gets cold, it's domestic abuse is what it is, there needs to be some kind of law against it!
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 September 2012):
You went to surf camp in Florida and he didn't, plus you have an ipod touch. Sounds comparable, but you're so fixated on your brother's ipad.
You have the power to earn your own ipad, and your brother could think that it's unfair that he's going to have a lot HARDER life than you will due to his mental disability.
Your parents are fair, and they're buying the ipad for him in the same way that parents would buy eyeglasses, crutches, a hearing aid or a wheelchair. You're looking at a toy, while your parents are looking for a way to help your brother deal with his cognitive hardship.
You can always get an ipad. Your brother can't become like you at the snap of his fingers, and I bet anything he'd rather have what you have than the opposite.
Save money and buy your ipad. Things are so much sweeter when they're earned.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2012): I think you are acting spoiled. Why dont you just ask him to borrow it occassionally? When i was your age i had horses. And i worked my hiney off for them. 4am to 7am went to school then worked 3pm to 8pm. If its so important to you, get a job. Ive been working since i was twelve. Ive had to work for every thing i have and i still do. Life isnt always fair and you are fortunate. As for your brother getting an ipad your parents are probably over compensating due to his disability. But again im sure he would let you use it. You are his older sister, someone to look up to, so act like it! Maybe help him use the app. I hope that helps.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 September 2012):
 Guess what , I think it's fair instead . You got two presents of more or less the same value. You went to summer camp, and he got the Ipad .
..Are you sure that 400 is all it costed ? That absolutely no new clothing or shoes or bathing suits or any kind of supplies have been bought for this camp ? Any extra toiletries, sunscreen , etc ? Did they send you away without a dime in your pockets- or maybe they slipped you a few bucks to buy sodas and whatnot ? What about the costs of your phone calls from there ? the gas for taking you to and from the airport?...
I think if we calculate these things, what they spent on you in ref. to this summer camp can be pretty close to
500.
But even if the camp was exactly only 400,- we can consider that more or less an equivalent value. A parent must be equitable, but does not have to split the cents evenly like some maniacal bank teller. Otherwise, your brother could complain that , being born later than you, he got years and years of less money spent for his food, compared to all you have eaten before him, - so now he wants the equivalent of that money back .
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 September 2012):
 I guess you feel jealous because he gets stuff and attention that you don't? Let me ask you this, would you want to have Aspergers too, just to make things more even-steven in the family? That way, you could get what he gets, but you also would have the syndrome he has.
I'm pretty sure that your parents and your brother would not want that for you. I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't want that either.
Let me ask you this, did you ask to go to surf camp or was that just picked randomly for you? Because that would be a really cool thing to do.
Anyway, I think you are learning the hard way that life is not fair. It's not fair that some people get to have certain things and others do not. It's not fair that some people get cancer. It's not fair that some people get sick for no reason at all. It's not fair that some people are given talents and don't use them and waste them.
Life is not fair.
It's very very annoying. I know.
If I were you, right now, I would stop saying "it's not fair" to your parents. Instead, I would take a different tack, one that may have some surprising results for you.
"Mom, Dad, I know I was upset about Danny getting an iPad, and I am sorry for my over-reaction. I do appreciate that you sent me to surf camp, it was great and I'll have lifelong memories about that. So the thing is, that my iPod is really out of date. I know, we don't have tons of money lying around for me to have whatever I want, but I would really like to upgrade the iPod to a newer generation. Please help me figure out a way to earn the money I need to do that."
In other words, confuse them. Act all adult, and calm, and suggest that you brainstorm with them to figure out a way that you get what you want.
I expect that the family is stressed out by the Aspergers and I'm sure that everyone would rather that it not affect you or anyone else. Unfortunately, that's not the reality.
So if you can try to see it from your parents' perspective for one minute, what would make them feel like they have an appreciative daughter who is willing to be helpful and not entitled to stuff.
I mean, can you make a good case for the upgrade for the iPod for you? Your brother needs an app which may help his social skills, that's a big deal, that's something that will help him for the rest of his life.
How is your iPod helping you be a better student or person or whatever? Is it just for your entertainment? If you can figure out a way to make it useful and enriching and present that case to your parents, you'll be a lot further along in getting your way.
So let me ask you, are you really jealous that your brother has Aspergers and you don't?
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female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (25 September 2012):
 Woah seriously, there's no need to get would up because of this! When I was younger I used to be jealous of my sister at times, not like this tho! Most siblings these days are jealous of eachother because they think the other is loved more than them, which is totally un true. If you have good parents which I imagine you do they will love you both very much and equally. Just because he had something you don't doesn't mean your loved any less. My sister is 8 only just 8 too and she has a laptop, Nintendo Ds a puppy an iPod, and a smart phone the same one as my mum which she has unlimited texts and free minutes she has a better phone than me. Do I care? Not at all, when i found out she was getting a puppy and a brand new phone for her birthday, but still so what, we're both spoilt I had stuff when I was younger, ill grow up and probs spoil her anyway. So seriously don't get wound up no need for it. I'm sure he or your parents will let you borrow it if you really want, and if they dont so what it's bacicly just a small computer and big iPod/iPhone i don't want one waste of money
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 September 2012):
Life isn't fair. If it was fair, perhaps your brother wouldn't have aspergers. Because, let's face it, if you could choose between having a new ipad but having aspergers, or not having aspergers - which would you choose? Would you want an illness for the sake of an overpriced piece of technical equipment?
It has been researched that certain apps an help people with autism and aspergers. So if it helps your brother, then surely that's a good thing?? If you don't think it is, then either you don't understand what aspergers really is, in which case you'd do well to research it, or you'd do well to sit down and think about why you're so desperate for your brother not to have something, even though it helps him.
If I was to guess, I'd say that maybe you need to actually spend more time with your parents so you know that they do actually love you - because it seems to me that what you're really saying is that you feel you're second best to your brother. Why don't you go to your parents and talk to them about how you feel about your relationhip with them, rather than just talking about a iPad, which in the grand scheme of things means nothing.
You're totally jealous of the wrong thing - you're jealous of your ill brother. There's no point.
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female
reader, CrystalMaze +, writes (25 September 2012):
I sense some jealously here. You need to get over yourself and stop sounding so selfish. Life isn't fair. Get used to it. There are worse things that could have happened.
You have written "I want" a LOT in this article. Do you have any idea how spoiled and selfish this makes you sound?
There are some people in the world that don't even have a roof to live under, and you are sat at your computer typing about how you are annoyed that your brother got an iPad and you've only got an iPod touch.
Jesus. You need to grow up. You sound like such a child. Get a new outlook on life and be grateful for what you already have.
And frankly, you sat here complaining, doesn't make you sound like you deserve one.
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