A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:This might be long, but I'll try to keep it short..At the beginning of my sophomore year of high school, I started dating this guy who was a senior. He was on the football team, captian of the restling team, popular and of course gorgeous. But I did not know he was a player. Long story short, we had sex and he dumped me and got with my friend/teammate. So I was extreamly broken and hurting and nobody cared, especially him and my friend. After that happened, I put up this wall and refused to get involved with anybody or ever make that same mistake again. So time passed, and it was the very beginning of baseball/softball so thats when I had to start staying late after school. A friend of mines was on the baseball team and he had a car so he would drive me and some friends home after practice. One of those friend's name was jeremiah(fake name). I met jeremiah a year earlier and we were cool with each other but didnt really know each other. Besides baseball, he played basketball and he was a senior as well. Jeremiah and I ended up becoming best friend's and even though I didn't want to get caught up in a guy, I fell helplessly in love with him. And after a long thought process and discussion, I had sex with him. And it wasn't anything like the first time i did it. Might sound cheesy, but it was beautiful. My biggesr fear was that once we had sex, he'd leave me just like the other guy, but he didn't. He treated like a princess. He wasnt exactly my boyfriend but we were dating/best friends/lovers/im his and he's mine. And we mainly kept it that way because of my brother, he had issues with me dating someone on his baseball team. So as time went on, everything between him and I were great. My wall came down and for the first time ever I had given my full trust. He had been hurt in the past too, and even his wall came down with me. But once again, he was a senior, and I knew eventually he would leave for college. I was afraid of that, but we talked about it alot and basically our plan was like this.. Were gonna hang out as much as possible before he leaves and when he leaves, we would always be close, and always be best friends. And that was what really mattered to me, not losing him as my friend. And all that other stuff, we'd figure out. But sadly, it did not go like that. Summer came, and we hardly hung out and hardly talked and soon he left for college and the last time we talked he said he was leaving and basically that none of the things we talked about mattered anymore. He was extreamly insincere about my feelings and pain. And the last thing he said to me was that he's sorry for being fake but that he didnt have feelings nor care about me.. And that was it.So that was on August 4th. So now im back in school and im honestly a reck. I've been diagnosed with depression, i've been put on medication and I cry about this everyday. What makes it worse is that im back at my high school that I shared so many memories with him and everywhere I go, I see him so it makes me cry to be at school. I cant focus, and I literally disconnect with the world. I dont hang out with my friends, I dont go to practice, I dont do anything but go to school, and come home. I miss him so badly.. And I dont know what to do, or how to move on from this. I just want to know, what do I do and has anyone ever been in this situation before?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice, sorry it took so long to get back on here. I actually started experiencing depression around the age of 13. I constantly tried to ignore it, because I honestly thought it was normal and that it would pass so I just always pushed it to the side. Which might be were I messed up.
Somewhere in between the middle and end of my sophmore year it got extreamly worse. And at the time, Jeremiah and I were happily together. I would tell him that I often felt sad, but he didn't really know everything and usually when I clinged on to him whenever I felt down. But even with him being around, it still didn't help. It just continued to get worse. It got to a point where I was in the school bathroom cutting my wrists, which was something I had never done before.
So, I had these issues long before he came around, and while he was around. But when he left, I felt like I lost thing only good thing in my life and the only person I could talk to. So you can imagine, my depression got even worse. I had been seeing a therapist throughout my sophomore year up until now but she always mentioned that I should see a doctor and that she could set up an appointment but I always said no. It was until after Jeremiah left and my attempted suicide, that I agreed to it and thats when I was dianosed.
I could of been diagnosed before he left, who knows. But even before he came around, and even when we were happy together, I was having a lot of problems. I think it just increased once he left.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): I would be curious to hear how you came to be diagnosed with depression. You may indeed have depression, as you may have had signs of depression before the end of your relationship, but if the diagnosis of depression has been made solely on the basis of what you are expriencing due to your break up, you may not be clinically depressed, you may just be hearbroken. Feeling depressed and being diagnosed as clinically depressed are not the same thing, it is normal for people to feel depressed when they experience something sad, heartbreaking, traumatic, etc. Its called grief. And its normal, provided it doesn't go on longer than what is considered a normal amount of time for a grieving process. People need time to grieve and process what has happened, and over time recover and bounce back. Sometimes that can take a few weeks, sometimes it can take a few months. You sound like you were terribly hurt by what happened and some of the things which he said to you when your relationship ended, so your response may be completely appropriate, even if it is unpleasant and feels like a horrible place to be in emotionally. If that was on August 4th, and it is the end of September, that can still be a normal amount of time to still be grieving over something that was very hurtful to you. Let me stress that you MAY still have depression, this is not something that can be diagnosed over an internet post. However, I am also aware that there are some doctors and psychologists who hand out anti- depressants like candy and they may not be useful to you if you aren't suffereing from what they are designed to treat. You will know whether this is something you have had symptoms of before or if it is just since your breakup. Its ok if you feel like they help you get through what you are going through, if they are making your life easier, I'm not against them if they are benificial to you, but they won't solve the underlying reasons as to why you feel hurt and how you learn to recover from being hurt to feeling ok again. Learning how to suffer the emotional hurts of life, and recover, and reach a place of happiness again, is one of the challenges of life. We all respond to it differently, but there are some common threads which help. First, it helps to talk about what you are going through with people you are close to. If you can. Some people even if they are close to you and care about you, don't know what to say or how to be around you if you are sad all the time and talk about your expereince like a broken record, so you need to choose who you speak to and how often you speak to them about this and how you are feeling, choose your occasions, but its good to talk about how you are feeling. Second, do things which are good for you, and which over time have shown to help people overcome sad times, depression, heartbreak. This means eating healthily, getting enough sleep, getting exercise. The basics. Being around people who you can laugh with. Often when we are sad, we don't want to DO. Undertaking action is very important. Third, reflect on what has happened, and your response to what has happened. When people experience the kind of experience you have, people react differently. Some people become angry, some people become sad, or quiet, or busy, or accepting. Some people take it hard, some people bounce back quickly. Its good to reflect on whats affecting you so deeply, why it might affect you so deeply. You might not get any answers, but if you get to know yourself a bit better its not a bad thing. You are obviously upset about losing him but you might also be upset about some of the things that he said. Keep in mind that you don't know the real reason behind what he said. For example, he might have been trying to make it sound like it wasn't important to him, so that you could be angry and reject him so that you could let go of the relationship quicker and move on easier. He might have been trying to convince himself that it wasn't important to him when it actually was. Maybe he isn't good with communicating feelings or being in touch with his feelings. He might be a cold hearted person. His reactions might have more to do with the kind of person he is than they have to do with you, and this is a very important point to remember. Often when someone says "I don't care about you" we feel like it is something we did wrong or something about us that isn't right. That doesn't have to be true, it can be much more about the other person than about us, and it often is. Its not correct to use a break up as an excuse to put ourselves down or think badly of ourselves. Hope this gives you some things to think about, good luck with everything.
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