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writes: Why do women who fool around with a married man get it into their thick skulls that men are using them....why do these women persist with married men, is it low self esteem issue, does it give them a high that this man whos morals are clearly not there actually want them instead of their wives......help me understand. Most men who screw around will go back to the wife if wife accepts them back and believe me with lots and lots of begging.....which planet do these mistresses come from because they dont get it .....
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female
reader, B123  +, writes (8 June 2011):
 May I ask a different question in response to this one? I hate to play devil's advocate here but what about the husbands who tell women they are already divorced when they are clearly not and are still married to their wives? are these mistresses always to blame? I think yes and no. The woman is to blame if she blatantly knows he is already married and effectively emotionally unavailable to her. Now there are sadly also some women who will use a guy just cos they can't be bothered to have a relationship too. Married men are not always the innocent party either though. Some tell women the truth - others don't. The ones who make dating profiles tend to lie about if they are married or not from what I have seen. They usually write single on it instead of separated. I agree that 9 times out of 10 the married men are using these other women usually for their own sexual pleasure/gratification and are being totally unjustified and unfair to their poor wives. To the cheated wives, I say get rid of the husband who does this to you and don't even think twice about it. Otherwise you are giving him permission to cheat on you again in the future by accepting his bad behaviour. If he could disrespect you this much and break your trust so badly, why on earth would you want to salvage the relationship and put yourself at risk to a possible STD? The mistresses live in a hope that one day he will come to them etc. 10% of the time he goes to the mistress and 90% he goes running back to wifey. Meanwhile while he is getting his sidekicks from the mistress, he tries to keep his wife all to himself while getting pleasure from elsewhere. He feeds on their emotional needs they have and tells them whatever bs they want to hear and they believe it..that is why so many wronged wives see this problem and it is devastating to them. Ultimatey, I think the man actually can do more harm than the mistress here. After all he is effectively not considering two people's feelings here. He is the selfish one. The other woman has been fed a pack of lies by him in order for him to keep her where he wants. Usually this all boils down to control. Perhaps some married men like it cos it makes them feel more self-important. Even so, its wrong and to the poor wives out there don't hesitate to kick his ass to the curb! :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009): i agree, Cegana. by the way didn't you read how the uncles were raving about your pic. you are a beautiful woman who is picking up the pieces. you hang in there. peace and love to you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2009): Find your happiness Cegana and do no apologize to anyone for it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, I didn't except soooo much replies...lalita thank you, you my dear is the kind of woman I am talking about....Q.....from my husband's extra-curricular activities, the OW told me he was AWFUL in bed, he "couldn't get IT UP!" HMMMM....I NEVER HAD THIS PROBLEM WITH HIMM..WOW I was shocked Maybe I am the one who is missing out, I mean he is the only man I have been with, so now that I got that report that he was awful...woow....And by the way,, I am European, I LOVE SEX!!! Trust me that was not the problem, it happened everyday, but I was the only woman he knew, I think he just wondered if he was missing somethingBUT seems the ladies on the dating sites promise all sorts of chandelier swinging activities, but forget to say how many of their babies are sleeping in the next room when the sex is about to begin NASTY....THANKS TO EVERYONE,,AND TO THOSE LADIES WHO WROTE THEIR SHORT STORIES....you still come across as if you are delusional sorry....all men that cheat are dogs....my husband included, but I have given him a chance..I don't think he will go there again and if he does.....and all the "women" who fall for their games are ......There is a BEAUTIFUL WORLD OUT THERE I AM NOT SCARED...So many places I want to see, and things I want to do....Thank you for those who understand my question,,,And Duce you sound like a great catch!!! Not many men that think like you.... 3I am not hating on the OW I just hope that you do realize, that no one wins...the biggest loser are you ladies, as much as you are in denial,and the ones who are deeply hurt are the wives who think they are doing everything by the book..keeping there families together...And then there is that one person who decides they "want, and for some selfish reason think they deserve"ruin a lifetime of what could of been.......Thank youGod Bless
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): i flirted, then slept with a married man.. its been more than 2 months since it all started.. we talk a lot - about sex, our lives, cheating..
Our individuals lives are perfect - me with a perfect bf.. he wit a wonderful wife.. but we still continue, with no emotions..
i knw he sleeps with his wife n m not jealous...neither is he.. nor do i want him to leave his wife..
Its not bou married/unmarried or male/feamle.. its all havein self control.. which i seem to be definately losin it.. I hate hidin things, always have..but here i am doin the same goddamn things..
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male
reader, duce00  +, writes (24 November 2009):
"Because DUCE, they try so hard to be GOOD, too hard"
Amen anon!
Being GOOD is only GOOD if both are being GOOD together. Otherwise it is BAD BAD BAD!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): Because DUCE, they try so hard to be GOOD, too hard...and in the end they realize that they spent their best years living the wrong life...with the wrong people
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male
reader, duce00 +, writes (24 November 2009):
Cegena looks pretty babe-ilicious eh Q? I agree. Quite a waste on that cheating hubby too. Whole nother post on that subject for sure. I wonder if we would get the same fight out folks on that one eh?
"Why good women stay with cheaters"
Any takers....
all I hear is the chirping of crickets...ahh well
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male
reader, duce00 +, writes (24 November 2009):
Dam Q! I just got done with that big ol' speech about elevating the male species and you roll in out of no where with that? Ahhh that Texas wind beneath my wings! Where would I be with out you.
"Men are not simply dicks with a brain attached for conversational value"
Dam...my bad!
Gonna go back to gnawing on that mammoth bone and dancing around the fire now....
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male
reader, duce00 +, writes (23 November 2009):
Well as a man I would like to say a couple things because there are NO points that have been missed by me. I am all ears because fidelity is a VERY important subject to me.
One thing I think needs some distinction here and is not being addressed directly is if it is cheating or a transition to a new relationship.
1st point- My opinion on transition is that you don't get to have it both ways. If you are unhappy but hanging around because of fear of being alone, security, familiarity, blah-de-blah-de-blah. You are missing the big lesson and moving on to another person is not OK. I believe that a clean ending to one relationship is absolutely necessary to a clean beginning on the next one. This includes time to reflect alone as a single person and not rush out trying to fill a void. In some circumstances I can see how the next relationship may be waiting in the wings but neither of you are prepared for it emotionally and it is a traumatic and disrespectful thing to switch up partners quickly.
Put simply: leave cleanly, enter cleanly. No in-between.
2nd point- Cheating is when you break the rules of trust in a relationship. Anon was right to point out that a committed relationship today is the same as marriage morally. I agree with that whole heartedly. The piece of paper does nothing to lessen or increase the betrayal of the act. Whether for love or lust it is not relevant. If you are unhappy...leave, then see point 1 above.
3rd point- I am a strong advocate of male rights and equality of the sexes. Ohhh I know there will be some chuckling out there but hear me out. Men are not simply dicks with a brain attached for conversational value. We are not stupid enough to have sex simply because she throws herself at us. I give no quarter on this one, male or female. I actually resent the assumption that women are so clever as to steal a man. Sorry ladies that is a myth! He was either lost to himself or lost to his woman long before the day another woman came along making offers. Getting down to the crux of THAT is what we need to be talking about.
Newsflash!! There are always women making offers and the same is true of men to women. I have seen plenty of women offering themselves and passed them up when I was committed and so do plenty other men, it is more common than anybody thinks. Actually I pass them up even now that I am single...see point 1 above.
I am deeply enjoying this post and I hope we see the OP soon!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): you are right, i am missing your point and you miss mine altogether. cheating by any other name is still cheating- whether you are married or in an exclusive relationship.
Accountable, "I just really struggle with the idea of a moral woman knowingly systematically deceiving and then destroying another woman in this way." powerful insight and some food for thought to all. It hits home, it touches a nerve, therefore we cannot handle the truth.
when faced with such candid insight we cannot help but question ourselves. it well, makes us accountable for our actions, doesn't it?
this is not about shifting blame, name calling or even about the OW anymore. it is purely about right from wrong. with no gray areas inbetween. when we focus on the gray areas, we justify ourselves, we continue to sit on the fence and we CHOOSE not to account for our actions. in the end we all live our lives the way we want to, we all live by our own codes and by our own belief system.
Right or worng, this topic is inexhaustible. there will always be two sides. so lets all agree to disagree. After all we need to make peace with that person looking back at us in the mirror. Sometimes we cannot identify that stranger, other times we pretend but when the chips are down and we cannot run away from ourselves anymore we need to face ourselves. and this is when the real test starts,the real endurance and the real YOU/ME reveals itself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009):
Just to clarify that my response was not a personal attack on Katyayni. It was only an attempt to clarify some aspects of her post, especially since she responded to one of the other aunts response. It was also an attempt to show her that although her new bf was not married to his girlfriend of 7 years she was the other woman. Cheating does not belie the fact that a wedding ring needs to be on the finger to admit to cheating. I merely used Katyayni’s own words to indicate to her the contradictions of her response.
People in committed relationship also mourn the loss of their relationships. You do not have to only to married to undergo this endurance test of lies, betrayal and infidelity. People in committed relationships also have to be given the level of respect as with married people. These relationships too have also be treated as sacred. Just look at the stats, more and more people are living together and are in committed/exclusive relationships than people getting married nowadays. Does it mean that these relationships are less important, that they mean we should not respect it because a piece of legal paper was not signed. Does it diminish the cheating in any manner and form. I think not! So, Katyayni , my response was not a personal attack on you. Be that as it may my words are realistic. If you take one thing from my response please take this: relationships are sacred, even though couples do not have a marriage license. Committed relationships should not be perceived as inconsequential just because a marriage license is not in evidence.
Katyayni, I have not said that you have had sex with him: I said ‘Doesn’t matter whether you has(should have typed Had, instead of Has) sex with him or not.” I also told you: “In fear of repeating myself, It doesn’t matter whether this new man is married or not. He was in a committed relationship for 7 years........” Just because there was no marriage license does not make it any less painful, any less devastating, the impact is the same. It is a relationship ending because one partner has cheated. In this case it was her bf with you. I am not "fighting' with you Katyayni, i choose to point out your inconsistencies.
To other aunts and uncles on DC ; when you are in an exclusive relationship whether married or not, we still need to respect the boundaries of such a relationship. Does it mean that your relationship is less important, less sacred just because you do not have a marriage license? Definitely not! Does it mean that I can berate your relationship as mere inconsequential and justify my actions just because you are not married? No. Does cheating in any form of relationship justify betrayal, hurt and pain? Must I be chastised because I have noted the inconsistencies and was perhaps brave (or even foolish) enough to point them out? I have the higest regard for couples, both married and in committed/exclusive relationships. A marriage license should not dictate whether infidelity is more tolerated in one or the other relationship.
To the Moderator who chose to ‘allow’ my post: I agree, You are subjectively entitled to block me, you are also entitled to ensure that I am unable to gain access to this site again. I respect the workings of DC AND YES, if you subjectively believe I am not adding any value then please feel free to pull the plug. I state again, It was not intended to OFFEND, as you wrongly interpreted, it was to point out the inconsistencies by one of the responders. It was also highlighting that relationships whether a marriage or committed exclusive ones suffer when there is betrayal. It also tried to point out that cheating , in whatever form, should not be justified by saying, he was not married or not a fiancé. He was in a committed 7 year relationship, that is the point I was trying to make. So Mod, I understand you want to do what is best for DC. I have the utmost respect for the MODS on this site so make no mistake, I will abide by YOUR rules.
To Cegana , I must apologise to you . I did not intend to hi jack this post of yours but i felt i needed to respond.
Thank you .
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female
reader, Accountable  +, writes (23 November 2009):
 Katyayni, as you seemed to be responding to my post directly I guess I'll reply? To me it really is irrelevant that he was not married - I personally have no desire to get married, I really don't think a committed relationship needs the piece of paper to validate itself. Also I don't really think whether you had sex with him or not is relevant - I am more unhappy with the general principle, of a man callously leaving his longstanding (or even shortstanding but loving) partner for another woman. No matter how its painted up. An emotional betrayal inflicts just as much pain (and I would say sometimes more..) as a purely physical one, ie a man just out for sex. At least then you're only worthless to him in one respect, not just entirely second-best after years of loyalty.
Maybe you're right and generally the woman does get more blame, but I want to clarify that I'm not trying to attack you, I personally think the man is usually more to blame in these situations. I just really struggle with the idea of a moral woman knowingly systematically deceiving and then destroying another woman in this way. Fem Anon, I suppose when the idea of 'soulmates' comes into play it helps to justify your actions, its just something I'll never see eye-to-eye with you on. Maybe its something I'll learn with age, who knows.
Again apologies if this offends either of you, I really am just trying to get my head around this.
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male
reader, duce00 +, writes (23 November 2009):
First off: Credit to the moderators. You folks never get the credit you deserve and I am grateful for the time and energy you put in on this site. It was nice to see a referee here.
Second off: Katyayni is not somebody you will be able to judge by one reply. You wont even come close. She is one of my favorite aunts because she is honest, diplomatic, and sincere, she also has a depth that most miss at first glance. One other thing is that she posts without anonymity, she doesn't attempt to hide when she says something that might draw negative comments. Please take note of that anon!
Last off: Back to the original point! I would like to get input from Cegena again on how she is managing with her marriage today. It would be great to bring all this to a place where its not just raw emotions and mud slinging.
This is a wonderful opportunity to show how well DC works in peoples life's. I pushing for growth and I hope we get that from this post.
Ever see how bugs bunny kissed the other characters when they were about to blow theyre tops??
BIG KISSES ALL AROUND!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): [Moderator Note: I am allowing this one to go through but please be warned we are keeping a close eye on this post and we will not hesitate to shut this post down if you continue to act in this way. Your post does not help the original poster of the question, rather it is just a personal attack on Katyayni and that is not what Dear Cupid is here for. If you have an issue with her then please use the private messaging function rather than publicly broadcasting your annoyance. The only reason I have allowed this answer through is because you are hiding behind an "anonymous" facade therefore I cannot send you a private message myself to tell you that the way you are behaving is the complete opposite of what Dear Cupid is here for. We understand you might have some problems with the other aunts on this site and of course we do not expect you to agree all of the time as everyone is entitled to their own opinions, however we do not accept personal attacks on other aunts who are just trying to give their side of the story. Please be careful with what you write in the future otherwise we will shut this question down and stop you from ever using this site again]No, Katyayni, you do not get to call the shots. Accountable is not to be berated by you for her response to the situation you now find yourself. Too late to retract your early long (detailed) account of you, this man and his girlfriend. Our own words are this, amonsgt others: “I broke up a couple that had been together for the past seven years.” Powerful words , in hindsight!This is not the time to sit on the fence. Cheating is either wrong or right. No Middle ground. Yes your new man was not married to his partner of 7 years. So what if he did not have a ring on his finger. The facts remain the same. You were the third party in the committed/ long term relationship between this woman and her boyfriend. What makes it more sad is that you actually befriended her as well, all the time having an eye on her man! Good news is this: this man cheated on his gf of 7 years with you. The one good thing that came out of the 7 year relationship is that his ex gf is now rid of the scum from her life. Yes she invested 7 years with him but for him to move on so easily and so quickly makes you wonder what he is all about really. The ex may not see it now but years from now she would see that she has a lucky break from him. Yes, she is mourning the loss of her love, there 7 year old relationship but she will eventually find a decent man who would not cheat on her. As for you, YOU made a decision, and you CHOOSE this man in a committed relationship. YOU knew what was happening and you CHOOSE to still have an affair with HER man. You knew that he was in a committed relationship yet you made certain you disrespected that relationship. You could have distanced yourself yet you choose not to. Deep down you wanted this man and well, in the end you got him. Be careful he doesn’t form another alliance and emotional bond with another woman. You say that you normally do not look for longer attachments in men. What is so sad in this case is that you devastated a woman who invested 7 years. It was you pulling the rug from underneath her. After all you were her so called friend as well. You used to hang out with her bf and herself. You were not perceived as a the threat but in fact you were the biggest threat in her life and you actually betrayed her. As I said at least this sh1t is out of her life now. This betrayal has not killed her, it will only make her stronger. I wonder how your other ‘’friends” perceive you. Do they uncomfortably try to shield their bf’s from you. Are you known as the friend betrayer in your circle of friends. How do you even face them? More importantly How do you face yourself?? You are so afraid of Karma . Why? Because you know what role you played in the betrayal. You know how you have helped yourself to this woman’s man and sadly , no matter what you say, you knew what you were doing when you stole her man. I am not judging you , only responding to the exact words you wrote. In fear of repeating myself, It doesn’t matter whether this new man is married or not. He was in a committed relationship for 7 years and YOU then decided to form an attachment with you. Doesn’t matter whether you has sex with him or not. He left HER FOR YOU. In the end this is all that matters. In the end you were the third party who got her man. Please do not create any drama with Accountable. She is just calling it like she sees it, same as me. Simple. No fuss. No Drama. Stop trying to justify yourself that since he was not married, it is different. HE WAS IN A 7 YEAR COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP AND YOU HAD AN AFFAIR WITH HIM. I am glad that you are still happy with him but you know what role you had to play in his relationship breaking up. You know about the lies and deceit. That is all. Cheating, whether married or not, is still cheating and you were the third factor in this relationship. This is a FACT. No, Katyani, you do not get to call the shots. Accountable is not to be berated by you for her response to the situation you now find yourself. Too late to retract your early long (detailed) account of you, this man and his girlfriend. Our own words are this, amonsgt others: This is not the time to sit on the fence. Cheating is either wrong or right. No Middle ground. Yes your new man was not married to his partner of 7 years. So what if he did not have a ring on his finger. The facts remain the same. You were the third party in the committed/ long term relationship between this woman and her boyfriend. What makes it more sad is that you actually befriended her as well, all the time having an eye on her man! Good news is this: this man cheated on his gf of 7 years with you. The one good thing that came out of the 7 year relationship is that his ex gf is now rid of the scum from her life. Yes she invested 7 years with him but for him to move on so easily and so quickly makes you wonder what he is all about really. The ex may not see it now but years from now she would see that she has a lucky break from him. Yes, she is mourning the loss of her love, there 7 year old relationship but she will eventually find a decent man who would not cheat on her. As for you, YOU made a decision, and you CHOOSE this man in a committed relationship. YOU knew what was happening and you CHOOSE to still have an affair with HER man. You knew that he was in a committed relationship yet you made certain you disrespected that relationship. You could have distanced yourself yet you choose not to. Deep down you wanted this man and well, in the end you got him. Be careful he doesn’t form another alliance and emotional bond with another woman. You say that you normally do not look for longer attachments in men. What is so sad in this case is that you devastated a woman who invested 7 years. It was you pulling the rug from underneath her. After all you were her so called friend as well. You used to hang out with her bf and herself. You were not perceived as a the threat but in fact you were the biggest threat in her life and you actually betrayed her. As I said at least this sh1t is out of her life now. This betrayal has not killed her, it will only make her stronger. I wonder how your other ‘’friends” perceive you. Do they uncomfortably try to shield their bf’s from you. Are you known as the friend betrayer in your circle of friends. How do you even face them? More importantly How do you face yourself?? You are so afraid of Karma . Why? Because you know what role you played in the betrayal. You know how you have helped yourself to this woman’s man and sadly , no matter what you say, you knew what you were doing when you stole her man. I am not judging you , only responding to the exact words you wrote. In fear of repeating myself, It doesn’t matter whether this new man is married or not. He was in a committed relationship for 7 years and YOU then decided to form an attachment with you. Doesn’t matter whether you has sex with him or not. He left HER FOR YOU. In the end this is all that matters. In the end you were the third party who got her man. Please do not create any drama with Accountable. She is just calling it like she sees it, same as me. Simple. No fuss. No Drama. Stop trying to justify yourself that since he was not married, it is different. HE WAS IN A 7 YEAR COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP AND YOU HAD AN AFFAIR WITH HIM. I am glad that you are still happy with him but you know what role you had to play in his relationship breaking up. You know about the lies and deceit that went into his betrayal. That woman may have lost 7 years to you but at least she has her life, and yes she will pick up the pieces slowly but one day she will actually thank you. One day she will find a man that will not use her and throw her away when another "friend" came along. That is all. Cheating, whether married or not, is still cheating and you were the third factor in this relationship. This is a FACT. Aside note: it is a pity the MODS have selectively decided not to post 2 of my responses. yes, it is hard hitting, it is blatant but it is REAL. THE 2 responses dealt with 1. General about mistresses 2. regarding the children born from these associations. It is an eye opener, especially the second post since i have first hand knowledge that my Father NEVER did acknowledge the children borne to his mistress. WHO suffers in the end: ONLY THE INNOCENT CHILDREN. to never have a father is one thing, to have a father NEVER acknowledge your existence is another.Perhaps the MODS may want to edit it but post it nevertheless. It opens up a can of worms but it is REAL, especially the second response regarding the innocent children.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): I am the recent female anon. Firstly, I would like to express that i am truly genuinely sorry for all those people here who have been cheated on by a partner. I can only imagine the pain and hurt you must feel. Cegana, my heart goes out to you, and I am pleased that you are making a go at your marriage. I hope that in time you can overcome your understandable anger. While what your husband and this woman have done is unacceptable, I just hope that the long term consequences do not affect how you see other women as a whole.
I'm not gonna try and and defend myself because I don't really have a defence apart from that I fell I love with the wrong person, but I can accept that I should never have acted on it. I think the real time that women in the same situation should be held accounted for is before the time that they fall in love (And Accountable, I do believe in 'love' and in soulmates, I feel that it is true that there is only one person out there who you are entirely compatable with) when they are just getting to know this man, before feelings become involved and things are purely at the 'lust' stage. When I think back to those first months when I first began to feel for him I just think 'how easy would it have been to stay away then?' I regret wholly that I did not; how long would it have taken me to get over him? 3 months? 4 months? A comparatively short amount of time and one which would result in no damage. Who knows how many years it will take to rebuild the shattered lives of all involved in this now. I have first hand experience of life on the 'other side'. My father had an affair when I was 10 and I remember still the pain and the shattered family, my mother hissing constantly about this 'slag' of a woman who had slept with her husband, with my father. I can remember with my childish naivety that I actually just wanted my parents to be happy; I seem to remember saying 'if dad loves this woman why can he not be with her?' - and getting a slap from my mother! My mother took him back but I can see that it still haunts her. I consider this everytime I meet up with 'him'.
In light of reading through these answers, I feel that maybe I am a little too easy on myself! It is so easy to slip into self pity, pining for him on lonely nights, longing for simple pleasures such as waking up in the morning in his arms, being able to walk down a local street holding his hand. But I am coming to understand that this is not the way forward for me.
I'm not proud of what Ive done and I don't expect any sympathy, but it is heartening to hear that I have maybe shed some light on why some (not all) women wind up in these situations. We are not all slags out to wreck marriages. I have no desire to break up a home, or purposely go after another woman's man. I can see that it is an abhorrent situation. I hope that one day I will find myself clear of this situation and that somehow there will be no terrible lasting damage.
Take care
xx
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female
reader, Geobabe +, writes (23 November 2009):
I can answer this beacuse i have slept with married men and men that have girlfiends ect.. Its because there is a thrill there for the women, that it is somthing naughty, wrong, exciting and a feeling of power.
I would never do this to one of my friends but if i dont know the girl and no one finds out then im not hurting anyone so whats the problems? Thing is when im in a realationship i am against cheating because i believe that if your in a realationship you should stay faithful, i couldnt go home at night and lay next to my man knowing what i had been up too, i would feel too guilty! but i feel no gulit about being on the other side.
Say i have no morals but i think these women with men that are straying should take a closer look at why. ie not taking care of themselfs and refusing sex, how is a man supposed to just keep on dealing with that and if its not me hes doing its just going to be another one of me along the way.
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male
reader, duce00 +, writes (23 November 2009):
This post hit some nerves for everybody. I don't recall folks putting so much of them selves into what they say in any previous post in my time here.
I found myself struggling for a clear answer...a perfect solution...that silver bullet of truth. Dammit it just aint there.
There is only our own truth ultimately and mine can be a little rigid sometimes. I feel as though I may have gotten overzealous in some of my responses and stepped on some toes. Got my own luggage on this subject let me be honest about that. Let me take a moment to straighten some things out if I made some mistakes in what I said earlier.
Cegena- You re not the "temptress" type I was speaking of. The type I was intending to describe is artificial looking and attempting to be an age they are not to get male attention in a trashy kinda way. That isn't you I am talking about! You look great at 45 and have every right to be proud. You are also pissed off as hell and that is your right too. We have no misunderstandings there. Hell yea! You should be pissed...feel every bit of that anger and don't stuff any of it. Where I will be blunt with you is that it appears you are not dumping him and that is not consistent with what you are expressing about your feelings about him and his actions. It does make sense to me at all. Did I miss something here? Maybe you can help me understand that part because I am rooting for you right up to that point.
As for the women who came forward with their experiences of being the "other woman". I am glad you all came forward with honest and genuine posts. One thing that always gets a high degree of my respect is honesty. Respect and agreement are not the same thing mind you. What I am saying is that my own black and white view developed a little strip of grey down the middle. I am not sure how else to describe it...I know I could never be in that grey area in a relationship ever again (as the aggrieved) but I don't have visions of doing dastardly things to a few people in the world as much as I used to thanks to seeing some humanity here.
Good stuff y'all!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe the anon writerI was so in tune with my marriage,,tell me something if a man gives a bottle of perfume to the OW in which he uses for an air freshner in his car, should I assume that he is in love with her....I don't care what your relations are with married men, I am so glad that the other people on this are giving me a peace of mind showing me that the world is not filled with shallow people like my husband and women like you...My husband has always been there for me, I didnt see it coming he obviously just wanted to experiment something with the skank he has always been generous he has always bought me the very best, not that I ask for it because I am not a material person, he is, but when the other woman bragged how he gave her perfume and she showed me the bottle I laughed, I could not believe my eyes, that he had given her the bottle of air freshner, I didnt even have the heart to tell her....oh he fed her McDonalds....lol.....as you can see what I am getting across, is these men know you women have no respect because what woman would in her right mind sleep with a married man, this is from my husband mouth, he knew she was a slut and would never want her for anything,,,,the proof is he never ever tried to contact her again....I know because I pretended I was her friend....I was I suppose to get all the juice out of him,,,everything you OW talk about what the man says,,,he said the same..I am sorry, for you...
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female
reader, Accountable +, writes (22 November 2009):
The posts from Katyayni and the recent female anon had me thinking for quite a while.. firstly i would disagree with the apparently all-encompassing idea here that the woman gets all the blame while the man gets out unscathed. Personally I find the men who find it in their hearts to cheat on women who have devoted themselves to them to be abhorrent. No exceptions. This issue of the other woman is tougher to break down.. as the past two accounts clearly outline, it is not always the stereotypical slag who is willing to break up a relationship for a cheap physical thrill; some women do do it out of 'love'.
I suppose my issue with this is that I do firmly agree with the idea that we have no control over who we fall in love with; however, i believe everybody has the capacity to act with integrity, and act morally on those feelings (ie, walking away so as not to destroy another womans family life..). Although I am relatively young, and therefore some may imagine that I am naive and incapable of understanding true love, that is my belief, and it comes from my personal experience. I don't think for a second that the type of connection with another person the two posters described comes only once in a lifetime - I don't believe in the concept of soulmates, and maybe thats why I have little sympathy for women who pursue married men: there is not only one person for you out there, this man is not your only option, so why wreck a relationship to get him? I just don't think I'll ever understand it, having dodged a situation like this myself by thinking in this way. Maybe this seems like an extremely emotionally detached view; maybe it is. But i have no doubt that it is necessary view, in order to avoid inflicting pain unimaginable on another person.
Sorry if i have caused any offence to the two previous female posters, but honestly my sympathy lies more with the women who inevitably lose more in these situations.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMr Duce
here is my picture and at 45 I am not ashamed to say I think I look pretty good, even if I turn around..lol.. but my husband apparently wasnt happy and thought a less attractive women would be more satisfying,,being that she is a crack addict, and she couldnt put two words together when I was talking to her that probably was the attraction, because God knows it wasnt her looks...this being said I know it was the fact that she was 29 and a "younger female" this was the boost of male excitement for him I guess. I just wanted to put a face my question so everyone can realize that it doesnt matter how a woman looks like if a man has no morals and is a dog he is going out to do his thing
and if a woman is a skank, she is on the same level too these two types of people do not know or do not care about honesty and sincerity, they care about what is going on down there at the time who cares about the ones who love them....these are selfish people..self absorbed
My husband is with me, he wants me to be the same as I was pre affair time....I doubt it...
I mean why why,,,if I was so horrrrrrible why does he want this...
I am a very honest person I was a nurse, I have helped so many people in my life and would never find it in my heart to hurt anyone..
When this happened the affair his friends were on my side..
One of them actually made a comment that if I separated to get in touch with him...lol
I am not a bad person...maybe just a dreamer..I thought when you find a man you fall in love and do everything in your being to make him happy..I am embarrased to say how much I did for him waking up at 6 in the morning to set up his clothes his coffee which he likes the sugar and coffee whipped , yes I said whipped
But I was the one who was whipped, but not anymore...I live for my kids...
AND FOR ME. I TAKE CARE OF MYSELF...LOL
BTW DOUBLE M YOU'RE SAD....TEMPTRESSES...LOL
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (22 November 2009):
Dear Anon,
The thing I respect most in all people is honesty and sincerity. Your situation is not one I would agree with but your sincerity is something that wins my respect. I mean that sincerely.
You could have tried to bullshit us with tricks but we know them all here. We are the blood hounds of bullshit here.
While your feelings may be real, your suspicions of demise are no less so. He does probably love you but you can never build a real life from here. Your are spending precious moments in vain.
I will remind you that if you showed even a scant less character I would roast your ass with out even a bit of remorse. But I can see that there is a person of substance in there who wants the same things we all do.
In many of my posts I would have gladfully pranced upon your ass but you sound as though you have the potential to be a woman who will be a genuine prize to some man who is not previously committed.
I hope you overcome this phase in your life as many of us have strived to do the the same in other areas of our own lives.
Stay honest, its a priceless asset that many lack.
Best wishes
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): Am aware that I am doing the online equivalent of throwing myself to the wolves, and I will doubtless be torn apart but nevertheless, here I go.
You asked why women sleep with married men. I cannot speak for the majority, but as someone who indeed 'sleeps with a married man' I can give my side to the story.
I fell in love with a close male friend a few years ago. Kept it platonic for as long as I could. Yes, I know general consensus will be 'why did you not just walk away when you felt you were falling' and yeah in hindsight I guess that would have been better. But I didn't. Why? Because he was my best friend and I adored him and spending time with him made me happy. We shared the same passionate interests in music, books, film; we are both literary, both writers and would share ideas and work together on writing. We could sit for literally hours at a time talking and I loved hearing stories from his youth and he mine. It would have been a romance made in heaven. I knew he was married, but he never spoke about her and I thought it was best not to probe the situation, guessing it was probably unhappy. Besides I never had any intention of acting on my feelings, so i didn't see it as my place to interfere with his relationships.
Eventually, I knew that I had fallen for someone I couldn't have and I knew that my life was starting to revolve around him. He was all I ever thought about. I could not even think about another man. The feelings were tearing me apart. I started drinking and became depressed, finding it hard to get out of bed most days. Eventually something within me just cracked, and you can call me a vulture if you wish, but I do believe it was just a human reaction to the prolonged torture of my feelings for him; literally years of crying, heartache, not being able to talk about it with him, loneliness, confusion, wondering 'why can I not just get over him and find someone for me' - every negative emotion on the spectrum, and then those fleeting moments of bliss when we were together, just talking, laughing, sharing our hopes and fears etc.
I cracked, and I told him how I felt. I regretted it instantly. But i could not take back what I had said. We dicussed it and he confessed he felt the same. We did not have contact for a month, while we thought about what to do. It was after this period that we became lovers. We do not have sex every time we meet. Sometimes we just go for a drive in the country, for a coffee, or to a museum or the beach.
For the most part I do not think about his wife. I don't know much about her, don't want to know about her because I can't bear to think that she exists. Sounds selfish and despicable doesn't it? But then as you point out, she's obviously the one he wants deep down else he would have left, she has the moral highground, she was there first etc. And yes it hurts, it will be agonizing when we are found out; put simply I don't know how I will carry on. And I do dread it for her as well, I do feel sorry for her, because I guess we are both in a similar situation of being with a man who will not fully comit to one woman or another. But what am I to do? It must seem so simple from the outside that I should walk away, but I suppose I am weak and ruled by my feelings and I can't do it. And it hurts me everyday of my life, so do not think for one moment that I have it easy, and am simply 'opening my legs' for the first man that looked at me. I do have standards, I would not dream of doing this with just any man, I have never had a one night stand, never cheated before and I believe in love and romance not tacky, tawdry sex as culture seems to lean towards these days. And I understand that in these situations the hatred is always going to be directed at the other woman, because it's easier to blame her than the man that you married.
I know I probably sound despicable. But I'm not a slag, or a vulture, not anything else that you might throw at me. I don't want his money, or to be pampered or just to have sex with an older experienced man. And I'm not gullible, I know in all likelyness he will not leave her. I should walk away, but I love him, have special memories of times with him and in the same way that people stay in abusive relationships and unhappy marriages, I guess I'm just too attatched to this man. I probably saw the same qualities that she saw in him.
So to answer, I sleep with him for the same reasons any other person sleeps with the person that they love.
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (21 November 2009):
Hey DoubleM, those temptresses are still out there and willing. Nobody can miss them. They are the ones dressed like 16 year old girls and you just might mistake them from the back but a full frontal tells the whole story. Sad sad sad
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (21 November 2009):
 All this banter makes me wonder why I once stayed married and faithful to one woman for 20 years. Guess I missed out on all the fun . . . and yes, I did have to resist quite a number of temptresses. Where are they now?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy husband cheated because the men he hung out were bragging how every man does it, and life is tooo short. You cant just have sex with one woman all your life, they even
gave him advice on how to find someone who would do
everything, and not be emotionally attached, they were wrong
any woman who is desperate will attach herself to anybody
with a penis, these women who sleep with married men are
vultures and the men are pigs...
.Mostly all men do it for sex, they feel like if they find a woman who has an apartment, opens her legs for 5 minutes is willing to hang upside down and around and around over the chandelier suck on their dick for another 10 minutes...its wham bam thank you mam
and not bitch that they dont call back for 3 days straight and sadly re-do the sex marathon again..
Why not its free!!! Its safer then driving downtown and paying a prostitute, and 50/50 chance of contracting AIDS
these men think they will never get caught this is the excitement...!they need in thier day to day boring life sometimes....you dont think I had fantasies too, I just did act on them,,,Hell I work with FIREMEN,, I HAVE FANTASIES!!
THEN REALITY SETS IN ABOUT WIVES KIDS,,,and the fantasie goes away,,but as a woman the other person has to be very attractive or connected for sex
Men don't care, they look at it like they are in a porn movie...that is the fantasy,,until they look at the OW and think "OMG...wHAT THE HELL DID I JUST DO"
And what I just told you came right out of a cheating mans mouth,,who called mistresses pathetic women waiting at the window for the married man to show up...
this man says it is a easy lay, only problem is he is running out of lies...
One of the many men I work with that I knowingly know they are having affairs, sadly enough they are regretting and hoping their wives dont find out they would be lost without them....
so dont go there with lack of ....most of the times it has nothing to do with the wife....
I never belittled my husband, I supported him in everything he did, he wasnt working I made the money, I made our life what it is today...and praised him for making the woman I am today...if I was so bad he would not of begged me to come back to him he has the house the car what ever he wants he would get out of the divorce if he wanted...
but he wants me not the whore he banged for 3 xs
My husband is low for what he did, I have never dismissed this,
but the OW is just as low, I dont care how her self esteem issues are there is a reason why she has these problems. Her morals and ethics are not there.....she needs to rebuld herself and become a real woman like some of us...who are trying to make this a better world...Tooooo many single moms out there...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): a man usually doesn't cheat for the obvious reason. i know this sounds crazy, but cheating unless it has been a lifelong habit, originates from a lack of sometihng within a marriage. maybe a wife who unknowingly belittles her husband, so he goes and looks often without trying, or is attracted to the first skirt who truely respects him. maybe after years of togetherness he no longer feels that you are head over heels for him, and finds someone who is. men rarely cheat just for sex, unless wife is witholding, or he is inebriated. in which case if it is just about sex, it should not happen over and over. if cheating happens w/ one person over and over, then he is getting a certain emotional or fundamental need from the woman/women that he is not finding within his own marriage.i am not slighting cheating. just suggesting that the mistress is rarely the one to blame. maybe if you were more in tune w/ you marriage you could have spotted the issue b4 he looked for the resolution elsewhere, or maybe if your husband wasn't a good communicator you could have gone to counseling to help him communicate better with you, so that he could let you know his needs, and you could express your needs, and know one would need to go elsewhere.sorry
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): Walk in someone elses shoes... right now your angry with the other woman.. and your so sure it could never happen to you..
Why aren't you angry with your husband.. after all he's the one that made you promises not her. He's not a dog, he can't be forced or raped. He choose to sleep with someone else, you choose to get angry at someone else, rather than looking at your marriage, your husband, and why he told lies to you? That's what I find strange.. You don't OWN people, and you can't blame anyone else except the guy you married. That Anonymous woman came here to give you help and advice, why are you angry with her? Did she sleep with your husband as well? Hating other women won't make things better, and won't stop the reality of knowing that HE cheated on YOU, she didn't, the other woman isn't your friend, and dosen't care for you, it's him that she loves.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 November 2009):
 Anon you asked:
**And for Honeypie, yes it happens! If you only find out hes commited after you fell in love, what can you do? you had the affair already! its just so sad to see how people are still so hypocritic.... **
WHY would you keep at that relationship? He obviously LIED to you about something so monumental it is not even funny. Oh btw I have a wife and a few kids, but you are what I want ...? How can YOU trust a man like that? WHY ?
How will you know that what comes out of his mouth regarding his feelings for you or anything else is even true?
Seriously I would end it there and then. If he wants to be a liar and cheat, he is not for me. Without trust, respect and honesty what do you really have? But, that is MY personal view. I don't think that is being hypocritical at all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBTW.....IT WAS THIS ANSWER I WAS REFERRING TOO.... as I did read well.."Once a long time ago, I messed around with a married man. For me, it was just the thrill of doing something that I knew I wasnt supposed to be doing. "This woman clearly knows she is not suppose to be with this man...and its a thrill! as she puts it,,,hey screw anyone else who gets hurt as long as she is getting banged and he is getting his...its all goodListen I know the married man is the most at fault...yes, I know but see my husband seemed to be decent, when we met..he didn't have any wedding band...he actually wanted to marry me..I didn't ask him to marry me...I am a victim of someone who I thought had the same conscience as I and the same morals and ethics, if he didn't beg to come back I have to admit I wish he would have stayed with his partner in crime, I trully think he would of been perfectly paired off with the skank as he delicately calls her, but I gave him another chance..I am a very confident woman, I love the way I look and would hope that I have the strength never to walk in the OW shoes...she was down and out, no job, 3 kids, someone I knew my husband felt no pity for he only wanted to use her as a guinea pig...this woman was far from what I thought my husband would ever be with..I feel bad for her because I know that she is restricted to her home, but at the same time I worked 3 jobs when my kids were small, and I didnt have time to bed any woman's man...because I was WORKING!!I know my husband and I had problems, but in his world marriage is suppose to be happy all the time...thats not the real world..it takes work..after 18 years I thought he would think are marriage was wonderful..and to the outside world it looked like the perfect marriage..I know now..While there are woman who are needing anything to cling to and men that know this,,,there will always be CHEATING!!MISTRESSes....Someday if you are lucky a man might propose to you, and you will see how it feels to live on the other side of the fence..
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009): i think im A form 18, and just in case you didt read it well, i repeat: he left her, he said he would and he did! We had a lovely 5 years together. And SHE (his ex) married ANOTHER guy, and had 2 kids w him!
just because your husband did what he did, it doesnt mean that every guy is like him! the soon you get it, the soon you are gonna stop blaming other people for the fact thhat YOUR HUSBAND chose to cheat on you, HE is the one that was comitted to you.... so, who has no moral or principals? She didnt cheat on anyone, YOUR HUSBAND DID!
And for Honeypie, yes it happens! If you only find out hes commited after you fell in love, what can you do? you had the affair already! its just so sad to see how people are still so hypocritic....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009): It's mind boggling. I think they will hook on to anyone who shows them any attention. Doesn't seem like they have any morals or respect for others. Unfortunately, as the stats show, the men rarely end up leaving their wives. But in the long run, as Honey Pie states - it's on the married guy. He is the one with the wedding band!!
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 November 2009):
To OP thank you :)
And I forgot to add:
One thing people tend to "forget" is that the focus shouldn't be on the OW ( other woman) but on the married guy. HE is the one committing adultery. HE is the one cheating his his spouse. HE broke his vow's to his wife. HE is (or should be) solely responsible for HIS actions. The choice to cheat - to have a mistress is one HE makes and unfortunately there are plenty of women out there willing to be that mistress.
After X amount of years being married he/she want that feeling of euphoria/love/feeling like you are the sun and your women's world revolve around you. (honeymoon phase) I think for some married men ( and women) they "think" it is easier to get that from someone new instead of working on their marriage. They know what they are doing is wrong, and consequently, they do more wrong out of guilt. They lie more, they spend more money, they say hurtful things to the spouse, they sometimes actually ends up believing that it is the spouse "fault" that they cheated.
Thing is, people choose to ignore the fact that being married takes work. A lot of work. From BOTH parties. It's not like it magically works perfectly the moment the ring is on the fingers.
As far as "anon" wrote - we "just feel in love , it just happened.. No it didn't "just" happen. He made a choice, you made a choice. "It" just happened is not a viable excuse. IF it truly was true love, he should have had the BALLS to leave his wife FIRST before starting something new with another woman. He should have had some respect for the women he was married to. No matter how much he vilified his wife, he did at one time love her enough to marry her.
I don't get cheating. It is NOT hard in this day and age to get a divorce. It is NOT hard work to have a set of morals, values and general respect for others. I understand that people fall out of love yet stay together out of convenience, THAT I get, but once they discover that they do have feeling for someone else, they need to be a decent human being and do the right thing.
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reader, Auntie Marilyn +, writes (19 November 2009):
These women are not falling in love with married men, just men, and these guys are good at telling you what you want to hear; they don't have sex with their wives, the marriage is over in all but name, they're only together for the children, tc. etc, and the manipulation and deceit goes on and on.
Most women in this situation are aware of the cliche, but don't see themselves as part of it. It is another example of the way men use women's emotions to get what they want; often they don't see any wrong in it. Best just say know, and even if you find out he's married when you've already fallen, just grit your teeth and walk away.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the caring guy, when I was single I worked with married men and let me tell you they hit on me like crazy, I took it as a joke..I never ever took it seriously.
This test you talk about, I don't believe a man who is married and hitting on women is quite stable, a man that is married and loving his wife to me is very attractive and at this moment I should wish as a single woman to get a man A SINGLE MAN..FOR THOSE women who don't understand "not that married man" for myself. A married man who pursues other woman has no morals as does a married woman..
My husbad after taking him back, I have to admit the deepness of the love I have for him is not the same...but I do love him enough to try to make it work.
And for the A reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009
You say you messed with a married man, sweetie again if he said he was going to leave his wife and he didn't, he never was...My husband told the other woman the same, and I didn't even know we as a couple were mad at each other, he continued drawing my bubble baths, buying me flowers, taking me out to dinner..so I never suspected anything..he was never going to leave me he just didn't think he would be caught in his little mid-life crisis and sadly for him he didn't know how good his wife was on the computer...and this is where I caught him.. Apparently he told the other woman that we were going through a divorce and it papers were to be signed...Wow this was news to me...lol..sounds familiar!!!
If this married man of yours has never left his wife..he never was, it is never staying for the kids,,don't believe this...and hes still with her..!
I have married friends who have split up, and rarely the man goes out and has an affair..when a couple has problems they split for a while, and if they find someone else during the split they will never go back to their wife or husband...
Oh and Honeypie...I always love to read your advice..but this one on married man buying things you are right but deep inside that woman should know this man is just scared of being exposed..married man want to play the 'BEING NICE GAME' the other woman in my situation actually thought that my husband spoiled her with Mcdonalds and Tim Hortons coffee, who admits that...My husband is a fitness buff, he would be disgusted to even buy that for me...
all the more proof that these woman get the brunt of gifts to shut them up and keep them happy so they don't go open their mouths....that is why married men do this
A single guy walks away doesnt have to be afraid of if he will be blackmailed.....LIKE SO MANY MARRIED MEN DO
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay duce00 I didn't want to go there, but the animal kingdom does come to mind when I think of these women...lol
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (19 November 2009):
 They are pre-trained?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009): Yes.. it is difficult to see things from another point of view.. You are not them, and have never been in this position, so it's easy for you to look down on them and judge... If you really want to know what makes them tick, and why they get themselves trapped like this, I suggest you read this well attended post. Here you will see how women get caught up, spending her life waiting for a married man to keep his promise to love her and be with her... http://www.dearcupid.org/question/in-love-w-a-married-man-how-do-i-cope-w-break-up.html
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male
reader, duce00 +, writes (19 November 2009):
I must say that all your anger and resentment at women while having the moniker of "female" is confusing me.
You sound intelligent and have a functioning moral compass with a dash of moxie. Way too many good qualities to be mired in this garbage.
Either this is a all a cruel joke or I have met the love of my life.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009):
Men sleep with married women too, and for mostly the same reasons.
Neither gender has the market cornered on infidelity.
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (18 November 2009):
 1. Because they have been deceived and believe the guy is single.
2. They know he's married, and have no morals.
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male
reader, duce00 +, writes (18 November 2009):
As a single man, I wish that these women stuck only to one MO in what they peruse. Women who like married men also like ANY man that makes them feel a little more powerful.
They will feed on any type of male, married or not.
I just had this image pop in my head of those little fish that hang off of great white sharks. You know, the little scavengers that just hitchhike along waiting for the next morsel...see, we work so hard at understanding all this crap and all we really need to do is watch the nature channel!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): have u guys ever been the other woman? if not, so what r u talking about? you sound more like the wives that have been cheated on....
Cant it be just because they fell in love?
Or do you really think they always think "hummmm, i thnk im gonna screw a married man... it must be a lot of fun!"
please give me a break!
There are all different kinds of cheaters as well as mistress and wives! There are no victims here...
6yrs ago, i fell in love w a guy at work (i didnt want to get closer, but what could i do, quit my job?). He was in a long term relationship (which counts as marriage to me). Although i tried to stay away, and i felt guilty (even though i never knew the woman) i couldnt help it. And we started having a affair. He said he loved her, but as a sister, and just needed some time to get things sorted. After 5 months they broke up, and he moved out. And we moved in together. We were happy together for 5 yrs then i think we just fell out of love and we ended it. His-ex married another man, have 2 kids, and as far as i know is happy. So... thats just life.
And things turned out to be ok!
If i would do this again? No, if i had a choice, that was the first and last. But now, i see cheaters (i never cheated on a bf) and the affairs, in a whole different way
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 November 2009):
I believe that what Caringguy is saying is part of the answer. There are many reasons why some women will "settle" for a relationship with a married man.
1. You can choose NOT to see him if you rater want to do something else whenever you want.
2. He will (at least initially) spend more money on you then some single guys will.
3. You don't have to clean up his dirty laundry or pick up after him.
4. When you get tired of him, he won't really make a huge fuss because he rather not be found out.
5. Some women feel more exciting because they are doing something traditionally "bad".
My personal opinion is that women who choose to be with a married man is lazy. The don't want to do ALL the work it takes to be married, they don't want to take all the crap that can come with it as well. They also have an unrealistic view of their own actions and that of their "lover". They actually believe that the married man actually loves them more then the wife..... And that the wife is truly mean, ugly, evil, unattractive, boring.. yet at the end of the day, most men do stay with their wives....... That and they just lack some spine, some decency, morals and values.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): Once a long time ago, I messed around with a married man. For me, it was just the thrill of doing something that I knew I wasnt supposed to be doing. It was the fear of getting caught that made it exciting. After about 4 months and him telling me that he would leave his wife for me, I realized that I was breaking up his family. I did not want that on my head so I broke it off with him. He and I have remained friends over the years and him and his wife are still miserable and hating each other. He begs me back all of the time but yet I want to do the right thing. Every time I look at his son, I think that I could have ruined his life. Not all women are bad women, some of us just make stupid mistakes and get caught up in all of the fun, the gifts and the fancy dinners and the being pampered.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 November 2009):
A test was done recently and apparanrly married men are more appealing because they appear to offer more stability. And I'm not joking either, this was a real test. So I guess maybe there are some women who fall for the apparant stabilty that a married man seems to offer, along with all the false promises. Yes, there is a self esteem issue with it all as well. and maybe they're very naive with it all.
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female
reader, old-spinstah +, writes (18 November 2009):
I guess they're stupid and/or gullible.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 November 2009):
 Oh they get it sooner or later and boy howdy I bet it hurts.
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