A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I ask this question as I'm fed up seeing questions about porn coming up frequently and women complaining about their men watchin it.I'm 26, I've had 3 serious relationships and each man has loved to watch porn. Sometimes I've watched it with them sometimes they've watched it alone.I've been very open minded since I was old enough to know about sex and I'm curious to know why some women are so prudish against porn?Why do you feel so insecure about your man watching it? Why do you force you man to go behind your back and watch it?I'd really like to hear from women who hate their men watching porn and their reasons for it? Because I just don't see any argument as to why it is so harmful?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2011): I feel bad when my man watches porn because I view sex as an intimate expression of love and I don't want him sharing that part of himself with anyone but me.
I have no problem with him masturbating, if he feels the need, but to purposely stimulate himself by looking at some slut really hurts me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): Most women feel that porn is a form of cheating. They may get jealous or upset by the fact that there man is watching other females. I hope I helped.
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female
reader, LustyLisa  +, writes (22 August 2011):
To me, porn is a form of cheating/infidelity and is definately a form of prostitution since people are being paid to have sex and most times the public has to pay to watch. Even suppossed "educational" videos are more pornographic than educational! The primary issue I have against porn is the "entertainment" value it seems to carry for mostly men and how it does appear to devalue real women as well as simple, basic standards of human decency and decorum.
I personally refuse to show financial support for cheating and infidelity. Porn is expoitative from the actors to the buying public. As long as there is a market for it, it will continue to be produced. Sex does in fact sell, but that's all it is, peddleing flesh just like the street conner hookers. I personally find them all pathetic shells of human beings that need help and deserve my sympathy, but not my time or money. I have a real living and breathing partner at my disposal that really does it for me that porn could never come near matching!!!
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (22 August 2011):
I'm in the same camp as you OP. I don't see the big deal.
That said, I do draw a line. If we're having sex regularly and he still spends a lot of free time watching porn, it could be a sign of addiction. Also, I do not want him to watch it with friends or something when I'm home. So for me porn is fine as long as it does not interfere with our sex life and life in general.
Now, onto the question, why do so many women feel threatened by it? (I'm not talking about those dealing with a porn addicted boyfriend/hubby.)
In my opinion, self esteem issues and insecurity are the main causes. A lot of porn features slim, young women with big (fake) boobs and surgically altered vaginas. Some women start comparing themselves to these girls and end up feeling inferior because they do not look like them. After all, if their man enjoys watching them, he must be attracted to them, right? This is what these insecure women feel and sometimes it gets so bad they don't like having sex anymore because all they can see is these porn girls he watched.
To me, the above is a quite sad state to be in. I've never felt threatened by the women in porn because I view porn solely as a stimulant to get off. And well, if the people in it are good looking, that's a plus. Who wants to watch ugly people have sex? I watch porn too sometimes and I have to admit I prefer the vids with the prettier looking people. Does that mean I want my boyfriend to look like the guy with the six pack abs? No. I chose my boyfriend because who he is.
Now, all this said, I do think that if a couple is otherwise happy but a girl can't deal with porn no matter how hard she tries, their boyfriend should respect them enough to atleast tone down the amount of viewing. That should be possible. If it's not, it could be an addiction because only addicted people have problems giving up a habit.
But often the problem with this is communication. Women often just demand their bf to quit without giving them a legit reason. This will only annoy the bf, because he views it as a harmless thing. If a woman wants their bf to quit porn or be inconspicuous about it she should explain calmly and in detail why it bothers her so much. Understanding is the first step in solving a problem.
Another reason women object to porn is the abuse going on in the sector. Luckily it's quite easy to distinguish legit porn from the more shady stuff. The big 'brands' featured on sites like Pornhub for example all have women over 18 who willingly participate. This is a verified fact. Ofcourse there are shady sites out there with questionable stuff. If you look for it, you'll find it. If a woman catches their boyfriend watching that kind of stuff, she has a right to be concerned. But that's another subject entirely.
Sorry this got long, but you asked and this is my answer ;-) Hoped it was helpful!
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female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (22 August 2011):
 I love Person 12345's answer. Here's my take:-
1. I believe a man who watches porn is emotionally stunted
2. I do not want to be with a voyeur
3. If a man thinks that porn helps his sex life with his partner then he is living in cloud cuckoo land!
4. There is nothing sexier than a man really desiring his partner (and of course vice versa). If he dilutes those desires for his partner with porn, then he doesn't really know, love or understand his partner!
5. There was some comment about Britney Spears a bit further down - who on earth in their right mind wants to see Britney's chuff! How can you think that a mentally disturbed woman getting out of a car with no pants on is sexy!!!!!!!! I mean really. It's almost like a trophy with some men and it is these men I really have NO TIME for. The word childish springs to mind! And, I really do not understand the mentality of any women sending their partners chuff shots - to me that is really fucked up!
6. If men watch porn and their partner doesn't like it, then they have really missed the boat. They will never have a fulfilling sex life because their partner will probably not give to them fully! So it's a NO WIN situation. They will then watch more porn and moan that their partner doesn't give out much - duh, I wonder why. Do the maths buddy!!
7. I believe the watching of porn gives some men a skewed view of women. I was in a charity shop the other day when a man with no top on wandered in with his partner. While his partner was looking at a mirror, he was trying to cop a look at me. I caught him out of the side of my eye and I just thought "you idiot"! His partner was attractive (dark haired) whereas I am blonde! I actually wanted to say out loud "who the fuck are you looking at"! I'd bet money that this guy was a porn watcher, who objectifies women in his daily life - what a loser!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): Person12345 you have have simply used porn as a scapegoat for the vile act of disgusting selfish men with no consideration for there lover.If a man holds a womans head down and forces her to let him release in her mouth then that is down to the man and for that reason a woman should re-think that relationship. Porn is not to blame for that.Porn is there to be used in a none harmfull manner, for couples who are losing the spice in there lovelife to share and create ideas from it. To simply blame porm for rapists(which is what a man would be if he forced a womans head down) and to simply say it causes over half of divorce is just a cop out.Any woman who uses porn as an excuse for dicorce has extreme issues within herself and porn cannot be to blame for that!Another point you made about body hang ups. Again I stress, do any of you women stop your man looking at page 3? Do you get funny when I nice lookin girl in a bikini pops up on tele? Again you blame porn for men having higher standards with regards to body shape/size, and again I say that's just ridiculous and once again down to a womans deep issues within herself rather than a man making her feel this way. Any man who purposly degrades his wife/girlfriend and makes them feel there body is not good enough, is a pig! Simple as that and you shouldn't have married/ got with him in the first place!Sorry person12345 but your post lacked any real argument against porn itself!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): This issue of vibrators is starting to arise- another issue I just don't understand. Me and my boyfriend watch porn now and then, most of the time if I'm not in he uses a picture of me lol just last week we were out shopping and he bought me a vibrator and some other little gadgets!
My boyfriend is a very insecure person indeed, constantly needs reasurance about every little thing and yet when it comes to sex, buying a vibrator was so easy for him to do.
This is why I'm confused over this whole argument of porn and vibrators, it takes a very insecure couple to let an issue like this come between them in my view.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): Here's the deal... we men will give up on porn when you women give up your vibrators and sex toys.
Do you have any idea how insecure a man can get if he finds out his beloved uses sex toys
But it's the same thing, most women use them for the same reason men watch porn. For a quick and easy release of sexual desire when normal sex with our partners is not an option.
You have to be a guy to understand this, but men... by and large... have much higher sex drives then women, and not mention much easier to obtain orgasms. This doesn't mean there aren't women who can match men for sex drive, but they are the exception and extreme. Nor does this mean female orgasms are better or worse. No one can really say that, as no one has spontaneously switched sexes and can make the comparison.
We KNOW it would just be stupid to expect ANY partner to be able to keep up with the natural male sex drive. If you did... you'd be having sex at least three-four times a day, every day, for pretty much the rest of your life. No person can live up to that.
So we watch porn. It allows us to keep this sex drive in check.
I would imagine you use your sex toys, but men don't have the luxury. There are a few sex toys designed for men, but they are all creepy (the flesh light and real dolls, anyone?) and it is far more socially acceptable for women to use them and it is supposedly not a judgement on the sexual prowess of their men.
Well, as I said, porn is the same. In the absence of socially acceptable aides, we use the only manner of masturbatory aides left to us... the internet and the myriad sexual images and sounds it provides.
You are fighting a losing battle, girls. We men have been watching porno since we were like 11. It's just a part of our nature.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (22 August 2011):
 I was very unimpressed with person12345's point of view. I doubt many of her facts are accurate. but I think as a man if my female partner had a much greater sex drive than me and watched a lot of porn(notice I said a lot) then I would be a bit disenchanted, because I would rather she lusted after me. I don't think porn is something a comitted partner should spend a lot of time with.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 August 2011):
 Where do I begin... First to clear up misconceptions, women who are against porn aren't necessarily prude. When you look at highly religious populations you find identical percentages looking at porn. To say people who dislike porn are prude implies that they dislike sex, which is a ridiculous connection to try to make. Porn and sex are not the same things. Porn is a product manufactured by a large corporation to make money and mass distributed. I wouldn't want something like that dictating my sexuality. Most women who hate porn hate it for the same reasons women hate when their boyfriends flirt with or cheat with other women.
"Because I just don't see any argument as to why it is so harmful?"
Well for starters, over half of all divorces cite porn use as a major reason for divorce. Women who talk about this frequently describe an intense sense of betrayal. Some women, upon discovery of a habit or when they are in a relationship where the man refuses to take her feelings into consideration self-harm, attempt suicide, crash-diet, suffer severe depression, seek plastic surgery, abandon their own pleasure during sex in an attempt to compete with porn, and suffer severe body image problems.
In one of the most repeated studies on porn use ever done, it was found that when a person in a relationship views porn alone it significantly decreases their satisfaction with their partner's appearance, the amount of sex they are having, and their satisfaction with their partner's sexual curiosity. The people who were viewing were completely unaware of any changes. There is absolutely no question about this, the study has been repeated numerous times over the past 20 years and every single time comes to the same conclusion.
Many men say they use porn for ideas, and that's a huge reason porn is a problem. Some women describe being pressured into acts they find disgusting, degrading, humiliating or even painful. For instance, fewer than 30% of women (out of a sample size of close to 25,000) who've tried it even describe anal sex as tolerable, let alone enjoyable. Other women are gagged during oral sex or asked to or forced to swallow through threats or head holding. It is not the women who describe these ideas coming from porn but the men.
Many women also feel extreme pressure to remove all their pubic hair to conform to the porn ideal, and why shouldn't they when they are told from all sources that pubic hair is disgusting? A quote from Cosmo in response to the question if pubic hair was a turn-off: "Hell, yes. Shave that. It's not 1973 anymore." then on the next page page later saying that as men they would never give their own a second thought. Hypocrisy much? Some women even get surgery to change their labia, risking complete loss of sensation or permanent pain simply to look more like women in porn.
In a recent study of over 300 of the most popular videos from Adult Video News 88.2% of all porn scenes contained physical violence, overwhelming at women. The vast majority of studies found that people who viewed violent pornography held extremely negative views of women. In a group of adolescent boys those who viewed internet pornography were significantly more likely to view women as "sex objects."
I'm a little confused as to how you cannot see an argument as to why it's harmful when I cannot see a single argument as to why it's good other than it makes people aroused.
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A
female
reader, Opalescent +, writes (21 August 2011):
Because everyone is different and believes in different things. Simple enough...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): That's all very well but it just shows a lack of security within yourself. There are women everywere, some better lookin than others and your man is going to see them everywere. Do you allow him to look at page 3? If a girl walks by in a short skirt do you allow him to look?
I'm sure you would look if you saw a great lookin guy without a top on and a fully fledged six pack!
Sound like major insecurity on the womens part to me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): For the same reason some men hate their girlfriend/wife using a big vibrator. Point taken?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): Because it feels like being stabbed in the back, and being cheated on,like the guy prefers watching porn on a tv or computer instead of having real sex with his girl.and makes girls feel more insecure about their bodies and stuff cos girls in porn tapes are usually seen as "perfect" so then it makes girls shy to actually have sex cos scared to not please the guy as much.
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