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*armgirl411962
writes:My husband and I have been together for 8 years. When we first got together, we had sex all the time. After about a year it started dwindling away slowly and now we might have sex 2 times a year. When I ask him what is wrong, he says he has no desire at all. But I have noticed lately that the only things that interest him are work and money, he is obsessed with them. He pays no attention to me at all, I might as well not even be here. Does anyone have any advice? I am to the point that I am considering leaving.
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reader, eddie85 +, writes (21 August 2011):
 Your situation, believe it or not, is not uncommon and you do have my sympathies.
It sounds like you have talked to your husband about it and he's ignored your pleas or justified his actions in some way. I think it is time to be more direct with him:
First you need to make it absolutely clear to him that you'll want to do whatever it takes to keep your marriage together. This may mean cutting back on expenses so that he doesn't have to work as hard. My guess is that this isn't the primary reason why he works (some guys get off on how hard they work and their responsibilities), but it may be, you may have to change your lifestyle a bit. The big paycheck often comes with certain expectations at work.
Secondly, you need to make it clear to your husband that you still care about him and you want what you used to have. The best way to communicate this, in my opinion, is a simply put letter. Not a novel, not an email, a short letter telling him that you love him, want what you used to have and that you miss the real him. Leave it so that he can read it by himself, undistracted -- that way he can read it and absorb what you have to say without putting his defenses up.
Finally, you may also want to try and plan a mini-vacation. Even if it is a weekend getaway to, say Las Vegas or some romantic tourist trap. Make sure it is just you two (no kids) so that you can work on reconnecting with one another.
Marriage does go through it phases, so be patient. This too will pass given enough time and if you keep the lines of communication open. Hopefully he will meet you half way in doing his part in the marital bargain.
Finally, you may want to seek out counseling for yourself or as a couple. A good book to read would be "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" By Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
Good luck!
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reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (21 August 2011):
 Wow that is an unfortunate situation. Though it may be true that his desire for sex may be dwindling, you have to remind him that you two are still married. And you deserve to be completely happy whether intimately, or basically, overall in the relationship. Tell him that you want more intimate moments and you miss the special times that you two once had.
What you may want to bring up to him is the option of going to couples counseling, seeing a sex therapist, using Viagra, or doing Kegels.
But I think that it's more than the sex thing. If he pays little to no attention to you, then there is a bigger problem. Sit down and have a talk with him. Tell him how you feel. Find out at what point was the shift in his actions, demeanor, and love for you. Ask him what could you do better as a wife also. If communicating with him doesn't work, if the above tips are not an option, then yes, I think that you should definitely consider leaving. You deserve someone who's going to treat you well. And if that means leaving your husband of 8 years to find someone new, then so be it.
I wish you the best of luck in your decisions!
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reader, VSAddict +, writes (21 August 2011):
 If you haven't already, then fix him a lovely romantic dinner and dress up for him. Tell him that you love him and miss him while you fix his favorite meal, and talk about things that you haven't before or that you haven't in a long time. And then you two can cuddle when you're done and maybe you can do this on a weekly basis or something. And hopefully that will get him to put you as one of his top priorities. If you've already tried this, and it hasn't had any effect, then maybe you should leave. It seems like he's forgotten why he married you or that you're there. But try simple things like that and if he doesn't come around, then you deserve someone better. Work is important, but work doesn't and shouldn't bring as much pleasure as a husband/partner would.
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