A
female
age
30-35,
*urleygurl12_08
writes:i have a question. why do some people have to be so rude on here. whats the point in asking for help when your just going to get ridiculed half the time and not taken seriously. i believe if they need help, help the person if your just going to respond to their questions with no helping intended dont waste their time. geesh. it sucks when people make you feel worse than you already are... Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, war37  +, writes (13 September 2007):
Yes I asked a emotional question for a person who kept themselves secret to reply I have no self worth?This person shouldnt really answer questions as they havent an intelligent thing to say,the trouble is a really emotional person could of taken that onboard and could of done some more damage?I think people should think long and hard what its like to be in the other troubled persons life before making nasty comments xx
A
female
reader, mum2be +, writes (13 September 2007):
i totallly agree with you, however, soemtimes you have to be cruel to be kind, however there are ways of doing this without being rude!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): I agree. Its hard enough to put your question out there and whethere or not its labeled as stupid to other people it might actually be a real problem for the person who is asking. It all goes back to the old saying, " if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Seriously people , grow up and be mature .. if you don't have non-judgemental advice for someone than don't say anything because who are you judge anyone ?
...............................
A
female
reader, shauna +, writes (8 August 2007):
TWO DIFFERENT STANDPOINTS: some people who advise dont advise for good reasons, and some people who ask don't ask for good reasons. being able to advise based on the askers questions requires a lot more than tact. i agree with the others who have written that some questions don't deserve a nice response, because the reason we answer is not to make you feel better about your bad decision. on the other hand if you really want some advice, state so when you ask, or simply admit what you did was stupid/wrong/whatever applies. if you admit that then the advisors won't be as quick to criticise you. or at least i won't!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): "The truth isn't always nice" lol. Harsh!It is perfectly possible to help someone whilst still remaining nice. In fact, it is a skill that some people on this board don't have.People who "tell it how it is" aren't actually helping anyone, they are just massaging their own ego and by exercising their interpretation of "truth" they are unwittingly making a judgement on that persons situation without even realising it.If anyone thinks telling someone who cheats on their spouse is a low-life who should stop, or tells a teenage girl who is scared that she is pregnant that she should stop having sex then they are doing nothing but wasting their own time, the question askers time and everyone elses time.People who write this kind of nonsense obvious "advice" lack any kind of empathy with other people, for it doesn't take much human understanding to know people who end up in these kind of situation are already highly critical of themselves, agreed this manifests itself in numerous defenses but the fact they come for help in places such as this only strengthens the presupposition that the last thing they need to hear is the so-called "truth" from people who don't even know them.
...............................
A
female
reader, DIE-romantic. +, writes (22 July 2007):
 I do agree with you on a certain extent. But i must say, i agree with love-him, the truth isn't nice, we are here to help, and if you want us to lie no matter what we think of the question.. what is the point of us being here? We give you our advise, its up to you at the end of the day to take it or not. Although if you don't plan to take it, then why ask the question? It wastes our time as well. But we take our time to answer each question, like you take your time to ask it. I don't judge anybody, i just answer the question the way i see it, and the way probably most people see it. But like i said at the beginning, i do agree with you on a certain extent, i agree because i understand the way people feel reading each and every problem, so i make sure to not make them feel worse, some agony aunts are harsh and completely unhelpful, so i do know where you are coming from.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): Hi, there is a way of telling someone straight out the they were wrong rather than being rude and hurtful. Yes it is possible to say things straight to people without being rude or judgemental, i tell it like it is to my friends and anyone who looks for advice, as for people who resort to being smart or rude, they basicly people WHO have problems on their own lives and try to vent their anger towards others...take care x
...............................
A
female
reader, hurleygurl12_08 +, writes (13 July 2007):
hurleygurl12_08 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim not trying to get pity on anything or from anyone. there is a complete diffrence from people being rude and from people telling straight forward how it is. to me when someone is posting a comment and in no way shape or form are they helping the person ,they are just degrading them. there is no sense in it and it is very aggravating. no one seems to understand what i mean but its ok. and some of yall said "the truth isnt always nice" see the thing is im not talking about that. when these "rude" people are leaving these comments there is no truth in them what so ever. they are just making the person feel like shit. its pointless. sorry i just had to vent.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007): I think you understand an answer not being complacent as being rude and that is just detrimental to you and to the quality of this site. If there are truths to be spoken let them be. It is a pity when you try to get diverse thoughts from diverse people and everyone just tells you how "great" you are and keeping you from realizing that you might be wrong some times.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 July 2007):
 I agree with most of the aunts here, sometimes the truth hurts and sugar-coating it does a disservice to the poster of the question. People often post questions hoping for a specific answer that will vindicate their bad decisions when they don't get it, they lash out and get pissed off. I as a person value honesty over sweetness and my ratings prove it ;}
...............................
A
female
reader, hugs2muchgal +, writes (13 July 2007):
 I myself try to be as nice as I can when I answer questions, but like everyone has been saying, the truth isn't always nice.
Are we as aunts supposed to see a question about a 10 year old who wants sex and say, "ya, go for it!"? It's not something anyone will support here, and the child needs a dose of reality before they do something they regret. I don't see that as rude.
For me,I answer as nicely as I can while trying not to sugar coat things. Sugar coating never helps anyone and people who come for advice should know that their advice is real and should appreciate people care so much as to answer their questions.
Your question is valid as occassionally an answer can be seen as "rude" but all the aunts here really care about people which is why we all want them to hear our opinions and hopefully make smart decisions about life.
That's my take atleast.
-Hugs
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007): I can only speak for myself and not for others....but from my view, I don't think it is helpful to give nice fluffy little answers to certain questions where the person asking is really making bad choices in their life and is behaving in either a self destructive way, a dysfunctional way, or is in a codependent relationship....what good would it really do a person in this situation to coddle and be very warm and fuzzy and hand holding, when what they really need is a harsh dose of reality, a wake up call and ah hah moment.....That is what will effect change, which is what the question asker is avoiding, seeking validation for bad choices may feel nice, but it won't help you in any way shape or form.
So one person's idea of rude, is an educated by life or school or both person's self directedness, and simple common sense is usually the winner of the day.
Take care, and let's all be thankful, that anyone takes the time to answer these questions, ridiculous ones included.
...............................
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (13 July 2007):
I think alot of the time people think they are being helpful and are trying too, but they just don't stop and think of how they are saying it. Many poeple just don't know how to put things in the nicest way possible. And I know a lot of people will argue that 'the truth hurts' but I honestly, the truth doesnt have to hurt as much as how some people put it.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (13 July 2007):
 The truth does not always sound nice. That's not to say the people who answer questions here are always correct either. All we have to deal with are the facts people provide. Often people only give one side of the story and it's obvious. Facts are good and help us give good answers or comments. You have to admit that some of the questions are ridiculous and the people asking them are often trying to validate their BAD choices. Often, these fly in the face of common decency.
...............................
A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (13 July 2007):
 i agree with you!people come on this site to get help and find a shoulder to cry on and it makes everything worse wen u get ridiculed for it!
...............................
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (13 July 2007):
 I totally agree with you there is no need for some of the harsh words said on here, i think if you do not agree with something and you can't help yourself not to be rude then just don't answer, as their are lots of other aunts and uncles that can be diplomatic with out being rude.
Glad you brought this point up.
Take care.xx.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007): Hi love,
I can see where your coming from, I try to be as non judgmental as poss hun. I think everybody does try and help and sometimes as the saying goes the truth may hurt, Thats where i can see some peeps may get upset with there answer... If you do need a chat mess me and if i can help I will TAKE CARE OF YOU XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
...............................
A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (13 July 2007):
 Hi bbe,
i agree to an extent.. but some peoples questions, want a nice answer, but the truth isnt always nice.. But i do understand where you are comin from..
Mail me if you would like to talk x x x
...............................
|
