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Why do most men like big boobs so much?

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Question - (5 June 2010) 30 Answers - (Newest, 12 December 2012)
A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Why do most men (especially guys my age...) like big boobs so much? As I see it, it's just extra fat! And last time I checked, for men, too much fat is bad.

I have small breasts and feel so inadequate. Breasts are so "out there" (unlike a penis - by the way, I don't prefer a big penis over average or small)... you can't really hide having small boobs, since push ups are really obvious, as are false advertising, air/silicone/gel/water/whatever filled bras! You can totally tell when a small breasted girl is wearing one of these.

I don't get it, all guys I've met prefer them big, from my dad to my friends to my ex boyfriend! Especially guys my age. I don't get it! Why am I lacking in their eyes?

Everytime I'm with a guy, be it a friend or something more, thy just can't help but staring (and drooling) at busty women, they check out big boob porn, etc. And what the hell?!? IT'S JUST EXTRA FAT! Sometimes it's not even fat, but silicone, which is even worse because it's gross and so obvious!

What are my options? I hate being with someone who feels I'm lacking. I hate feeling like "second best". Like "Oh baby, of course I love you, I adore your personality, although I do prefer big boobs better!". That doesn't cut it. I want more than that. I never do that to a guy, but fortunately I'm not very shallow and I don't have many physical preferences so I can lust after almost anyone! I've even been told by friends I tend to like ugly guys, but I don't care. I've thought they're hot and perfect. Like my ex, but he obviously showed more appreciation to big boos than my small ones!

So what makes small ones so inferior to big ones? Oh, and while I appreciate the input by busty women, they don't get it... they're always like "oh, but men are always looking at me, saying I'm hot, and it pisses me off they see nothing else!". Well, too bad, but you don't know how it feels not being looked at AT ALL, feeling unfeminine, and having guys always pay more attention to your friends than you! Or having a boyfriend barely pay attention to your breasts during sex, but having him drool over girls like YOU! So NO, you don't understand how it feels seeing the "ideal", and feeling inadequate and like nobody thinks your hot!

And YES, I do care about what men think of me physically. Of course I care about having a great personality and being intelligent, but I've already been told I have both those things... but that's not enough, I want a man to have tho whole package, and that includes top looks!

View related questions: boobs, breasts, I love you, my ex, porn

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A male reader, jim9382 United States +, writes (12 December 2012):

i think guys just like to squeeze on them a lot. lots of activity with them they make there hair and eyes look beautiful and add lots of character

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010):

boobs are eveything really. They make a woman look womanly and i believe its a caveman instinct to be intimate with a girl who has big tools to feed their young. Plus it looks sexy as hell. Small boobs could just be a boys body

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 October 2010):

olderthandirt agony auntThe works of Sigmond Freud shed some light on the preocupation men have on larger breasts and hips- something to do with the reproductive instincts...It to me is a load...I actually think a pretty smile is the biggest "turn-on" ...With a little walk, with a little talk makes the world go round and round said the Big Boper(check him out on U-tube to get a glimse of the 50's musical adoration of the girls of my era.

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A male reader, rivi United States +, writes (15 June 2010):

There are plenty of men who prefer firm and pert to huge and bouncy.

I love it when the nipples get hard for me - makes me feel appreciated..... and even small breasts can do that !

Stop worrying or you-ll give yourself a complex for no reason.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (13 June 2010):

person12345 agony aunt"Guys don't dig that. That's like an Ancient Greek ideal of beauty."

If you're the ancient greek ideal of beauty, then why are you upset? My guy tells me I look like the Venus de Milo and do you think that was upsetting? Heck no. That statue has an amazing figure! I was super unbelievably ridiculously flattered!

Furthermore, large hips are the single most telling childbearing trait there is. Guys love some curve there! Your problem clearly is not your figure. It's your self-esteem. I'm sure your figure is way better than you give it credit for. The most attractive thing you can ever find on a woman EVER (and most guys think this) is confidence. Most of the girls I know who just have guys throwing themselves at them left and right have tons of confidence and aren't very good looking. Also confidence tends to attract more worthwhile guys. With a huge chest you may attract lots of looks and guys, but why would you want to attract players, old men, and guys who are only with you for chest? It's flattering to be stared at, but heartbreaking/devastating to be treated like meat. So you don't have big breasts. Instead of being negative, build up your confidence. We all have a body part that we don't like. Guess what though, confidence is way more attractive than a massive chest. Also, confidence can last until you die. Breasts sag and give back problems. Stop focusing on the negative and try to get positive! I bet once you start feeling more confident guys will be all over you. It's very obvious when a woman is confident (or not confident) in herself.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010):

I have a small chest, and I often wish it was bigger. However, I wouldn't be so naive to think that had I bigger chest I would be massively more attractive to men. I mean, men who are toned and athletic look great, however, the reality is that my fiance who I completely adore doesn't look like that. What I mean is, just because people look perfect, it doesn't make them any better, or worse than you, even if you don't consider yourself to look perfect. And in my experience, most guys who are worth you attention can see beyond your chest size. It's really very superficial. I feel, from your op and answer, that you have self esteem issues which are tied up in the fact that you seem to think having a bigger chest will solve your problems. It won't; your insecurites will just get transferred onto something else. You need to step back and see that you probably look great. Don't compare yourself to others because it is destructive and a waste of time. Having a bigger chest won't make you anymore attractive if you are the sort of person who is always seeking physical perfection which, in reality, is unattainable. It sounds really rather narcissistic to me actually. We all have to live with how we look, within reason. I wish I was a few inches taller but, hey, I can't do anything about it. If you are that bothered then get surgery. But, from your messages, it seems to me that the size of your chest is just a channel for your insecurites. Perhaps get some counselling? Perhaps that will give you an insight into your feelings.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010):

I am exactly how you have described yourself.5"5 120 lbs,B cups,small waist,wide hips,big eyes....At the risk of sounding totally immodest my guy worships the very ground I walk on.I have never felt insecure about women with bigger boobs.There are a million guys out there with a million tastes.I found one of them who likes the kind of body and features I have.Its more about attitude and personality than looks.

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (6 June 2010):

LazyGuy agony auntAh, you mention penis size. You don't have a preference. Eheh. Well that is not what popular media tells us. Guys need a big dick. The bigger the better and a lot haven't.

Penis enlargement exists but you can hardly go to an 8 incher with that, it adds at most a few 2-3 centimeters. It involves DRASTIC surgery far more involved then shoving plastic in a tit. And there are serious risks including reduced sensation and impotence. Yet the number of surgeries go up.

And why? You don't care about the size, so why do so many men feel in adequate? Because media doesn't tell the truth.

Well, could the same apply to titties? That there are plenty of men who do not like udders and delight in more normal size breats?

Playboy has a reputation as showing playmates with big breasts, except the breast size has gone down over the years. There is very simple reason for this, in the beginning they could show nothing except the side of the breasts. So they had to be big to be able to show something. An a-cup woman covering her breasts with her hands after all does far to good a job. Doesn't mean her breasts ain't titillating, just that they are not in your face enough for what is after all a porn mag.

But as the models could show more, there was less need for pure size.

No, AA-cups do not appear as playmates. That is not the market for playboy after all, it focusses on the rounder woman (notice that those early big breasted women (and they were women, not girls) often were above the ideal body weight.

There are other publications that focus on women with small figures. I am not going to link to porn on this forum but you can easily turn of safe-search on google and find succesfull models and porn actresses and movie sex symbols with smaller cup sizes.

It is just that the media has this stereo-type of men wanting big tits, JUST as the women want a big dick. Really, when was the last time you heard a tv-character say "I want a 5 incher"?

And now to you. Of course you want men to look at you. It is very normal at your age. You are exploring who you are, what your options are. What your value is in the meat market. Doesn't mean you want to be sold as a piece of meat, but you would still be upset if you found out you are the dog food right?

But it is a fools game. Say that you have big tits. You say big titted women can't understand. No YOU don't understand. You don't understand what it is like to be someone else and that this can give equal problems.

Raven black straight hair. A lot of western women would be willing to do some killing for this, yet in Japan almost every single women bleaches her hair. And constant bleacing has horrific consequences for hair, especially asian hair which tends to be even finer. So you got "blondes" whose hair has more in common with straw then just the color thinking they look sexy.

The black haired girl wants to be brown, the brunette wants to be blond, the blond wants to be red, the redhead... well actually redheads are perfect and yet many still hate their hair color.

If you had big tits would be jealous of women whose tits did not sag or dropped into your armpits when on your back. And if you were happy with your tits you would worry about your legs, or your belly-button or your [whatever other body parts women care about].

Go ahead, get breast surgery. But I guarentee you will find something else that is not perfect by some non-existing standard you dreamed up for yourself soon enough. LOOK at Michael Jackson and others who haven't learned to say "I am who I am and anyone who doesn't like it can bite my perfect ass".

Again, if you are honest about not caring about the size of a penis, then accept that the same could be true for men.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010):

Dear Waiting for an angel:

Short answer would be I'm jealous of women like that. Happy? Yes, I know how pathetic that is, and how it's a weakness, but it's my reality. Yes, I'd prefer to have a bunch of slobs lusting after me than having none just because I didn't grow enough mammary tissue.

At least I have the guts to tell the truth and admit to that weakness. I'm not proud, and I don't hate those women, just envy them because I can only wish I had full, big, firm breasts!

Anyway... I guess I'll just suck it up, boys will be boys and such. I just have to live with not being hot like I wish I was.

Guess I wasn't born to be attractive enough :/

I swear I'm really average round these parts (not the US): brown hair, brown eyes, 5'5, around 120 lbs, small B cups, small waist, huge hips, huge thighs (all the weight goes there, where it's unwanted). Guys don't dig that. That's like an Ancient Greek ideal of beauty.

Anyway...

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A male reader, daletom United States +, writes (6 June 2010):

Well, the most direct answer to your question is that it's socialized into us. It's tough to fight against what has been drummed into you via advertising, media, and popular culture for your entire formative years.

Folks who document such things tell us that over history, the preferred size for women's breasts has varied significantly. That's little comfort to YOU - you live here, and now, not in some society that vanished a millenium ago.

A few more comments that may give you some comfort:

- Big boobs do have a large fat content, and they often come along with a body that has a lot of fat in other places, where it's much less acceptable.

- I suspect you're somewhat intellectual. About 35 years ago, the physicist and philosopher Jacob Bronowski did an informal investigation of the marriages and relationships of some prominent 20th century scientists - people like Albert Einstein, Niels Bohr, etc. He concluded that people in general may not be terribly selective about who they choose to have sex with, but they much prefer intellectual equals when they choose the people who become their life partner, establish their family and raise their children. Read about it in "The Ascent of Man", chapter 12 "Generation Upon Generation".

- As others have said, in many surveys guys express a preference for things like "firmness", "shapeliness" or "texture" over size.

The girl I married is 34-A. On her 5'9 frame, that's definitely on the small side. I knew what was there (or what wasn't there) well before we were married. We have been married lovers for almost 36 years now. She is a great sex partner. I love the fact that she often goes braless, making her accessible for respectful caressing and fondling at most times.

Yes, I enjoyed it when she was pregnant or nursing our kids (4 times). It wasn't just her larger size, but the firmness and simply the different shape contributed to the attraction. Last fall she was diagnosed with breast cancer, and had a full mastectomy on one side. Now she is definitely flat on that side. We investigated reconstructive surgery - the surgeon even mentioned that the remaining breast could be augmented at the same time. We will probably not do any reconstruction, and I am in full agreement with the decision.

My advice? Be yourself. Don't go for surgery, fake boobs, exaggerated push-ups, etc. Without being insulting or derogatory, let your guy friends know that you understand they have been conditioned to like large breasts, but this bothers you and makes you feel inferior. Commend him if he seems to take your desires into account.

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A male reader, C. Grant Canada +, writes (6 June 2010):

C. Grant agony auntI'm gonna break a personal rule here and chime in despite 30 posts.

My first love was probably an 'A' cup, but there were nerve endings there that sent her to Mars. If I could travel back in time, I'd be thrilled to spend more time there -- I worshiped her and loved every second of it.

Pamela Anderson does zero for me. The idea of silicone turns me off utterly.

I grabbed a D cup once -- spongy and saggy and wholly unappealing.

I saw a video of Morgana once -- a silicone stripper who used to expose herself at baseball games. Yuck. Don't know what letters of the alphabet she was exploring, but I wouldn't go there if you paid me. On the other hand, a passing view of Evangeline Lily in a scene from 'Lost', where she was silouetted in her underwear was one of the most erotic thinks I've seen on TV anytime.

I've had wonderful relationships with gals who were A, B, and C. I never started a relationship based on breast size, and never finished on based on it either.

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A male reader, Kama New Zealand +, writes (6 June 2010):

Kama agony auntBig boobs have never done it for me. Not all guys care about them.

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A female reader, angelpie United Kingdom +, writes (6 June 2010):

ive got bigguns and i wish they were small, not because "men stare at them " blah blah blah but because im slim and they look wierd on me and i wish i could wear fashinable clothes without looking like a tent . i also think they dont look cute and no clothes are designed to fit them . so i end up looking bulky when im not. to be honest at a massive 32FF i never notice any men staring at mine even though i dont dress like a nun. and to be even more honest i feel worse because i notice my man staring at all the perky little a's, b's and c's walking past , i agree with the previous poster, you are focusing on what you feel bad about yourself and prejecting it . i feel bad about my arms so i always notice my man looking at girls with nice long arms and tv shows with lots of women with nice arms on them . the thing is it dosent matter what anyone else thinks. love yourself . theres always someone who has what you want that wants what you have.

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A male reader, YankY United States +, writes (6 June 2010):

Okay sumtimes wen a guy says he likes big boobs he means he likes the arveages size not these massive things that's could suffocate a guy (trust me it happens I saw it in a newspaper in England funny stuff) but sumtimes guys like them I font know why tbh I like normal size brests like most men so don't think that u have small boobs cus that can make u look cut or u just live in a naboorhood with a load of Jordan wannabies hope this helped.

-Yank

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A female reader, Waiting for an angel United States +, writes (6 June 2010):

Some of us have big boobs , small butts & vise versa . Idk why you're hating on something you dont have. Its human anotomy , and guys will always be guys meaning boobs & ass will get their attention. You need to work on your self esteem because a man doesnt fall in love with a woman because of their bra size. And why does it bother you sooo much that other women have bigger boobs and you dont?

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (6 June 2010):

chigirl agony auntQ, as in, a society is more than the sum of the individuals?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010):

Well, marie, you've got a point there, although Nicole Richie looks gross (but not because of her boobs... she looks anorexic!). Too bad the names they called them were quite offensive. But yeah, I guess it made me feel a bit better.

Sigh, sorry to come off as rude. It's just all the males I've been around lately are the types to jack off to Jenna Jameson or whatever the equivalent of Jenna Jameson is today. When I was in high school I thought they'd grow out of it in their 20s, but lo and behold, they haven't.

I don't know, I mean, I tend to feel I'm too hard on myself when it comes to looks. I don't know why, if for instance, I think that Steve Buscemi is way hotter than say, Brad Pitt or Gerard Butler. Why? I don't know, but physically he just attracts me more than the other too. My girlfriends call me crazy, but hey, that's what I'm attracted to.

They also say that "uglier" men (I'm guessing not conventionally attractive, it's all relative anyway) make better husbands and partners, in general. So I guess I'm lucky. But with women it's different. There's pressure everywhere to look like a centerfold. And I've never met a guy who honestly prefers say Tina Fey (who really is hot, I think) to I don't know, Jessica Simpson, in a purely sexual way.

And where I live, most local starlets get big implants to get noticed. And then they get all the attention. And men drool over them and seem to fixate on boobs. It's happened that I've seen girls with big boobs and say, gorgeous eyes (really striking) get no attention to their eyes and instead their boobs get all the praise. Then again I've seen other situations in which a girl has great eyes, no boobs and an, um, uglier but bustier girl gets the attention.

I mean, I have wide hips and a small waist. My butt isn't really big and round, just normal but wide. Still my very contrasting waist/hips thing attracts less looks than a hipless, straight up and down girl with implants. It's unfair.

I guess it's because what all of you said: boobs are a secondary sexual characteristic. Hips aren't, big eyes (like mine) aren't, etc. And I don't have a big butt either, so...

And what the hell is up with the anon who said I was just jealous, blah blah? Whatever. People like you make me sick.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010):

If your so convienced boobs are extra fat why do you want them??

I'm slim and 32DD I don't see what the fuss is about...

If anything it attracts unwanted attention from people you don't know who look at you as if your piece of meat!!

You need to learn to be happy with your body coz nobody is perfect!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010):

just to let you know you arnt alone on this... from what you have said in your post, it sounds exactly like me about 2 years ago. i felt extremely insecure about my breast size (being a 32 AA) it knocked my confidence massively and i often looked at myself as unattractive. this type of thinking was encouraged by media which was mentioned and also by kids at school and then me looking at guys who were drooling over bigger boobs.

so on that front i understand completely where your coming from. but then i met this guy who changed my way of looking on things. he taught me to think positively. he told me his history of girlfriends and even showed me a few which didnt exactly encourage me as they all had bigger busts but his point was that he didnt care for big boobs... he told me that it didnt matter what size i was on my chest. someone earlier said something about "more than a mouthful is a waste" and its what this guy told me too. we have been together now for over a year and a half and he still loves me to peices. he even got so annoyed with me complaining about how unattractive i felt that he made me stand in front of a mirror and told me i wasnt allowed to move untill i had told him ten things that i thort were attractive about myself... it was hard work but after each one that i mentioned he told me what he saw an how he felt about my body.

it really made me think because like cindy cares said... not all men are looking for big boobs. they also look for a good personality, they look for compatability. when you meet someone who truly loves you for who you are it dosent matter about what size your boobs are because they are only a tiny bit of what the guy will be looking for in you for potential girlfriend material.

i was just going to mention if you know of a shop called H&M then i suggest to go there for bras. particularly the padded ones because altho im a small in my bust the bras there are amazing and make me feel alot more confident. low cut vests with a good padded bra will make you feel more confident too. and its not about the look either its about your confidence.

and just as a final add i would love to have a bigger pair of boobs but at the end of the day its not worth it and im happy with what i have. and i dont feel the need to get extremely jealous of women with bigger boobs than me.

sorry i rambled but i hope this helps a little bit xx

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (6 June 2010):

chigirl agony aunt*list

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (6 June 2010):

chigirl agony auntSo, you want a man to have the top package... haha, oki that was a little funny :D Package...

So, what do you want the full package to be like in a man? Do you have a lost of qualities and description?

As for the boobs, there is just so much to do with larger boobs. You can squeeze your face in between them, they are soft to lay upon, you can grab a handful and it feels great. But then again, saggy is... not good. There is a fine line here, big boobs are only okay to a certain degree. They are nice to look at if stocked up properly in a bra, but if the hang down on your belly... You get my point.

As for smaller breasts, they can be very sexy too. And not all men prefer the larger breasts. I think "firmness" comes before size when determining what is great boobs and what is not. You know, perkyness. And with smaller breasts there are just so many more sexy tops and revealing clothing to wear.

For the record, I have a near flat chested friend, and she had a habit out of snatching all the guys. All the guys wanted her and not me. Im not that big chested either, but everyone has more than her, she is flat! Still, she's one of the hottest girls out there with no problem at all getting attention. In fact we were a bunch of girls who couldn't stand having her around for a period because she stole all the guys attention. So there ya go.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010):

Well, I personally think what you're lacking is perhaps a good personality, not the big boobs. Boobs, although big ones are nice, they are not necessary and only suit certain body shapes. As long as you look proportional, you'll look good. A woman with big boobs might get more attention because they usually carry it with confidence when they flaunt and expose more, but so does a woman that is pretty and charming, nevermind their cup size. One reason that men like women with a bigger bust is because, relating to Darwin's survival of the fittest theory, having big boobs make us subconsciously think that since they are better endowed they will be better suited for child-bearing, according to studies that show that men prefer women with bigger hips because it reflects their health and energy to produce offspring. But in conclusion, I personally think that you can't appreciate small boobs or big boobs because you're a pessimist who never see the good in anything and that you're simply jealous because you not only have small boobs, but is not attractive (not only physically, but personality wise) but won't admit it so instead, rants.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (6 June 2010):

CindyCares agony aunt In part it's for biological,evolutionary reasons, in part it's cultural. Actually :

Not all cultures love large breasts. It's mostly an American thing. In Brazil men like large, firm butts -and small breasts. In many areas of Europe, the preferred size is a C cup ( which is not small but nothing compared to the watermelons that you see on many American starlets )

In Italy large breasts are appreciated,but,curiously,they are a sort of working class trait. It's ok if you are a factory worker or a waitress with a big rack,- but you won't see any big chested socialite or heiress.

- What is unusual always draws attention.. Even with the diffusion of implants, still 54 percent of American women are a B cup or less. Only about 20 percent of women are a D and more.

Then there is the evolutionary part :

- In evolutionary terms the attraction to big boobs has been explained more or less like this :

In many mammal species ( apes and other primates ) the female's mammal glands swell up only during ovulation, thereby signaling to the male that the female is ready to be inseminated. Not in the human species - ovulation is invisible. A female with always very visible mammal glands gives the male the idea of always being ready to be inseminated - in heat,basically ( remember we are talking about cavemen ).

- Breasts are a secondary sexual character and have a very obvious sexual connotation. The bigger the breasts, the stronger the connotation.

All this ,though, does not stop you from feeling bad about your breast' s size,right ? Just don't!! Nobody is perfect ( well, very few lucky ones )

Men are also attracted to long legs. Full lips. Perfect teeth. Smooth skin. Big eyes. Firm butts. Short noses. Etc.etc.etc. It may be very well that you have one or more attractive,desirable traits among those I have listed , or others- and the big breasted girl you are comparing yourself to has worse heir or skin or teeth than you. When you look at a picture, the important is the overall sensation of "pleasant to look at " that it gives you, not the single detail.

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (6 June 2010):

Jmtmj agony auntThis is a rant, not a question...

Saying big boobs are just extra fat is like saying a diamond is just made out of coal :P

You're just sick of being overlooked by boys and sick of being jealous so you're taking it out on big boobs??

Shame on you!!

Boobs are boobs for frick sake, we want to see them all!! (within a certain age bracket of course...) So you have small boobs, big whoop. Try flashing a guy at the bus stop and tell me he doesn't stare at them.

Love yourself for who you are, don't try to pay out other peoples bodies because you're insecure about your own. You may be interested to know that my mother's friend had both of her breasts cut off last year because of cancer... and she still has a boyfriend... If she can do it with no breasts, do you really think you can't attract a guy with two? Or is two boobs just extra fat?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010):

With all due respect marieclaire, you don't understand how I feel. You have the perfect body, so how could you know?

I didn't say that big boobs meant someone's overweight. Just that breasts are made of fat, and fat in every other place is always considered bad, except for breasts. But why? It's fat all the same. And it means nothing... it doens't mean the woman's more fertile or healthier or any of that stupid crap people want to make us believe.

I'm sorry I just hate it when a woman says "I'm thin with big boobs..." It's kind of patronizing. How could you know how I feel' You probably get a lot of stares and attention. I envy women like you. Happy?

Thanks for the input, but whatever, you don't get it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010):

I don't have an answer to your question as to why a lot of men like the sight of large breasts. That's probably better answered by a psychology expert.

But I really think you're giving yourself way too little credit. I'm sure your breasts are plenty attractive. And as a straight guy I probably can't tell if a girl's wearing a push-up bra. Nor does it matter. The goal is for the girl to wear what makes her feel attractive, so I don't think it's "false advertising".

You asked "Why am I lacking in their eyes?". But you already answered your question. All you lack are large breasts. And that doesn't really matter, since it's just fat.

You said that you can see guys for more than their stereotypical measures of attractiveness. I just want to tell you, guys can do that too (at least some)! We aren't that much different from girls! Even if a guy doesn't mind seeing a large pair of breasts, it doesn't mean that he doesn't see his girl as incredibly hot and physically perfect.

Lest you think I'm some physically perfect, incredibly attractive guy trying to console you, I'm not. I'm not the worst looking guy, but I don't look at all like a male model, and there are several aspects of my appearance that make me feel very self-conscious. I really try to work on it when I know a girl I like will see me, and I feel really insecure a lot of the time, like you. But I know that relationships are built on a lot more than appearance, and I hope that one day I'll find a girl who cares about me who feels the same way.

The key point here is that breasts really don't matter in serious relationships. And that's what I think it's best to strive for.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010):

It's not just that, q. Have you noticed how TV shows always emphasize big boobs as sexy, and mock small ones? Sure it may be comedy, but it sucks all the same. And how hot chicks in bad movies who flash their boobs are always at least a C cup. Or how some years ago, in the US they digitally added a few cup sizes to Keira Knightley in some movie poster.

And celia, what's wrong with wanting to be attractive? I'm not a nutcase just for that! I don't think so at least... I mean, men like good looking women, why not give them what they want?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010):

Well, I'm not your age, but I can say from many years of experience with large, small, fake, real, I prefer small perky ones. Every guy is different. I've known some guys who cant even get it up unless a girl has a big rack. I will say it CAN add something to the experience for me (maybe makes me a bit hornier), but in no way are small ones inferior. My only criteria are the girl is OK with her self esteem ( a little lack of self esteem is OK...I mean, I wouldn't mind an extra inch or two myself), and they have to be perky...hard nipples and firm. Big boobs can make even a perfectly thin girl look fat. So be glad you have smaller ones...I think they make a girl look healthier and more fit. Many guys who think a girl is fit may think she is more athletic in bed too, which may or may not be true, but it is an example of how smaller can be better. Plus I've always liked the saying "more than a mouthful's a waste". :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010):

I would, if it weren't because silicone boobs look so gross and can be risky sometimes...

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (5 June 2010):

person12345 agony auntIt seems like an American thing for men to prefer larger breasts. We are trained on what we should find attractive from a young age, this has always happened. It's not a societal problem, it's just how we are. Long ago men looked for signs of fertility like wide hips (good for child bearing) and a little extra fat. Large breasts, believe it or not, are actually not a sign of increased fertility. During some time periods in Europe men were trained to find slightly plump women (a sign of being rich and having plenty to eat) with very pale skin (a sign of not having to work) as attractive. Now we have been trained to like thin women with large breasts.

However, most men I have been with still find curves attractive and still find "normal" sized boobs very attractive. If we are trained to covet large breasts, talking about smaller ones in front of other guys is going to seem unmanly and whatnot. I have a 34B cup and guys still ogle my chest all the time and I'd hardly say I have a large chest. I don't know any guy who has complained about breast size on a girlfriend. Most guys I know are just super excited to have a real one in their presence at all! Any guy who doesn't like yours is probably a real boob anyways (sorry, couldn't resist). Guys like all breasts, in all sizes. Push up bras, if you get a good one, can look great and not fake at all. They can give you a little extra boost and help your self-esteem. If this is really an enormous issue for you, you can always save up and get implants, but I should warn you most guys only like to look at fake boobs, not touch them. They feel super gross.

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