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age
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anonymous
writes: On a Dr. Phil show it was said that 80 percent of married men have affairs with women who are less attractive than their wives, why do married men choose women who are less attractive, my husband had an affair and the women was not what I ever thought he would sleep with.....I would love to hear replies from men, but obviously everyones reply is also welcome..
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female
reader, Michelle_1010  +, writes (27 September 2011):
I know this question is old but I can't believe all the people blaming women for the reason men stray. Does effort need to be put into a relationship? Yes. Is the woman the reason the man cheated? No. Believe it or not people are responsible for their own actions and a man cheating on his spouse or girlfriend was HIS choice. If he is unhappy in the relationship then he should address it proactively such as speaking to his partner about it and trying to work through the issues. If that doesn't work then leave, breakup, get a divorce etc. Women should not have to jump through hoops to keep their man faithful of all things. Stop making excuses for people who cheat. They do so out of their own free will.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 I'm sorry he cheated on you again, but it seems like you are moving on. Truly his loss, and yes, sooner or later when she has to pick up his smelly socks, dirty towels and be the constant "cheer leader" she will figure out that he really isn't all that great, and he in return will figure out that all lawns are green at some point, but you have to take care of THEM too.
Good luck and good riddance to him!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneypieYou nailed it again, again he cheated on me with a much much less attractive she's overweight and has short hair, something he hates on women.....well, turns out his reason is she dotes on everything he does.....Funny, wait until she stops doting, when he wants his food done a certain way, his clothes hung up a certain way, when hes about to take a bath he likes his clothes in the bathroom and the water in the tub with bubbles of course, wait until she is taking time for herself with friends and he feels she is not paying attention to him....and of course the most important thing to have his coffee whipped and toast every morning.....before he gets to the table to go to work....while she is caring for two kids at the same time...I would love to see how she dotes on him, and the intimate stuff .......I love sex...so I know he might think theres better but no I tried everything it was actually 3 to 4 times a week...but he thinks the grass is greener on the other side I will see.....3 months we've been separated at first it was devastating....now I am enjoying myself...no more whipping that dammmmmmm coffee in the morning....lol Bye folks....and thank you ...love you all... :DYOUR ALLLLLL FANTASTIC..XOXOXOXOXOXOOOXOXOXOOXOXOXI would love to see
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): Dr. Phil is one of the 80% of these men, he should know best about it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): Simple.It's all about meeting a special need that isn't being met by the spouse.Unfortunatly sometimes it's so weird that there is no way to satisfy them.They will bounce from lover to lover till they find their missing piece. where they feel right .Women usually want to feel loved truly without strings attatched. men usually want women to admire them.Tell them they are the man.Alot of sex would help if he's not getting it from the wife.
I doubt the guy thinks she's less attractive it's all in his head at least his perception.
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female
reader, dorothy2342 +, writes (11 December 2009):
 All people want to feel loved, desired, respected, wanted and safe in a relationship. How much of that were you giving to your husband? I despise cheaters, male or female. Did you ever think maybe she made him FEEL like a man. If your husband is only lasting 2 minutes try insisting he give you oral sex first, and don't fake an orgasm, the only person that looses there is you....while he is giving you oral sex, encourage him, talk to him, let him know what you like, and what feels good, and what doesn't, take your time enjoy it. After that you give him a BJ and wait until he is ready and give him another one, wait till he is ready again, then have intercourse, he will be able to take his time then, take it slow, talk to him again encourge him tell him what feels good and tell him when it doesn't, he is no mind reader, and most important Don't Fake It, you will be cheating both of you and he won't have any reason to try harder the next time, especially if you let him know it feels good and you love it. Porn is a relation ship killer, it makes men that all women are porn stars, objects for use, something to make them feel macho, it gives them unrealistic expectatiions, it kills relatiionships. I am not telling you to act like a porn star, just be his lover and his wife. The only thing that womem is just a piece of strange tail. Either leave him for the infidelity or forgive him and start working on your sex life together, honestly. Good luck!
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female
reader, carebare +, writes (11 December 2009):
I think people (men and women) cheat because 1. They don't respect their partner enough, but more importantly 2. Because they're bored and they can. It has very little to do with looks, and attractiveness. They aren't looking for prime rib, especially if they got that at home. Any meat will do because it's new and different. Cheating becomes like a fun little adventure where you get to sneak around and play games.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the anon female readerYou are wrong.....as far as the loss of beauty on the other woman, she had no job, she had no smarts what she did have was a great imagination with sex on the computer and plenty of time wasting peoples taxes on welfare. To put it boldly. I will admit to one thing when he turned 40 he thought the world was going to end....therefore wanted to see what some of all the fuss he saw on porn was actually about...and there she was charity case #1mr q1605 You are RIGHT!! AND LATELY I have spoken up actually told him for the last 10 years I havent had a orgasm....and the look on his face, I even mentioned what the ow told me about his horrible performance with her, and I knew what she was talking about, but she needed a sugar daddy, she thought he was rich..lolbtw, she was the only chick my Husband "banged" lolBut,goes to show what Porn does to some people... my husband I am pretty sure didnt care who he did it with,as long as he got to experiment the dirty,and she new how to talk but didnt know how to present,she said he couldnt get it up....what does that tell you??? lolshe was a CHARITY CASE...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): I am not fully aware of the circumstances of his betrayal, but if I may be so bold, I think you believe that you will find the right answers to explain your husband's dishonorable behavior in the characteristics of the other woman...whereas the one who truly has the truth about his mind, heart, and what he values in this marriage is your husband alone. When a man cheats, I think the significant other's eyes (in the face of the shock, heartache, and disillusionment) immediately drift to the one who "lured him away", fearing (perhaps hoping?) that she is beautiful, intelligent, charming, witty...in other words a paragon of femininity. See as painful as it is to find somebody who offers more than you on the other side, at least that makes sense, that's logical...that doesn't f with your mind. You think he found something that no man could resist, and in the weakness of this moment of infatuation, he made a human mistake. "It is human to err...divine to forgive" and you can forgive this...because you think you are the bigger/ stronger of the two.What is difficult to comprehend, is finding somebody who doesn't hold par with any of these qualities...a woman who in fact lacks most of things that you have offered him for years. That defies logic and, a a result, shakes you at the core because that would mean that he wasn't lured away by beauty, brains, wit, charm, or talent. Then you have to face the cruelest knowledge of all: THAT he was looking for an escape...and then it dawns that it was you he was trying to escape from and an unhappy marriage that left him emotionless and you heartbroken.P.S. I used the word "you" in general to represent the woman betrayed...and not the OP specifically. I apologize in advance if some of my description doesn't apply to your situation. I am sorry you are in pain (and it sounds like you have been for a long, long time) , and if you are the stronger of the two (like you sound), you should be the first one to take a step out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): Interesting. Not sure I believe it tho. My (ex) partner cheated on me about 20 years ago, and I have to objectively admit she was prettier and had a better body than me. Don't recall that being more comforting than if she was a dog tho. Just made me insecure about my own appearance for the first time. To ice it she was a dim wit and unstable bunny boiler to boot who made my life hell and left me wondering why he would go for a fruitcake. She came to my work (on our anniverssary - just for that extra special touch) to tell me all about. He ended it and for an extra slap, she took to stalking me (not him) for the next 2 years, following me, ringing up to 60 times a day, caused me to lose my job coz of the constant abusive calls and dropping in to my workplace, forced me to set up code words with all the local taxi and food delivery business's so they would not turn up after bogus orders, spread lies, stole my car (uh-huh yep), all sorts of things until it ended up in court which finally got rid of her. In this instance, he was getting regular sex at home so being hard up was not an issue. He said tho that she came on to him and he was simply being opportunistic and greedy. Maybe he shoud've got an ugly one who would put up and shut up just to get some lol.Obviously having been cheated on myself (and having an extreme aftermath dished out on me) I had disdain for people who did that, but sometimes things just happen that we never expect we could allow and 18 years later I am ashamed to say I ended up in an affair with a married man myself. (Ended by me as it is a twisted and unhealthy dynamic and I started feeling guilty and dissapointed with myself) Anyway, In that case I was better looking than the wife, had a better body, more intelligent and stable, etc. In this instance I was aware this man had held a torch for me for years, but it was me who made the first move. He said he never would have coz he thought I was too good for him. I dunno, but seemed the opposite in the 2 experiences that have touched my life personally.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): I can see that 2 minutes would be a problem, but what about the foreplay before hand, or even afterwards? That's when it's your turn. If you don't tell him because you don't want to hurt his feelings... he is probably going around thinking he is a stud!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry my answer to the anon female...as for the faking, well I did tell him what I like, the other woman he was seeing, with all the texting about sex and the variety of positions he would know what she liked, yet the ow said he was a terrible lover....trust me, he is no longer than 2 minutes.....and its frustrating...then he asks me "did you come?" like WTH!! NOOO, but I won't tell him because it hurts him...yet he thought he needed to have an affair, I really think this is a flaw most people have, a self-esteem issue, and my husband has it all, he is a real downer...negative person, it is always woooh is me the grass is always greener on the other side kinda of a person....you know what I mean??:)
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): a 'bunny boiler' is a woman that will find anyway of getting her married lover... common terminology... watch the film Fatal Attraction.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHalle Berry has a younger man and gorgeous at that, I dont think it has nothing to do with sex!!! lol
And bunny boiler what is that...lol
All your answers are great, I always look forward to seeing the next reply
thank you
xoxoxox
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (11 December 2009):
I was also cheated on with an ogre. My ex and I are now on good terms and he has now told me it was absolutely nothing I did. It was opportunity, pure and simple. She came onto him, he was not used to women coming onto him so in his words "I saw an opportunity and I took it". Don't blame yourself because at the end of the day, if he doesn't like something you are doing then he should speak up, like you do him. I mean, WTF, he cheats when you are mean, he cheats when you are nice, he cheats when you are fat, he cheats when you are Halle Berry!!! And he cheats on you with a Shrek, so best way is to be happy with yourself and get on with what makes you happy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): I am really sorry you were cheated on.
On the subject of what he was like in bed, if you fake it how is ever going to learn what you like?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): because only those are available to married men..
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): My stbx used to criticise things that he saw that he disliked in women...Smoking, grey hair, sloppy clothes, dirty toenails, unkempt look etcand then he went and had an affair with a woman who was exactly what he didnt like....too bad she turned out to be a 'bunny boiler' and made sure I found out about the affair after he broke it off with her...
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 December 2009):
It's pretty obvious why he cheated, he wanted a woman to put him on a pedestal and put some air back into his ego. He wanted to be DA MAN!
I think affairs happens more often because we ( spouses on both ends) take each other for granted in some respects. You all remember when you were dating ow your BF/GF was just amazing in every respect, well after 3-4-5-6 years some of that glow wears off and even though our spouse is still amazing in many ways some of the "glitter" fell off, we have more responsibilities, we talk about mortgage, car notes, paying bills and not so much about the little amazing things we notice in each other. A mistress, don't pick up the dirty sock she threw 2 inches from the hamper, or the wet towel on the bedspread - she sees him as the wife first did in the courtship phase. And what man doesn't like to have a women thing he is ALL that and a bag of chips?
I'm NOT saying it is your fault AT ALL - don't get me wrong. That is all on him. It is just an observation.
I'm sorry he cheated. I hope you two work though it all together.
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female
reader, boo22  +, writes (11 December 2009):
 Its about how the other woman makes him feel and i don't mean in bed.
Halle Berry has been cheated on so i know it's got nothing to do with looks
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know the sex was not the problem, but I do believe the fact that my man felt smaller then me was the problem. I am a very strong willed woman. I know he probably felt small but I have been the bread winner and made our life what it is today. The sex part well..the other woman said he was terrible, and she couldnt believe how bad he was,, I knew that..God knows how much I have to fake it..lol
I love it hot and sexy...at least 5 minutes!!! lol...but he lasts 2 minutes...what is a wife to do
And we made love everyday!!!So I really don't get it..Why such a ugly untidy woman....!
When I took him back he couldnt keep his hands off me...!
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (10 December 2009):
 Honeypie has a good point...maybe women who are willing to settle for a fling with a married man are 'less attractive' and therefore less likely to have opportunities for a happy normal relationship. TV shows often give an over-simplistic view of these things based on dubious studies and statistics. I doubt there has been a proper scientific study showing 80% of married men have affairs with ugly women...or anything like that - frankly, it would be hard to get such a research proposal past the ethics committee of the University. It is a statement created for a TV show because it provokes controversial debate...isn't that what these sorts of shows aim for? What one person views as 'attractive' maybe a total turn off to the next. Miss Plain Jayne may have a super personality or be an olympian lover...who knows!
I am sorry you have found your husband to be cheating. However, don't imagine this supposed 'married man cheats with unattractive woman' phenomena to be the trend across the world. You should probably focus on why your husband cheated based on your own personal experience and knowledge of him, rather than grouping him in with DR.PHIL's 80% dodgy statistics band of married unfaithful men drumed up for a media presentation. It maybe temporarily comforting to try to seek out general explanations for why people cheat and apply this to your husband, but it won't resolve the emotional turmoil of being betrayed in the long-term. You don't say if you are still with your husband, but I hope you feel better soon. If you are still distressed about it, consider counselling so that you can get your feelings out in the open with an independent neutral person.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 December 2009):
Nine times out of ten, when a man has an affair, it's to do with sex. I don't mean this disrespectfully, but perhaps the less attractive one has self esteem issues, so was ready to give it away, no matter whether the guy was married or not.
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female
reader, Katiekins86 +, writes (10 December 2009):
 I agree. My ex fiance cheated on me then started a relationship with someone who is by generic standards ugly. Another thing that shocked me is that she isn't very bright - throughout our relationship he had remarked on how unattractive simple women are and was also quite critical of other women's looks. I think the other poster is right - more ego massaging, settle for less, makes the man feel more wanted and powerful, easier to please. I think my ex hated it when I got attention/occasionally knew answers he didn't about subjects he deemed himself good at. When we first got together he would talk about 'his' money and when we moved into a house 'he' bought - I think alot of men do like the idea of being the trouser wearer with an obliging and grateful other half, whereas I always made it obvious I was an equal. It sounds stupid, but it hurt more that she was revolting. If she was hot or they had met before and got on very well socially I could have thought to myself, well at least I can see why he threw us away! It sucks, but I don't think he can be happy with a double bagger for ever.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 December 2009):
I have no idea, but I have wondered that myself. Maybe because (no offense here) less attractive women will settle for less?
Maybe they don't worry so much about their look and focus more on other things?
Mistress used to be YOUNGER and PRETTIER then the wife ( in general) so maybe? Guys think a wife would be less likely to believe he would sleep with a less attractive woman or forgive him easily when caught?
Possibilities are endless.
I think however it has less to do with look and more to do with availability. And bad choices.
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male
reader, kickstick24 +, writes (10 December 2009):
because hes bored, in bed, emotionally, and physically. you have to spice things up and keep it interesting for him. mix up the poisitions and do something he would never suspect. be spontaneous and you shouldnt have a problem, its just a loss of interest when you with somebody for so long and experience the same thing every day, men want something new.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2009): I don't know, maybe their wives think they are too good for their husbands, the husband pulls away looking for affirmation of manliness and the first person that catches their eyes will do.
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