A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am so ashamed of this issue I have with sex that it ruins every relationship i have. I love being with the person doing things with him but i hate sex it makes me feel sick and i always want to cry. I love the idea of having sex then when we start i want it to stop i dont even want to give it a chance i just want it over with.No one i know is like this they all love sex with there partners why am i like this? I hate being this way.Katy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, whydoithinklikethis  +, writes (22 March 2013):
I thought it might just be me...not experienced or just not right mind frame but its even just the thought of sex that turns me off...I can read about sex and be fine but porn is a big no and so is the act itself...I just want to feel loved and I feel like I won't be if I don't put out and enjoy it or. At least pretend to
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2012): Thank God I read all your posts about not liking sex... actually, I have great orgasms and I like touching myself and having orgasms...every now and then..perhaps 3,4,5 or more times a week..its a need and i do it myself and its over in a couple of minutes. After that i feel great, like when you are hungry or thirsty...you satisfy your need and that's it. But when my husband who is a very sexual person comes up to me, ready for sex...I can hardly wait for it to be over. It was not always like this...I have no idea what happened. Not to mention that he is 13 years younger than me, we have a two year old, we get along great...He is a great husband, great father...when it comes to sex he always puts me in first place, and he loves for it to last long...for my sake. Can you imagine how horrible that makes it? Finally I have to fake it and pretend that I cant stand waiting any longer and pretend to orgasm loudly..that really gets him off and then he comes. Then he kisses and cuddles me, and asks how I enjoyed it...etc. What can I say? I am not ungrateful, I am really happy with him but the sex issue...its bearable but not enjoyable.
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male
reader, Puggly +, writes (17 September 2012):
Well ladies I am a man and I would have to say that I feel the same way!! The "urge" is there but the actual act of sex is horrible for me. I feel dirty and animal and I wonder why I am even doing it in the first place right after it begins. Then comes the "please let this be over quickly" part and it is never quick enough!! I love and crave human affection and touch as well as anybody else but when it comes down to the "need" I would rather get it over with quickly with good old hand number one or hand number two. Romping is an ugly word but that's how it always feels to me, like something ugly that I would rather not be doing. I will admit the idea of it seems pleasant enough at times but the actual act is not. I just want to let you know how glad I am that others feel the same and that the girls out there know that there are guys who feel like this too!! I don't think there is anything wrong with it besides that it limits your choices of partners... Because for some reason many really enjoy it... :S
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female
reader, eloisejana +, writes (18 December 2011):
How can letting him take a mistress be the answer to this? Let him show his love to somebody else instead? so this can terminate the relationship? You can find so many other ways to show love to somebody, sex is not the be all and end all, if you love somebody so much, you wouldn't care, just have a wank if you're so desperate, I'm 17 and I can't stand the thought of it, I'm not into women or men. I don't like the private parts on either of them! They make me feel sick, I put it down to bad experience and doing it underage with immature lads. Its not your fault, i can't say how to overcome it because I would if I could, but don't worry about it.
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female
reader, siobhan235 +, writes (14 September 2011):
I lost my V when i was 15 only because i was drunk, after that i only ever had sex twice, i am 19 now and my boyfriend always complains that i am never willing to have sex with him and i try to explain to him that i dont find the fasination in sex i hate the word i hate everything about it. Everytime he asks me i always have to say to him that i am tired as i just hate it it makes me want to throw up thinking about it, i cant stand lads dicks always wanting me to give him a blowjob i cant be doing with it i need someone to explain to me why i hate it and why i dont feel normal like everyone else
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female
reader, grundersen +, writes (11 September 2011):
Thank God!!!!!I thought I was alone! I have had 4 kids with my husband and I hate sex. I wish it was over before it even starts. He however. seems to have an endless capacity for it. I am 41 and at this point I could go with NEVER having sex again. Maybe it is the fact that men seem to fumble around, hammer away and get nowhere and then want praise for it. I also don't like the pressure to act like a whore or stripper to make somebody else's prurient fantasies come true. My fantasy? No more sex.I love being told how abnormal I am in this respect, it really makes me want to go through the whole thing even more. Not. Sometimes I think I will want to have sex, but the reality of the act itself has always cancelled out the desire I felt before. It's messy, it's unpleasant and it requires me to be either smashed by 220 lbe of man or to do all the work. Just no.That's why I like my gay male friends, we can go dancing we can hang out, we can hug and hang on each other and they don't want to have sex with me!!!!
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male
reader, SexStinks +, writes (7 July 2011):
I was reading some wimps thoughts on why he needed sex and couldn't pass on by. If you "need" sex you must be pretty weak. Sex is not a need, it is a want. So much so, so male cry babies turn it into a need. The real reason men go for sex is to fuel their ego. Women like to think it's to be closer to them. Face it guy, you just want it to stroke your ego, and if you can't go through life without sex then you have no mind control. Be mental tough. Ignore sex and you life improves.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011):
I am the husband of someone who doesn't like sex and won't have sex with me anymore. This will ultimately be the doom of the relationship after 19 years of marriage. It's very sad to have to acknowledge that, because sex seems to not be such a big deal. However, it really is a big deal to many of us. Sex is how we express our love for our partner and how we feel our partner expresses her love for us. It's not the ONLY way, of course, but it's a very intimate, special way. If you don't like sex I think you should tell your partner that as soon as possible and not subject him to years and years of hell because of the way you feel about sex. That's very selfish. If you really love him and just cannot stand sex, then you have to allow him a mistress. I hate to write that, but it's either that or terminate the relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): You need to evaluate what you wish to get from sex. If the answer is anything but furthering the already loving relationship you have with another person, you shouldn't be having sex. However, there may also be something biologically wrong, if you're feeling sick, that perhaps a doctor could help with.
Best of luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): i know this is an old post...but when i was reading this it was like i had written it my self and then i looked at the name and it was my name spelled the same way and everything it was freaky..its good to know theres someone else like me lol i was begging to think i was all alone..hmm guess not as alone as i thought
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011): I think men do not understand that many women do not care about sex. "Thanks" to the media, men are sexually over-stimulated 24/7 by ever-present images of porn stars and models PAID to appear naked and horny. I believe this is where men get the idea that women love sex as much as men do, and do not understand that majority of the female population have sex just to please their men and keep the relationship going. To me, sex is just a toll I have to pay for a relationship with a man. You may ask why do I want to be in a relationship with a man? Because I am not a lesbian and need human closenest and affection. The fact that I have been with men who cheated on me, urged me to sleep with them, threatened only after a couple of dates to find a sexual partner to supplement my sexual inaction makes everything even harder. I am 29 and single, starting to thnink that it is almost not worth it for me to be in a relationship ever again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011): Considering the fact that most of the people answering to this question, that they despise sex, are women, I believe it is mostly due to the fact that you are not properly readied to have sex. I believe the hate for sex is a psychological thing, as sex is a part of nature and most normal desires. I am a 20 year old woman and I do not understand why anyone would hate such a natural thing. I could understand bad partners and bad performance being an issue on the dislike of sex, but either you are doing it very wrong, or you must have conditioned yourself to believe that it is either sinful or something else of the sort. If we were not meant to have sex, we wouldn't have the tools lol. No one is a whore or a slut if they have sex with their partner. I think it is to do with the fear of being physically bonded with that person and then losing that bond. If you don't trust them why are you forcing yourself into the relationship in the first place? Makes no sense to me, personally.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): I'm 32. Every relationship I ever have had starts out pretty hot and heavy, but eventually after a month or so I stop enjoying it and for that matter, looking back, I'm not sure I really ever have enjoyed it. To me, it's just not worth 30 minutes for a 30 second orgasm. I love touching, cuddling, but the act of sex ... I want to be in a relationship (single again after this issue broke up yet ANOTHER relationship) but the thought of getting physically intimate again scares the hell out of me.I want everything in a relationship, a partner, a housemate, a friend, but I don't want sex.I'm glad to see I'm not the only one out there. And, men, thank you for replying. Although there are so very few of you, it's nice to see that there are some who don't care for sex either. Maybe I can find one...
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): All I know is that I'm glad that I'm not alone. However, my ill feelings on this issue stem from a very traumatic experience when I was around 8-10 yrs. old. The thought of having sex makes me want to punch someone in the face. I get very angry discussing this issue, and it makes me feel quite violent. Some may say get therapy, as the gentleman that last posted, but seriously, that's a guy speaking....SHOCKER!! I don't think therapy is the answer. I know for me, I don't think the therapist would be physically safe! Yes, I know...I'm still pissed off because although I have forgiven this person, I feel as though I was robbed of ever being or having a normal relationship. Mind yoiu, I have 4 children...so yes, I have felt normal in the past. It's weird! I just spoke with my husband yesterday about it, which turned into a fight because of course, I get defensive, but what can you do. I'm at the point where I never want to have it again, and if that means my husband has to leave because he feels deprived, or what have you, then so be it. I don't care very much about anything anymore except my children, whom have become my main focus in life. Life's short to be worrying about this kind of thing! You shouldn't have to feel pressured to make someone happy and seriously...F them if they can't handle it! There's the door. Women get so wrapped up in having to NEED a man or what ever your preference to go on in life. To feel like you have a purpose...B.S. Be strong!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): I for 1, have had a very traumatic event occur when I was about 8-10 yrs. old, and I think that's why I'm this way. The very thought of it makes me want to punch someone. I don't see why it has to be this huge deal, but unfortunately, that's how people are. I don't like it...never want to have it again and feel bad for my husband who, like every other stupid guy that walks this earth, feels like "they need it". It's a ridiculous act that makes me feel extremely angry! Of course, because of what I had experienced as a child, I feel that I have a right to feel this way, but at the same time, I think I want help for this. I don't want to hurt my husband feelings anymore....I'm just rambling right now. I had this kind of conversation with my husband yesterday, so I looked this up. I'm glad to see that I'm not alone, but not sure how to fix it!!!
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male
reader, thomas1214  +, writes (28 March 2011):
go get yourself some therapy.. and im not being an ass about this. you really should
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2011): I'm not sure where to being by reading everyone's posts. I have never been a sexual person. A confident person... very much! I have never had any problems with self-esteem or confidence. In fact, i am a very educated, good looking women coming into her 30's. I have had several long term serious relationships, and of course several short relationships. I met my husband 4 years ago... as always, your in the "honeymoon" stage and you can't get enough of each other. You find yourself having sex almost every day. But thinking back, i never did really "want" it, i just more or less did it. But now, the idea of having sex makes me sick. But its the physical aspect of it. For starters, it hurts like HELL. I'm tense through the entire thing, because it hurts so much, it doesn't feel comfortable, or arousing by any means. It's messy, and the idea of a penis just entering and exiting the vagina over and over again, is not romantic or loving to me at all. I feel like an absolute whore everytime i have sex. we used to fight about sex all the time, then, one fight, where we almost broke up, i kinda of broke down and told him i was having issues with sex, but i wasn't sure what it was. I also suffer from endemetreosis, and having surgery for the third time. Also had a miscarriage already, and i know deep down, that has had an effect on my sex life. I have talked to my doctor, i have been given the testronone pills, and they do nothing. They do make horny, but not sexual. No matter how horny they make me, i still don't want something poking inside of me. the idea, the notion of sex just repulses me. Of course, i could never EVER tell my husband that. After our fight, my husband told me we were not going to have sex again until i was completely ready, and to take as much time as i wanted. Honestly, that's when our relationship became the strongest ever. We were doing more stuff together as a couple, we were nicer to each other, we would do more sweet stuff together, we talked more, it was perfect. but the guilt was too much. so i started it after about 5 months to see if it helped. Definitely didn't- in fact, it made it worse. my husband bugs me all the time and will come up to me and start grabbing me, makes me flash him before bed every night, he tells me how many times he "jerked off" that day.... all things i find disgusting, it makes me feel like a whore, and it makes me feel pressure, and it turns me away from sex that much more. Even when we lay on the couch, he is constantly touching his penis, and that aggravates me beyond belief!!! Can't a person just not be sexual for 1 hour in their life????i'm not sure what to do anymore. I want a child soon, but the idea of having sex for a child even repulses me. i honestly don't know what else i could do?? I'm at my wits end, and it scares me. I love my husband so much, and i am even more attracted to him than i have ever been, but i hate sex so much... and our society does nothing but throw sex in your face 24/7
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): yeah, it is really impossible to meet someone who also hate sex as I am. I mean, to meet a friend who will enjoying to spend all his life with me and never force to sexual contact. Is it possible for man to hate sex? There are many other activities in life which much more interesting and has much more sense than stupid movement of two bodies connected to each other by their genitals.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): Dont beat yourself up about it. You are not alone television and radio stereo types sex as "the in thing". You could be asexual or maybe you should explore your feelings toward other females. Please dont get me wrong i am not saying you lesbian but its worth looking into. You could also be going through a stressful time which maybe causing a disinterest in sex. Give yourself some time life is not about sex.
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female
reader, TinaImaguire +, writes (16 March 2011):
Hi, I do feel the same way! I am really embarrassed of saying that even to myself because in our society, to have a "normal and healthy" relationship means to have sex regularly and enjoy it...I don't...I have the same partner for 13 years now and it is a mistery to me why he didn't dump me yet...We have sex like 2 times a week and he complains all the time and keeps saying that he knows I am having sex with someone else, this is why I dont' want to have sex with him...I get really angry with that! I do love him but I don't feel the urge to keep saying that all the time! He knows I love him because I hug him, kiss him, stroke him, play with him and all that, but when it comes to sex...I just want to sleep or when we are having it I just want it to end soon...Question is: do we force ourselves do have sex just to please them, can we learn to like it and why do WE have to change? A lot of people and magazines always say:have a romantic dinner, buy books about sex, spice it up! I did it all, nothing changed...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): I do too. I have no past trauma like all the books on not liking sex seem to focus on. I'm just very bored by sex and very disgusted by bodily fluids. It's not that I can't get turned on, it's just that even that seems to be an inconvenience and an oddity to me. I would rather just snuggle and watch TV.....
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female
reader, Lisa206 +, writes (12 February 2011):
 After reading these posts this "problem" is only a problem for the people who want sex when we don't.
Really if you can masturbate and enjoy it at least once a year then you are normal.
Being required to have sex or even feeling the pressure to have sex kills the desire for me
The best sex is with myself after he goes to sleep
Liberating!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): I'm in my early 20s. I've never had any horrible sexual experiences as a child. But the topic of having intercourse (sex) makes me want to gag. It's just the way I am. Some people love sex but others prefer doing something other than sex. We are all different in what we enjoy. So I guess I'm not the only one that gets disgusted by sex. I have an amazing relationship with a man. I enjoy hugging, kissing, cuddling and all, but when it comes to sex it truly makes me want to throw up. And yes I've cried because it horrifies me so. Honestly I feel bad for my guy though. Truth is, if a couple really loves one another, they will be together & stay together not because of sex but because they love each-other truly.
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female
reader, wishingwell +, writes (29 December 2010):
I am grateful to read the responses in this thread. It has helped me so much to realize that I'm not completely alone in this. I also realize that the traumatic events in my life contributed to this situation I find myself in. I've been married to a wonderful man whom I've loved very much for 27 years. He wanted a child, and even though I had vowed to never go through that again (I have a beloved older son by a previous marriage, whose natural childbirth delivery was three days of agony) I went through it again for him-- and the resulting child, a son whom I adore, of course, we both adore, is a child for whom I would willingly walk through fire for again and again, if need be. But I became very ill four years ago, and was confined to bed for many months. During that time my husband left me alone a great deal. It became a habit I guess, I am alone most of the time. And I realize I no longer wish to have sex. At all. Now I dread the possibility when my husband does occasionally decide to sleep with me. It was suggested in this thread that the rejection of sex might be a coping mechanism for handling one's own feelings of rejection. I think that makes so much sense, especially in a case like my own. I'm so grateful for the people who wrote and suggested that. Thank you so much. But I have also come to terms with the fact that when I was younger, age twenty, I was drugged with what I realized years later was a hypnotic "date rape" type drug and raped for ten hours by a friend of my first husband. I had experienced for years disjointed memories of lying paralyzed on this man's hardwood floor, unable to speak or move, to be dumped dazed and confused on my own doorstep at dawn the next day. It all connected when many years later I read an article about this particular type of crime in a newspaper, and the memory finally fell into place. That I was blamed for it and called whore by that first husband, which accusation I couldn't defend myself from as I couldn't understand what had happened in the first place, as I knew I had always been completely repulsed by this very physically ugly man who had done this to me--I know now ultimately destroyed that first marriage. I realize that that also may be contributing to my revulsion at this point at the prospect of sex. But what am I to do about it? My dear husband of 27 years still occasionally needs sex. I mean, I guess he does-- he's a healthy man, and he always seemed to enjoy it throughout our 27 years of marriage... until I became so ill four years ago. I'm well now, but things are very lonely for me. I don't know what to do. It makes it worse that we are fairly isolated in a small community, on a farm. No one around to talk to. Well, thank you for the opportunity to write this. Good luck to everyone that comes to this thread. In this world where sex is everywhere on television, movies, etc., it feels like I'm so very wrong to not want it at all.
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reader, wishingwell +, writes (29 December 2010):
I am grateful to read the responses in this thread. It has helped me so much to realize that I'm not completely alone in this. I also realize that the traumatic events in my life contributed to this situation I find myself in. I've been married to a wonderful man whom I've loved very much for 27 years. He wanted a child, and even though I had vowed to never go through that again (I have a beloved older son by a previous marriage, whose natural childbirth delivery was three days of agony) I went through it again for him-- and the resulting child, a son whom I adore, of course, we both adore, is a child for whom I would willingly walk through fire for again and again, if need be. But I became very ill four years ago, and was confined to bed for many months. During that time my husband left me alone a great deal. It became a habit I guess, I am alone most of the time. And I realize I no longer wish to have sex. At all. Now I dread the possibility when my husband does occasionally decide to sleep with me. It was suggested in this thread that the rejection of sex might be a coping mechanism for handling one's own feelings of rejection. I think that makes so much sense, especially in a case like my own. I'm so grateful for the people who wrote and suggested that. Thank you so much. But I have also come to terms with the fact that when I was younger, age twenty, I was drugged with what I realized years later was a hypnotic "date rape" type drug and raped for ten hours by a friend of my first husband. I had experienced for years disjointed memories of lying paralyzed on this man's hardwood floor, unable to speak or move, to be dumped dazed and confused on my own doorstep at dawn the next day. It all connected when many years later I read an article about this particular type of crime in a newspaper, and the memory finally fell into place. That I was blamed for it and called whore by that first husband, which accusation I couldn't defend myself from as I couldn't understand what had happened, I know now ultimately destroyed that first marriage. I realize that that also may be contributing to my revulsion at this point at the prospect of sex. But what am I to do about it? My dear husband of 27 years still occasionally needs sex. I mean, I guess he does-- he's a healthy man, and he always seemed to enjoy it throughout our 27 years of marriage... until I became so ill four years ago. I'm well now, but things are very lonely for me. I don't know what to do. It makes it worse that we are fairly isolated in a small community, on a farm. No one around to talk to. Well, thank you for the opportunity to write this. Good luck to everyone that comes to this thread. In this world where sex is everywhere on television, it feels so very wrong to not want it at all.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): i hate sex too. i think it is a boring waste of time and it doesn't feel like anything, so it really isn't worthwhile for me. i'm 35 and i've had a few different partners...my first sexual relationship lasted over 7 years. i'm married now and have been with my husband for 7 years. so, i've experienced a few different people and 2 of them for a long enough period of time to experiment and try to make it feel like something, anything, without any luck. i'd say it hasn't been the fault of my partners...i think there is just something wrong with me. i used to like experimenting, but it just got to be so pointless since nothing seems to work. i feel kinda bad for my husband. we've had sex twice this year. then again, part of the reason we've only had sex twice this year is because he never asks for it. if he asked for it, i would do it, but he doesn't. (i used to initiate all the time and that got boring too, so if he wants it he's gonna hafta ask for it because i could care less if i ever have sex again...except that i would like to have another baby at some point.) i'm not sure why he doesn't initiate it. i've told him that i'd like him to initiate it MANY TIMES. maybe he's shy about it, i don't know. maybe he knows how much i hate it (though i've never told him that i do and i don't act like he's repulsing me when we have sex...i do TRY to enjoy it and make it enjoyable for him). the fact that he doesn't initiate it makes me hate it even more (even though we aren't even having sex) because it makes me feel undesirable. if he initiated it i could hate sex and at least feel like i was desired. i do love my husband, but i also do kind of miss my first sexual relationship because he could at least get me off orally. my husband doesn't even bother to try anymore. i suppose that makes me hate sex even more too. i'm just tired of not being able to get off when he can. it makes me feel like i'm just a sperm receptacle. for me, the only purpose for having sex is to become pregnant. there is no other reason that has any point whatsoever. it's just a huge boring waste of time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): I can really relate to this 'problem'.
I have had sex in the past and absolutely loved it and enjoyed it, but I think regular sex with the same partner is boring and unfulfilling but at the same time I am not promiscuous and do not want to sleep around. I also feel that because I am quite an independent and prideful person, sex can often feel like a 'sacrifice' - I feel powerful being celibate. I have sexual urges but I am happy masturbating - I find most men are poor when it comes to sex. Men and women are wired to enjoy sex so differently - at least I know what i'm doing when they don't. I know that partly my dislike for sex comes from power games from an ex partner but I also know that my 'dislike' at times for sex may not be forever but for now it empowers me and I am happy :)
Who cares what is 'normal' or 'natural'. If you are unhappy having sex then surely that it is unnatural to force yourself to indulge in that behaviour. Be free and open minded but do not be frightened if you do not want what everyone else tells you that you should.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): I understand how you feel. So much so that I actually started my own blog on the subject to keep tabs on my day to day feelings. I recommend keeping a journal of how you feel about sex or anything for that matter. My blog is called My Sexual Cycle and it's on wordpress - you are welcome to check it out. I just started... but I am doing my best to be honest about how I feel... and I am hoping I'll be able to figure out what's going on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): I have been in a relationship with a person who was diagnosed as suffering from Bipolar Disorder. For 4 1/2 of the 5 1/2 years together he had very little, if any, desire. He told me at times he had to force himself to have sex. I used to love it. Now, I absolutely despise it. We have since had a child and he now claims he wants sex often. It makes me feel horrible when we have sex. I have convinced myself that sex is dirty as a way to cope with the agony of rejection. Not only that, as a result of the repeated rejection, I feel like I am ugly and fat and completely undesirable, which only makes me hate sex worse. I walk around thinking the whole world knows my secret. I am ashamed. I have tried hard to overcome the negative self-image the sexual rejection has turned into, but I am failing miserably. I know this answer is off track of the question, but the point I am trying to make is that sex should come naturally in my opinion. The reality is that for a lot of people it does not. I am at my wits end. We both see counselors and mine tells me not to have sex if I don't want to. My partner is mean to me if I don't. Blames his bad mood (reminder...bipolar) on not having sex. I always give in hoping he will be happier. He is not and I definitely am not. Sex sucks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. I had sex with him in the first 10 days we were dating and it was great. After that it got to the point where we did it almost everyday. But now, when i should be most comfertable with him, i am the least. I dont like him touching me at all. I only enjoy cuddling and kissing. I thought maybe it was just him so I started fooling around with this other guy but even that didnt do it. I didnt want to be sexual at all with him either. I dont know whats wrong with me and its really ruining my relationship. He gets so mad when I'm not in the mood which is all the time. And hes a complete horn-dog which doesnt make it easier. I dont think its my fault but he tells me if i'm not going to do sexual things with him, he'll find somebody that will. Please just anybody help
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female
reader, Kimix123 +, writes (11 October 2010):
I hate sex, with men or women, i also hate being close with someone, e.g snuggling whilst trying to sleep, kissing for long periods and just the general "norm" a relationship brings... I've looked into asexuality, i dont know if its my answer but maybe its yours.
you can like someone, you can love someone, some people still get aroused or like to masturbate, but they never want sex... I cant actually believe that relationships are built on this, not much chance of meeting some one else who is similar.
anyway i have tried being gay, straight, bi, i actually have a boyfriend which feels more like a task then a relationship, I feel being alone would be my easiest option.
This string of comments have made it clear that there are people out there who are like me, but what are the chances of bumping into one?
Thanks for reading my rambling lol.
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female
reader, mytyme +, writes (9 October 2010):
I have never heard of a man hating sex and neither have I ever met one. After reading some of these post I am shocked at the men that have posted about hating sex.Wow,that would be nice for a little while,especially when I'm not in the mood. I can't even bend over around my husband or hug him without him wanting to "go all the way". Sometimes I just want to cuddle. He gets aggravated with me if I just want to cuddle. It gets old. It has become a chore instead of a good thing. I don't hate sex. I just hate sex that I'm pressured into. Sex should be a mutual thing between two people. Not one getting upset because the other isn't in the mood. I have found this a lot with men I have dated. I've never dated a man that didn't bug me to death for sex. I love sex but not constantly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): Hey, Katy....I'm a guy, and to tell you the truth, I loathe sex.
Mostly the idea of sex....it turns rational men into monsters and respectable women into whores. The world would be better off without it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): katy, hy, you are not alone and are not the only woman who feels like that, i too have a loving partner i adore him, but cant satnd him touching me sexualy, i hate sex with him and am allways glad when its over and i cry after it but in the bathroom alone. iv confided in my docter who askd me if i was sure about my sexuallity. this now has me thinking, i have had sex with woman wich i enjoy and cant get enuff of i noe realise yes i am gay and men just turn me off im still in my relationship and avoid being intamate with him as much as possible it makes me want to vomit when he toches me, but untill i find the courage to tell him the truth i will be stuck in this hole.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2010): I have deep convictions about how sex should only be between a husband and wife.Even so, when I was younger, I lived with a woman for about 4 years and enjoyed great sex.After we had broken up, she called me and let me know she was pregnant from a time we had sex even though we were not together in terms of our relationship. She had come over late at night and after she left I didn't hear from her until the months later when shephoned me to break the news.So, from being a single bachelor with his life ahead of him,I was now going to be a father.Long story short, when I had told her I didn't want to live with her until we got married (for the sake of the child), she no longer wanted to be in any relationship with me.That right there, let me know immediately, that our entire relationship had only been based on lust anyway.No love.Nothing more.What a fool I'd been!Well, I certainly did not want to engage in any fornication after I had rededicated my life for Godto follow the way of Jesus Christ.But, there remained the truth that I had a child on the way.I couldn't look at another woman without wonderingwhat my child would think as if even though her mother and I weren't together, I'd be "breaking up the family" ifI ever got involved with another woman ever again.My daughter will be 8 next month and I've been miserable...just suffering with the reality of a broken family for her.I never wanted to date anyone again really, because thenit wouldn't be a "normal" family.My new love would have to endure the fact her manwas a father already...a reality that I didn't consider such a great bargaining chip to "bring to the table" in the event we ever got more serious than dating.So, awesome women that I'd otherwise be attracted to,just remind me of what I lost and even the ones who are attracted to me and call me, ask me out, etc.,I just don't even know how to respond anymore.I certainly don't want to sin with sex outside of marriagejust because I did before.Yet, I don't know how to approach any new potential relationship with a Christian woman who would both love me and also accept my child as if her own.So I walk around every waking moment of every dayrealizing my part in destroying what could have beena solid, healthy, WHOLE home.That is something that looks like it is impossibleto provide now,because no other woman will ever be my child's 'mommy'.So if anyone here is "not even really living" becauseyou're just carrying around with you a broken life,don't feel like you are alone.There are others who have destroyed theirs too and now live with the consequences it causes all.Sin always comes at a price that costs morethan any of the short-term "pleasure".Welcome to hell, I'll be your host who's been here, done that...forever.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): Reading this question and these responses have left me feeling so comforted. I'm almost 23, I've had sex several times with several people, both male and female and I quite frankly despise it. I like a degree of foreplay, I like kissing, I like being close with someone but when I don't experience pleasure when actual sex, oral sex or anything like that enters the equation. I basically want to punch the person in the face, throw up, then take a scalding hot shower. I used to go along with the whole thing. I thought that eventually, one day, with the right partner... maybe? But if you're not happy with something... stop it. Your life is your own and YOU not having sex with someone isn't hurting ANYONE. I have no desire to have sex again... and I probably wont.
Good luck, everyone!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): Well I'm a 60ish year old guy who is married for 40+ years.
And I also don't really care for sex. It all started when
I was a teenager. I could never see any reason for sex. My
wife on the other hand can get sexually aroused easily. I told her about 20 years ago about not liking sex or even being touched. Was really suprised my wife hung in there with me. I love her more for that.
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reader, nalie +, writes (24 March 2010):
Hello.I am only 18 and feel the same way.Its like i am fine for the beginning, but as soon as anything happens, i literally cry and feel sick!. Its the worst feeling in the world. I often think i am the only one like this and im afraid eventually it will break my relationship. i would love to chat with you some more about this or even just have a friend to talk to who feels the same. If you want to get in touch please email me here at Dear Cupid.Nalie x
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): I don't enjoy sex either. I have sexual fantasies but when it comes to real life i don't enjoy it at all. I enjoy cuddling and kissing. I have many friends but i hate having sex. My relationship ends when it becomes mature. Seeing a doctor as well, long therapies but nothing has helped me. She thinks i have gender identity disorder, and i also think the same now. i like my feminine body but then i wish i had a cock too i don't know which gender it makes...lol..strange. Sometimes it is tough to understand one's own self.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): Hello umm i have a comment. I am a 15 yr old girl. I am bi But i dont want sex with either. I have done it with a guy hated it and never want to do it again. I dont care for it. When i did it i was pretty much lifeless and was glad when it was over with. As far as liking or disliking it i had no opinion because i didnt care but the reason i hate it is because i dont want it because i dont like it. I would rather makeout or something like that then to have sex. My friends think Im crazy because they all love it and i may have a problem but i dont care because i dont like the thought of a physical relationship anyways because then you never know what the person is truely after and i waould rather never have sex again and be married to someone that i know loves me for me then to have a physical relationship and when that goes away it take away the rest of the relationship with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): I don't know if this was mentioned yet, but ladies and this is unfortunate, you may have to look into the past. You may need to ask yourself some questions: For instance, were you sexually assaulted? Ever? Had you been molested or hurt as a child? The past may have the answer. Also, if you were raised Christian and know that premarital sex is wrong that is definitely a factor as to why you hate sex because the way you're doing it and who you're doing it with is wrong. Sex in itself is NOT wrong. For those of you who have no problem jumping into bed with anyone you can mock and scoff me, but oh well. The truth of the matter is, is that sex is for marriage between two people! And yes, there are men outthere who will wait for you, but you must be firm and speak your mind. And for those men who don't want to wait until you're married then leave them alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): I too hate sex. It also makes me nauseous and often makes me cry. My story? I lost my virginity to my husband (then boyfriend) after we had been dating about 3 months even though I had always wanted to wait until marriage. Once I started though, I couldn't stop. We had sex often and I VERY much enjoyed it-even the first time. Due to a careless mistake when I was in between birth control, I got pregnant which made me feel guilty about my premarital sex. I prayed and was forgiven and got married when I was pregnant. I had a terrible pregnancy, but even liked sex when I was pregnant and feeling ok. Ever since my child was born almost 2 years ago I hate it. I had surgery to correct my retroverted uterus and now sex isn't painful, but is still very uncomfortable, disgusting and overwhelming to me. I love my husband very much and enjoy cuddling with him, and also like the idea of sexm but nothing more. My husband has been patient and we have tried therapy, but nothing seems to work. I dont want to be like this! Any suggestions? Anyone like me like sex at ne point and now don't? I may have to try hypnotherapy
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): With all due respect to those suffering this condition, this is not natural. Unless there is physical pain involved in the act itself, I would suggest that what many of you are experiencing is a subconscious reaction, where the mere thought of having sex produces both a visceral physical and emotional reaction. Much like a person with a fear of spiders can experience both a physical and emotional reaction just by merely thinking about it. If left untreated, this only gets worse with time.Talk therapy, like psychotherapy or various psychological therapeutic modalities (i.e. cognitive therapy, behavioral therapy, etc.) all deal with the conscious perceptions of the issue and generally are not very effective, or are incredibly slow to resolve 'emotion-based' issues - as many of your posts have shown.I would suggest, if you really want to get to the bottom of this and clear this up once and for all, that you consider hypnosis. More precisely, I would suggest you look for a qualified, certified hypnotist with skills in regression hypnotherapy - this issue CANNOT be resolved merely through hypnotic suggestion alone, but requires hypnoanalysis to discover and neutralize the initial sensitizing event (i.e. the situation, event, and any the people involved that originated these feelings/aversion), followed with appropriate clean up therapies while in hypnosis.There is no need for you to continue living like this. My heart bleeds for you all. I hope that you can all one day come to enjoy the fruits and pleasures of physical intimacy with the one you love.Best regards,James
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): I feel the same. It is about to ruin my very important relationship with my spouse. We have a child together so obviously we had sex but I am embarassed and ashamed of this issue as well........
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): it's because i hate people
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010): I hate sex also. When I was in my early twenties I had met someone and we had sex for about three years and then one time I got pregnant. I was so scared about the pregnancy so I had an abortion. I was twenty five at the time. I'm thirty six now. I'm so afraid of having sex now even though I'm on the birth control pill. I really don't want to get married and have kids ever.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): I'm so glad to read about other people like me... I'm in a relationship with a man right now, and I love being with him, but I dread going anywhere near a bed because he immediately just starts pulling my clothes off of me and grabbing at me. There have actually been times when I've swatted at him, and sometimes after sex, I just feel dirty and don't want anything to do with him. There have actually been times when I despised him for making me have sex with him when I clearly wasn't into it. It's a bad situation, but I don't want to be alone forever, and all men are going to be pretty much the same on this issue, right?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): I have the same issue.I am a twenty two year old female and I despise sex. I know its something I have to do in a relationship so I suck it up when I can tell its been too long. During and afterwards I feel sooo sick to my stomach and mentally just want them to stop touching me. Sometimes I will even cry during it . Just soo overwhelmed w being disgusted that they are putting their hands on me.
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reader, mstaylor810 +, writes (19 January 2010):
I feel the same way about having sex i always want to cry during or even while having it it makes me sick to my stomach i love the idea of having it but when it starts i feel like crap and i'm 22 so its worse for me i cant even get a boyfriend because i let them know from the start i hate sex and i'm going to do something that makes me feel bad
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): Ok, This is the thing. Some people don't like sex, simple as that. No psychological damage, no bad sex experiences, normal childhood, And yet, you just don't like it. Those that do like sex will tend to be critical and throw out the "you need help" card. Well thank you Dr. without a degree! It just is what it is and it is normal and OK. Why would ANYONE say they don't like something that is supposed to be so fun? Well there you go. Don't like it, never have. I am 5'll, 160 and have loads of fun with my frinds. Yet, there are alwyas the guys that continue to try to convince me that they could "show" me the way and I'd change my mind. Well that just makes you stupid. I am fine just as I am and I'm not asking.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): i wouldnt worry about it personally as i hate sex as well, and im a guy. if you dont like it, dont do it. simple as that. if your partner understands, then they are the right one for you. you can always sexless relationships you know.
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reader, vamp43  +, writes (17 November 2009):
I can't stand sex either..I'm only 18 but I hated sex from day one..it hurts and i hate having someone on top of me just going for it if you know what i mean. I talked to a few people about it and they were all like "your 18, you should love sex!"
But I just feel so dirty afterwards and As soon as my boyfriend starts touching me I just wish it would be over or i wish that maybe if i can put it off long enough he'll fall asleep but that never happens :(
It's not normal, And I've lost relationships over it too.
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reader, Cara1956 +, writes (29 October 2009):
I can tell you love that I hate sex too. At one time it was good but I have just gone right off it and to me it is dirty and totally unnecessary. I know this is wrong but for me this is how I feel. I think I have been put off by the way sex hurts people when used in an abusive situation.All the assaults on children, rapes etc. The idea of having sex repulses me and I am attractive to men and am not a dried up old prune.
As soon as a man mentions anything to do with sex I don't want to know him anymore.
I realise this is not a healthy way to think, but this is how it is for me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): I know exactly how you feel, and I was surprised to see that someone feels the way I do about sex! I despise it! I have the best man in the world, yet I will not have sex with him. I know he will eventually leave me, but I still will not have sex. It makes me sick!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): It sounds like you are an asexual. This is a sexual orientation that is not much talk about but there are more people that suffer in silence out there than you might think. I would recommend you talk to your doctor about this so you can get as much information about this as possible. This is actually more common than you would think :o) I allso read about a 20 year old girl in Norway that describes everything as you say… she too threw up when she saw any sex scenes on tv. She even had a relationship for 2 years but could not handle the thought of being intimate.. she liked to hold hands but that was as far as she whent… so NO…you are not alone :o)This is what I found when I lokked it up on the internet... :"Asexuality is a sexual orientation describing individuals who do not experience sexual attraction or do not have interest in or desire for sex. Sometimes, it is considered a lack of a sexual orientation. One commonly cited study placed the incidence rate of asexuality at 1%. ( This is actually a higher ).Asexuality is distinct from celibacy, which is the deliberate abstention from sexual activity. Some asexuals do have sex. "Well, I wish you the best of luck :o)and I hope you find some peace knowing that this as actually very normal and you are not the only one to feel this way..Best wishes from Norway
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reader, missconfusedddd +, writes (9 August 2009):
I'm 22, and i dont enjoy sex. it makes me feel that there is something wrong with me, or im doing it wrong. i like the company of men, the kissing and the flirting etc but the actual sex i seem to not enjoy. i also find it odd that i hate the thought of having to touch a man or woman's 'bits'. it disgusts me, let alone when they talk about 'licking' it. it just seems unatural and slightly worries me. i tried having a a thing with a woman, but it got to a certain stage where i started to feel uncomfortable and i couldnt go through with the oral side of it, but i prefer women's company and kissing because it is just much better. i have started to think that i dont like sex with men because im confused about my sexuality, but then i am very attracted to men. but also people tell me its because i havent met the 'right' man yet.......its all a little confusing!
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reader, CuriousPrincess96 +, writes (19 July 2009):
I have always thought I was so alone in this. Reading these answers does help me feel somewhat better. I have endured multiple rapes and childhood sexual abuse as well. I am age 31 now. I have always been deathly afraid of sex though. There have been times when I desired it but those times are far and few between. Even then, it was foreplay that I enjoyed and when it got right down to intercourse, I froze, tensed up, and wanted nothing more than to back out. Sex hurts like nothing else... it's an ungodly pain I can live without. I have been through years of counseling to work through the trauma in my past thinking that would help and make it so I had a desire for sex and make my fears go away so that maybe I wouldn't tense up and have sex be so ungodly painful.... to no avail. I just always wanted to be normal. Still wish I were. I had the best man in the world for 4 years. We dated for 3 and were married for one. The marriage ended because of this issue. I walked away because I knew he deserved better. He so badly wanted to make love with me and I just couldn't do it. I tried. I just couldn't. So I let him go. I loved him and he loved me more than anything. I resent my issue with sex because I lost the love of my life over it. Is there hope for me? It's not exactly easy to find a man who would settle for marriage w/o sex, which is what I really wish for, but.... yea right. Like that's gonna happen. So IS there hope for me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2009): I have never liked sex. Yes, I have gone through the motions and I'm in a relationship but I hate the thought of him touching me, yet I love being with him. This is confusing. As with all men, I know he gets frustrated but I can't bring myself to WANT sex. I give in now and again but just wish for it to be over as quick as possible. It has got to the stage where I wish I was on my own but we have bought a home together so this is impossible. I don't know what to do either, I wish there was a pill or something that would change my feelings towards sex, I can't even stand a smear test and always cancel them. Any intimate touching makes me want to gag.
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reader, Jane Victoria +, writes (31 January 2009):
I am 40 and it took me a long time to realise that my dislike of sex is something that is OK. Like some others, celibacy for many years at a time is easy for me.Am I in some way defective because of my lack of sexual desire? No! I can distinguish between sex and having a relationship. When I choose a relationship, I look for one that will provide intimacy but still maintain what others would see as celibacy.I think it's wonderful that others can enjoy their forms of sexual expression and because I may seem different to them (like you) does not make either of us wrong or damaged - just different.Celebrate your differences and when confronted with the sexual choice, feel confortable to admit opennly as to how you feel and don't waste your life fretting.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): My wife has struggled with sex also, and as a result I often don't feel like having sex, and when I do its sometimes because I feel obligated too because I want to please her. You are not alone in the way you feel, but you need to have more focus on your partner if you feel that it is the right time for sex, look into your partners eyes, and use there love reflecting back at you, focus on this and the experiece will be more enjoyable, having the light on to see your partner is a good thing sometimes! but most important make love rather than have sex, sex is the physical, love is Physical and the emotional in balance formed by the bond that you and your partner have, running your hands over your partner can stimulate you and him, also you need to tell your partner what you want him to do, and what you like and dislike about sex remember no one is a mind reader! also tell him when you are nervious. Because of your past history, he is possibly feeling anxious to please you also, and if you suddenly want to stop this can also make him feel inadiquate, which can be why your relationship suffers. If you still have problems doing all this, you might need to get physological help, as deeper issues from past sexual experiences can manifest from your past that can limit your ability to have sex now. in addition, if sex hurts, it could be other more serious problems, like tilted uterus, endo, and there are a few other issues, if this is the case you should see a gynocologist.
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reader, Vicki68 +, writes (20 November 2008):
I always thought it was just me. I'm 40 years old and have never really liked sex. I enjoy foreplay, but once the sex act starts, I'm ready for it to be over with. It's not that I don't enjoy the feeling of an orgasm, but I'd rather get there myself than to have a partner get me there. It just seems like too much trouble for a few minutes of heart-pounding--and I've never been able to "be in the moment." I'm always thinking about what to buy at the grocery store, or 'I wonder how that old friend from college is doing,' or 'When is this going to be over?' I do experience sexual attraction, but attraction doesn't mean that I'm going to enjoy it. Apparently I'm partially normal because I feel attraction and enjoy the closeness of foreplay--but think that sex is burdonsome.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): I don't think you are the only one who feels this way. I despise the idea of sex. The thought of a man putting his hands on me, makes me sick. I think for anyone who likes sex, that is great, but I still don't want to sleep with anyone. I have never had sex before, nor have I ever been in a relationship and I just turned 24. I have recently started thinking that I would rather be a spinster, if that means I won't have to deal with some guy wanting to sleep with me or touch me for that matter. Sometimes I wonder if there are men out there who wouldn't mind hugs instead of sex? I guess in my dreams....
But I hope that you find someone out there for you that will understand where you are coming from and respect your opinion and your space.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): I get this too. I am only 20 years old and am male, and do not enjoy sex. I have a fabulous relationship with a wonderful girl - we are soulmates, and in every other regard it is perfect. I love her to death. However when it comes to sex I fear it, and now am even resenting it. Its been turned into a more performance act, and medical issues on my part make this more difficult than most people my age. If I screw up, which is quite common, my girl gets annoyed at me for a couple of days and we lose our closeness briefly.. so its causing more issues than its worth. Hey maybe we could hook uP?:P Jk! I hope you find someone who will understand you, unfortunately many dont :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): I can understand where you are coming from, I have had sex a few times and every time I just want it over with. I skip all foreplay and go straight to the act and try and get it out of the way. I do get sexual fantasies occasionally but I have absolutely no desire to act on these fantasies..... I would not be bothered at all if I never had sex again in my life.You may very well be asexual, I would recommend you chck out AVEN- the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, they have an online community where you can discuss these things. It has helped me a great deal I have discovered that I am most likely asexual. I still love the idea of having a romantic relationship and doing all the things couples do- just without the sex. I would love for things to be different, it would be much easier to meet a partner, but unfortunately I'm just not into it.....Anyhow hope thos helps and goodluck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): Sex is supposed to be about mutually pleasing each other's bodies. If you don't like being touched, even when you trush someone and that someone is trying to do what a body like yours would normally like, then it may be something psychological. (intimacy issues)
If you just don't like a big heavy guy pounding your pelvis with his like a jackhammer, then you definitely haven't had a decent and considerate lover.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): Okay I think you need to relax;take a deep breath, your situation is not unique; it seems that your issues with sex is deep rooted; I don't know what could have caused it, but it could be many reasons; I will need lots more info to be able to help you; What does sex mean to you? Why do you feel sick and want to cry? Have you had a bad sexual experience in your past? Maybe as a child that you are suppressing?
You do not need to answer these questions on the site if you are not comfortable; these are just some of the questions; you can contact me by private message if you want;
However; I think that if at all possible it will be good if you contact a therapist to help you work thrugh these issues; once you have cleared your feelings towards sex and dealt with the unresolved issues you will be able to move on and have a meaningful sexual relationship;
I can understand your pain and frustration and would love to help you but I do suggest you don't ignore this and get profesional help with this as it can and will have influence on your life and future.
My thoughts are with you.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES!
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reader, saltwater +, writes (9 August 2008):
 Why do you feel sick? Is it the thought of someone seeing you naked or just the physical activity?
I don't think it's unusual to hate sex per se -- everyone loves the idea of mind-blowing, amazing sex -- especially young teens who think that their first time having sex will be the most amazing experience and that they will have the time of their life and they will instantly become adults......only to discover that it is usually extremely embarrassing and awkward and usually puts them off sex for a long time.
Have you ever had any specific bad experiencies with sex in the past that may have given you a negative impression of sex that weighs on your mind?
I'm no expert (by a long way...), but I would say that if you hate sex it is because you haven't found the right person to have sex with...even though you say you enjoy being with the man.
We all love being around people and can have fun with them; I have many girl friends who I enjoy being around, but sex with them would be awkward and something I would probably want to be over straight away with as well.
I guess the only thing I can say is to take it slow.
Gradual progression.
Don't rush into the physical activity straight away...engage in foreplay...undress each other slowly....there ain't no rush to have actual sex.
Go at your own pace. Then hopefully you will gradually begin to enjoy sex and have sex the way you imagine it.
Good luck
Nick
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reader, hlskitten +, writes (9 August 2008):
 Hi Katy
Are you sure its not just because you haven't met anyone that you have sexual chemistry with yet? I mean, i have to admit, its been about 7 yrs since ive had sexual chemistry with someone, and i have had sex with a few in the last 7 yrs! But never had that desire to rip their clothes off. Sounds like you like hanging with these guys, like friends, i probably did, and i dare say i loved a couple of them, but chemistry? Nope, not had it for yrs, and have preffered a cup of tea ever since. I am looking forward to one day meeting the guy that the chemistry is there with again, because its fab! I dont expect it to be fireworks forever with them, but it should be at the start atleast...shouldn't it?
Only other reasons could be that there are issues about the way you perceived sex when you was growing up. Did you get taught that sex was dirty/wrong?
C xxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): Lots of people hate sex-even some men-honest. I have never liked sex much and it has caused problems but there it is. There are more that dont like it than care to admit!!!!
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