A
female
age
51-59,
*lskitten
writes:HiI would like to know of any success stories of keeping friends with an ex.Me and my ex wouldn't work and split a while ago. Its about as civilised as needs to be now i think, and we are both pretty much sorted as singletons and moving onto getting back into the dating game. I just wondered, is there anyone that has stayed mates with an ex. We each have our own children that actually gelled real good, and would like them to still be able to see each other. In the long run, can this work? Its obviously not like we have children together and have to stay in touch. He says future relationships shouldn't and wont influence who his child sees. But can it realistically work. Im worried mine will get hurt if they are cast aside. They haven't seen each other for a couple of months, and i wonder if its best to leave it as it is. Even though my daughter now n then txt his daughter.Any opinions?Cheers.C xxxxxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2008): Depends, but personally I think staying friends with ex's is not a good idea and I have always severed contact when the relationship ended. With my last break up, my ex bf wanted us to remain good friends even though he screwed me up big time. I was tempted to stay good friends with him because my self esteem was low. The most difficult thing I ever did was to cut him out of my life because despite his treatment I loved him very much but it was also the best thing I ever did too and made me a much stronger person for it.
I haven't seen my ex now in nearly 2 years and now have no desire too. I think it can be difficult for new partners if they know you have ex's in your life. My boyfriend and I have none of our ex's in our lives and no desire to. I think it just complicates things. That is my opinion. I hope you can make it work as friends with your ex if that is what you two want. Good luck.
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (9 August 2008):
hlskitten is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hmmm well i think we fall somewhere in the middle of what you have said. I think we have some kind of connection still, but its very limited and are both aware that we just wouldnt work. We have been through the rough times after, slagging each oter etc. We split quite a few months ago now but stayed hanging out friends, basically like we were dating but without the sex up until about may, when it all went a bit tits putting it bluntly. But we now have learnt to be a bit more adult. And tomorrow is a bar bq we are all going to be attending and i was thinking of having a seriously good chat, about us knowing we are going to move on now and basically sorting out the kids situation, possibly having it so i have his childs mums number. She knows about the rough times we had as a couple, so its not totally certain she will be happy with everything. But he did mumble something about squaring it with her the other day.
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A
female
reader, mcbirdie +, writes (9 August 2008):
 I am actually housemates with my ex, so it is definitely possible to be good friends after a relationship ends. It does, though, require a whole heap of honesty and double the amount of compassion. We have found that being very upfront about what we wanted from the other and what we were prepared to give was essential.
It is also a really good idea to give some time and space right after the breakup. People need time to get over the pain and disappointment, and to get used to the idea that the relationship is going to change completely afterwards. If you attempt to have a friendship when one or the other isn't completely over the relationship, it will end in misery.
Give it time and talk a lot--you'll get there if you have a good foundation of respect and friendship already.
Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): yes in fact I remain really good friends with almost all of my ex's except like 2 of them...and we keep in touch..actually I live next door to one of their's father's...
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