A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’m in a relationship with my current girlfriend for the last 14 months. Before that, I was in relationship twice : for two years and one year respectively and I was dumped because I was too sweet and loveable boyfriend. Before entered into this new relationship, I reassessed my personality flow being too enthusiastic and sweet in a relationship and in convert my personality into fake one. Now I play mind games with my current girlfriend all the time. I’m 30, she is 32. She is only child her parents which has some good money by owing small company here. I don’t say I love you , I love you to my girlfriend which I used to do in previous relationships. When she calls on the phone, I talk to her short pretending I have got to do something else. When I need money, I ask her and she does not waste a second give it to me. The way I talk to her and walk in front of her, is all acting and it takes lot of practice from my side to do it perfectly in front of her. She is beautiful as hell and also sweet but I can’t help it now to see myself in a control of this relationship. Even I flirt with her friends in front of her to make her realize that there are also other people who find me attractive. Even let her wash my all cloths and not giving her helping hand while she is doing laundry.My question is that why girls like guy with attitude? Why they don’t like sweet guy? And will she ever be able to see my real face and what she will do then?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2013): Oh dear your poor gf. Why should she be the one to be punished for your previous gfs behaviours? That is so unfair and plain mean.
A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (18 April 2013):
Once again, it is because of our evolution. In our distant past, the most likely male to provide/protect a woman were the dominant/aggressive alpha-males. Unfortunately, our society moves much faster than our evolutionary drives, so that is a relic that still sticks around today. So today what you see is droves of otherwise nice women being attracted to the "bad boy" type. I dont think they WANT to be, its just they cannot help it. In fact, you will hear woman SAY over and over they like a nice guy with a bit of confidence, and then go home with the biggest a-hole in the bar. Heck, woman saying she always ends up with guys that are bad for her is so common its a cliche. (Notice men never say this though - a product of different evolutionary drives)
I have put this to the test myself. In my teens - I was Mr Nice Guy and that equaled Mr No Women. In my 20s turned into a complete arrogant prick, and I couldn't fight them off with a stick.
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A
female
reader, HeresBoo  +, writes (17 April 2013):
 Girls seem to like guys with mystery rather than attitude. We want to be special so we go for men who will only let one special girl in you know?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 April 2013):
 Here's the thing - if this was a mere act, and you were simply trying a "jerk" personality change because you think that all girls go for jerks and hate nice guys, then you'd have a code deep down inside. One that says "I'd sooner be castrated than use a woman's affections to get money from her".
That's just it. That's why I was harsh on you in my last post. For all of your "cool guy" pretending, you taking money from her makes you subservient, sniveling, incapable of earning your own way in this world. You need to take money from a woman to live?? Truly this isn't the actions of a "nice" guy. If you were merely playing a part, even this would be unthinkable.
This reveals who you are. You *feel* inadequate, or you'd be dating women without playing mind games. You *feel* insecure, or you wouldn't be whining about "sweet" guys versus "attitude". Taking money from your girlfriend is the farthest thing from attitude you can get. It makes you appear so weak, so small, so nothing. How could you possibly recover from that into telling her you love her, when your every action towards her shows that you're incapable of ever loving yourself?
You've gotta stop the games. If she fell in love with someone you were pretending to be, then the person she fell in love with does not exist. Getting money out of her? That's gross and conjures images of guys who rub their armpits and then sniff their own BO. It tells me that you weren't nice and "sweet" before, but sniveling, smothery, immature, needy, clingy, and an overgrown infant.
You need to figure out why you simply can't have a relationship on equal footing with a woman. Why is that? Why would you ruin a perfectly good relationship by taking money from her? Can't you support yourself? The whole "bad boy" image is completely undone by taking money from her. Is your credit bad? Are you unemployed? Yeesh.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (14 April 2013):
 It's more likely that you're just with a woman with low self-esteem who is comfortable being submissive to someone who treats her like far less than she's worth.
Please don't generalize what all women like based on your three relationships. You have a particular taste in women, and that type of woman that you like happens to be attracted to "guys with attitude."
Also, I always find it curious when guys use the "sweet" and "nice" guy label. It's possible that your understanding of those words is different than mine because I've found that oftentimes guys who are clingy, needy, or overly-affectionate throw themselves in the "sweet" and "nice" category when they really don't belong there.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 April 2013):
 You were in one relationship for a year, then another for two years... and you were true to yourself in those, but there was a mismatch and you broke up. p /
p /
Now you've been together just over a year, and you think this somehow proves anything? Maybe she will dump you tomorrow because you flirt with her friends? Maybe she will dump you at the two year mark... Nothing has been proven as far as I can see.
Besides, unless you were changing your attitude and entering a relationship with the same women who dumped you before, then you'd still not prove anything. Who's to say your current girlfriend wouldn't love you if you were yourself and was true to yourself? You don't know that she's leave you and think you were "too sweet".
WOMEN ARE NOT ALL THE SAME. We're not all one and the same...! Even if one ex of yours though you were too sweet that doesn't mean the next girlfriend will have the same opinion. The clue to a happy life and relationship is not to alter who you are to accommodate what you think a partner wants in you. The clue is to be yourself and find someone who actually appreciates you the way you are. How can you be happy like this, if you always have to practice your walk, talk differently, use all this energy on mind games and trying to figure out how to keep your girl. It will wear you out, and in the end you know she doesn't love you, because you haven't shown her the true you. She is attracted to this fake man you pretend to be.. and that's sad.
I think you would be much happier if you could find a woman who actually wants you the way you are, sweet and loving and everything that you truly are. And the women who didn't want that.. well, never mind them. That's just them, and their loss. But women are NOT all one and the same. Some will want who you truly are, and others will be exes.
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A
male
reader, Hnk  +, writes (14 April 2013):
 I will share my opinion. I am one of nice guys who are good to everyone as that's what we are.. We are NOT guys who treat girls good so we can later impress them or get girls in our beds. I believe in being good to everyone regardless of gender and never asking anything in return. Some guys are those who are being good to girls so they can get ADVANTAGE OUT OF IT and when they can't ;they whine about nice guys finishing last. Further, nice guys usually do things out of their way to please people (some do for advantage and thus are livid when their trick fails as this was in their subconscious while being nice ) and thus come out as easy! Thus girls make you best friends yet never date you... If you go in a bit more details, you will see that most nice guys come easy, do whatever the girl says and thus most girls control you. when girl sees you got no choice and life of your own, they just find you boring. Girls like being surprised and wish for things they don't expect. Girls once know you well as how easy you are ,they get into stronger position in a relationship and thus they know that even if they do little hanky panky or cheat on you, their partner will forgive them or they will find a way out of it by manipulating . Further, being nice doesn't mean always be nice . Show your anger if upset (not treat her in bad way but don't talk to her for a while etc) and thus we hide our emotions! We also accept mistakes which aren't ours so we can stop fighting and thus we are punch bags for girls to punch all over... Further after nice guys find a girl, they usually leave out their hobbies and everything to make their girl happier or how to make it even better.. So they try too hard...Lastly, nice guys are too afraid to ask a girl out! they think that if they are good, eventually girl will fall in love with them and thus they be soon together! Like movies which doesn't happen in life.... What should be done :1) If you like a girl, ASK HER OUT IMMEDIATELY! if she likes you it will work out and if not you can look for another girl! 2) Get a life apart from your girl . Don't leave your hobbies or anything you used to do before relationship.3)Never hide your true feelings and your girl NEVER should be making all choices around. it must be both way round. 4) Don't come out too easy or needy! Show you are an interesting person.5) Surprise her 6) Love her 7)Respect her 8) Appreciate her and tell her honestly why you love her.. 9) Don't be extra nice to people you just met. Some people are just not worth it. They will use you again n again! I hope this is enough!
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A
male
reader, Glacier +, writes (14 April 2013):
You overdid it. You tried the other extreme.
If you love her, your next move should be to do something really nice to/for her.
She will probably appreciate it very much and possibly cry because she's not used to being treated well by you.
I would slowly stop with the deliberate things you are doing to her.
Just be confident, not too clingy and do something nice every now and then.
Have you talked with her about what she looks for in a man and how important a nice man is for her?
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A
male
reader, peanut_gallery +, writes (14 April 2013):
Short question, long answer.You were just trying to date women "out of your league". They were more confident than you.Smart women know exactly what they like, why they like it and who they like it from. They just want someone who: 1. Is perceptive, confident and in command2. Understands how she feels3. Does not make a big deal out of everything4. Does not discuss endlessly and gets confused by emotions5. Knows the difference between "keeping her on her toes" and being unfaithful, rude, condescending or disingenuous.6. Can "Just get things done" with confidenceThe basic thought process is: "If he can convince me, he can certainly convince others." If you are already popular, successful etc., you have already convinced others and therefore she thinks, "I should take a closer look."Many women test men for their reactions. It is how we advance as a species. Notice how you are striving to "improve" because of women?In your case I see these possibilities:1. You are an exceptional actor2. She is not very perceptive3. She knows but doesn't feel secure enough to move on.You have used her to boost your confidence and based your 14 month relationship on a show. Now you are stuck being an actor. Had this been a casual relationship it may not have been so bad. After 14 months though...... Don't mistreat her like you have been. Perhaps you can start by not being so flirtatious and by not taking her money. You lied to her so the least you can do is to "re-balance" the relationship and try to steer it closer to the truth. Do this slowly to avoid hurting her and hopefully you are actually more confident as a person now.Don't forget she is the one providing the motivation. Her presence and beauty boost you in the eyes of others. Without being soft, mushy and too sweet, make certain you do things for her in return. Depending upon how perceptive she is, once she understands your appreciation and why you are expressing it she will love you even more.Then, you just marry her :-)
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 April 2013):
I wish I could talk to your girlfriend and tell her to dump you out on your ear. What business do you have treating her like that?? Are you insane?
Let's see what you have to offer to this relationship:
1. You don't tell her you love her.
2. You blow her off on the phone.
3. You take money from her!??
4. You flirt with other women in front of her
5. You make her do your laundry
This *Is* your real face. Don't kid yourself. You are a mistreater and abuser of women. You are every woman's nightmare. You take advantage of her honest feelings for you. This isn't about "sweet" guys versus "attitude".
This is you having a chip on your shoulder about the last women who dumped you and now you're hurting this current one. Once she catches wise and realize that there are guys out there who will treat her like a princess, she'll not only throw you out on your ear, but she'll regard you as a dung pile.
The whole "Women like men who treat them like crap" is true of a lot of immature girls. But girls do mature, and then those guys like you will be part of the cautionary horror stories women tell each other.
You *are* going to lose her. Get your priorities in order, stop taking money from her because that emasculates you right in front of her, and start treating her right, or your heart is going to shatter when she sees you for what you really are and dumps you.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (14 April 2013):
 Relax. You're on the right path in thinking to change your personality and wrong in what you believe a woman wants. She doesn't want mind games. She wants a confident funny cocky and non-ass-kisser. Sounds to me youve got some learning to do about women. Read dating books and books on women psychology. You would be amazed at what you find out and how wrong you thought you weren't but where. Maintaining attraction is similar to creating it. The good news here is you have a gf. She sees something in you, not much, but something. Build on that and improve for your own self worth. Not hers nor anyone else. Good luck,
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (14 April 2013):
If you are serious in what you write then I think it's time you turn up with some flowers and tell her how beautiful she is. Wow, you found a girl who's used to being used as a doormat and made it worse??
Just think how much more she would have appreciated you if you had been honest and genuine with her.
The issue you have a problem with may apply to teenage girls, but certainly not to intelligent experienced women. You should be careful or you may have just wrecked what could be the best relationship of your life.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 April 2013):
 Women do not like guys with an attitude, they like guys with confidence. The problem is that often " sweet " guys can't tell the first from the second.
Also , women with some self worth and self esteem definitely do not like to be treated the way you are treating your gf . She must be very lacking in self esteem, to accept your ways- or else, just be plain dumb. So yes, you are lucky, if she is so dumb, she won't see through your act anytime soon, while an intelligent, self confident woman would catch you in a matter of days.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (14 April 2013):
 What you are doing now is treating her badly, reducing her self esteem, making her feel worthless. She may stay with you but only because she feels too insecure to leave. The previous girl just probably wasn't that into you. The thing about men who are sweet - if it's from the right man it's great, just what we want, if its from the wrong man we don't like it.
The answer is find a girl who loves you for you, don't change yourself for a girl.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2013): Nice question.i think this has to do more with "nice guys finish last" but i'm not sure.I've also been asking about this topic in other sites also but i never get an proper ansewer, so i want to join in here dear poster and please ladies add your reponses thnx
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