| A
age
51-59,
*
writes: LONG story short:My boyfriend is great and I love him dearly. But (there's always a but, right?) I found porn on my computer and now I'm having trust issues. I confronted him and he has stopped (for 8 months now). I just can't quit thinking about how my heart felt when I found porn---again.Going back a little: my second husband was a porn addict.Going back even further: my first husband was a porn addict.I am a mid forties woman with a pretty good body. I enjoy sex and am willing to initiate, etc. I'm not a nympho and I don't do anal, but I'm very sexual otherwise. BF and I have a great sex life (so I thought, again) so I don't understand what I am missing that makes every man that claims to love me go looking for porn.Why am I always supplemented on?
View related questions:
porn, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (30 August 2010):
 This thread has been tidied of some posts in which aunts were targeting each other. I simply do not have enough time to edit the posts and leave the advice in the answer; I apologize to the OP for this.
This thread is also being closed; if the OP would like it reopened, please send me a PM.
I encourage all of our aunts to read the site guideline here: http://www.dearcupid.org/pages/answer-guidelines.html
In particular for this thread: "6) No submissions are accepted that could cause flame wars. We ask all posters to display a mature restraint-do not bait, embarass nor publicly humiliate the questioner and other responders on the threads. Trolls will be banned."
Certain hot-button topics, such as porn, will show the great divide in opinions. If you cannot post on the topic, and stick to the topic without being cordial to all the aunts or the OP, please do not bother to post at all. Thank you for reading.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionheartfull---great post, on all counts!!
You touched on so many of the things that swim through my brain...
I was wrong to rant, rave, etc. and I apologized profusely for it. He never was mad at me for it and he forgave me immediately. I was so angry (because he knew about my past and did it anyway) and so hurt (because, yet again, this disgusting CRAP reared it's vile head in MY loving relationship) I lost it, completely. It was an overreaction that I regretted the instant it happened.
You are right when you say there is no compromise on this issue for me. I CANNOT tolerate it and I won't be with someone that insists on it. I would lose him rather than "deal with it" as some say to do. Would I be OK with occasional use? NO, I would not. IF it happens again, I really hope I never find out. I would cut off my own nose to spite my face, but I'd end this relationship on the spot.
Just as some folks say cheating is a deal breaker--porn is a deal breaker with me.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): I think the OP's experience of child abuse - which sounds horrendous - has probably infused her with a deeep-seated phobia of porn, which like all phobias, works on an instinctive knee-jerk level and isn't easily swayed by rationality or calm reasoning. Hence, she may indeed be making too much of a big deal about porn. But in her specific circumstances, I don't think you can blame her. There IS a need for the man in her life to take on board her particular sensitivities, and it sounds as if he IS doing so, and in no way shape or form could be described as a porno-freak or an addict. Maybe he uses it once every few weeks at most. If you start describing the likes of him as a porn addict, the term 'addiction' begins to lose all meaning. One thing that's crystal-clear from following the billions of porn-related debates on Dear Cupid is that it's a highly emotive issue, every bit as divisive as politics, and provokes strong personal reactions based on the reality that people either LOVE it or HATE it. There doesn't seem to be a great deal of middle ground. Also...is it really taken as a self-evident fact that all men, or at least an overwhelming majority, are frequent consumers of porn? More male responses please!!!! Surely there must be some men with little or no interest in it?? (Cards on the table here: I personally would be agnostic about porn in much the same way I'd view alcohol, drugs, television or anything else that has the potential to either give people huge pleasure or dominate their lives to an unhealthy extent. I don't doubt there are people who consume far too much porn for their own good, and that it impacts negatively on their relationships, but I'm sure most consumers find it can be a very pleasant adjunct to their lives, doesn't do them any harm, and the idea of restricting people's freedom to use and enjoy porn would offend me on several levels. Do I consume porn? Rarely. I might have a look once every few weeks, at most. I hate the nastier sort of porn but quite like the amateur variety featuring real couples having obviously loving sex. And despite being gay, I actually prefer straight porn, identify with the female and drool over the male. Perhaps this is TMI, but I think it behoves anyone who's going to comment on the topic to at least be honest about THEIR personal attitude to porn) OP. Your two previous husbands sound like total pricks and you're well shot of both of them. Your current guy sounds like a sweetheart. I think you completely over-stepped the mark when 'I screamed, cried, ranted, raved, cussed, threatened, called him horrible names...' and you need to be aware that not many men would, or should, put up with that. It would be a real shame to split up over something as fundamentally trivial as a spot of low-grade infrequent porn consumption. I hope you can work out a compromise. But it sounds as if he's acquiesced in a deal whereby he's not allowed to watch it EVER, end of story. That's not a compromise, that's a solution dictated on your terms alone, and like all dictated settlements, probably not an ideal long-term prospectus for peace and harmony. What I want to ask you is: hypothetically, if you knew your guy was going to look at online porn for maybe five minutes once in a blue moon, maybe once a month or less, would this be a deal-breaker for you? And if so, why? Hope it works out
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYos--thank you. It encourages me when I hear from men on this subject because (obviously) I cannot think like a man. I want to believe the words he says, but, having been greatly deceived, it's difficult sometimes to take it at face value, ya know?
I've always hated the sex in the media and everywhere--a sore spot with me from waaaay back. It's nice to hear a man say that he can spot the use of sex trying to sell him something --rather than just drooling over the jailbait dangled before him.
Thank you!
...............................
A
female
reader, smiliek  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 OP, I was raped when i was 13 by a police officer. I also was attacked a few years later by 3 males. Now i could have decided that all police were corrupt and chosen to go against them, or i could have blamed violent child porn for it.. I could of decided that all men were going to treat me like that and gone on a selfhating or men hating spree... Instead i accepted that there are some royally f**ked people in this world, and that some people will do whatever they want regardless of what they hear or see. Regardless of right or wrong and the consequences they may face. Some people are just mentally messed up. Your two exs sound like horrid men, you are better off without them. Blaming you for their porn in ridiculous! Your current bf sounds much much better. He knows you are better then a porn video or photo. But realise he may slip up, he may watch something. He wouldn't do it to hurt you. I hope he wouldn't blame you for it. But there are a large number of guys who watch porn. My fiance does every so often. My male friends talk about it (far too much in my opinion) Porn sometimes pisses me off, the availability of it and acceptance that its a 'guy thing' But i sometimes watch it too. Heck half the music video clips around are softcore porn. Its everywhere. That doesnt mean you need to accept it in your relationship if you dont want to. But ask yourself a few questions. If your current bf views again, would you leave him? Even if he doesnt blame you, if its just 'him time', will you want to leave an otherwise good relationship? This is what you need to decide. Is he great in every aspect and can you forgive him for the past issues? And will you accept an occasional use if its not getting picked over you? If not, you need to make it very very clear to him that if he ever views anything you will be leaving straight away. And you need to follow it through. You cannot say it and then stick around if he views it again, or he shall continue to do it. The age old porn issue, girls cant understand why guys do it, and guys cant understand why girls hate them looking... I wish you the best
...............................
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 Have the grace to accept that others may hold different opinions than yours without taking it as a personal affront. Also know that the more you insult each other the more it undermines both your arguments in the eyes of the rest of us. Calm down please. As for porn: personally I've never met a man that doesn't look at it at least occasionally. I suspect that any man that says he doesn't is being liberal with the truth. Our media is now so pornified that porn is impossible to avoid now even if we try to. We are all porn watchers by default, whether we like it or not. Right now I'm sitting in an airport departure lounge in France and the poster in front of me is of a practically nude 16 year old girl looking at me very sensually, clutching her naked wet breasts. Porn. She's also incidentally trying to sell me a Calvin Klein product. Porn addiction is a serious problem for sure. But addiction is a serious word and calling too many men addicted to it does damage to those that really are by belittling them. Let's not call every man an addict, only the ones that really are. OP: reading what you have written, it seems very clear that your partner in NOT addicted to porn. Your reaction is no doubt a result of the terrible role porn has played in your already difficult past. That is fair enough, but continuing to obsess over this is only going to hurt you and damage your relationship with a man who sounds very good for you. The cause of your pain now is not that search term, but things in your past that you are projecting on to this. I hope this gets easier for you. Try to trust your partner.
...............................
A
male
reader, James the Rocket +, writes (29 August 2010):
To you and to the poster, let me say this: As a man, when I'm in a down point with no girlfriend, I might look at porn. Or when I'm with a girlfriend, but we live apart and see each other every 10 days or so.. watching porn means I won't cheat. Same when I am emailing/chatting with a girl I am interested in for a possible relationship.
Porn also stops your boyfriend from cheating on you. You do sound sexy and you come across as a friendly person. I bet you've got nice eyes and ready smile and laugh. So there's nothing unattractive about you.
Porno has the following benefits for us:
1.we can fantasise the way we want and cum when we want, as there is only 'me' involved, so I don't have to gel with my partner... I can't speak for all men, but when I have sex it is always a mutual melting together of the souls, even if it is a bit of hanky panky lustful sex... so when I watch porn, I only have to think of my own needs.
2. We can cum when we want. No need to get it over with, no need to draw it out. It's a lot easier.
3. I can go with a black girl, a white girl, an oriental girl. She can be a princess or a maid. I can pretend I'm the guy in the porno.
It's just about a little me-time. I wouldn't like a woman watching porn, so I can understand your feelings. I would feel threatened in that I was not good enough. I'm not condoning porn, simply giving you the reasons.
You are good enough, as you say your sex life with your bf is very good. So please don't worry.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOhGetReal-- thank you for understanding what I was trying so hard to communicate with my rather long post.He is worth the effort.It's been so difficult because-after many, many years of heartache and pain (MUCH more than porn addiction betrayals), I finally feel like I'm alive again -not just sexually, though that's really nice, too ;) . But I mean I feel like living, doing things, making plans...and he is such a large part of it all.Gamine- I left out much, much more to the story and I'm willing to post it if anyone feels like reading more of my long saga... however, here is the condensed version: I was a sexually abused child and was exposed to hard core porn on a regular basis before I even lost my baby teeth. While I can accept that others have no problem with porn, I am comforted to learn that a LOT of women, with perfectly "normal" pasts, feel the same way I do. I'm sure my attracting of addicts is because of my personality (can you say, door mat?). I am thankful that current BF doesn't have the "addict mentality" I am so familiar with. I guess I just get afraid that I'm not seeing it "yet"--ya know?Practical- it hurts for reasons I didn't state in the OP. I guess my story is a little too long for the forums. I can appreciate an attractive man, of course, but get turned on just seeing an attractive man?---no, not at all. I'm more of an intimacy leads to great sex kind of person--rather than a great sex leads to sharing it on a webcam kind of person. ?Cerberus/Raphael- thank you for being a man and for being a man that admits porn is not "completely normal". I guess I'm a little old fashioned, but I don't want to share such an intimate part of me with just anyone and I want to feel equally appreciated/equally special--that his intimacy, lust, whatever is only shared with me. Otherwise, I might as well go back to the exes and find my own "vice".EVERYONE that has contributed to my "cause" here has helped me in some way and I thank you. This has been hard on me and I felt an outlet that didn't include my BF was better than constantly feeling that I need to get it off my chest with him again and again. He has done his part to make it right. I'm just working on my end of it!I know one thing for certain--no matter what---I will survive because that's what I do.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, everyone, for your responses to my question. I was a little hesitant to add (yet another) "Why does he want porn when he has me?" question.
The first husband was an addict. I had no clue anything had been going on during 7 years of marriage. It never occurred to me to think about it. Turned out he had almost 100 magazines-some dating back to before we were married, and some as recent as the current month-- hidden in the trunk of his car! I accidentally found them when I decided to be sweet and detail his car while he was away. When I asked about what I had found, he was enraged. He blamed me for not putting out enough, for not dressing right, for not being feminine enough to turn him on, etc. The marriage ended 2 years later, after many attempts on my part to "be better" and look better for him.
The second one was an addict. He knew the story of my previous marriage. He called my ex names- "pervert", "sleazy", "abusive"--you get the picture. And when I, again, accidentally found his porn because he left it downloaded on the SHARED computer desk top, he went off! He blamed me for not being aggressive enough, not being vocal enough during sex, not wearing sexy lingerie, etc. He went on the say that it was no wonder the first husband used porn because I was not woman enough to satisfy anyone.
I didn't even know porn/masturbation could be addictive. I was so naive. And, after a year of counseling (I WAS THE COUNSELED ONE - mind you), he agreed that I was "cured" and we put the issue in the past. Two years later, I accidentally found massive amounts of porn (magazines, VHS tapes, DVD's) while looking for garden tools in our outdoor shed. I HAVE NO REASON TO LIE TO YOU GUYS--I never went looking for porn stashes. I had no reason to think anything was going on, ever. I was completely in the dark about all of it.
Needless to say, he accused me of causing him to collect porn by snooping too much--as if it was because of my "snooping" all that stuff materialized in the shed on its own! He called me paranoid and insane. I regret to say I am still married to the jerk because I cannot afford to hire a lawyer to untangle the massive debts and crap so I can divorce him--he's not willing to help financially at all... we've been separated for over 5 years.
Enter the boyfriend: We had been high school sweethearts and had shared our first sexual experiences together. We had a strong bond seldom seen in a couple so young. We were best friends before we dated. We took our time before we engaged in any sexual activity and our love was innocent and sweet. We broke up abruptly (another long story) and never spoke after graduation. We reconnected more than 25 years later after he found me on the internet. We IM'd back and forth, sharing our life experiences and rekindled our love.
Neither of us had truly gotten over the other and neither of us had had any decent relationships in 25 years. He moved to another state to be with me and we are currently living together. He KNOWS all about my past and the role porn played in it. He KNOWS how hard I have struggled to regain my confidence and sexuality as a woman. We talked about all of it before he ever came here.
For 7 months, I was in heaven! We became friends and lovers again. We were doing great (so I thought) and then, quite by accident, I found a "search term" in the google bar of my computer. Seems he forgot to use private browsing and didn't realize it. My whole world came crashing down and it's been difficult to get past it.
The reason I am still with him (besides the fact that he is my one and only true love, my best friend and confidant, my biggest fan and a fantastic lover who treats me like he's the luckiest man in the world because he has me...) is because I truly believe he loves me and wants to be with me as much as I do him.
I am (almost) convinced he's not an addict like the others because 1) he admitted to everything he had been doing and how often he had been doing it before he even knew I had the knowledge to hack down my computer and find it all for myself. 2)he NEVER ONCE blamed me for his porn viewing, never accused me of being less than a woman, never criticized me for insisting on seeing everything he had done for myself 3) he asked my forgiveness for hurting me and humbled himself before me--without my asking and without hesitation 4) he never became angry with me--though I screamed, cried, ranted, raved, cussed, threatened, called him horrible names...
As I stated before, it's been 8 months and I check on his internet usage every couple of weeks. I have found nothing fishy or troublesome at all. He remains warm, loving and kind even when I have a mental break down about it months later.
I guess what my main question is: How do I get past the feeling of complete betrayal?
It still hurts as much today as it did 8 months ago. I don't want to talk to him about it all the time--he's embarrassed and ashamed and that's NOT how I want him to feel because of my insecurities (I realize some women are completely fine with porn--I just happen not to be one of them).
I don't want to hurt him just to "get even". I only want to not feel this hurt in my own heart. I want to not cry on my way to work because I think about how many times he jumped on the internet before I was even out of the neighborhood so he could look at porn--even when we had made sweet love the night before. I want to not feel like I was the dreaded one--that might come home and catch him before he could erase the computer browser records. I want to not remember that, on the night I was driving 6 hours to see him--after 25 years, he was looking at porn within an hour of my arrival. I want to not think about the fact that he was into young girls and anal sex (neither of which is me, at all). I want to not think about how many times he must have strained to listen and make sure I wasn't returning from work early and could possibly catch him.
I want to not remember how I felt when I went to type "yogurt" in the google bar and saw "young anal" instead.
Can someone tell me how you get past this without losing your mind??? and without losing the love of your life?
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (28 August 2010):
 You can go with the explanation that you have some type of sickness, because you keep attracting people with mental health problems.. (addiction)
Or, you can accept that a large percentage of men, the majority look at pornography, so your lucky if you find the 20% of men that don't look.
You could also check on the post by "Kaedae" on the following link.. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/hes-watching-porn-am-i.html
Your new guy has given up for 8 months.. sigh.. I doubt that he's that interested in pornography, but he might get tempted to look one day, you'll get angry and hurt... then he'll be another "porn addicted ex-partner" and you'll move on to person number four.
Why don't you just tell guys how much you hate pornography before you date them, might save a whole pile of energy... but probably not.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2010): OhGetReal thanks for the links. They both offered many insights into pornography and how it is an illusory experience that really feeds alienation and impedes intimacy.
...............................
A
female
reader, smiliek +, writes (28 August 2010):
not every guy who watches porn is addicted. Some guys watch it like once a wk or every so often as an extra with their already good sex life. If your current partner has stopped, or hardly uses it, why are you so worried? It doesnt mean he's addicted. If he doesnt choose porn over you, no problems. Would you rather he fantasize over porn women, or someone you know or that he might meet?
...............................
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (27 August 2010):
 http://www.beliefnet.com/News/2005/10/How-Porn-Destroys-Lives.aspx
...............................
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (27 August 2010):
Here is an article that looks a little deeper into the reasons men watch porn, how they get started, what purpose it is serves when they start and how they get stuck, it looks a little deeper than, this is what me and my bros did and we turned out alright so it must be "normal", whatever that matters.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2003/nov/08/gender.weekend7
"Men's specific fears of impotence, feeding off infantile castration anxiety, generate hostility towards women. Through pornography, real women can be avoided, male anxiety soothed and delusions of phallic prowess indulged, by intimations of the rock-hard, larger-than-life male organ."
Pornography, in other words, is a lie. It peddles falsehoods about men, women and human relationships. In the name of titillation, it seduces vulnerable, lonely men - and a small number of women - with the promise of intimacy, and delivers only a transitory masturbatory fix. Increasingly, though, men are starting to be open about the effect pornography has had upon them. David McLeod, a marketing executive, explains the cycle: "I'm drawn to porn when I'm lonely, particularly when I'm single and sexually frustrated. But I can easily get disgusted with myself. After watching a video two or three times, I'll throw it away and vow never to watch another again. But my resolve never lasts very long." He has, he says, "seen pretty much everything. I've even seen pictures of men being buggered by a pig. But once you start going down that slope, you get very quickly jaded."
...............................
A
male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (27 August 2010):
 I wonder if TheFutureMrsCary knows that men hardly ever become addicted to porn, but they do become addicted to masturbation while watching porn. Tisha and some of the Aunts often give superb answers to this type of question. It may be an idea to send a couple of PM's.
Porn is an issue, but a lot of men use porn merely to masturbate. Its a visual, quick arousal mechanism. Therefore, asking him to stop watching porn is like asking him to stop masturbating. Something that most men will never do.
The next issue is why. Why watch porn and masturbate, when the REAL THING is available to him in the lovely, sexy shape of The FutureMrsCary? When he feels hot and horny, why go the laptop, and not come to you? I cannot answer that. But I can give you an idea, using my friends and family.
I am one of four brothers. I hardly watch porn, but if I do it will involve female masturbation. One of my brothers watches porn with straight missionary sex. Another likes to watch blowjobs and cumshots. I have no clue what my youngest brother watches. Now we were brought up by the same mother, in the same household, at the same time period. Why the differences? EVERYONE is different. What turns me on might gross out someone else. I have a large number of friends who watch every variation of porn from A to Z to get some relief. There are some moments when a quick, fantasy, emotionless jack-off hits the spot. So your boyfriend will watch something that gets him off. You dont like the idea of him getting off while watching another woman, or even IMAGINING another woman. Fair enough. As long as you can guarantee to him that when you masturbate, you are only thinking of him, not Robert Pattinson, Brad Pitt, or Rafael Nadal. Its naturally quite impossible. Our thoughts are completely individual.
I click onto Redtube maybe once a week, maybe once a month to have a look and a smirk. That means Redtube is on my laptop, free to be seen by my partner of 18 years. Does this make me a 'porn addict'? Should she be worried?
Monica Belucci is my masturbation girl. Am I being unfaithful? Am I cheating by thinking about impossible scenarios with her? What are the chances of me meeting/becoming involved with Monica Belucci? Absolutely NIL!
I would tell your boyfriend that you are a little fazed by finding 'porn' on the computer. I would pluck up some courage and ask him what it is he watches. He may well be embarrassed, and it might be something that you would never do. But then you would have the 'why'. You said your sex life is fine, and I believe you. But like him, I'm sure there is something that would turn you on hugely that he doesn't do, or you haven't discussed or told him about. That SECRET thing we all have.
Your question is why do all the men in my life feel the need to masturbate?
I also feel that because porn is something that anyone can see, women perceive the actress as some kind of threat. He is watching the actress, and her body, getting turned on and masturbating, instead of TheFutureMrscary being the object of his desire. Like most women, my partner masturbates. What she thinks about is anyones guess! Her thoughts are no more of a threat than her fingers and vibrators are. I can see the toys, but I cant see her thoughts. I cant see what really gets her off. It could be anything, my Dad, my brother, my best friend, or Kobe Bryant. But she sleeps with me, and lives with me. So I have no worries, and I would never quiz her about it, or ask her to stop masturbating.
If his masturbation was something that he preferred over you, I would be worried. But it seems like he is enjoying your sex life, and having an additional selfish five minutes every so often. Don't you?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): Are we talking about porn "addicts" or porn "users"?
They are two different things. Porn addicts are stuck in a very destructive pattern that messes up their life even if they were single.
Most men are not porn addicts but most men are porn users. Many women are porn users these days too.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): Perhaps they do it because they can't talk openly with you about any topic, especially sex. Perhaps, you project a defensive demeanor and do not fully reveal your inner self to your partners.
...............................
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (27 August 2010):
Not all men like porn, not all men are addicted to porn, watching porn is not the male normal. The accessibility of porn on the Internet has increased the watching of porn by both sexes, it's big business for the companies who produce the porn, but not for the porn stars who often go through some painful life experiences to find themselves on that gravy train, as well as putting their health at risk and their bodies by doing things that are actually quite painful and harmful to them at times.
Why do all the men you choose turn to porn? I seriously doubt that they turned to porn, they were already addicted when you met them and for some reason you are attracted to the same kind of men with the same addictive qualities to their personalities...it's pretty common for women to keep choosing the same toxic men until they learn how to stop doing that and what it is about them that they are trying to fill up by choosing such men, often it is looking for a corrective experience, if I can just turn him off of porn then that means I am good looking sexy and lovable or something along those lines.
The porn has nothing to do with your lack of assets and everything to do with the man and his habits and addictions. If you find it a problem in your relationship, then either ask him to get some help or choose differently this time and don't marry this one.
This is your wake up call, your red flag, you've ignored it in the past do you want to continue the same train or learn from your mistakes and realize this is not the kind of man for you, this is not the kind of relationship you want to have and then go about trying to figure out what you need to do differently to attract the right kind of man to you, because he is out there, you're just looking under the rocks when you should be looking to the sky.
Men are like apples, the best ones are at the top of the tree and are worth reaching for, rather than the wormy ones on the ground where you have to go down to their level in order to possess.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (27 August 2010):
 Of course they comprehend how much it hurts their wives/girlfriends. But you're saying your husband is a porn addict, would any addict of any sort whether it be drugs or porn or food give up just because someone says so? NO! It takes time, it takes effort and a lot of help. If he's an addict, there's no reason for you to not trust him if he's trying. It's not about sex, most people, they don't even know what it's about. Just help him through it if he's an addict. This is an addiction, pornography has the same affect on the human brain as cocaine or so some scientific findings claim. So treat it as an addiction. He will refuse, he will deny his addiction, he will tell you that it's normal. PORNOGRAPHY IS NEVER NORMAL!
I hope that helps.
...............................
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (27 August 2010):
 Understand this...Most men find out about sex the wrong way from a young age. Most women learn how to look after a man, or to stay away from a man early in life.
What do men get as boys?? Toy guns, toy tools, trucks, cars, and so on...When they are old enough to start learning about women, they turn to the easiest teacher, porn.
Playboy (back in the day), Sears underwear section, and today, porn on the web.
How many parants talk to their boy kids about sex, and what to expect, or how to treat a woman for that matter???
Some men turn to porn because they have a fetish, and are afriad to talk to their lady friend because of rejection, or that they maybe call, a freak, or sick.
I am not saying that porn is the way to go, but look at the porn as a cry for help, and maybe you can fill that need.
If you can't, that it maybe time to move on. Not all guys like porn.
...............................
A
female
reader, Practical  +, writes (27 August 2010):
why would this even hurt?
aren't u attracted to porn yourself?
watching porn isn't cheating at all !!
it's a very natural thing to do! me and my partner watch porn sometimes together and sometimes separately and it never ever hurt us ! ..
I'm not saying that watching porn is healthy or moral.. I'm just asking u.. why would u think it is hurting or offending you? don't YOU find other men attractive? don't YOU get turned on on other people?
be cool about it.. u said it yourself, all men you know turn to porn .. which means it is normal to be this way ..
it doesn't mean that u miss anything .. it simply mean that variety is something nice .. as long as it doesn't get physical ! which is cheating !
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): Because men just can't seem to comprehend how much this hurts the woman they love. They think it is completely harmless and with the advent of the internet this invasive intrusion into our sexuality has become rampant and irresistible to some people.
I am sorry you are hurting. I understand how it feels ..... Like you are not enough and in a way like your man is cheating behind your back by sharing a part of his sexuality (that he hides and lies about) with these porn bimbos.
...............................
|
