A
female
age
26-29,
*mallshezz
writes:hey im 14 and i really want a baby i have wanted one sence i was 11 and i dont know what to do my family and friends say i am a natual when it comes to looking after children and careing for them i really don tknow what to do please help x
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): just stick with babysitting.. Babies are a big deal. that means caring about a whole other person for 18 years and more. your teen years will go to waste and you will never get them back. It seems important to you now but in a year or two you might want to go see the world when you get older and you couldn't. money would be tight and you would struggle your whole life...
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (14 November 2010):
 OK. So you are 14. I guess you live at home? So who does your washing? Your cooking? Your cleaning? Do you chip in and help to cook the meals every day for everyone? Do you do everyone elses washing? Do you do all the housework and cleaning? If you dont, you are not ready to have a child. Who pays the bills? Do you buy ALL your own clothes? Do you buy all your own posessions? Who pays for your mobile phone? If you cannot afford to pay for all YOUR own things, there is no way you would be able to afford to pay for a baby as well.What about electricity? Water? all the bills? Can you pay for those? You say you work - im guessing this is a saturday job? So how much do you earn a week? If you are still in school, how are you going to earn more? Quit school? But then what happens when you have no qualifications? You will never get a well paid job.At 14 you are still a child. Whether you like it or not this is the cold hard truth. In the UK it is illegal to engage in ANY form of sexual activity until you are 16. There are many reasons for this, mostly to protect young children from getting into situations they cannot cope with. Emotionally, physically and mentally you are not ready. Your body is still not fully developed. Childbirth could be VERY risky. With many complications because it is not actually ready to have a child. Your baby could suffer because of it, brain damage, physical deformity, then there is the risk of the baby being underweight because you are so young. As well as the possibility of you being severely damaged when you give birth, blood loss, ripping down below, stitches - there is even the risk of death.So, if you want to put a baby at risk by having it now - then you have no feelings for your child at all. But NO decent mother would want to risk that. Its just selfish. Wait until you can give it everything it needs, as well as a loving father who will be around all the time, you are married, in a secure relationship and have no financial trouble.Time to grow up and stop thinking about yourself.
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (14 November 2010):
Please OP can you come back and give us an answer to the questions about finishing your education and how you will fund raising a child independently (without just sponging off the state).
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female
reader, smallshezz +, writes (13 November 2010):
smallshezz is verified as being by the original poster of the question i have a happy life thank you and i have not just started my puberty and i do work well not full time atm
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female
reader, 907.Queen  +, writes (21 October 2010):
say goodbye to your teenage years if you have a baby, you are very young yourself and having a kid right now would be destroying your teen years..what about prom? or movies with friends? going out with guys? maybe going to a party every other weekend? you can say goodbye to all of those..because once you have a kid..you have it for life, you cant pawn that kid off on anyone else, your mom relatives..no one..that is YOUR SOLE RESPONSIBILITY!..get a dog
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 To the anonymous reader who says : here we have NHS, taxes pay for healthcare. True, but this is exactly just one more reason why she should not have a baby at age 14 .
Tax money belongs to the community, inside which there are - or there should be - priorities. NHS is already stretched thin, - prenatal care, child birth in hospital and a possible C-section have a huge cost. The money the state would spend for this underage mommy
could - and should - be spent on other far more imporetnt and urgent health necessities for other people.
In other words : She f...ks, and the taxpayer pays.
Which is not cool, since, being under 16, she is not even supposed to have sex !
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female
reader, Aunty D +, writes (20 October 2010):
I became a young mum at 19, I was lucky enough to have gained my qualifications at school and to get into University where I had a strong support network including my partner (babies Dad)... Do you have this?Being a mum is a fulltime job. Its not all smiles cuddles and kisses, to be honest most of it is sleepness nights, dirty nappies and constant worries not that I'd change my son for the world. Not only this but being a young mum can be very lonely, you may be thinking that all your friends will help you, but do you really think they are going to be interested in you and your child when it comes to parties and when your a bit older, nights out...? The answer is NO!You are only 14, do you even know what you want to do career wise? I think you need to really think about this, not only are you talking about the changes it would make to your life, but this is another humans life you are wanting to bring into the world. A child would be souly dependent on you... Just like you still are to your own parents... I think that if people say you are good with children now, think how good you will be in another few years time...
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): See if you can find one single person who had a child at 14 and did not regret it within a couple years.
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female
reader, vamp-gal +, writes (20 October 2010):
 There's a lot to take into account when bringing a baby into the world. You need to consider the baby's needs, if you had a baby at 14/15 where would you get the income to provide for it? It's not just about what to do when taking care of a baby or being emotionally ready, it's also about being practically ready. You may think you're emotionally ready, but seeing as your 14 I doubt you have the financial means to support the child.This could be your hormones, if you've always been natural with children your hormones could be playing a part, comes with puberty.The thing is, if you had one, then your life would be gone, the baby would be your top priority, meaning when your friends would be going out - you would be in caring for it. You need to live your life and gain some experience before you consider something like this. At 14 you have your whole life ahead of you, why rush into things?In my opinion, you should wait until your practically ready with a stable family unit. Bring up a child with your life partner - because not many boys would be happy about raising a child at this age as they're still children themselves in some respects and it's too much responsibility.The thing is, how much time on average do you usually spend with children? Because it's completely different when your a mother. When your a mother the responsibility is on you constantly to make sure that it's ok and it gets harder as time goes on, it's exhausting and at a young age it's even worse because your body isn't prepared for it as your experince with exhaustion is minimal. In the end what ever you decide is up to you, but you have to make sure it's what you really want and take into account whether it would be fair on the baby to be brought up maybe without a father, and maybe without any financial support - I've seen something on the news about the government cutting benefits highly so that wouldn't support you as much as it used to either I know it's frustrating when most people are telling you no and to wait, but this is a life-changing decision and you have to consider your choices carefully.Hope this helps x
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): TimmD I agree with you, however in the UK we have the NHS so we don't buy health insurance. Taxes pays for our health system, we also get childcare tax credits which helps to pay for childcare.
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female
reader, Natalie:) +, writes (19 October 2010):
 You might want a baby but what about when it grows up, when it grows up. One day that baby will turn 20, and 30.
How are you willing to pay for all this? You know babies are expensive! And if your reaction to all this is to ignore it then another reason you shouldn't be doing this because your far too immature.
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (19 October 2010):
 I don't know what you were planning for school - whether you are staying to 16, or staying on longer - but I understand that if you have a very strong maternal instinct, at your age it is hard to calm down about this. However, you would be far better at this point maybe thinking about doing NVQs in childcare and perhaps working in that when you leave school, and not having a child until you are at least 18, and preferably settled properly with a partner, with a home, and with means to support you and your family.
I am sure you would be able to look after and love a baby, but your baby (and you) will have a better life if you have certain other things in place, and also if you are older. A child needs two parents and a home, ideally. You are not old enough yet to have these things in place, and you yourself are only just a young teenager. I know by the sound of it you feel very strongly about this, but you really MUST hold on until you are a bit older, and have a stable relationship. You will make lots of problems for a baby and yourself if you don't do this.
What is the rush? Please wait until you are at least 18, and in the meantime, find out about working in childcare and make that the outlet for your love for babies.
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (19 October 2010):
 We're not saying you are a baby. You haven't answered our questions, though. How will you care for it? Where will you live? How will you provide food? Clothes? Medical expenses? Do you have insurance? How will you still go to school?
If you're going to be mature enough to have a child, you have to be mature enough to take some criticism and answer our questions.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): do you want to finish school? do you want to get further education? do you want to have a stable career to support your children in the future? If yes to any of these questions... do not have a baby at age 14. Please, you have your whole life ahead of you. Go baby sit, go get a job at a day care (your not even old enough to do that but you will be) go to church and play with the children there. Dont do it if you want a good life for you and your children in the FAR FUTURE.
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reader, Duckyhelp +, writes (19 October 2010):
 Get a puppy. You need your education. Get a lil doggie and focus your love on it. My dog is about the same size as a baby and i basicaly treat her like one. Im 16. I think all teenage girls think about babies at least once or twice. But i recommend a puppy. You can take them everywhere and buy them things, teach them tricks, sleep with them at night. Their a good substitute.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): Sorry hun, but you don't know that they need care 24/7 or you wouldn't be wanting a baby at 14. For the love of god don't have a baby. Your so young enjoy your youth.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): Listen to DrPsych, his advice is very sensible. I agree entirely that young girls of your age who want a baby, its usually because they are struggling emotionally, perhaps not happy in their own family environment, but even IF you have a very happy family life, having a baby is NOT like having a doll, it does NOT remain a baby.
And regardless of how much you want a baby at 14 it is utterly WRONG, you are under age. Apart from what has already been touched upon, you could NOT possibly afford to have a baby, therefore even IF you were 18 or 20, it would still be wrong UNLESS you had resources(financially) to make those choices. The state is NOT HERE to provide a PURSE for those who do not wait until they can afford to have a child, or a proper partner, not a partner of a few weeks or months, but a partner, where you have built foundations together first for a long-time, before having a baby. The state should never be a replacement partner for finances.
To be a good mother you need to FIRST educate yourself to at least 18, SECOND to get a job and stand on your own two feet, THIRD to be independent and gain enough experience in life with healthy aspirations to pass on to your children, and LASTLY to be able to PAY FOR A BABY ALL YOURSELF.
Please think about the valuable advice you've been given by all the Aunts and Uncles - and concentrate on YOU for the next few years, as you have so much time ahead of you to do all this. One day you will fall in love, and you will have a baby with your partner, and that will be the right time!
Jilly
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): Here's a tip. Take someones infant for a weekend and really pretend you are the mother and it is your baby. then come back and tell us how you feel about having a baby. One your figure will be ruined, good bye to bikinis. You will have no friends, no money, no time for school. want to go to homecoming....not! Want to sneak out with your friends and have a little fun...nope not happening. You cant leave a baby alone at all. Say when your 16 all your friends want to go to a theme park spur of the moment, your not going you have to think of your toddler. Guarantee you have no money to pay for childcare and a trip. Don't think about government help, or your parents help because thats not what you think about when you plan for a baby. Just be a kid first before you think about having kids. I have many friends who had babies young and their lives are more or less ruined. Please I beg you do not have a baby, trust me you will regret it. Babysit or something to get your fix of children.
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reader, smallshezz +, writes (19 October 2010):
smallshezz is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am not a baby and i know they need looking after 24 7
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reader, DrPsych +, writes (19 October 2010):
 There is nothing wrong with having a maternal instinct. There is plenty that is wrong with desiring a baby at 14. Firstly you need lots of money to pay for baby-things. Bringing up children on the benefits system is hardly going to do much for their own aspiration, or your own quality of life. Having a baby at 14 makes it difficult to keep up with your school-work. Qualifications may be the last thing on your mind right now. However, as you get older and see other people get on with their lives then you will hate not having anything that might lift you out of terminal poverty. Having a baby is HARD WORK. It is far better to wait until you find a nice partner later in life who can support you and bring up your child together. Having a desire for a baby at 14 tells me that you are having emotional struggles. Most teenage mothers who intentionally get pregnant do so because they feel a baby will love them in ways that no-one else has in their childhood. If you are having problems with your family, seek help through your school, social services or see your GP for counselling. Being a 'good mum' means offering the very best that you can for your child. You cannot do this at 14 as you don't have the financial stability or life experience to bring to the role. In your 20's or 30's then you will hopefully be in a position to be a great mother.
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female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (19 October 2010):
 I agree with eyeswideopen.
I too know what its like to be incredibly broody, its natural for a lot of women to have this feeling and it can be hard for those don't have it to understand.
I got past this by engrossing myself in something else.
Put all your energy into your school work. The harder you try now, the easier things will be later. You need a good job to be able to provide for a baby.
Do some more babysitting, have fun with young kids and be glad that you get to play with them but don't have to pay for them! Babies are very expensive!
You are not a child, but you are far from being an adult.
Enjoy your teen years of having little responsibility while they are they! They only come around once!
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reader, TimmD +, writes (19 October 2010):
Don't. You may be very good at taking care of children, but there is more to it than that. When you are around children now it is only for short times. A few hours, the weekends, etc. If you have a child of your own, it is a 24 hour a day, 365 days a year responsibility. A child will require your full attention and you will have to support it with food, clothing, doctors expenses, medication, toys, and many other things. Can you afford that? What about school? You need to finish your education.
Next, children really need a good, stable family. Yes, there are single parents out there.... but a mother and father are the most natural, and best way to raise a parent. Preferably a man and woman who are married.
And finally, what about you? What do you want to do with your life? Is there an eventual profession you'd like to get into? College? Okay, if you plan on getting a babysitter or nanny how would you pay for the childcare? While paying for college at the same time?
Now, let's be honest. You're not looking for everybody's opinion on this, are you? You are just looking for reasons as to why you should do this, right? The truth is, you need to consider EVERY possible thing here. The simple "want" is not enough here. As I said, children are a very big responsibility. I'm not simply going to say "You are too young" because I think you are immature. I don't know if you are immature or not, but with age comes other things in life. The older you get, the more educated you get. The more experienced you get. Job opportunities come. Where would you expect to live if you had a child now? With your parents? As you get older, you have the ability to afford your own house or apartment.
Don't have a child yet. You may be a natural at childcare... but there is MUCH more involved.
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reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (19 October 2010):
 My oh my..I'm 25 and wanting a baby but I'm also happily married.
Sorry dear but you are way too young to have a baby, you just started going through puberty! A baby needs a mother who will provide, care, and will put their needs before their own. You aren't even finished with school, how will you pay for it? The cost of having a baby is expensive. Diapers, medical bills, clothes, formula, daycare, and wipes..aren't cheap. Baby cries at night at 1am, you have to be at school at 7am, but baby comes first...Go to school exhausted only to fall asleep in Math class. Your grades are slipping because you have to be a full time mother in addition to being a full time student. You have to miss days of school to take your sick baby to the pediatrician. Say goodbye to your friends because you won't have time for them when caring for a baby.
My point is wait till you're older and more mature...till you find a man that you fall in love with and wish to start a family with. Don't ruin your life or throw away your chances at succeeding in life just because you wish to have a baby now. A lot of single mothers will tell you, if they could go back they would do it differently.
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 October 2010):
 Babysit as often as you can. Not only will it put some change in your pocket but it also will help you to realize that maybe the babies can wait until you are no longer a baby yourself.
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