A
female
age
51-59,
*arlie
writes:Here's my situation...I met a man online, through a dating site and we hit it off from the first date. Mutual attraction and chemistry, and it just felt so good at the beginning. We decided to get off of the dating site, but he wanted to be friends on Facebook, and so I agreed and became his friend there too, interacting regularly.A couple weeks into this, and after confessions of his love and mine for him, he began to question my choice of friends--always the males-- and this turning into one fight after the other because of his insecurities. I have always been upfront with him, not having any affairs with these people who are spread out all over US and the world, lol--but he couldnt stand the idea of them saying "hi Darlie, have a nice day".So, i got suspicious of his behavior and began to watch his interactings with his female friends, because he's either very insecure from being cheated on many times, admittedly....OR he has something to hide. Need male opinions on this too!Well, last week he added a girl that he couldnt explain who she was, or where he knew her from(all his friends are local to him, and so is she) and a big fight started over that. SO, i told him...fine lets go through our lists and delete the ones we both question and fair is fair. I deleted 11 men, he deleted 3 women (or hid them, lol) and he got mad over something silly the next day and added one of them back to his friends list.I think he's trying to play both sides of the fence and is blaming me for his behavior. You guys tell me?? if he wants a serious, committed relationship, why would he delete a person of interest and then add her back as soon as he got mad at me?? Plus, he has unfriended me and dumped me several times on Facebook, and this man is 39 yrs old ( I'm 42) and Im beginning to wonder why he's acting so immature, since he keeps coming back to me within 6 hrs of saying its over.Does he really want out or is he trying to break me down emotionally so he can do whatever he pleases but I have to jump through these hoops to please him??Right now, it seems he has deactivated his account, like he said he would do 'because he doesnt need it and nobody ever says anything to him anyway', but I'm NOT getting rid of mine, because i am not unfaithful and he was wrong to ever go there with me.But, I do think he has skeletons in his closet and is trying to clean out mine.What do YOU think??
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affair, facebook, immature, insecure Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Darlie +, writes (15 December 2010):
Darlie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou guys are right, all of you in many ways. We're both goofy for acting like this, I'm crazy for ever letting him tell me what to do when he's doing EXACTLY what he's accusing me of, and Facebook is just a badddd place to meet anyone (although we didnt meet there) but all it does is keep someone guessing who the other person is chatting it up with all the time.
I would get rid of my account if I thought he'd grow up and not bring this fight into some other area where i have to interact with other people, but he's trying to have his cake and eat it too.
we've taken a day or two off from each other and if we cant get past this, Im done with him....and on to the future of being perfectly happy being who I am and being able to trust myself whether a man does or not.
Thanks very much for your replies.
A
female
reader, Nonamus +, writes (11 December 2010):
The guy has problems. If he tries to contact you again, block his account.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (11 December 2010):
 I'm with Dr.Lance. Both of you delete your Facebook accounts, because it seems to be the root of insecurities and jealousy. Problem solved, then proceed to have a mature relationship.
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A
male
reader, BigSambo +, writes (11 December 2010):
To me, what he feels for you is not LOVE. I think he is infatuated with you and having had what he wanted, he is feeling different now. The fact that he still has female friends and on top of that you 2 ARGUE / FIGHT over it, it means he does not love you enough to stop being friends with them.
If I were you, I would not agrue with him anymore and let him friends with whom ever he wants to be friends with. Keep your list and start seeing other people. Tell him that you will be his friend and only when he has you on the list and no one else.
I am sorry if what I said is not what you were hoping to hear, but I can't think of any logical explanation from my male point of view.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (11 December 2010):
imho
in the begining of any relationship
it is common with men to beocme overly jeallous with the ones they love
and infact i had jeallousy issues within the begining of each relation i had
and i am not a cheater
you have to talk it out
infact i hate the facebook
because it has many altternatives and it brings nothing but trouble many people got divorced, many old relations revived and lead to cheating ,many people got fired because of the facebook but again it is my persoanl oppinion
finally i think that he re-added people who he has deleted just to get you jeallous and puzzled
so wait and talk to him i think this jeallousy is just a matter of time and you well get over it
good luck
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather +, writes (11 December 2010):
 Personally, I think Facebook is extremely childish. I really don't see the point of it for adult, mature people. Just look at the childish behaviour it has caused in your case! I think you're both as bad as eachother, really. "I'll delete mine if you delete yours"!!! Come on now, you two - grow up!
I actually had an account there a year ago, to keep in touch with friends abroad but deleted it after a few months when I saw what extremely immature things were happening, like strangers sending me virtual farmyard animals as tokens of friendship! Do me a favour. Emailing, for me, is the way to go.
I would say to the pair of you, if you want to make a go of this relationship - delete the ACCOUNTS permanently.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 December 2010):
 i think this guy is a 3 year old kid masquerading as a 39 year old. He's a waste of time in every respect. For your own sake find a real man who doesn't play juvenile games. You are more worthy, and more deserving of better, than this guy. Even kids in kindergarten would reject this guy as too juvenile for their intellectual levels
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (11 December 2010):
 I think he is definatly playing games with you! Facebook is such a massive part of society everywhere virtually, and can cause serious problems.It's clear that he is insecure and he may be trying to break you down emotionally, but why should you have to delete 11 friends from your profile when you have done nothing wrong!!!! He's going to end up destroying you, get out now...
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