A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I know I love him even when I am married to a very nice guy. But no alarms here. I don't try to get him to wreck lives. But I need all your views on our relationship. I know this guy for a few years now. He is a junior advocate and I am a client of his. Since last year our relationship has grown to a more intimate/friendly atmosphere and I really trust him more than anyone else there. In the office he is very formal were as once he is out we text a lot on different things with a friendly banter. There is nothing bad in that as my husband knows that we are friends. Only deep inside I know that I love him a great deal.This guy has shared pictures of his family, his prospective date and related stuff and told me that he doesn't like to mix professional with personal things. So I simply remain a client in his office while I am a trustworthy friend outside. None of the people knows that we share a private relationship outside. When we need to talk about things that crush our respective lives we do talk to each other. There are not much advices shared. But we listen to each other when needed. Not that I do not have my husband to listen to me but a friend is a friend. He once told me that he has never been in such a different relationship before. When I am unavailable to talk he texts me the next that he missed me. I don't really believe that as he could just be joking. He was very honest when he told me that I was not a close friend yet but only time will make me one. I am not sure for how long our late night conversations may go on. But I know that even my love for him I really value him as a friend. I will miss him if he doesn't turn up to talk one day. But yeah, we women are more of tender hearts. I have no idea if he really sees me as a friend to stick on.What do you think here? Do we sound like friends? Is there any romantic interest you see on the part of the guy that should concern as I shall very well manage myself?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): I'll happily tell you what I say now. Precisely the same as I said before. Stop playing this dangerous game before your husband finds out how incredibly foolish and disloyal you are being. I really am not convinced you will stop because you're enjoying yourself too much - all the attention is like a drug. Time for you to go cold turkey.
A
male
reader, Boy Blue  +, writes (11 March 2011):
Like I said I don't think there is anything to worry about. You have a very good friendship and it is not strange or weird at all. The only thing is that it is rare and hard for anyone to relate to.
Good Luck with the friendship I hope it becomes a lifelong one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys
I am really glad you took out your time to read and help me out there.
I would again begin my post saying I really love this guy. But there is nothing in him that makes me desire for a life with him or in the least have a sexual encounter with him.Though I began to have a crush on him in the initial days of our relationship I now realise that my crush can't live on for a year or more. He is a really beautiful guy. And I adore the gentleness in him. No, I don't mean to say that my husband knows about my feelings. But he does know how our relationship has evolved over time.
Right now we do text for hours from midnight to early morning some nights. We just crack jokes or chat about each other and our lives in general. We also discuss his girls, or dates etc. Its me who wanted to make sure that if this sounded like any romantic interest at all in him. But you just read too much in to it.
Anyway, I know he likes talking to me as he himself told me so. But I don't think he has any feelings other than respect and capabilities as a woman. He has told me that my eyes were noticeably and that my smile was pretty. I have a feeling that I could trust him and that he was a dearest friend. No idea if it would stay on.
I find a very decent friend in him whom I totally admire. He told me about the best girl in his life and that story made me fall greater in love and adoration for him.
I admit and agree that the night conversations can be destructive even when my husband knows that we talk a great deal. And yes, I am going to stop them as I told him my concerns and he agreed with me.
What do you say now?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): I don't think you're really asking a question at all, because if this guy gave you the slightest encouragement you would jump at it without hesitation.
You are betraying your (very trusting) husband. To continue this intense, texting relationship is ill-advised to say the least.
Do the decent thing, stop behaving like a love-sick schoolgirl, re-aquaint yourself with your marriage vows and stop contacting this guy privately. And while you're at it, get yourself another advocate.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (10 March 2011):
 Obviously there is more than simple friendship here. You've got a crush on him.
Be warned: you are treading on thin ice!
Perhaps you'd better think twice - no three times - about continuing this friendship - esp. the late-night conversations.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (10 March 2011):
 I think it sounds like a nice friendship, but one to be cautious of. It does sound like you both are developing some feelings for each other that extend beyond friendship, and that can cause problems. It doesn't ever have to go there, but recognizing those feelings exist is one way to keep them in check.
Be careful. The more late night conversations, and texts, the more this will become a problem between you and your husband. There will likely come a point where he questions just what the intentions of both you and this male friend are. And very likely, he wouldn't be wrong to question it. Remember your priorities, and make sure you never give your husband a reason to be jealous. That's an ugly road!
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A
female
reader, yomama65 +, writes (10 March 2011):
 Well,from I gather from your post, you may be playing with fire, sweetie. From what I understand from alot of the male "agony aunts" on here, most guys who try to communicate with women outside of a professional setting are trying to see if they can develop something more than friendship. But, what beyond this, what concerns me is your intentions. It sounds like you have developed feelings for this dude and if the circumstances presented themselves, you would be open to some kind of sexual encounter with him. This would be ok except for the fact that you are a married lady. In my opinion, once you are married, you need to removed yourself from situations that might threaten your marriage. And this situation could very well be a threat. I would stop the late night convos and just tell him that it makes you uncomfortable to have this level of friendship at this point. If you want, you can always use the "we work together and it's just not right" if you want. But, be careful. I'd hate to see you make a mistake that could cost you your marriage.
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A
male
reader, Boy Blue +, writes (10 March 2011):
When I read this I hear everything about you so it is hard to understand the guy's feelings here.
Does he have a girlfriend? Wife? How is his life going?
I don't think there is anything to worry, friends like that are hard to find as long as you don't mix romance into it. People tend to over think the friendship and suggest "we shouldn't be talking but it feels so great already" to another level.
Either way good luck with your friendship with him. Such a thing is rare to find, more so than a good mate. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Advice_man +, writes (10 March 2011):
 It looks like you both have deeper feelings for each other,you have all the symptoms!,but the fact that you are married is a barrier for anything more.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): "There is nothing bad in that as my husband knows that we are friends."
Are you kidding me? Does your husband know you love this guy? Does he know just how much you feel for this guy?
If you don't love your husband, or love this guy more, then you should have the integrity to break up/divorce your husband.
What you are doing now is an insult and a betrayal to your husband. You're letting your husband believe everything is fine while you're laying the ground work for a relationship with this guy. And by asking whether this guy has romantic interest, it shows that that is exactly what you are doing.
Either come clean to your husband and drop this new guy from your life, or get a divorce so your husband can move on too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): It all comes down to want you want to happen here. Do you want him to have a romantic interest in you, for it to develop into an affair? He knows you are married so that may he holding him back. Only you can tell if there is a chemistry between you. It sounds as if you would like things to go beyond friendship. So there are so many issues to deal with as you have a husband who you say you are happy with. Maybe it is best if things stay as they are, a nice friendship. The alternative is an affair which will lead to hurt. If it is the other way around and you want to keep the friendship and don't want him to fancy you - then just throw your husband's name into the conversation every know and then, he'll get the message.
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