A
female
age
36-40,
*ellybeans20009
writes:I had my first boyfriend this summer. We were together for two months and then he dumped me. A lot of people say it isn't such a big deal or what not, but I still had all these feelings for him. It took me a long time to get over him. And it seemed like whenever I would make a good effort to do it, he would always intervene somehow. The first two months after our breakup he sent me a message asking how I was. It made me cry because I thought I would never hear from him again. I sent him a short message telling him I was fine and thanks for asking.That alone set me ten steps back on the healing process.Three weeks later or so I went out with one of my friends to go dancing and I spot him with these two girls with boobs. And I got so hurt that I just had to walk away. Afterwards, no matter what I did...I was depressed for a good few days. And now, just last week I get a text from him asking if I wanted to have dinner. He said something along the lines of, it's been a while. If you don't mind can we have dinner some time? I was so exasperated I literally threw my cellphone to the floor. I was thinking to myself, when is he going to just leave me alone and let me forget him? At the same time I wanted to reject his offer but there's a part of me that is just jumping over the moon and being a stupid girl. It took me a day to decide but I said yes and he had to go and tell me oh sorry not this week i'm traveling somewhere. That really got me angry. Who asks someone if they want to have dinner on the week that they're not free?So we decide to schedule it for next friday, which is tomorrow. He hasn't contacted me since and I'm thinking that he'll chicken out or forget and I'll be left hanging. I am disgusted and sick with myself and so ready to get over this.I don't want to wait for his texts or calls anymore. I don't want to have to care about who he's with or worry that I'm not good enough. I don't want to have any more emotional ties with him. It's just too much and it's getting ridiculous that I still to this day, after months...after being told and having all those signs thrown at me that he just didn't want me and that I wasn't right for him...I am so so sick of clinging onto any more of these feelings for him. Because I'm just a stupid girl who is holding onto her first boyfriend, the first person who's ever come into her life and told her that they wanted to take care of her and that she didn't have to be lonely anymore.If tomorrow happened I wish that I could just tell him all my feelings. He shouldn't have happened. Every little girl dreams of the day when their prince charming would come, don't they? Cheesy yeah, but for a bit of time, my "prince" had a face. And I'm angry because he ruined that for me. Realistically speaking, if tomorrow does happen...it'll probably be a casual get together sort of thing. I just want to ask one thing, why does he care enough to want to see me again? Why is he asking me out to dinner? And what is he thinking if he should cancel? What's the deal? Hasn't he put me through enough? He wants to toss me around even more just so he can ease all his doubts? Just to make absolutely sure? I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
View related questions:
boobs, depressed, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jellybeans20009 +, writes (12 November 2010):
jellybeans20009 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone. Your advice helped and I think I'll take it. He ended up not contacting me to go out for dinner so I think he chickened out or was too full of pride and was waiting for me to text him to set a time and place. I didn't and so it didn't happen, which frustrated me because I basically planned my whole week around this dinner.
You were all right though in that I need to not talk to him for a way longer time than just three months after the break up. The next time he gets in touch with me, which I doubt he will after him bailing on me today, I will probably say to him that I can't be friends with him at this point and to call me in six months or a year.
Thank you all again. It's helped me tremendously.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 He does not "care". It's an ego thing. He likes to know that you are at his disposal , at least emotionally if not also physically. Some people keep ALL their exes around as a "just in case ".
If you really want to move on, and not just keep picking at your emotional scabs, do what Jmtmj suggests. You really need to go no contact.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 It is strange that he would invite you to dinner after this. He does seem to want your friendship though and I think he picked up on your hinting that everything was not alright and you did not really wish to have anything to do with him. Maybe that is why he invited you to dinner.
Just save yourself the heartache and do what Jmtmj suggested. Cut him out from your life completely until your broken heart has had time to heal. He is scratching at fresh wounds right now, that is why it hurts. You are not ready for any attempts at friendship right now.
I suggest rejecting his invitation to dinner. Save yourself from sadness. And wipe your tears away, you will find your 'Prince Charming' one day and his love will make this man an irrelevant part of your life.
I hope that helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): You should ask him why he wants to see you. If his answer is stupid and fake, it will sound that way to both of you. If it's a reasonable one, then accept that and recognize that your relationship may only be platonic from now on. We all change. It's understandable that you're angry and upset with him for hurting you earlier. It seems to me like he misses your company and attention, but he does not miss the commitment of a relationship. He asked you if you wanted to get dinner, not if you wanted to get back together. But it's hard for someone like me, a third party, to know. The only way to know for sure is just to ask him, and to know that he may give you pretty much any answer.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 It is hard to let go of someone- ESPECIALLY your first relationship, and I can totally understand how back and forth your emotions are. But now's not the time to be wishy washy...
I think that if the dinner did happen, it would do nothing but set you back another 20 steps. Seriously, I don't think he's planning to get back together with you or planning a grand romantic gesture... I think only harm can come from dinner with him.
Block all contact lines, delete his number, facebook, block his number, tell him not to contact you anymore, change your number... basically do whatever you have to do. You need time to get your footing again, 4+ months at least of absolutely no contact with him... Then after that if you are collected enough to have a friendship with him- without falling for him again, then you can get back in contact.
Just my 2 cents anyhoo.
...............................
A
female
reader, milk and cookies +, writes (12 November 2010):
You sound like a special person. Go only if it makes you feel in power. Somtimes there are no true answers or he wants you and other women too
...............................
|
