A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice - I'm sorry this is so long, but there's a lot to it. My girlfriend and I are having problems (we're lesbians) – but not to do with our relationships, or anything between us. We are both madly in love with each other and plan on spending the rest of our lives together. The problem is our friends, or rather one friend of hers, who seems absolutely hell bent on ruining everything and causing as much drama as humanly possible. I need advice. Please help, I'm about ready to scream.Basically, in true typical lesbian fashion, when my girlfriend and I got together, it emerged that our circle of friends was actually interlinked. One of my best friends is in a relationship with one of her best friends, and through them two, the groups of friends know each other, or at least know off each other. Because of this, pretty early on in the relationship, we met each others friends. At first it was great. She gets on amazingly with my two best friends. And still does. I got on really well with her best friend. We then introduced my two best friends to her best friend on a night out and they all got on as well. It was perfect, and we were pleased that everyone gelled together so well, making our two circles of friends, one giant group. However, about two weeks after this , the problems started.My two best friends and I all live together and decided to throw a house warming party celebrating our new house. Obviously, I invited my girlfriend and her best friend who we shall call Abigail. At the time Abigail was seeing a girl (no longer happening) and although I had only met her once or twice before hand, when Abigail asked if she could bring her to my party, I said of course. The day before the party, word reached me via my girlfriend that this girl that Abigail was bringing – who we shall call Nikki – had asked if she could bring cocaine to the party and wanted to know if that was ok. I immediately said no, it wasn’t and that we’d appreciate it if she didn’t bring cocaine in to the home. I personally had a number of reasons for this, but also one of my best friends who I share the house with is training to become a police officer. If we’d been caught with coke, it would have been all over for her. As well as all this, I felt that as it was our house, if didn’t want coke at our party, we shouldn’t have to have it there. My girlfriend shared my sentiment, as did my two best friends and we said no. This was passed on to Nikki. We assumed that was the end of it and nobody said anything about it at the party. It wasn’t until the next day when everyone had gone home that we found out that there had been someone at the party dealing cocaine. It didn’t take us long to work out who it was. My first reaction was to call my girlfriend and ask if she saw anything. She knew nothing. So I asked her to ask Abigail (who she lives with) if she knew anything. Turns out Abigail did, and although she wasn’t doing the coke herself, knew all along that Nikki had brought the coke in to the house and had been dealing to our guests. She'd even let Nikki do the lines of cocaine in my bedroom!! Myself and my flatmates were furious. We were angry at Nikki for disrespecting us when she didn’t even really know us. But also because Abigail knew about the coke all along, and never told anyone. She didn’t even tell my girlfriend. If we hadn’t found out through other people, we would have been left with the traces of cocaine in our house without being any the wiser. We could have had it in our hair, on our clothes – it’s a big fucking deal. Abigail knew the reasons we didn’t allow coke in the house and she still allowed her girlfriend to bring it in, deal it, and then kept quiet.Needless to say this caused a big problem in the group of friends. What made things worse, is not once did Abigail apologise. She just pretended like it hadn’t happened. My two best friends decided they wanted nothing to do with her, but despite my own feelings, I’ve had to continue to be around her – shes my girlfriends flatmate and best friend. It also put my girlfriend in an awkward position but for the sake of being civil, I tried my best to move on. I’ve been friendly to Abigail and tried to forget about it. However, she keeps bringing it up. It’s like its funny to her, and it's causing problems between my girlfriend and I. The boiling point came tonight when she asked if she could stay at mine after a party shes going to in my area. I had to say no, not only because I don’t want her in the house, but because I know my flatmates don’t want her here either. She then launched in to a massive tirade of abuse, emailing my flatmates, trying to guilt trip them for not letting her stay. It’s as if she doesn’t understand how serious what she did was, and on top of that, has made no attempts whatsoever to apologise for not telling us what had happened. We wouldn’t know about it if we hadn’t found out through others. What’s worse is that when my flatmates responded and said if she wanted to talk to them, to phone them and not email them, she started claiming she didn’t want to talk. It all just seems a bit attention seeking. If she doesn’t want to talk about it, then surely she should back off, stop bringing it up in malicious emails to my friends, and accept what’s happened. She’s no friends of ours, despite the fact I make an effort to be nice to her when our paths cross. I’ve been more than obliging.It was really out of order and I really just wish she’d leave it alone. She’s not my favourite person in the world and considering what she allowed to happen, we’ve been very understanding. The only reason I still have contact with her is because she’s my girlfriends best friend and I'm madly in love with my girlfriend. Like 100% want to make her my wife, se's the one, head over heels in love with this woman. Please help. My girlfriend and I are sick of being dragged in to this. It’s not about taking sides, even though I am on the side of my best friends and flatmates as I too am angry about the coke being in the house, but it’s starting to feel like I’m having my loyalties stretched. My girlfriends position isn’t much better; we’re in love but Abigail is her best friend from way back. She feels torn and knows she has to tell Abigail to back off but also fears the backlash that might have. I really do not know where to go from here. My girlfriends best friend is really causing issues. There’s been other things as well where she’s tried to stir drama by implying things about our relationship to mutual friends, stuff like I apparently do nothing for my girlfriend, which is rubbish, but it really hurt mine and my girlfriends feelings that she was saying things like this. My girlfriend and I have a very secluded and intimate relationship and it upset us that someone so close to us was implying thing about something they couldnt possibly know about. Who is she to judge and make observations?! But my girlfriend forgave her and said it was possibly because she was just jealous of our relationship together. Please, I need advice. I’m being nice to her, but she’s really pushing her luck and I’m not sure I can cope with her behaviour anymore. It's making socialising a nightmare and causing tension between Abigail and I.
View related questions:
best friend, flatmate, jealous, lesbian, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! |
