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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I've come to the realisation that when women talk about they want in men, the words cannot be trusted 100% - sure they may be some truth in what they say but not entirely or either not at all. Actions and behaviour prove the opposite.Women tend to say things that are things that they wished they wanted to want, what they think is what they should want, what they want to believe they want as opposed to the what they actually want.I know there are exceptions, but I'm not talking about exceptions. Why say that all you want is a nice, decent, and caring guy when you your choices don't seem to match up with your beliefs? Seriously? There are some women refuse to have relationships with their guy friends even when they meet all the criteria.Certain things are clearly withheld.Why not be more forthright and direct? Just smack us with the truth right in the face? A guy with strength? A guy with charisma? Need a guy with a lot more confidence? Need to be more suave?
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male
reader, nichiren  +, writes (26 February 2009):
 One thing that has worked for me.Be yourself. Involve yourself in all the activities, people and things you enjoy as much as you can.Try to get a job you enjoy if possible.(considering the recesion).Try to enjoy life the way you want in each and every moment without worrying about finding a woman or what they might want.Either two things will happen...you will either meet a woman who likes you for who you are as a total person....or....you will be so busy having fun you will not worry about being alone.Actions do speak louder than words. Some women do claim to want one thing and act totally different.You can play the 'game' and easily get women. do the perfect combination of 'bad and good guy'. It works. and it works well. But if that isnt your natural spirit one day you will be questioning that path.Or you can take the path I described above and just flow like nature. It nets less women than the 'game' but your path is clear.All I can tell you is to search yourself for what feels natural and happy to you and do it.You are not on earth to live up to anyone's standards but your own. And since many of us have jobs in which we have to play by someone else's rules, freedom to be yourself in your personal life may be a great path.i know it is for me.
A
female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (26 February 2009):
every woman is different, so there really isn't an exact answer for this question of what women want. everyone has their own ideas of what they want. you can't put all women into one box.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): Funny... I remember my sister and I having this conversation about what we as women want, because it can be hard to articulate.The best we have come up with, is that we want a man to be a MAN. Yes, he has to be nice, decent and caring, as you say, but he has to be... manly. It is possible to be nice without being a wimp or a pushover. Guys who follow a woman around, obeying her every command, and just generally acting like a whipped slave and thinking yourself to be a "a nice guy" (which I'm sure they are)... all it does it stick you in the friendship zone. We'll think you're a great friend, but there is just no way we'll ever be attracted or see you as anything more than a brother... one we can kind of take advantage of, if we want to, since we know you're the guy we can call at 3 AM to come kill a spider or who'll pick us up when we need a ride to go Xmas shopping or the one who'll listen to us as we cry about another man who broke our hearts (yeah, I admit, I did a couple of those things in my younger days).That "edge" some of the other aunts were talking about... Its not about being a "bad boy," who actslike a jerk and breaks a woman's heart, but about being, well a MAN. The not being a wimp or a pushover thing. Its about being nice and decent, but also setting your boundaries about what you will and will not tolerate. Its about self-respect and confidence. I hope this makes sense.
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (26 February 2009):
 The Number 1 any woman is with any guy is ... chemistry. This is (a) why often you might find girls with a total idiot and (b) why girls might not listen to the advice of others or even themselves. Chemistry rules, I'm afraid.
As we get older and wiser we try to tell ourselves that someone being nice, kind, loving, decent, generous, having a good job and a house, a future, etc etc ... is all more important than chemistry, but when it comes down to it, chemistry is still damn hard to resist.
And chemistry is not something you can work on - it is just a magical thing between two people - often even depending on exactly where each one is in their life at that moment.
So, if a 'perfect' guy comes along and makes a girl feel quite happy and flattered and loved, and then a bad boy rolls up and gives her one wink and she's throwing caution to the wind and riding off on the back of his thoroughly dangerous and unsuitable and probably untaxed motorbike, you know why.
Personally, I want a mind-blowing chemical connection with someone, but for him also to be nice, decent, loving, funny, rich, etc etc .... that is the Holy Grail! ; )
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 February 2009):
 With all due respect, at your tender age of 18-21, I sincerely doubt that you have had much experience with a wide range of people, so your perspective might be limited to a set group of women of a certain age and maturity level. Sweeping generalizations are great fun to make when you're having a rant, aren't they? Gads, men do those ALL the time! (See, there's one right there!)
I think that you really fancy a girl who is a friend, but she doesn't like you 'that way'. It's possible that this may have happened to you more than once.
Look, people mature at different rates. I have known some extremely wise and sensible 16 year olds and I also have known some exceedingly immature 30-somethings.
In your age bracket, most people are still growing up. They're still figuring out their place in the world and who they are going to develop into. Some date and choose wisely then, others date and choose poorly. Priorities at 18-21 can be very different than when you are 38-41. I rather hope they are!
We as women are taught that men have very fragile egos. They need to be coddled, as men take things very personally when it comes to judging them as sexual or romantic partners. So it's unlikely that you're going to find an 18-21 year old woman saying, "Look, Sam, you are a wonderful friend, but you're a bit too squidgy and frankly clingy. You have horrible breath and your choice is shoes is appalling. I'm afraid that I have no sexual interest in you whatsoever. Me and my close friends have discussed you for hours and have determined that it'll take a miracle for you to find a girl, because you are clueless as to how you come across to us females." That would be forthright and direct and absolutely honest.
You're more likely to hear, "Sam, you are a great guy and I like you a lot, but only as a friend." even while we continue to say that we want a nice guy who is decent and caring. We are protecting your egos.
We also have an image to protect. We can't say we want the wild boy who is sexy as hell and makes our heart flutter because he's unpredictable and will make our friends jealous because then we'd be labeled as silly and trampy. We can't say that we sometimes subconsciously create romantic drama so that we can spend hours doing an extremely satisfying thing, and that is not what you think. That enormously entertaining thing is discussing his faults and dissecting his words and what he did and how he looked with our dearest chums for hours and hours and hours. We can't say that because then we'd be labeled as immature drama queens.
We have to say that we want to date a nice and decent and caring guy because that means we will be considered a nice girl who has a good head on her shoulders, and isn't she a sensible, lovely thing?
Now those past few paragraphs came out of my dim memories of how I was at age 18-21. Now that I've been out in the world and have met all kinds of people in all kinds of situations at all kinds of ages, well, it boils down to this: you can't always get what you want. Once you take that on board, and I hope you will, you'll be getting somewhere. Because I have to tell you, bitter is NOT sexy. Wise and funny might be, on the right person.
Good luck, and I hope you choose to enjoy your journey through life!
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (26 February 2009):
 Sometimes what a women wants changes or is a reaction to past relationships. I had always gone for hightly intelligent, rather geeky and/or artistic guys who werent always the best looking but were fun, creative, adventurous and tender. I was in a realationship with one such guy many years ago. He left me for an old girlfriend and completely broke my heart. I ended up marrying someone who was completely differant than what I had gone for in the past. This guy was extremely good looking, not the brightest bulb in the box, emotionally distant and rigid in his ideas and not adventurous at all. This was in reaction to my heartbreak. Because the one thing this guy had that held me was I absolutely knew he would NEVER leave me. And he didnt. I ended up leaving him. Now I am with someone who fits what used to be more of my 'criteria' and am much happier. So sometimes women dont always know what they want or even go against what they want for emotional reasons that dont always make sence or work out.
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A
male
reader, 23ConfusedOne23 +, writes (26 February 2009):
 Bad boy doesn't really mean someone who likes to hang out in jails, rob banks and such. To some that's a turn on but most just want a guy with an edge especially when the women are younger. I am not really a bad boy, actually i consider my self a pretty nice guy and so does my girlfriend but I ride motorcycles and so that gives me that edge, the danger and excitement women sometimes seek. They just don't want someone who is boring and not full of life. They want an exciting, guy who they can"tame" and make it their man, someone who they feel safe with, someone who can take care of them if things get a little rough. Someone who will stand up for her even infront of his own friends to protect her while still maintaning his pricipals and stand strong. It's confusing but you'll find her. Hope this helps a little.Take care.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (26 February 2009):
 I think Armymedic is right here, girls dont know what they want until they find it! Which makes it a lot harder for you men I'm afraid!
When women have met someone and are getting married, when asked, how do you know he is the one, they will often say "I just know". Its this sort of thinking that women tend to go by, as when they are dating they think they have certain criteria in their minds but once they meet "the right guy" this can all go out of the window, and he could be a complete opposite of what they thought they wanted.
Dont give up on the whole thing, oneday you will find someone who will "just know" about you.
I hope this helps!
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A
male
reader, Ed1337 +, writes (26 February 2009):
 Thats the problem a lot of guys have Annalisa, we aren't what you call bad boys, how would you even describe what a bad boy is? someone who will mess you around and break your heart? or someone who spends half his life behind bars but treats you well?
I consider myself to be one of the nice guys and after my last relationship i've thought about changing who I am. My ex decided to go back with someone who has already hurt her in the past, after calling me such a great guy, I guess I wasn't that great afterall.
I have a first date on Saturday, so i'll take onboard what you just said :)
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (26 February 2009):
 You sound like a lovely but very frustrated guy LOL
What do YOU want in a girl? Are your criteria being met by girls yet you do not date her/them? Or, did you them them based on your checklist, then discover after you got to know her that there is more to her than your "list/criteria"?
Cat
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (26 February 2009):
 Girls want all of what you have said above but it's the individual package, we as men are shallow we like a good looking girl, who we get on with. Girls are much more complex, and to be honest with-out offending every girl here, they don't know what they want till they find it.
Just keep dating, one day a girl will be looking for you.
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