A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For a while i've liked this girl. A girl who likes these skinny, effeminate guys. I'm a 6'4 and 17st rugby player. I don't fit her criteria of a 'type'. We've been friends for a good few years but how can I get her to understand that just because i'm a big, tough guy it doesn't mean that i'd be an asshole in a relationship or I wouldn't care about her. My biggest worry is that I think she thinks i'd be.. Violent? In a relationship. I'd be anything but! In past relationships i've only ever been the caring boyfriend that looks out for his girlfriend. However, being from different groups she can't really see that. Any help would be great! Thanks :)
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 But, are you sure she thinks that way ?
It would surprise me because violence is not related to size- it comes from your brain , not from your bulk, there are mean skinny bastards out there , and respectful, kind , big-bodied individuals, and I guess everybody would figure that out pretty soon in life.
Maybe it's much simpler, if she likes slim metrosexuals you are not her type physically, and , let's skip the debate whether this is shallow or not, or whether people should have " types " or not- the fact is that many people DO have a preferred body type, and if you are TOO hugely different from it , she won't be able to feel attracted.
Or, she may have a psychological type, like : you are a jock- and she' s into geeks, or dandies .
I know my answer won't be of much comfort to you and I wish I could do more- but I think it's good to be able to accept an unconvenient fact : people come to you already with a certain blueprint of what they like or want, often they don't even know they have it because it's something that goes back to early childhood, or it is totally subconscious , yet it's there. This blueprint MAY change with time and circumstances and enough "exposure " to the person, - MAY, not must.
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (13 April 2011):
Are you sure the though of you being violent is the only thing here? I mean, maybe she isn't attracted to you physically. Don't get me wrong, it's nothing with your body. But some girls will find you appealing and other won't. And that's a big part of a relationship.
If I were you I would start courting her gently. Like sending her flowers, writing her poems, showing her you can be tender to her. But it's up to her to drop her prejudice.
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A
male
reader, wolfred bane  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 well, i would go introduce your self, and she will proberbly see the truth.good luck
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