A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 36, female and single. I got chatting to this great guy who's single and 38, i felt that he liked me. I then asked him out on a date and he said Yes.What do men think about a women asking them out? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): Just because one person makes the first move doesn't mean that he or she should control the whole relationship. I don't think you always have to be in control. I just believe that the book you were reading was steering you wrong. In a healthy relationship both people should try to be equal in decisions and compromises. I was trying to counter the book which seemed to state that the man should always be in control.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSpanna my dear why do you not say how old are you? To be honest you did offend me and i found it hurtful.
(Example: As long as you dont think your god's gift )
When i first read what you had said i thought how rude. I felt by the way it was written that it came across as quite sarcastic.It came across as childist. So i assumed you where younger. However, I do believe that some teenagers are very wise for their age and can have great wisdom and input.
I didnt have this reaction to any other posts and found them quite insightful and helpful.
It can be difficult when writeing because things can be taken in the wrong way, and be unintentually misinterpreted. Things can be taken out of context and misunderstandings occur. Lets just leave it at that my dear, no harm done. You wrote with the best intentions in your heart, so that's all that matters. Right or wrong you tried to do your best - and isnt that what this site, is all about - trying to help each other? God bless.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn in reply to what spanna just wrote, i asume you are younger then me my dear, as being 36! i do not get men to buy me drinks - ar'nt you aware of the potential risks in that kind of behaviour, you have a lot of growing up to do. I do not think i am god's gift, i am a decent, fair human being and i saw an opportunity and took it. When you are 36 and your able to find a 38 year old, single male, which is rare! ( Ie : Not married ) you don't let that pass you by.
We actually met recycleing items to stop them going to landfil and just clicked.
But he has now put the ball in my court by saying that i can pick the venue when we do go for a drink. Ive suggested we decide mutually where we go. And i pay my own way!
Can i just ask the guys only - just because i made the first move why should it mean i have to take control of the situation from now on, i'm in to an equal freindship and equal decisions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): For me, it depends situation. If this is at a party or a bar, and a woman I never met before and do not know asks me out on a "date" after casual conversation, my reaction is not too accepting. I am unconfortable with it. But if this is someone I have known for a while, whether from work or any social contact, it doesn't bother me.(I should put this in the past tense, as I am now very involved). But I have certainly accepted such invitations. It may have been a concert or any event she knew I would enjoy. It usually went fine. And, no, I did not "expect" that she was looking for a more intimate relationship. If it so happened she was, well, that was no turn-off either.
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male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (12 September 2007):
Having been asked, I found it flattering.
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male
reader, duce00 +, writes (12 September 2007):
 I personally dont care for the classical ideas of dating and the whole male in control thing. I like a woman who knows what she wants and isnt afraid to ask for it. It doesnt sound like Im alone here either. Like others said, that book you are reading doesnt pertain to modern men very well. You dont sound like a stodgy old school woman either. Id say ditch the book and go with your instincts. They sound right on to me!
Duce
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male
reader, Escalaya +, writes (12 September 2007):
 I find it very attractive when a girl has the confidence to ask me out, and who is ready to grab ahold of what she wants, and hold onto it tightly, instead of waiting for me to make the move.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): In my experience, everything that you read in the book has been true, for some reason. I don't know why, though. I, personally do get the impression that men like to do the pursuing. And I also get the impression that if they like you they would ask you out. But then again if you asked him out FIRST, maybe you didn't give him a chance to. Like my ex asked me out about a month after we met. (And I was dying for him to have done it sooner). But I figured that if he liked me he would do it, eventually. And he did. But I agree with the book not because I "think" that is how things "should" be. I agree only because in my EXPERIENCE that is the way things have turned out good. The times I had tried to pursue a guy, they were not that receptive (they didn't deny it but I think they felt awkward. And that made me feel awkward). And then when you go out, I guess since they did not initiate it, it is awkward when you are both waiting to see who is going to pay. And then after the first date it gets awkward because neither of you really know who is going to initiate the next date. Who is going to call first. Because since you already took over the role of asking him out, that fact alone kind of cancels out his initial role as "the man" who is supposed to do this or that. It may be confusing to him. I guess it is easier when it is up to the guy. All the expectations are already determined. But everytime I waited and they pursued me then there was no awkwardness. It felt right for both of us. It felt more natural. Go figure. But what's done is done. I hope your experience turns out great.
And for those who made comments about how gender roles are so antiquated and carry the expectation of a woman being a "homemaker," I totally disagree with that. Gender roles are not as black and white as you imply. Perhaps that particular idea is antiquated and to some extent taboo in certain parts of the world, but gender roles, in general (which is made of a lot of ideas and not just that of a "homemaker" which is such an oppressive concept), and the expectations we have of them are very present in our society and very accepted. Gender roles don't have to carry such a negative connotation and in reality they don't. Do you expect your future wife to get down on one knee and ask you to marry her?? I mean we all accept gender roles not because they are oppressive but because they are tradition. That's all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): I'm not sure what book you're reading but it sounds out of date. Much like books that used to talk about "the happy homemaker" with a womans' place being in the home, who's only purpose is to care for children, and other such garbage.
There are some men who might fit the description given by that book but it is by no means a description of all men.
If you want to ask someone out then do it. It's better if you are yourself from the beginning if you want a long lasting relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou youve made me feel a bit better.
Its because i've read this book and it said that if a women asks a man out, the guy see's it as an open invitation to bed-that is not my intention!
Also it said that men like to do the pursuing, the alpha male thing. Maybe i should have been a bit more subtle, and waited. The real reason im confused is because of the book! as it said if he hasnt asked you out, then hes not that into you.It also said that very rarely does it work out when the women does the asking? Why?
Im not shy, so why should i have to wait for a man to ask me out?
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male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (11 September 2007):
 im alot younger than you but i would like it. Especially shy guys would prefer it, and in todays day and age i see no probelm with it.
Its also great as its on your terms which is better for the guy as he doesnt have to judge what to do.
Go for it.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (11 September 2007):
 Hi,
There was a recent show on US TV about where men were - and how to meet them. One male writer who wrote about dating explained - Guys don't like to have to make the first move, walk across the room, make the first opening remark or ask a girl out EITHER, because they hate being rejected too. They have often had to put themselves in that position. SO - they really appreciate being asked out or approached first.
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female
reader, luvandbball5 +, writes (11 September 2007):
if you like him it doesn't matter
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male
reader, jm81690 +, writes (11 September 2007):
 If I like a woman and wasn't sure if she liked me or not, then surprised me by asking me out, I'd be pretty happy.
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