A
female
age
30-35,
*nshu..
writes:Hi,m 21yr old indian girl..had been in a relationship wid a guy approx for 1yr,bt he ditched nd left me,as i trusted on him...i was in physical relationship wid him...but before 1 nd a half year...Nd now m going to marry wid anothr guy...after 4-5 months...So as i didnt sexed for such a long time(one and half year)...is my husband come to know that m not virgin.....??My husband believes that in first tym evry girl bleeds...bt wen i lost my virginity i didnt bleed..Pls help me,n tell me...how i can save myself...wat can i do by which my husband will not come to know that m not virgin...pls help me...
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female
reader, 1busybee  +, writes (22 September 2012):
TELL THE TRUTH. Tell him you love him and it was a 1 time thing.
A
female
reader, Anshu.. +, writes (22 September 2012):
Anshu.. is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks to all...thnk u so much...
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather  +, writes (20 September 2012):
 This begs the question: So why are you so keen to marry him if you know he's prepared to ruin your family relationship and treat you like shit - just for being honest?
I can only surmise that he has something you so desperately want - like wealth - due to the deceit you are so callously prepared to commit.
Truth can be hard to swallow and even harder to own up to, but have you considered if he ever met your ex and found out in that way? Chance in a million maybe - could you live with that thought hanging over you?
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A
female
reader, Anshu.. +, writes (19 September 2012):
Anshu.. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much....but please give any other solution or suggession...pleaseee....because i cant choose the option of surgery and i cant tell him the truth also...but i try to do so...,but I know...he'll give negative reaction...He will leave me...which i really dont want...And he might tell my parents also about this thing...and this will cause a great issue...and then he will also leave me...I am really very much sure about this thing,as i know him very well...please help me...and please give any othr suggession...please?..
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (17 September 2012):
 You should be honest with him because no one deserves a lie. If that's what he's been brought up on and that's what he thinks he should be getting in life, then don't lie to him. He doesnt deserve it. The way he thinks is the way he was brought up and taught to believe and that's how he is. If he still loves you, then he will still marry you. However, if you cant get yourself to tell the truth, then lie and stick to your story. There is no way for a guy to know if you're a virgin or not and bleeding on the first night is an old wive's tale.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (16 September 2012):
 why not be honest with him?. why start out the marriage with lies and deception, why not be honest to him. does he not deserve the truth?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (16 September 2012):
 Your best bet would be to go to a plastic surgeon for an hymenoplasty- they stitch your virginity back ( under anesthetics ) and it's foolproof. It is a rather expensive procedure , though .
Or , just Google " Artificial Hymen " or " Hymen Reconstruction kit " or even " Hymen Shops " on line. That would only cost you maybe 30 USD. It is a small piece of plastic material imbued of blood-like liquid, you have to insert it in place not sooner than 15-20 min. before intercourse ( otherwise it melts ) and the thing, on penetration, releases fake blood. This is a product which was manifactured in China and, alas, just recently China banned its sale , because the chemicals can cause vaginal inflammations and infections- but you can still find it on line from American or European sites , and, if you want to risk collateral effects...
This is BAD advice and only to be used if the consequences of your non-verginity would be dramatic and dangerous. There STILL are places and cultures where a non-vergin bride risks severe bodily harm, or even being killed ( I hope not in your place and culture, but you never know ... ) Otherwise please, if the bad consequences would be that you'd " lose face " or that your husband would yell at you or your dad would be mad- please be reasonable, be brave, and take responsibility. Also for the sake of millions of girls like you that can't reclaim the right to own their sexuality and have to go through this humiliating charade of a " bloodied " first night. I don't expect you to be an heroin if your broken hymen has to cause you to be physically attacked , or thrown in jail like in some countries, or kicked out of your town to fend off for yourself with no money and no help. But anything less dramatic- let them yell, curse, and complain . It takes one girl to say, yes I am not a virgin, so what, and then soon there will be one more, then 10, 100, 1000 more and , hopefully, in a few years or decades at most , this stupid thing of marrying a virginity and not a woman will end altogether, and women shall be free to CHOOSE without pressure if they want to stay virgin or not.
So the GOOD advice would be: just be honest and tell the truth to your future husband. If he loves you he'll get over it, if he does not ( arranged marriage maybe ? ) and backs off ... you won't marry a man that does not love you and does not take you as you are as a husband should.
I also have an in-between advice if you can't find the guts to tell the truth and don't want to resort to extreme measures like in the " bad advice " : polish up your acting skills. Just deny, and stick to your version.
After all, when you lost your virginity you did not bleed , right ?- and you WERE a virgin. That's very common, for one reason or the other ( childhood accidents, very elastic hymen, born without hymen ) around 35- 40 % of women do not bleed their first time. That your future husband believes that all virgins MUST bleed... does not make it so . So, keep your cool , act calm and collected, call him an ignorant, and send him to check a medicine book, which will confirm that bleeding is optional.
But, that too if it is really necessary, if you can't absolutely afford to piss him off . Otherwise, honesty is always the best choice, and I must say that the poor guy totally deserves it, he may be old fashioned , he may be the product of male dominate society, ... but he still deserves like anybody else to marry a person who is exactly who she says she is ( among other things, a virgin ) .
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather +, writes (16 September 2012):
If you can't choose your partners more carefully, at least have the guts to say to your present one that you had a previous relationship. He MAY actually appreciate your honesty.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (16 September 2012):
There is a cosmetic surgery procedure available in your country that can restore your hymen. Additionally, you can request blood capsules that are put inside you. This procedure and the capsules make it seem like your wedding night is your first time having intercourse.
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