A
female
age
30-35,
*amShaw
writes:Ive recently started quite a active sexual relationship with my boyfriend. He can't wear condoms, which i'm not completely bothered about, as there is other contraception available.I am in the process of going on the implant (implanon) but i am currently having to wait till my next period and take cerazette untill i am able to get it done, as my periods are very irregular. But i have to wait till my period starts till i can take that as well.What i was wondering was could i start taking the cerazette now, as im starting to get a little paranoid about getting pregnant and the just contact my GP when the bleeding starts?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 September 2012):
 Males can't get tested for HPV virus. They can carry it and NOT have an outbreak that can be seen. The tests used for women are different.
So for all you know he is clean... Then again condoms don't prevent HPV 100% either. Still, he still needs to figure that "safe sex" thing out... and how to go about finding a way to use condoms.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 September 2012):
 Ah, just read your followup. So your own hormones are making the contraceptive decisions for you? Getting carried away and all that? Yet you get paranoid about getting pregnant.... hm.
Funny, we had a bunch of posts recently from someone on cerazette who was desperately afraid she was pregnant despite negative pregnancy tests. I guess you have to be a big girl now, and establish if the risk of being pregnant is outweighed by the temporary high of getting carried away. From the outside looking in, it's pretty easy for us to say that a few minutes of pleasure isn't worth the 18-21 years of childrearing but then, that's us.
You do what you need to do.
And what you need to do is to listen to your doctor, especially as you don't have regular periods. I'm sure you two can work out a solution for a few weeks, right?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 September 2012):
Is he your first sexual partner? I ask because sometimes people who are new to sexual activity are trying to live up to some imaginary ideal and your comment about being 'cool' about this tells me you are trying to deal with this all yourself.
Contraception is a responsibility of both of you. Responsible guys know this and are okay with it. It doesn't mean they are happy with it but they know that they need to do what they need to do in order to protect you from getting pregnant.
I'm happy to hear he's been to see his doctor, that's a good sign. So now you say, okay, dude, good news bad news. Good news is that we'll be able to do it without a condom in a few weeks. Bad news is that it'll be a few weeks. So either you learn to wear a condom or we go without for now.
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A
female
reader, SamShaw +, writes (16 September 2012):
SamShaw is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI doubt he'd take it to that extreme to dump me.. Hes not that kind of guy. He said did actually say to me before that we could wait till i had got my implant in before we started being sexual. But then once we got carried away, and to be honest I do want to have sex with him when we do, but we always get carried away.. Its to enjoyable. :D
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 September 2012):
And by 'looking cool' about this, you mean pretending you are okay with having sex without a condom, um, stop pretending.
Either he wears a condom during intercourse starting NOW, or there's no intercourse starting NOW, no discussion.
You HAVE to be in charge of your own personal health here. Guys who are thinking with their penises are VERY bad advocates for your sexual health and preventing pregnancy, okay?
NO condom, NO intercourse. Period, end of discussion.
Just because he's been sexually active in the past doesn't mean that he's cooler than you, okay? YOUR body is the one that gets pregnant. YOU get to decide what type of birth control is going to happen. Be smart about this, okay?
I get that you are very excited and aroused but letting him have intercourse without a condom is just selfishness on his part. I know, I know, he goes flaccid. Well, maybe he's simply not aroused enough.
What I'm trying to convey here is that YOU need to be your own advocate and that it is MORE than okay to stand up for your own sexual and reproductive health, it is important that you feel strong enough to do so.
Be strong! If he dumps you for not letting him have intercourse without a condom, he's a flaming selfish jerk. Seriously.
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A
female
reader, SamShaw +, writes (16 September 2012):
SamShaw is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes hes been checked.
he says hes had himself checked after every relationship hes been in, plus i got him to take one before we had sex the first time..
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 September 2012):
So he's been very sexually active yet never wore condoms. ;/ Has he been checked out by a doctor for STIs before you go without them?
I'm serious, if he has HPV or herpes or other viruses, that's a real issue for you.
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A
female
reader, SamShaw +, writes (16 September 2012):
SamShaw is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts more me than him..
Because he's been in more sexual relationships than i have.. so im trying to look as cool about it as he is.. if you get what i mean.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 September 2012):
One more thought for him, ask him to refrain from masturbating for a week and see if he can't manage to sustain an erection after a week of no penile stimulation even despite the condom. My bet is he'll have no issues then. ;)
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 September 2012):
Well, if they make him go flaccid then maybe you two are having too much sex and he can't sustain it? You said you've started quite an active sexual relationship.
My theory on this is that he's simply not used to the sensations with a barrier of latex. I think if you two back off on sex for a bit, he'll figure out how to relax and enjoy the sensations he does experience through the very thin barrier. There are some brands of condoms that are designed to allow more sensation; time to start experimenting with those.
As for you and you trying to decide how to self-medicate yourself on birth control, BAD IDEA. You said you had an irregular period, then you need to wait and do as the doctor advised.
If you are not asking the right questions at the time with your doctor, WRITE the questions down on a sheet of paper. ALL these questions, for example, so that you won't get flustered and forget all your concerns. You have to be your own best advocate.
What's best for YOU right now, for example? What is best for YOU is that you follow your doctors advice and not decide on a whim to start a pill simply because your boyfriend can't handle the diminished sensations wearing a condom means.
What's best for YOU is to not get pregnant, so that means he has to find a way to ejaculate NOT in your vagina. That means he either goes without intercourse, or he learns to enjoy intercourse with a condom or he ejaculates elsewhere. It's a small sacrifice for a couple of weeks, compared to the alternative of pregnancy and parenthood.
It's a risk/benefit thing we are talking about here. The risk is mostly yours, the benefit is mostly his. A genuine guy who cares about you will see that and accept the need for wearing a condom, or waiting until you are fully protected from pregnancy by hormonal methods.
Is he getting snotty about this or are you just anxious to please him?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 September 2012):
I think he might be buying too small condoms. Honestly, this is something he needs to figure out and "get over". Relying on the woman to make sure a pregnancy doesn't happen (not to even mention STI's/STD's) it frivolousness to say the least. Maybe trying a XL might be an idea or even talking to his doctor, or another male he can rely on. I'm not saying that he's faking it, but.... he needs to figure it out.
If you can't see your doctor for a few days, well then there is ABSTINENCE for those few days/weeks.
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A
female
reader, SamShaw +, writes (16 September 2012):
SamShaw is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe cant wear them because they make him go soft within minutes.. So then we cant really do anything..
I dont think hes trying to get me pregnant because he even said that he doesnt want me to be pregnant, plus i dont think either of us are ready for that..
Im tempted to just start taking the cerazette now, since ive read that it takes two doses before it starts becoming a contraceptive.. and then just wait fro the bleeding to come before i contact my GP.
I was expecting her to suggest i take a pregnancy test, because the last time she gave me these pills she told me to take one, even though i said i wasnt even sexually active.. -.- but she never mentioned anything.
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A
female
reader, SamShaw +, writes (16 September 2012):
SamShaw is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell it could be some form of an allergy, i don't really know. Its just within minutes of him putting a condom on he goes flaccid.
I don't think he's trying to get me pregnant cause we have had jokes about me being pregnant and he always say i hope your not. Because i don't think either of us are ready for that sort of thing.
But I'm seriously contemplating just starting my cerazette now and wait for my bleeding to come, as i know that this pill doesn't control bleeding. As I've read somewhere before that it starts becoming a contraceptive after two days of taking it.
But if not, my period should start in a week or two, but because they are quite unpredictable i dont really have to wait any longer than that.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 September 2012):
He "can't" wear condoms? Why not?
Here's another barrier method for you to consider, the female condom: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control/female-condom-4223.htm They are advised for use as a barrier contraceptive if there is an allergy to latex. (I'm assuming that's why he "can't" wear a condom, due to an allergy.)
I think you need to have a really good chat with your doctor or a nurse in her office, to discuss your options with hormonal methods.
You have have, what, a week or two to wait until you start taking cerazette? Why not use a female condom, combine that with him withdrawing before he orgasms and then you won't have to worry about an unwanted pregnancy.
Do you feel pressured into having unprotected sex with him for some reason? Is he trying to make you pregnant or something when you don't wish to be?
Anyway, try the female condom plus withdrawal for the few weeks until you are covered by the implant. Is that really such a hardship for him?
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A
female
reader, SamShaw +, writes (16 September 2012):
SamShaw is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe can't wear them because they take all sensation away from him, and make him go soft within minutes.. Ive even witnessed it.. :/
Well i was kind of expecting the doctor to suggest i have a pregnancy test before she gave me the cerazette, since she did last time and i wasn't even sexually active then.
I think im just going to wait a week or two and see if my period does come and then take my actions from there.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 September 2012):
 I'm with Honeypie, why can't he wear a condom?
allergy? Use Lambskin
too tight: Magnum XL works
can't orgasm with one on?: welcome to the world women experience.... tell him you will finish him off with a blow job
whatever you do if you are not on birth control you must NOT let him enter you.... playing with fire are you two...
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (16 September 2012):
If nothing else, please purchase and use a spermicide.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 September 2012):
My question is this WHY can he not wear a condom? Sounds more like the doesn't WANT to wear them. If he is allergic to latex there are sheepskin ones.
And I agree with Abella, TALK to your doctor - write down all the questions you have and ask him/her - a doctor can give you FAR better medical advice then anyone on Dear Cupid.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (16 September 2012):
 hi
Go back to the Doctor asap. Get proper medical advice. You don't need to be mis-advised, only to have the patter of little feet a year or two before you planned to have them
the Doctor can give you the definitive answer, and put your mind at rest.
Best wishes,
Abella
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2012): Can I ask why he can't wear condoms? Sorry if he does have a legitimate reason for it, but in my experience most excuses men come up with (I'm allergic, it doesn't feel as good, I'm too big (!) etc) are just that - excuses, and most condom manufacturers have created alternative products to overcome them anyway.Either way, if you are currently having sex with him then you are at risk of pregnancy. Taking the pill early will not protect you either, as you will have started ovulating already (this is why you are told to wait for your period to start it - so you are at the beginning of the cycle and no eggs have yet been released). The only way to prevent the risk is to stop having sex altogether until your contraception starts working. You don't have long to wait, so it shouldn't be too hard to do, and you can always do other things sexually if you really can't wait.Whatever you do, please stop having unprotected sex and hoping for the best - an unwanted pregnancy is 100 times harder to deal with than 2 weeks of celibacy. All the best.
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