A
female
age
36-40,
*taunton5410
writes:What are the signs when a guys is using you? He works full time but has called in sick I think too many times. I wish he was more responsible. I feel like I support him and me. Eventhough he gets paid twice as much as me. I am almost everyday buying him food or breakfast and there have been so many times when he has only had his credit card and it hasnt worked so I will end up having to buy him food or gas. The thing is he told me to just add up the amount that he owes me and he will pay me back. Well the thing is....We have been together 10 months and the amount is up to $1259.00. What do I do? I love him and I am sure he loves me but the only thing that I feel is important to him is his stupid computer games. which is why he calls in sick a lot, he stays up until 2 am when he has to get up at 5 to get ready for work. But then is tired and doesnt feel like it. I do not want to break up with him because of this but I am so tired of feeling like I am his "money comfort" whenever he needs food or money. Please help me put and end to this.
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (14 August 2007):
 I have to agree with the other aunts here. This guy has become complacent. So what if he doesn't have the money, he'll get it off good old YOU! Put a stop to this NOW! Next time he doesn't have his credit card then let HIM deal with the consequences. Don't go out for a meal with him in case he can't pay. If he goes to the shop, let him go in alone. Tell him you are no longer being used here to pay HIS bills! Let him know just how much you've spent on him (although don't expect it back) but you need to be firm and stick by what you say.
He needs to grow up and take responsibility for himself. He doesn't seem to have any goals or ambition in life and quite happy to sponge of you come what may. Is this REALLY the kind of guy you want to spend the rest of your life with? TELL HIM NO MORE HANDOUTS! He needs a wake up call quick and hopefully you'll be the one to do that. Whether he does anything about it is entirely up to him!
Eve
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): In my opinion, a real man would want to provide for his woman, not mooch off of her. This guy isn't a real man, he's a pud. He is more into his computer than you!! Imagine that. You love him but he loves what you do for him, & that seems to be about all. You need to go out there & find yourself a real man honey. And consider that $1,259.00 gone. Was he worth it??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2007): Wow! What a meal-ticket, And if you cannot see that you are being used, none of us are going to convince you either. Why buy the cow,when you can get the milk for free.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 August 2007):
 Dear, he is using you. He spends his money in other pursuits because he knows you will pay his food if he needs to. This is plainly abusive. He's irresponsible, too. This will continue to go on for as long as you allow him to. Tell him that he owes you a good deal, and make sure he understands you're not covering any of his expenses; I'm sure he will be angry, but, you need to put an end to it. Don't give in, no matter what.
Also, you need to consider those 1,259 are lost. I doubt he is paying you. But, at least you won't be losing any more money.
If he threatens to leave you, so be it. You're not supposed to pay for his expenses.
Some man.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (14 August 2007):
 Hi
You are going to have to put a stop to this. My brother uses women for money & sex basically, and i think its awful.
My ex made sure everyone in his life had a use, even members of his own family and people will always tire of that eventually.
You have become a cash machine basically. And the longer you let it go on the more he will sponge off you. My brother had his girlfriend paying his rent while he spent his cash on booze & drugs. Some people can be selfish sods. But if you let them do it, you can only blame yourself.
I got sick of being a skivvy for my ex. We diodnt live together, his was mainly doing things for him, rather than money, but as soon as i had finished one thing for him, he would think what the next thing could be. Ironing, accounts, quotes on the pc, cooking his daughters tea when he had her.
I tried speaking to him about it, saying i dont want to be in a relationship with someone for what i can do for them, i want to be in one because the person wants to be with me.He denied that being the case (as he would)
Things didnt change, and for one reason or another i ended it in the end.
Im a very independant person & dont ask people for anything & if im with someone i like to be with them, not doing their chores or paying their way.
Wheres the fun in that?
Stand up to him now, & if he walks then you will know you were a meal ticket.
Take care.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, TangledWeb +, writes (14 August 2007):
Women use love as a reason to stay with someone who does not treat them right and its stupid. Men don't do that, so why do we?
My experience is, if he takes advantage and uses you it generally keeps going. Have him pay the full amount, don't let him get away with you paying for everything. See what happens, maybe its more that he lets you do things and figures you'll ask him if you need it.
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A
male
reader, strawberries +, writes (14 August 2007):
The question is do you see this as a long term relationship. I must confess that from my perspective he doesn't sound like he's a good partener.
Your mistake was getting into this situation in the first place $1259 is a lot of money, especially when you concider that it could all be lost if you had a bad break up. Also buying him food everyday is not a pattern you should get into. Either you alternate, or buy your own lunch.
I wouldn't say (from what you've said) that he is using you, he's just become comfortable with the fact that you'll do those things wuthout him NEEDING to put any energy in to the relationship.
The best suggestion i can make is to tell him how you feel, not necessarily about the money he owes, but about the computer games/missing work/food that way your at least saying he doesn't meet the standard you expect from the relationship. If he can't improve...then eventually you will have to realise he isn't good enough to be in a relationship with you
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