A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi :)My boyfriend and I realllyyyyy want a baby!! We've been trying for about 2 months and it doesn't seem to work. Everyone says I'm too young for a baby, but I know this is what we want. I love my boyfriend to death, and we want a baby and a family together. We are planning on getting married and living together to. We want the baby really badly. Any advice for us?? It would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): You arent thinking clearly.
Do you know what it would mean, you wont have a life as a teenager should have, you will become a Mum when you aer just a child yourself.
Your boyfriend is far too young to be a Dad too.
I preduct that if you continue this slippery slope downwards and actually get pregnant, you will in no time end up a single parent as your boyfriend will soon get fed up with the sleepless nights, no money, never being able to go out with friends and your lives will become just an endless drudge.
Who will suffer the most... the baby... who will probably end up being brought up by your own Mother when you cant cope at being dumped with a baby in tow.
For GOODSNESS SAKE wake up, realise you age, enjoy life, get out and meet people, travel, LIVE GIRL.... because sure as eggs is eggs, your LIVING will be over once a baby is on the scene... you will be an old lady before ever having any fun....
~From one that knows..... WAKE UP YOU SILLY LITTLE GIRL BEFORE THERE IS NO TURNING BACK....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): Im 19 and my boyfriend has two little girls and had them when he was younger. He had a job and was even older than you were. But he couldnt even take care of his daughters...his parents had to take care of them. Its been almost 5 years and he still has medical bills from them being born and he realized after he got married to his ex he made a mistake. Hes still trying to get divorced. Things cost...A TON. You wouldnt be able to afford a baby, and later on in life youll realize it was a mistake. Wait, in a year from now youll be happy you dont have a baby. Try babysitting for people in your area with infants, its hard work and even if youre a great girl now, no one can handle a child at that young of an age without money and some life experience. Just wait at least a year then think it through. You wont be able to go to college have a career even be able to go to high school or football games. Give it some time, really think this through, no one can make you change your mind but you. So sit down and think through jobs and money and time. Really think about it, you have to make this decision on your own.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): honey, have u actually thought how it would be having a baby at your age?
do u understand how much u will be giving up in life for a child? u wont be able to go out with your friends because ull be expecting to take care of it 24/7. having a baby is a full commitment and lets face it, ur bf can easily leave and expect u to take full responsability when things will be getting tough. in the beginning u will be thinking that uve made the right decision but after a week with a baby u will be regretting it. ur friends wont be around like they used to be because they will all be on a different level than u. theyll be the ones going out having fun, drinking partying and meeting new guys while ull be stuck at home with a crying and demanding baby. it will also really affect ur relationship with ur bf. having a kid really makes u grow up and having it so young could inevitably make u end up resenting it. ur parents will probably expect u to take full care of it since it was ur "mistake" in the first place.
sure ur bf will prob be around at first but having to stay in most of the time feeding and cleaning and caring for the demanding needs of a child can become very tirying and even frustrating.
its not like a puppy that u can leave at home when u need a break from things. most of the time ull be stuck inside barely sleeping at night thinking of everything that u gave up while ur bf is out with his mates having the time of his life. since ud prob be taking full care of the kid ull prob end up being very frustrated and ur anger towards him will just cause him to distance himself from u and then boom... suddenly uve become a single mom. what guy will want to date a young teen mom? not many
watch teen mom on mtv, it shows how hard it is for teen moms to have a kid and how badly its affected all of their relationships. most of them have ended their relationships because they couldnt take the pressure, whereas others (like that amber chick) have become super depressed and angry taking out their anger on their bf since she has found herself literally stuck and disadvantaged in life.
u dont even have an education at ur age? who in hell is going to support this child financially? babies are expensive? diapers are expensive! formulas,clothes and all the accessories involved are expensive!
sure ur parents can help u out because there is noway ur bf is going to get a job to support it as his age (hes prob underaged anyway). but do u realise what a financial toil it will have on ur parents?
and what next? how are u going to finish school? clealy u ahve no idea how the real world works because ure stuck in some bubble thinking that everything is going to be happy and dandy. do u know how much teen moms get discriminated by society? without an education how are u going to support urself and ur child? with some factory job that ull end up hating and which pays peanuts?
even if ur bf sticks around its doesnt mean its going to work out. relationships arent like they portray them to be in tv. especially teenage parents.. if hes decent and sticks around ure going to feel completly differently towards eachother. i doubt u guys have been together for more than a year so u barely know him right now!
just wait and see. i doubt u guys will feel the same after a year or two (with or without a kid).. things change especially when the honeymoon phase ends. its just the way
things turn out. seriously, watch teen mom. that show may not show all of the hardships of being a teen mom directly but it does give u a hint on how difficult it is for these girls.
stay in school and do something in ur life before u realise that ure stuck with not many options!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): u two need to see things as they are.. if u have a baby.. ull have to provide for it.. ur parents will probably be against it... so ull have to leave home cos ur parents wont put up for it-- that means u need to provide for yourself as well. thats it.. college will be screwed up for you cos ull be raising a baby and u cant leave a baby alone.. and ur bf has to work, cos who will provide for the both of you.. so he probably wont go to college too.. and who knows if he will get a job? so then we have two kids who have messed up their lives and who now have a kid who's life is messed up as well.. so wait..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): im really sorry but i feel like i have to say my opinion,. I think it is extremely selfish for people to bring a baby into this world when they are not equipt to provide for it, I would LOVE to have a child but i know i am not in a position todo so. Wait until you have enough money to provide for it. Im ot saying you need loads but enough for the basics. when you are young it is the time to be selfish and do things for YOU! once you have that child you will never be able to do that, everything will be about what you can do with a child around and what that baby needs. im sorry but i have to say dont do it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): You arn't even 16 yet. You having sex is against the law. Sweetie, you're not ready. Having a baby at such a young age will ruin your life. But forget about your life, you'd be ruining the poor childs life too. You're actions will have terrible onsequences. Having a baby would also result in depression. You wont be able to do anything other then take care of the kid. Also, having a child would not only ruin your relationship with your boyfriend, but he'd most likely leave. How would you two even afford to look after the child?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): I am a bit confused as to why you are so keen to have a baby first, and then move in together and get married later. If you don't think you can make these last two commitments then why do you think you can bring up a baby.
Firstly, before you bring a life into the world, how are you going to pay for it?
At your age, with only a basic education, I think it is safe to say that you do not have a job which pays enough to bring up a child, in fact, I would imagine that you still live with your parents and don't even pay for your own place to live. And yet you think it is acceptable to have a baby which means of course that you intend to sponge off the state and expect the state and the taxpayer to cough up because you cannot be bothered to wait. I would love a baby with my fiance now, but we cannot afford it, hence we are waiting until we can. I do not think it is right just to procreate with no means to pay for the consequences, it is ignorant and selfish. Hence we wait.
But, I think this issue flags up your immaturity. All you think about is how much you would like a baby, but have no idea about the reality of having a child which, sad to say, does revolve around the amount of money you have to spend. This is the adult attitude, planning around real-life issues. All you seem to have thought it that you want a baby, and no more. Why do you think people are telling you you are too young? Don't you think they, or any of the answers here, know what they are talking about?
What do you parents think about it? I assume you haven't told them, which indicates again how immature you are. You know they will be angry and say no, probably because, having had children, they know how much it costs emotionally and financially, and that at your age you are too young to handle any of that burden. Not to mention the fact that they will probably have to pay to put a roof over the head of you and your kid because, even though you think you are grown up enough to have a baby, you can't even afford your own rent.
Don't have a baby. You cannot give it a good quality of life . You are immature and irresponsible. You haven't finished your education. You're not married and your bf may well leave you in the future. You are being selfish.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (10 August 2010):
Yes i have advice for you! keep playing w/ your doll babies and you say everyone you talk to they are telling you right. and it's a shame they don't speak w/ your parents on the subject. how do babies have babies put it this way do you know what it feels like giving birth? first carrying a baby you get morning sickness so bad it's like you have the flu then your back hurts real bad you get heartburn like a bad burning in your chest your feet hurt real bad you get ugly stretch marks all over your belly and on your thighs leggs then you sit up almost all nite for feedings changing their poopie diapers cleaning up throw up never being able to go out and have time w/ your friends any more as a matter of fact you wont have friends anymore. and then your bf will be long gone his parents will make sure of that if you don't believe me ask his parents! and least but not last don't want to sound grose but try watching a watermelon come out of a lets say a dogies bottom.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (10 August 2010):
 S T U P I D
Selfish
Thoughts lead to
Unpredictable Relationship Outcomes
Pregnancy when you yourself are a child is
Idiotic
Denial is your middle name
Get Permission from Your Parents to Have a Child since they will be the ones raising it.
You will not be marrying this particular boyfriend, he isn't capable of providing for you and a child. Neither of you are emotionally equipped to handle the responsibilities of parenthood. This makes you a child having a child and a Single Mom.
Talk about ruining your life, his life and your Child pays for your selfishness.
Get a puppy, see if you can raise that. Puppies give you unconditional love, that is what you are looking for.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (10 August 2010):
 That's nuts!! Once you bring a kid into the world, it's a permanent commitment, and it would be cruel for you guys to do that. You'll regret it so much, and I'm not judging you but it would be totally irresponsible to bring a kid into the world. You're not in a position to provide a decent life for it!!
You're only a teenager, you have DECADES to have a baby. Go to college and graduate/professional school and get established in a decent career and THEN have kids.
You don't know what you're doing and you're making a terrible mistake. Once you have a kid, you can't give it back... you are NOT running out of time.
At 13-15, you don't even know who you ARE. You need to find yourself and be financially independent before you CONSIDER having a baby. You're not in a position to provide for the baby and it would be cruel and unfair to you, and the baby. Please wait!!
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A
male
reader, Was  +, writes (10 August 2010):
Dont Dont Dont, trust me, i know creating life is something amazing. But if you do have a child think that, he doesnt have a job, what about your parents would they be willing to pay for their granchild till your out of highschool O.o Really think because my sister had a child in high school and she has no plan for life at all and her husband left her. So really think about this k.
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male
reader, alex74 +, writes (10 August 2010):
 My wife and I adopted our son 2 years ago. The biologic parents (she was 16 and he was 17) had second thoughts when it came time to sign. They didn't have a car seat let alone an automobile. Neither one had a driver's license. If they had refused to sign guardianship, the hospital was going to notify DFACS and he would have become a ward of the state as they could clearly not provide for him. Babies are cute and adorable.....AND a tremendous responsibility. If you cannot provide for a child, don't have one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): I know how you feel. I'm 17 and me and my boyfriend want one too. He's 18. But we both realize that kids are a handful!! we're both in high school still. think about these things:
-Do you have money to afford a baby? meaning food clothes doctor visits a crib?
-what will your parents think about it? are they going to be supportive or leave both of you to figure it out.
-are you really mature enough to have a kid? at 15 you're just really realizing how life is and not even. you should be enjoying your high school years and that time with your friends!
if you have a kid now it's going to be very hard to go to college and do what you want to do. we really want a baby too. but we both decided to wait (: its the best thing hun. trust me just wait and enjoy life.
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A
female
reader, BeSimplyTrue +, writes (10 August 2010):
 My advice is to examine your feelings on this matter, really carefully and thoughtfully.
I strongly suggest writing down your feelings, like it's a diary entry. Don't worry about complete sentences, either, just focus on the flow of your feelings. You can start with "I really want a baby" and go from there. Just write. Try opening a blank e-mail, don't address it to anyone, and just write.
Okay, did you write some stuff?
Now try to answer these questions (maybe you've answered some already):
What changes will a baby bring to your life?
What are your hopes for him or her?
What is your favorite thing about your boyfriend?
What is your favorite thing about yourself?
What is your favorite thing about your life now?
What is your least favorite thing about your life now?
Now answer the question again... what changes will a baby bring to your life? (I bet a baby will affect at least some of these things! Even if you don't know it yet!)
The thing is, I've seen friends have babies when they were very young. Two friends, actually. And they were older than you, both of them 18. Neither of these two girls is with the father of her child and only one of them got married (they're now divorced). I know that they love their children, but I also know that that's all they do: love their children. And work, they both work...but they don't hang out with friends, they don't have hobbies, they don't go out just for the fun of it. They're moms, and they don't have dads there all the time to help them.
So this is why I'm asking you to examine your feelings. These two friends of mine DO love their kids, but I don't think their kids "fixed" anything that they wanted to have fixed. One of my friends was lonely and thought a baby would be good company. Kids can be pretty entertaining but they're not exactly "company" until they're probably 6 or so. So please, try writing about your feelings. Try to make your life as awesome as it can be without introducing a baby into it. From what I've seen, I don't think it works.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): Great answer, Moo's Mum. You're completely correct about the hardships of parenthood. I'm an older sister and it's frustrating to take care of my little brothers, clean the house, and maintain order when my parents are working. To the girl: you've found a great boyfriend and everything is perfect because it is simple. Kids require so much effort and you're not quite ready.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): okay, i'm your age, and i want to know what the hell you're thinking?!?!?! you have a life to live, don't wish it away on fantasies like this! nine times out of ten you and your boyfriend will split up because you're so young, and a baby will be so much work! i could barely handle parenting class when i took it my sophomore year! you have so much opportunity over the next couple of years... enjoy it! you will wish you had these years back. please, think this through.
and if all else fails, think about the pain of child birth. not everyone qualifies for a c-section you know.
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A
female
reader, Fefi  +, writes (10 August 2010):
 Like most people out there, i wouldn't aprove of it. you are a tiny bit younger than me, ande trust me you have ALOT ahead of you. Im not disrespecting your boyfriend, but, like many, he may just leave you after a few , stressful non-sleep nights. If hes not then, congrats, you found yourself a faithful boy. Thing is, you have to keep up with school and college and uni, and, instead of spending money on studies and equipment, you'll be spending money on your baby. Think about it, have you got the money to afford food? have you got the skill and experience of looking after something entirely your responsibility?
Just a thought...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 August 2010):
 What you want and what you can handle are two very different things. Unfortunately, it's a strong drive that can outsmart you. Unless you are independently wealthy and can hire staff, it would be better to wait until you can get married, buy or rent a house and have jobs and health insurance.
Wait. I know it's difficult, but your life will be so much better if you do things in the right order.
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (10 August 2010):
 I'm going to answer this two ways one you wont want to hear and one with advice in it :-)
1. Honestly I really wish you would both live together before you have a child together. Then you will really see whether or not you are compatible and will have the ability to stick together through thick and thin to have a child together.
Kids are hard hard hard work. I have 3 and whilst I love them to death sometimes I wish I was single and fancy free. I had my first child at 29 and still felt as though I hadn't done everything I wanted to do. Believe me once you have kids you are stuck. You can't go out when you want, leaving the house is a military operation that requires several hours of planning and preparation. Going on holiday is sometimes more trouble than it's worth! Going out for a family meal is a rodeo rather than a relaxing pleasant time. Children can be rude, definant, mean, thoughtless, frustrating and make you feel like life is not worth living at times. If you lived in New Zealand I would invite you to come and live with me for a month and experience it first hand. It's bloody hard.
2. To conceive you need to be having sex approx 1 week after your period occurs (every day if you can) and keep doing this until the end of week 3 of your cycle. Conception can only occur if the sperm meets the egg as it's coming out of your ovary and sitting in the fallopian tube. The window of opportunity is very small (2 days I think) which is why you need to have sex a lot before and around ovulation. Both of you need to be very healthy. Cut down on the junk food (once a week only) and eat lots of fresh fruit and veges. You also need to be taking some folic acid. In my country the pills are called Elevate and avaliable without a prescription from the chemist (drugstore for you I think). This helps to prevent spina bifida and other neural tube defects in the baby. It's great if you have been taking this for at least 3 months before conceiving plus you need to take it for another 3 months after you become pregnant. Hopefully you are not drinking at your age but if you are stop drinking. Alcohol can affect your developing baby from day one and most people don't even know they are pregnant until week 4 at least. Finally I recommend you both getting some books out of the library on conception and pregnancy and learning all you can about it. Also can you spend some time with a family with kids of varying ages to get an idea of what you are in for. I bet there will be lots of mothers who would jump at the chance to have some help with their kids.
Good luck think about this carefully. Kids are there for life and a massive committment.
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female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (10 August 2010):
 you're either 13, 14 or 15...please wait
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (10 August 2010):
 yeh... wait til you're older...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): Your way to young to have a baby. Most colleges won't accept someone whose had a baby before the age of 16 and even then it's not likely you'll get in. Your grades will slip, your relationships with everybody will change, and besides...neither of you I'm sure are ready to become parents. Now I know I have no clue who you are but I do know you have your whole life ahead of you. I have my own boyfriend and I'm around your age and we want all those same things (living together, marriage, a family, etc...) but the truth is, people grow up. Think about what a different person you were when you were 12! You might grow up and grow apart, who knows. Plus, you must have dreams besides him forever. Already having a family, especially a baby, will tie you down. You won't be able to grow into the person you wanna be. Babies take love and money and time, and honey, that equals more stress. Your a teenager, you don't need anymore! It's a great idea, I know. I myself go crazy that I can't live with my boyfriend but I know it's all for the best. I don't mean to sound preachy but it's true. Besides, think of all the fun you have with him now. Dates, getting to know his friends and family, learning new things about each other. If your met to be together you'll be together in the end. Just have patience. Everything will work out in time.
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