A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been hapily married for 11 years, or at least that's what i would like to have thought. 2 years ago, my wife started a job just to up-abit our money; we have an 8 year old son, and wanted to spend a good holiday with him. her job was cleaning offices at night from around 6-12 pm. as time went, she gets home later and later, sometimes drunk, sometimes too happy. in the end i figured out that she started going out with friends after work for abit. I didn't mind, she deserved a small break once in a while, after all, she was working and looking after our son most of the time, not forgetting cooking, cleaning, etc...however, she just kept coming in later by the days and i have to leave early morning for work, but sometimes she doesn't come on time and i can't leave our son alone in the house.in the end i got very suspicious and asked her if she was doing a bit more that 'hanging out'; she was offended that i would consider she was cheating, but i still had my doubts.one afternoon, when she was having a bath before getting ready for work, i slipped in a little recorder in her bag, in one of the hardest pockets to find (trust me, this bag has more pockets than you can imagine, she doesnt even use them all).when she got home [again, drunk] i quickly snatched the recorder and went to work with it, just as i suspected, she was indeed cheating on me, and this night, she had a one-night-stand with one of the other cleaners there. after work, i managed to confront her with the tape. she denied everything, but when i played the tape, she quickly lost the innocent face. anyone would think that she would then plead for forgivness, but she snapped at me that im gonna have to live with it because this is who she is and who she has been for the past 2 years. i obviously rejected this and we divorced and went into trial. i lost my recorded evidence [she somehow must have found it] and stupidly the jury gave her custody of the child. right now she's off in portugal with him and im sending money over to her for our son. i sometimes speak to him on the phone but i want to be more a part of his life than a phone to him. i want to re-trial but the case is fully closed and she does not deserve custody... i know people say 'move on' but this is my son we are talking about here..please can someone just either think of something to get me out of my depression or even help me drive child custody to its rightful owner...this is not a game of finders keepers...
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (10 August 2010):
 If you want your son back, get the necessary visa paperwork sorted out for a long visit to Portugal with a view to settling in the country for a while. You could try to resume some sort of a relationship with him there. The European Union are bound by a Human Rights Act which maybe helpful to you in challenging the custody and access arrangements. However, no court in a Western country is going to give you custody unless you have compelling reasons why your ex-wife is unfit (i.e. child protection concerns). Most courts would have refused to admit your taped evidence of cheating as being irrelevant to child custody proceedings (and taped without her consent). You need to find a family lawyer with expertise in European law (since I am assuming your boy is now a citizen or settled national in Portugal). By physically placing yourself in the same country as your son then you send your ex-wife a clear message about your commitment to remain in the life of your son. It may make her act more reasonably with regards to access and visitation if she feels you are not going away quietly. However, as long as the boy is being educated and cared for then no court will award you automatic custody just because you request it. It is far better to try to put the hurt of a bad marriage behind you and focus on mending relations with your ex-wife for the sake of your son. If that isn't possible, seek legal assistance.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno, i just dont want my sister to find this, stupid huh?
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1  +, writes (10 August 2010):
Never give up that is your child! who i know misses you so much! and doesn't understand? and the horrible part is that the mother is braining washing him! i went through it for years and it's very difficult. exspecially her being out of state. have you tried a outer state compact you can go through the social services and ask questions! in what to do? or can you afford to hire a private detective? to go where she is at? and also you can ask why should you pay child support: not that you don't want too! but you have no rights to your child. can you locate the person whom she was having the affair w/ horible to say but you are going to have to be as sneaky as she is and put the nice guy a side! fight for your son and don't give up where there is a will i promise you there is a way! some attorneys wont touch it if there is nothing in it for them sadly but true. if you have done nothing wrong in being a good dad i would go back to the courts and persist a hearing they cannot take your rights are your childs rights away. write the govenor of your state, and pleade w/ them call the news people do a pleade let your son see your face and know you are looking for him and that you do love him and you will not give up on him. and there are child rights activists who will aslo help you they are out there get on your pc and and do some research!! you and your son are in my prayers!!
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (10 August 2010):
 well, this is a tricky situation. Its legal, I don't think you really can do anything unless your ex wife lets you. The only way to your son is to move closer to him and hope that your ex wife lets you see him.
question though, are you really a 13-15 year old girl?
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