A
female
age
41-50,
*arlin
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years. Our relantionship has always been up and down. He has cheated on me couple of times and I've forgived him. Just last Sep we broke up and got back together in late Nov. Things were going good trying to work things out and just on Friday we got into a very bad fight and he slapped me. I was in shocked and I still can't belive that happened since the reason of the argument was not worth it. He tried calling me the day after but he was very hangry and left me some nasty messages. I think he does feel bad but he blames me for it. He has apologize but I don't think he really feels bad.He also told his Mom which I am closed to and she won't call me back.I am really sad about the situation. He is telling he can't be with me anymore because of all this. He cares for me but he can't. I truly love this guy and Im welling to go to theraphy but he does not want to. I don't know what else I can do. I told him that I would be able to forgive him and try to move on, but he doesn't seem like he wants to be with me.I'm confused! I thought he was supposed to keep calling and apologizing but he is not doing it.
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broke up, cheated on me, got back together, move on Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pastfirst +, writes (20 January 2009):
 Just don't make the mistake of marrying this guy. Your relationship is definately abusive.
If he's slapping you and cheating on you, after you're married it'll only get worse.
After being with the guy for 4.5 years, it's difficult to make the decision to end the relationship, but any other choice would be a catastrophe.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): move on with your life. find other things to occupy your time to get over him. you shouldnt be fighting to stay with him, he hit you. there's someone better out there for you. you sound like a sweet girl, you deserve much more and a better guy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): He slapped you! That's the end of it! He is worthless! If you two stay together ... It will only get worse! How come the men that hit women never have any stories of how many other men they have beat up? Because they are cowards! Leave him NOW! (I'm a 27 y/o male ... Who has NEVER hit a woman btw)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): leave him be let him go. no man has the right to put there hand/hands on anyone. i was raped since i was 9yrs old to 12 1/2 13yrs old and he burned me every night on my legs and now i dont wear skirts,shorts or anything to show off my legs. some men are just sick and he seems very sick to me he slapped you he cheated on you get over him he isnt right find someone that loves you for you and would never put his hands on you. move on all you can do is forgive and forget.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): I don't like the sounds of things.....he slapped you, a man never hits a woman, a coward hits a woman, and he is still angry at you, for what?
He won't go to therapy with you. It takes two willing partners and he isn't willing. If a relationship before marriage is this hard, it won't get any better once you are married, if that is your hopes and dreams, you would be best to move on and go to therapy, alone.
The relationship has run it's course and now it is left to deteriorate, get out before it gets even worse and you really are damaged from the experience. Love is not supposed to feel like this....and once you shut that one door with him, then you will open a door to someone who is better for you....so take care of yourself, break up, take time to heal and then you will find love again...guarantee it.
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A
female
reader, MutantKitten  +, writes (20 January 2009):
 Cheating? Slapping? Angry messages?
It's time to GTFO, babe.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): If he raised his hand at you, then it shouldn't matter if he wants to be with you or not. You don't need him. You are better off without him. You shouldn't forgive him.
Anger is no excuse for hitting you, he shouldn't have even raised his voice at you.
Find a real man that will treat you right.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): Based on your summary of things, I do not think you should stay with this guy. There are better men out there and you can find one!! Good luck, hon.
xo
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A
female
reader, NurseBetty85 +, writes (20 January 2009):
 Hello,
I'm sorry any woman has to go threw that. I know its hard when you have feelings for someone and you want to make it work.
He seems to not be interested anymore after this fight, and this is a good thing.
Once a man lay his hands on you once, Sweetie..it will happend again or even worse!
From personal expereince, I gave my ex one more chance after he raped me! We got back together and for a awhile things were fine. Then out of the blue, he kicked me, threw me to the ground and raped me for the second and last time.
I loved him, he was my first. But I could not go on.
For your safety, it might be best to leave.
I wish you the Best..
NurseBetty85
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A
female
reader, Ask JenniHearts  +, writes (20 January 2009):
 it is time to leave.
i;ve been in abusive relationships and they start out like this
he slaps you and makeyou think its your fault and you take himback
then you hits you and says you made homdo it
then your sitting in a hopsital and your barely breathing...
honey no leave him and find some one else...
hope this helps
jenni hears
DON'T GET BACK WITH HIM
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (20 January 2009):
 Hon, it sounds like you guys are better off apart. You said or did something that got to him enough to slap you and he knows he shouldnt have done that. I think he realized after that, that this is unacceptible and he doesnt want to be in that kind of destructive relationship. The fact that HE was the one to break it off tells me that he did the right thing in doing so. That slap was the breaker of the relationship. I think you should learn, and so should he, from this and move on from each other to better relationships.
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