A
female
age
36-40,
*ib1
writes:Thank you for reading this.I was in a relationship for 2 years that just ended almost 2 weeks ago. When moved to boston (2 hrs away) his stress lvl was high and bickered with me about everything. Visiting him with his bad attitude made me feel like I didn't belong in his world there (eventhough he asked me to relocate to move in with him). I suggested a break up and he agreed, we did it quick. It probably took 5 min on the phone not much closure. A week later we talked on the phone again.In that phone conversation he expressed that he was reliant upon me to make him happy because he lonely and has been barely able to afford to live there. He also revealed that his emotions were dependant on mine, if we had a good day then I left for a week he would be on top of the world if we had a bad day he would obsess over what went wrong for rest of the week. Then the mixed signals he said I could keep his things for as long as I needed (his expensive laptop and an extremely sentimental piece of clothing). Then let me know he would be putting pics up online soon of me and my dog when we were still togheter. He wanted me to act on every emotion I felt, continue calling him and keep playing an online game with him.I was hoping the phone call would bring more closure not open the door even wider for god knows what! This has left me in emotional limbo making it hard for me to let go.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 August 2008):
 What kind of closure were you looking for? Are there issues still out there bothering you about the relationship?
I don't much like the sound of him relying on you to make him happy. If he's relied on you to experience happiness in life, then he needs to work on generating his own peace and be responsible for his own feelings. Otherwise, he's a bit of a leech, isn't he?
Anyway, back to your situation. Look, you need to take control of this, don't rely on him to make this decision for you. If you want to be with him, then be with him. If you're really over him, his neediness, his bad attitude, the bickering, then just don't let him put you back in limbo. Be nice, be firm, be clear. 'Nope, it's not going to happen, this dating relationship is over.' Then make sure you become unavailable for contact for a while, or at least limit it.
If you do want to repair the relationship and try again, then start putting the pieces back in place.
Otherwise, the only one who can put you in limbo is yourself. Don't go there if you really don't want to. You have my permission to be mean (not nasty, just really really firm) and cut contact for a while until you have some time and distance on the break up and he has a chance to make his own happiness.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, xKx__  +, writes (14 August 2008):
You should deffinately talk to him about where this relationship is going, it's to hard to just let it be in limbo and not really know exactly what is going on.
It will just hurt more later on if you keep it going on like this and ending it later.
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A
female
reader, Old-fashioned girl  +, writes (14 August 2008):
Dear Libl,
Moving to a new place is incredibly hard, especially if you've only got one person to rely on. I've experienced it. That situation will make any person, guy or girl, more needy and more reliant on the other partner. It sounds like in this case the guy is more depending on your happy emotions to keep him happy, which is a lot to ask of you. While you should be supportive of him and the move, you're not his psychological forecaster that says whether he'll be happy or sad today. If you two are still talking via phone it means that even if the breakup did give closure to you, it certainly didn't from him. I think your next action depends on what you want. Do you still want to be with him? If so, then continue with the phone contact. If you just want to be friends, give him his stuff back and gradually limit your contact and your topics of conversation to buddies only stuff. You need to take charge of your relationship here.
Good luck!
O-FG
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