A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years we are also living together. We both agreed to try for a baby--then last week when I found out I was pregnant I told him and he was so disappointed and told me to get rid of it.I was so confused and angry that he would think I could just get rid of it but he told me to get rid of it or it's over--he's packing his stuff as I write this, waiting for my answer. I don't get it, we were both sober and serious when we talked about it and I've tried reasoning with him but I'm so confused--what do I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi i want to thank you all for all your advice and thot id give u a bit of an update lol i now have a gorgeous 6 month old baby boy named luke i have my own flat and a part time job 2 help care 4 my baby and i took every1's advice and kiked my ex out permenantly. he pays up and i let him see him now and again but he will never be named his father. he's never there anyway but iv'e moved on i have moreimportant things to worry bout lol thanx every1 xxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2007): All I can say is OH MY GOD!!! What an asshole. Its not the baby you need to get rid of its him. Make sure you get child support too.
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A
female
reader, AndersAmanda  +, writes (25 June 2007):
 You didn't do a thing. He's the one who can't make his mind up....This is more serious though. Don't think of the baby as his,if he acts this way...lose him and keep that wonderful thing that's growing inside of you. I am 8 months and in the beginning my boyfriend was telling me to get rid of mine too. I told him I wanted to have it. And now I am about to have it. At first I was unsure,the further you get the more love you have for yourself and your baby. Don't let stress get to you. How can a person who loves you so much try to do something hurtful to something you both created together? If he really loves you he will be a part of your baby and your life!! Hope I Helped! Good Luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2007): Keep your little sweet baby. I just had mine 2 months ago. I also had an abortion 4 yrs. ago. I can tell you from experience, abortion is not a good choice. I am so happy I have my sweet little daughter. When she laughs and smiles at me & tries to coo & talk, it makes all the hard things so worth it. I know I'm older than you. I am 26. And I also have a man that supports me & our baby. But you will have that too some day. You're so young, by the time your baby is old enough so that you can have some freedom, you'll still be young & be able to date & find a real man. You will find hapiness, it may be (will be) hard in the beginning with a new baby & no man, but it is worth it. I hope you have a supportive group of friends & close family to help you through this. Also if you're a single mom, you can go to college for free, so don't think your life is over. There is also help with food & baby formula & money you can get it's called state assistance. also you can get health care for free if you don't already have insurance. These are things I didn't know the 1st time I was pregnant & scared to have my baby. So please look into these things & weigh your options very carefully & don't do anything because someone else tells you to, especailly when it comes to your baby. P.S. the guy is a total weasel dick & doesn't deserve you at all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2007): Hi darling,
country woman has said it all, You need to be really strong hun and stick by what you want. Id personally pack his bag for him and kick his arse right out the door.... mail me if you get down and surround yourself with your family and friends TAKE CARE LOTS OF LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, RebeccaT +, writes (24 June 2007):
If you want your baby then have it.
he said hed try for one and he did so you have the right to keep it whether he likes it or not.
It really depends on what kind of person you are.
1.U can bring your baby up in a world with no dad later to him later.
2. Or to u can sacrifice a real life for the person you love.
\ITS UP TO YOU.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (24 June 2007):
 Do not be forced into doing anything against your will.
Let him leave, surround yourself with your family and friends. He was willing to have fun whilst making this baby but now reality has kicked in he is running scared.
Let him go, if he is truly worth it he will be back. Tell him you don't need him, stand strong but surround yourself with people who will support you. Family are always normally there for us and siblings and also good friends.
It is not like it was a one night stand, you were in a relationship for 5 years for godsake.
I know you are young, decide what you want out of life, if that is to keep your baby then you can still get an education or further education and work, millions of other young mums do it.
I wouldn't say life is easy being a single mum, I am older but you do manage it and your love for your baby is far greater than love for any man who is weak like your guy is.
I know this is upsetting for you and your hormones are all over the place sweetheart. Don't be on your own tonight if he does go. Make sure a friend or someone comes over.
Don't rush any decision, give yourself plenty of time as this is a very important decision but it is yours after all. I feel like he has conned you with the fairy tale side of having a baby but daddy is not as grown up as he makes out.
Do not get yourself so upset over him as this is not good for the baby. You will have less stress if he is not around telling you to get rid of your baby. It is so much easier for a man to say that than the woman who has this tiny little life growing inside of her.
Just relax yourself with soft music and do what you want tonight, if he goes so let him. But try not to be on your own and if he tries to come back tonight or tomorrow tell him you need a lot of time to think whether you want a weak man like him back as you need a strong man and not one he runs at the first sign of a serious committment.
Stay strong, hold your head up high and open up the door for him if he is trying to do the emotional blackmail. It will be hard but don't be bullied in this way.
All us females are a damn site stronger than a lot of men give us credit for.
Not all men think like that otherwise there would be no uncles on this site but you get my drift.
Keep us posted sweetheart.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (24 June 2007):
 I agree with DV1. What a complete s**thead. I think I would have killed my guy if he had asked me to choose between him and my child. It seems he was all mouth and things were ok while you were chatting about it but now its actually happening and he'll have to grow up and take responsibility he's backed out.
Forget about him for now and decide yourself if you want this child. From what you have written I think you do. Let the lad go and concentrate on having a great pregnancy, then get a paternity test and then make him pay child support. He cant decide just because he doesn't want to now that you have to get rid of your child. He should have opened his mouth sooner and said he wasn't ready or whatever.
There are plenty of people out there who are single parents and there are also a lot of support groups for single mums and young mums.
Keep strong sweetie and don't let him force you in to anything!
xxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, myp +, writes (24 June 2007):
 That makes me soo angry. Get rid of him and collect child support, dont waste your time on that asshole.
-Myesha
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A
female
reader, topshopcitybabae +, writes (24 June 2007):
 Hello there well looks like you are not in a good situation bascally this is your decision only you can decide if you want this baby or not . Have you asked him why he has changed his mind like this have a heart to heartand see what he has to say.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 June 2007):
 There's good reason for you to be confused. Reaching out to people is the reason why we come here, so I'll try to help you.
Maybe you see this situation as "do I keep the baby, or do I keep him?" Now this is a decision you should not need to do. He agreed to having the baby. It's unfair of him to put you in this situation.
I think that keeping your baby and staying with him are different decisions, and you should approach them carefully.
I don't know if you're keeping the baby or not. I won't give any opinion in this regard.
However, no matter what you do, is this the man you would wish to have by your side? Someone who agrees to having a baby and then, when confronted with the fact, makes a quick and inconsiderate exit? I think a partner should be exactly that, a partner, in good times and bad times.
I have one more reason to tell you that you'd better let him go. I don't think your relationship is going to work in the future. Responsibilities will continue to come his way, and he may avoid them just like he's doing this time. I don't know how old he is, but he's already making lifelong decisions. So he'd better be responsible.
Whatever happens, you'll end up deeply hurt. You wanted this baby, from what I read. Suppose you do have an abortion. Where does that leave you? Suppose you don't. Why won't he be with you?
If I were you, I would let him go. And then I would decide whether I wanted to keep the baby.
You're so young. I wonder if your parents can help you with this. Their help might make a lot of difference. Your own life is only starting, and you will need help.
If you're keeping the baby, tell the man you will, and ask him whether he wants part in it or not. If he says he doesn't, then tell him to stay away for the rest of his life. When you're facing difficult times, it's essential to know who you can count on and who you can't. I say this for the baby, too. It's better NOT to have a father, than to have a father who only shows up eventually and is not a real help.
In the future, some man will come your way. Try not to let this bastard get in the way of future love.
Keep your spirits up, sweetie.
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A
female
reader, Ask_HanBan +, writes (24 June 2007):
 keep the baby! is my first piece of advice, as long as you want him/her thats all that count, if he doesnt want to the child then fair enough but as long as you want to keep him/her thats fine
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (24 June 2007):
 Get a paternity test proving that he's the father, then force him to pay child support. Then get that piece of garbage out of your life. He's a child.
DV1
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