A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok, So I am struggling with my emotions on this issue.So me and my girlfriend are both Christians and we have been dating in an exclusive committed relationship for 3 years. About about a 1 year ago or so I went to an Asian massage parlor and got a massage which ended up in me paying the girl extra to get a hand job from her while she was naked and I was feeling her up. Then a month later I went back and got another massage / hand job from a different massage girl. I never told my girlfriend. Fast forward to 4 months ago. My girlfriend cheated on me with some guy she met at her work. She stayed over at his house for 2 days and 2 nights and Had sexual intercourse both nights with him and gave him a blowjob, also she did not use a condom. She told me about it 2 weeks later and thats when I told her what I had done a year ago 2 times at the massage parlor. She was furious and made it seem as though I was the bad guy and she did not even acknowledge remorse for what she had done to me. Eventually she appologized for what she did. Fast forward to present day. We have worked things out and have been back together as a couple for 2 months now and we both have changed a lot and are leaning on God to guide our new relationship and trying to honor him by not having sex with each other until we are married which we both still want. Although we have slipped up 2 times and had sex with each other. My problem is I have forgive her for what she did. And I was able to do that because I still love her and I fend off my hurtful emotions of the memory of what she did by telling myself I did the same thing to her. This has worked so far but lately I am feeling hurt again and a bitter because I cant get the thought out of my head that what she did was far worse than what I did. I mean I paid some girl who was not even emotionally into me to jerk me off while I touched her and after I left there was no emotional attachment. She had full sexual intercourse gave him a blow job kissed him passionately and fell asleep in his arms naked with him 2 nights in a row. I mean he ejaculated his cum inside her. And when I asked her why she did it (at the time she informed me she had cheated) She said he was everything she ever wanted and fantasized about in a man and that he was the complete opposite of me. Those words still haunt my mind along with what she did. So what I want to know is was what I did equally as bad as what she did ?
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male
reader, bill1936  +, writes (13 December 2010):
To answer your question. NO! It clearly was not! However, that is not the issue. I think that the issue is your gf/fiance. She told you that she did it because it was the fantasy she had always dreamed of and it was great? That clearly shows not respect or love for you otherwise she would not say those types of things. Avoid her. Yes, that is harsh BUT from the info I have, this will be or is a very drama full and negative relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2010): OP good luck and GOD BLESS.
Your gf is incredibly lucky that she has you in her life. She almost lost u , plse tell her that. You are a deep, spiritual man and I am glad you are leaving no stone unturned in your quest for happiness.
I just want to add: sometime it is not the enemy's voice we hear, but it is the Lord ministering to us, but we choose not to hear.
Send us an update about the future.
Take Care
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): It's "Me" The guy who posted the question
Love Girl, I just wanted to thank you for your replies
I think it has helped me just to talk about it. I also believe that if my Girlfriend and I are truly going to enter mariage than we will need to perhaps talk further about exactly why we did what we did and how we feel now. Also I will not consider marrying her without us both going to a mariage councilor.
I think you miss read what I said about her lover fling guy taking advantage of her I never said that I thought this guy took advantage of her that is what she said to me and expressed that was what she felt. Personally I think she offered herself to him freely and he just took the offer for what he could get. That was her own fault if she felt hurt from that because after all what single guy would turn down an attractive woman offering herself to him. I had already forgiven her for what she did before I posted the question. I guess the only reason I posted the question was because Satan was playing with my head trying to stir me up trying to convince me that what she did was far worse than what I did. And I just wanted to know what other people thought about it and I got my answer clearly Cheating is Cheating no matter what was done during the cheating. Fact is we both made a mistake (no matter the reasons) and we both regret what we did and most importantly we both still really love each other. I have to say we have been through a lot even before the cheating and still loved each other through it all we are like magnets no matter how far we pull apart we are drawn to each other soul mates if you will. I have thought about the other point you brought up also even before I posted my questions. "What would have happend if this guy did not ditch her but rather showed more interest in her" would she still have come back to me am I just her back up plan. Well first off that didn't happen so I like to go with what is actually happend rather than specualte. however if I was to speculate. I would have to say she probably would have dated him for a little while eventually realized that he did not truly love her no matter if she is Fat or Fit. I on the other hand was am and always have been In love with her spirit and soul and personality not her
flesh) We have been such close partners emotionally and spiritually for most of our relationship and friendship. However if that had happend and she dated this guy for a while and than it did not work out and she came back to me I may not have been available nor do I know for sure if I would even want her back if she had started a dating relationsihp with this guy for any length of time. I mean 2 nights yes it was a mini-affair but not long enough to develop any kind of deep meaningfull feelings for this person beyond just sex. It's weired cause that would hurt me more and that I don't think I could take her back if she had develop a relationship with this guy and if she had dated him because I would be far more unable to forgive if she fell in love with someone else than just had a fling 1 weekend. Not to say I am ok if it happens again. Anyhow bottom line is...... Have we both forgive ... Yes ... Do we both still love each other ..YES... do we want to put this behind us and learn from our mistakes and be better to each other for it... YES..
Like I said I was just looking for some opinons and I got them and it has help me to shut out any of the lies that Satan is trying to convince me of in order to permantly wreck a loving relationship between two people who are not perfect by any strech of the imagination but who love The Lord Jesus very much and want very much to continue to learn how to live our lives for him and like him together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): Thank you for the updated clarity.I wonder what the purpose of your post for help was then.you seem to have made tremendous progress in just a matter of days. You know what u want and you have decided that a second chance it is. Then that is good.I believe the weight loss had a lot to do with the cheating. And what your Gf needs to realise is this: as blunt as it is said: u loved her when she was fat. No one else gave her the time of day when she was fat, u did. So perhaps she needs to understand this. I think u are wrong when u say that other lover took advantage of her. He did not. No one forced her to spend 2 days and nights with him. Have u considered what would have happened if he wanted more sex, would she have said no, or would she have run back for seconds. The only time she started to panic was when he ignored her after the sex and his thank you for the sex email. Realise this, he threw her away and not the other way around. Are u just. Her back up plan bec he did not want her. Or by him rejecting her, did she finally wake up and realise what she was throwing away with you. I think this man hurt her by throwing her away after sex. Just do not be her rebound guy/ safe guy she runs to when her plans fold. The worse thing that can happen is being no.2 to the woman u love. Your understanding of 'wimp' is incorrect but as u say you know the bible better so I will not dispute it.I really wish u well and believe that if u both are honest and trustworthy your relationship will stand the test of time. LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): It's "ME" The guy who posted this question.
Yes Love Girl I do see your point and I have actually considered already the same things you have pointed out. And one other fact I forgot to mention is that after she told me about the cheating and I told her a few weeks later (While we were broke up) She and I were still maintaining some kind of friendship and talking during this time she was asking me advice about this guy she slept with saying she was upset because she had not herd anything back from this guy for several weeks since that weekend except for 1 email he sent her after that weekend and all his email said was "Thank's for the time with you on that weekend I am greatfull". I presume at this point she had totally disconnected any feelings towards me and I was simply a friend for her to vent her feelings to without her having any regard for my feelings. Because she asked me what did I think that his email means. I told her straight up that this guy was basicaly saying thanks for the F*ck. Then she got all upset and said "Wow I give away my mind and body and spirit to this man and that's all he has to say, I feel so used and so hurt Wow, I can't believe I was so blind I thought this guy really like me" You see she was disillusioned with me before she cheated because I think she lost hope in our future because of my distance and my financial problems at the time. So I think she thought this guy was her ticket to solve all her problems because she has a High value on Money and success for her potential Husband at that time. She was not like this previously because she was trusting God but I think she walked away from him when she felt hopeless about my behavior and when that happend she ran back to looking for someone to give her financial security. Anyhow the bottom line is A LOT has changed with her and I since then. We talked a lot and forgive each other and she said that she had to go back to talk to this guy in person to tell her how wrong it was of this guy to take advantage of her and that she needed to forgive him for taking advantage of her. I was there the day she did that well not there but down the block while she went and talked to him because I did not want to see what this guy looked like. Anyhow I know she was telling the truth and did not go back and have another quicky with him cause she was only in his house for less than 2 min. Once she did this she said that she felt that she had got back her spirit that she gave away to him. And she no longer feels anything towards this guy. Since than about 3 or for months she has been with me every day and has said nothing about this guy ever again. And I have seen nothing or herd nothing that would make me believe that she has anything to do with this guy. So givin the situation and her lack of experience with relationships and that was the first time in her life she ever had an affair. I think that she was in a place of unhappyness and confusion for a long time in our last year and now realizes that she real loves me and that she has made a terable mistake and she just wants a second chance to make things new and right the second time around. I to know what it feels like to desperatly want a second chance for a mistake you made that you regret deeply. So I have given her a second chance. Since then her love for me has not only went back to what it was when we first were dating before all this cheating but it has grown to even deeper and more respectful. There is no garuenty on anything in life even in the best relationship but she has chosen to put this in the past and trust me again, and I am choosing to do the same. If it happens again well than it is done forever. But as a Christian I believe in forgiveness and that for me includes giving someone a second chance. You never know perhaps all it takes is one really big mistake for person to realize what really and who really matters to them and than to have a second chance to be a better person to prove that they are no longer the same person that they were. I mean Jesus forgives us so are we to forgive others.
I know that I want a second chance to prove I have changed and will never betray her again after my mistakes. The rest is in God's hands. And you are right the lord does expect us to be wise and to gain that wisdom from his word. However no where in the bible does it say anything about God expecting us not to be a whimp. Infact quite the opposite it says that we are to forgive 70x7 and to not repay and eye for an eye but rather if someone slaps you on the cheek give them your other cheek to slap also. By your defenition this would be a whimp. I think you don't know your bible facts very well. This does not mean that the lord encourages us to not set boundries and to just continually let people violate our bounderies but it does mean that we are supposed to forgive give people second chances and if they continue to disrespect second third fourth chances to protect our boundries. In other words walk away from an abusive relationship. However this is not the case in my situation at this time. Because She has changed and shows now sign or desire of betraying me ever again. If she does well than I will probably walk away from the relationship for good.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (24 November 2010):
 So your saying that when all this happened you two were not committed to your religion as you are now. So the mistakes that you made before you became a born again Christian should stay in the past. You both committed a sin and if she can forgive you than you should be able to forgive her since you two are now in the same page.
What I'm trying to say is that she cheated, you cheated don't try to measure it up as to whose mistakes was bigger because truth be told they were both wrong. If you two can get over it than go for it you can make this relationship work, but don't sit down and try to judge her because this will only mean that you can't get over it. (This also applies to your girlfriend)
And if you can't get over it than at that point it might be best to split.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): So what happens now.
You dropped her off at Starbucks but she went to her lover instead.
You loved her when she was fat no one else gave a hoot about her fat self yet when she lost the weight then she suddenly becomes a 'harlot' of sorts. Where was the so called christian then??
You keep talking of being a Christian, I am glad u have found God again and that u have now forgiven her cheating. But has she now gotten over her need to experience new men. Remember it was not just a one night stand she deliberately and calculatedly had an affair. So now is it back to being a so called good Christian girl.the Lord expects u to be wise and make wise decisions. He doesn't expect u to use his name in vain and accept being a wimp. The Lord expects u to be realistic.
Your gfs cheating has nothing to do with your religion. She was not thinking about her religion when she was having sex with another man.
Just my thought, I am sorry u think I got the wrong end of this situation. I am a mere stranger looking in critically.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): This is "ME" Again the person who Posted this question in the first place.
Ok I think I need to clear things up because Love Girl especialy has the wrong impresion.
We had been dating for 3 years. During the first 2 years we had sex with each other many many times. Yes we are both Christian, however when we started dating we both were not in a place at that time in our live where we were living like Christians and walking with God or obeying him for that matter. We were Sunday Christians only this is because when we started the relationship both of us had not been living a Christian life for many years before we met. After about 2 years we both had begin to want to get closer to God and start walking with him and living like God want’s us too. It was at that time that we decided to abstain from having sex anymore until we got married. During this time of abstinance we both were going thru a lot of very strong struggles with other things outside of our relationship. During this time I grew very distant from her and started neglecting her a lot, avoiding her making excusess to not get together with her because I could not handle all of her problems outside of our relationship that she seemed to on a daily basis dump on me. I felt like I was her own daily personal venting machien and she was looking to me to be her own personal Dr. Phill and everytime I try to help or offer advice she would get extreamly angry with me saying “Don’t tell me what to do” I did not ask for your advice. However I had my own problems life problems to deal with outside of our relationship and felt smothered because I basicly was trying to deal with my own stuff. And constantly listening to her complain about her problems but felt like I could not help because she did not want my advice rather she just wanted to complaine and than not do anything to deal with her issues. This drove me to distance myself because I could not handle her daily bundle of problems being vented on me while I watched her do nothing to change her situation. I think that combined with the abstaining from sex is what ultimatly lead me to the massage parlor hand job. As for her the more I distanced myself the more I negleted her needs and made her feel alone in the relationship this was very very hard on her especialy because I had been not only her boyfriend but her only friend at that time. After I cheated on her at the massage parlor I distanced myself even more because of my guilt. I also went into a deep depresion and was unmotivated and started letting all of my responsablitys and ambitions go and my actions I am sure were speaking loudly of someone who just is giving up on things and didn’t care anymore (Depresion will do that) basicly I was turning into a lazy ass who just didn’t care about much of anything except working to pay rent and playing video games to pass the time and help distract me from my depresion. This dpression thru the full Third Year of our relationship. During this time she she stopped dumping her issues on me so much and she poured out her love to me daily and every chance she could get writing me love letters and buying me flowers and cards and just generally being the woman I fell in love with during our earlyer years. This only made me feel even more guilty all thru our third year together because of the fact that I had cheated on her and still had not told her. So I became more recluse and distance and unmotivated. She basicly poured out TON’s of love to me stopped dropping her problems on me all together and stopped complaining for the whole third year. For the first 2.5 years and since we first met she had allways been over weight and a heavy’er Girl durning that Third year aside from pouring her love out to me she improved many things of her personality including loosing 45 lbs going from 180 lbs to 135 lbs. Man She looked great she improved her style to and she looked smoke’n hot. This was the first time she had ever experienced this in her life because she had always been overwheight all her life. She was also doing temp work at different executive offices every 1 to 2 weeks she was in a different corperate enviroment and she was noticing all the extra attention she was getting from the handsome men in suits at these coprerate offices. I am sure this was a new experience to have so many successful handsome men noticing her even flirting with her. So I am convinced that the combination of me giving up being a depressed bum and neglecting her and my own responsablitys and future, add the fact of all the new attention she was receiving from rich succesfull handsome men at the office is what ultimatly lead her to giving in to her temptations from these men and having an affair. What realy hurts most though 2 weeks before she had the affair she had told me that she felt really guilty because she went out for coffee with a guy from work and they talked for an hour than went to a pub and talked for 2 more hours than he tried to hit on her and she felt uncomforatable and ended the visit and went home (nothing happened with this guy).
Then 2 weeks later she took me out for lunch on Friday afternoon then she got me to drive to my house to pick up some things she needed. While at my house I noticed that she grabbed a couple bra’s and panties she had left at my house. I had thought nothing of it thought she was just bringing them home cause she wanted to wear them. Then she asked me if I could drop her off Starbucks because she was meeting her Girlfirend for coffee. I dropped her off went around the block to go back home but noticed she did not go to Starbucks rather she was walking the opposite way down by some appartement buildings, I thought this was unusual so I tried to fallow her to see where she was going but lost her. The next time I heard from her a week later she told me she cheated on me and that it was over between her and I. As for her comment about this guy being everything she wanted I belive that was just how she was feeling in that moment. Because later on she changed her tune and she never went back to him. Only the 1 weekend affair. So there is the whole longwinded backround to my story in a nut shell.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (24 November 2010):
You asked if what you did was as bad and I gave you my thoughts you might not agree with with me,but those are my thoughts.
In my book cheating is cheating and if she went full throttle and you only got a hand job, the point is you did this behind her back and paid someone to relieve your sexual tension therefore lying, so yes this is cheating.
What makes it different may I ask...what if you were the one that went all the way, would you be ok if she just got fingered by a person without having any intercourse would you really not classify this as cheating. Fingering, handjob, blowjob, intercourse done to you by another person while in a relationship is cheating.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): OMG! Those words are just too hurtful. Please reconsider your plans to marry. This will not leave your head anytime soon. Think about it. Don't rush to marry. Please.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): How Christian like is this: u both F around with others but are now saving yourselves until u get married. What hypocrites!
You gf thought nothing of F*cking another man, clearly thought out, for 2 days /nights. She did everything with him and now wants to save herself. Does not doing it with u change the fact that she cheated?
Now u: two hand jobs and well that was it. Makes it more acceptable to cheat? No.
I see where u are coming from: although cheating is cheating your gf scored much more than you. So I understand why u are peeved.
I don't advocate cheating and deceit normally but perhaps u need to pay for the entire experience. What do u have to lose. Your gf actually prefers the other man in bed so perhaps u need new /better techniques. I feel sorry for you bud, whether u want to admit it or not, you two are finished.
Your gf will never totally leave her lover and u will never trust her again and u will never forget your cheating.but don't stress too much. U are only human and forgiveness will come in time.
You two are adults, so why the hell abstain from sex with each other but do it with others? Doesn't make sense.
Bottom line: go out and enjoy yourself : basically go F*ck around. But be responsible and enjoy life. You know your gf will too.
LoveGirl
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): Christian or not doesn't matter. Point is you can "love" someone but that's totally different than being "in love" with someone. What starts bad just keeps on getting worse. You're used to her, but neither one of you is "in love" with each other. Trust is the most important thing in the relationship. When you are "In Love", you avoid putting yourself in situations that will cause you to cheat for love and respect of your partner. If neither one avoided the situation, then your marriage is bound to fail. My advise, don't marry this girl. If she did it once, she'll do it again after you marry her and by then my friend, it will hurt a lot more. When THE ONE finally shows up, you'll know the difference. Good luck
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (24 November 2010):
 Sorry but WHY did you tell her?
It is hardly dignified having someone give you a handjob on a massage table but it is one of those things that just happens sometimes. The one saving grace of a happy ending massage, especially with an Asian girl, is that it is completely anonymous and safe with zero consequences, UNLESS .. you go and tell someone.
Clearly what she did was significantly worse than what you did. She had a mini-affair in which she was seriously considering this other bloke as a full time alternative to you, whereas you just had an enhanced back rub.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): This reply is from "Me" The person who posted this question.WOW I guess the majority has spoken and the verdict is that it doesn't matter the degree of Cheating whether one person actually had sexual intercourse and the other just had sexual things done to them to give them an orgasim. Cheating is cheating. From that point I guess it is no different than stealing. You could steal a bag of chips or you could steal a TV either way you would still be stealing. Come to think of it Sin is Sin God views it that way and hates all sin equally as much no mater how large or how small. I guess as a Christian I should also learn to share this point of view. I am amazed at how many people think that the relationship is doomed and that we should just walk away from it because the trust is gone and there is no hope and that we are just waisting our time, or setting ourselves up for enevidable failure down the road. It says to me that there are more pessimist out there than optimists. I am quite surprised at the amount of people who simply make that judgment without knowing anything about all the other factors in both our relationship and our personal lives at the different times that both of us cheated on each other. Seems like the majority of people just have a black and white point of view "well you both cheated so your relationship is dead and your stupid fools if you try to think it's not." As a Christian I don't believe that is true. If you both forgive each other and both have asked God for forgiveness and you both still love each other than things can be healed (with counciling) 1 Peter 4:8 "Love covers a multitude of sins".I am not professing to be a model Christian I have had my moments of shame and turning my back on God as has my Girlfriend. This is why God is God and We are not because all of us Christian or non Christian Make mistakes and do hurtful things to others at times in our life. There has been a lot of growing up and Maturing on both sides of our relationship since these things took place. As for me not telling her for 2 years yes that was wrong very wrong and most may think that because I did that I do not have a conscience or did not feel guilty. But I did every day but did not tell her because I care and love her so much I could not bear to bring that hurt on her heart even though I knew that some day I would have to tell her. The reason I told her I cheated on her after she told me she had cheated on me was not because I wanted to hurt her back for what she did to me but rather it gave me the courage to fess up, because I thought that now it would hurt her less after her knowing what she did to me. Some how it would equal out. I know this still did not make it right to not tell her for so long. I just couldn't bring myself to tell her before because I did care about her and I just couldn't believe I could do something so bad to someone I love so much. As for what I did I know it was not because I didn't care or love her I know that Satan was right there to tempt me at a time when I was especially week an vaunerable to his temptation. And I took his bate and as always with sin it was totally not worth it. I believe the same was true when my GF cheated on me. This only proves two things 1) If we both still love each other and want to make this work we are going to need the Lord God's Help and we are going to have to put him first in our lives and depend on him to keep us straight in any week moments in our future. 2) Love covers a multitude of sins and if I am going to maintain this kind of love I am going to need God's help to protect my mind from all the thoughts that Satan will try to attack my mind in order to wreck our love. That is what he exists for to destroy everything Good and True in this world with lies and deception. Anyhow Thank you all for your responses. It has confirm that what I did was equally as wrong and that helps me two fold 1) never to go there again 2)To keep seeking the Lord in all my ways.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (24 November 2010):
 you both should do yourself a favor and just end the relationship. Both of you cheated so it says there is definitely something that both of you ar missing from the relationship. The trust is gone. and no mottater how much you both try to "work it out". You have always have an image of her being in another guys arms, and she will always see you paying another women for sex.
You say you are both "Christians" but what does that say about you if you didn't even own up to your mistakes and hid something from someone who you claim to love.
If she had never confess, you would never have told her what you did. And you probably only told her to hurt her the way she hurt you when she cheated.
Ultimately,if you say you love God like you claim you do. I say break up, be single for a while. And work on your relationship with yourself, and God.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (24 November 2010):
You paid a prostitute for a sexual favor and at least I think, I would most likely forgive my boyfriend if he cheated with a person because he had mix emotion, and was confuse about his feelings than to find out he cheated with a prostitute and paid someone to performed on him instead of giving me the chance to fulfill his sexual needs. To add to this you kept it a secret for 2 years and only came clean because she confessed to you. In my book yours is as bad as her or even worst because she came clean because she had a conscious and felt guilty, and you came clean because now you had something on her.
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (24 November 2010):
 Yeh it was dude, stop feeling like a great injustice has occurred. You never truly forgave her, you just counteracted your guilt with hers. You need to ACTUALLY forgive her.
The bible has a few words to say on that topic.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): You BOTH cheated. One is not worse than the other. There is no relationship left in my opinion.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): You are both cheaters. Why do you think that you are better? Did this asian girl have a nicer body than your girl, did she give a better blow job, a better massage??
Your girlfriend is just much more honest than you are. This guy offered her something really good and she took it, but she loves you. If she had emotions for this guy, she probably would have left you.
Difference is, she stepped up to the plate and told you.....would you have ever told her if she hadn't 'manned up' first?
I agree with the other aunts........you are a cheater, she is a cheater......same shit, I wouldn't want either one of you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 November 2010):
You both cheated. That's it. There's no 'You cheated more" or "you cheated and it was more meaningful".
You're both cheaters, and you should probably just end it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): i think this is what happens when you try and supres your sexual urges so much. You end up finding a way to release it and it's the wrong time or place or in this case person. If you can both learn that you shouldn't bother trying to stay sexless i think you'd be happier. I would personally think now you have both cheated on each other that it's never going to be the same so whats the point. Your no longer the people you were and you need partners that match who you are now not who you were. Do not supres yourself! Where does god say he wants you to do that?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): In some ways you could say what you did was worse. You paid someone for sex, however you had it with her. And you did it twice. And kept that from your girlfriend for a very long time. She on the other hand, slept with someone because she had feeling for him. There was passion and a sharing of emotions. That has to be a better why of having sex than paying a stranger. And she owned up fast.
If you cant forgive what she did, dont hide that fact. Be honest with her and if you cant work through this. It would be better to move on and start afresh with someone else, when you feel ready. And try to stay away from brothels x
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): Addendum, because I posted that reply too early.
Although your g/f cheated on you on before she knew about your own indiscretion, it doesn't absolve you of reponsibility/guilt for it. You ought to reflect on WHY you did it, and what that says about your true feelings for her.
It's not a case of who was worse: the question is why did you both cheat? That implies something fundamentally wrong in your relationship.
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female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (23 November 2010):
 Your actions were just as bad as hers. If you want to get nit picky about assigning blame… you cheated on her twice and didn’t feel an ounce of guilt… she cheated on you once, and her experience was likely more meaningful, but at least she felt some sort of guilt afterword. You both cheated, so neither one of you can pass judgment on the other. Let’s be honest… I don’t see either of you winning an award for “partner of the year” any time soon.
Hopefully, you two are able to work things out. Good luck!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): Well if you were asking whether you were guilty too then I would say yes. But that is not what you are asking, you're asking if what you did is as far out bad as what she did. I would say no it's not.
If you had both known ahead of time what each other were doing, then let's think about what would have been different: You would have probably chosen change your actions and do what she did instead. And she would have probably preferred you NOT do what she did but just stuck to what you really did. So obviously she did something that was worse, end of debate.
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reader, dirtball +, writes (23 November 2010):
 Was your happy ending worth this not so happy outcome?
You're both cheaters. Cheaters are cheaters. You're a match made in heaven!
The "degree" of cheating doesn't matter. Cheating destroys trust. Hell, if anything what you did was worse because you lied about it for 2 years. At least she fessed up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): Well, it sounds like a bizarre situation. Neither of you has been exactly decent in this situation.
Your situation now doesn't sound exactly healthy either. You say you have forgiven her, but are still haunted by her actions and words. Carrying on as you both are seems to involve just sweeping the past under the carpet (ignoring the elephant in the room, as they say).
Personally, if my g/f spent two nights having sex with a man and then told me, "he was everything [I] ever wanted and fantasized about in a man and that he was the complete opposite of [you]", I would end it. Simple as that.
However, if you REALLY think you can forgive her on move forward, I'd advise you both take a break to sort out this issue - or seek relationship counselling.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): I honestly think it's true if you can't forget about it you will end up bad with her if you can't forget then what's the point of you guys being together and yes it's bad what you did to her .but it's also bad what she did and if really love her then just try to forget it's hard but if you two love eachother and your sure she lives then just forget
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (23 November 2010):
 YES! The only difference is you paid for a sexual favor with a little feeling up, while she didn't have to pay for sex. What you did is called prostitution..I'm sure for a hefty price you could have had sex with her on the massage table.
How do you know that your girlfriend was emotionally attached to this guy? She kissed him and had sex with him, but she's with you. I see no attachment. It seems that you're not over the fact she cheated when you're no better. I suggest you end this relationship because you can't seem to get over it and forgive her..nor do I doubt you ever will.
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