A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so for Valentine's day i couldn't figure out what to get my man. I was talking with a friend a week or so ago and she suggested i get a vibrator to spice things up a bit and give it to him with a dirty note. even though our sex life is great like it is i decided that this was a great way to spice things up and keep it that way. I took her advice and i left it for him with a card and a dirty note telling him what i want him to do with it. when i got home he was watching a movie on the couch almost falling asleep, but he had opened the surprise and note because it was not where i left it, in fact i honestly don't know what he did with it. He hasn't even mentioned it. Do you think this was too much? Did i freak him out? Why wouldn't he even mention it? so many questions lol. and if he doesn't mention it how do i bring it up. our sex life is really great but i didn't see any harm in making it hotter.
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male
reader, velo  +, writes (16 February 2011):
A vibrator for your boyfriend sends all kinds of messages... not all of them good.
He might think, "Does she want me to use this on myself? Does she think I'm too small?" haha.
Maybe try get the handcuffs instead.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): Whatever happened to just getting a card? Geez people.
well If you need to get a sexy gift, get sexy lingerie, sex coupon books, or put on a strip tease. Maybe even role playing or giving him a sensual massgae candles oils and all. getting him a vibrator is a selfish gift because its more of a gift for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): I just had the experience of stopping by a sex shop on a walk home this evening. Most of the clientele were couples. A few were boyfriends braving a women's sex shop all by themselves to get a sex toy or lingerie which I could only assume was for their girlfriends. There were no single women...and I can only think this was the case because it was Valentine's day.The problem with getting a vibrator for a man is that it isn't really a gift for him. It's a gift for you, that you feel guilty about getting for yourself. You have decided to give it "as a gift" to him in order to diminish your own sense of shame or embarassment about it. In that sense, it a rather selfish thing to give a man.He may think you find him inadequate because you bought him a battery operated replacement for his organ. Perhaps that's why he doesn't bring it up. It's not that you shouldn't use accessory items, it's just the context and the way in which you gave it to him. For the sake of analogy, if he gave you a vibrating cock ring for Valentine's, how would you feel? Probably like you weren't really doing it for him all on your own. I'm not against sex toys, it just might have been insensitive to give it on Valentines without his input.I do think it's something you can get over if you apologize about it and perhaps get him a real gift that shows your affection for him.
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A
male
reader, alex74 +, writes (15 February 2011):
 You should go out and get him a Clone A Willy kit. Then you & he could have had the fun of making a mold of his penis and cast a rubber clone of his member. Then you would have a dildo of his dimensions (no feelings of inferiority on his part) AND it vibrates. Win-Win situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): Geez......I think you may have got the overall picture of what everyone thinks about your decision to buy your partner a dildo for his vday gift. We all make choices sometimes without thinking properly about it. This is one of these times. It's all about growing as a person. You now know not to do it again. I think what you need to do now is appologise to him for being inconsiderate with your gift choice. Explain to him the reason why you bought it and then explain that you weren't thinking clearly at the time and it's ok with you if he doesn't want to use it in the bedroom at all and that you ARE satisfied with his performance. Let him put it wherever he wants and don't push the issue.
When he receives an appology and a explanation from you he'll more than likely come around and talk to you about it. Let him be the one to introduce it when he feels comfortable. Knowing what men are like, when you tell him what your plans were with the shaft rubbing and him putting on your face, he won't be able to resist the temptation.
Good luck...........Have fun!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): Give him a really good night, then explain to him why you bought it like you did in your follow up, once he knows what you have in mind I am sure he will come round.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (14 February 2011):
 They make Kegal weights? Man, I've been out of the loop for too long!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): Haha wow, you basically bought him a present for you. That's gas. So instead of getting something for him you got him something he can please you with.
You might aswell have bought him a pack of tampons. That would be less bad actually because there's no implication of poor performance on his behalf from that.
"Here honey, Happy Valentines day. I got you a vibrator because our sex life needs to be spiced up, now you can pleasure me all day long with this instead of your less than adequate penis, isn't that great?" Haha
You shouldn't have listened to your friend at all. He's your boyfriend, you know what he likes, you should have just bought yourself lingerie and given him a lapdance, and just so you know most of us guys don't mind vibrators but a lot have huge problems with them and their women using them. But even the guys who like to use them as part of their sex life would NOT like to get them as a gift. It's a non-gift. Seriously that's like him giving you kegel weights or something for V-day.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI seriously thought he would pounce me because i thought he would like it. For him to not say anything makes me feel that he took it the wrong way. I don't even want to use it without him i just wanted to keep things new and exciting. Im trying to avoid us getting stuck in a routine. He absolutely satisfies me. I even researched ways to use it on him without insertion. Things like rubbing it on his shaft or placing it by my cheek while giving him a blow job. Ways that he can enjoy it too other than using it on myself. I really didn't think he would be bothered especially since he gets so turned on when i touch myself while having sex I didn't think this would be any different
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (14 February 2011):
 Sorry, but your friend is a moron who may be trying to sabatoge your reltionship. Ask yourself this question, would you like be handing a fake vagina as a gift for Valentine's Day?
There is nothing wrong with introducing toys into your sex life, but not as a gift for Valentine's day or a birthday, but instead as a naughty night of fun on a non Holiday that isn't about that person and how much you value them as a unique person unto themselves and your "relationship"
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (14 February 2011):
 Or you could go back to the sex shop and buy a sex swing. Pricey but it's made for the both of you.
Or maybe a stripper pole and some sexy lingerie, that's more up his alley for a Valentine's gift.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (14 February 2011):
You got more of a Valentine's Day gift for you. Something for him to use on you during sex. Some guys aren't into the whole introducing toys to bed, or are rather intimidated by them. Like Cindy said they don't want to be "replaced".
What did he say he wanted for Valentine's Day?
Do some damage control by cooking him his favorite meal or going (good luck) to his favorite restaurant. Then casually ask him where is his V-Day present. Explain why you got it, so it's something you two can share in the bedroom to spice up your sex life. However, if he's not comfortable with it then you'll put it away somewhere. Those toys aren't refundable. In that case, I would use it when he's not home. No sense in letting a vibrator go to waste.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (14 February 2011):
Ask him where it is so you can put on a show for him. That might get him going. It is possible that he took it wrong, so you need to reassure him you were just trying to think of something fun for you two to play with together. It's definitely better for you to talk about this now than later.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 February 2011):
 Uh-oh. So many guys are openly or covertly insecure about the size and efficiency of their "equipment " that he may have got the wrong idea. He may have thought that you are hinting he needs a little plastic helper to satisfy you.
Make sure he knows that's not what you meantn !- maybe turn into a joke, like, I was feeling really naughty and I thought this would be fun,hehe.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (14 February 2011):
 hmmm? Poor man thinks you are hinting that you need more stimulation than he's been able to provide.
How would you feel if he gave you an artificial set of female private parts in plastic/rubber for valentine's day?
Shocked?
Hurt?
Confused?
Or all of the above. You may have some
fence mending to do. The greatest gift is one that reflects depth of understanding of the other person and empathy for the
other person. Giving a dildo to a man may not provide that.
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