A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I moved into the states when I was 10 and now that I am getting older (in my 20s) I am finding that finding love is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. My question is for all women. I am a turban wearing man with a trimmed beard. I am told by my friends that I am a kind and compassionate guy who's just too nice sometimes. I don't exactly know what that means. But I do wear a turban and when I go to a party or something it is quite obvious that I am the lone one out. Now my friends love me and they always tell me its not the case, but you know I can just tell that women are not looking to be with a guy who wears a turban. So, please tell me knowing that a guy is compassionate and caring and nice among other things, but wears a turban, will you still be attracted to this guy or would that be an issue/major turn off. Please I need to know because a girl I was really attracted to rejected me recently and I just need an honest opinion.
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female
reader, Meggo1982 +, writes (31 January 2016):
Turbans are SEXY! I think the reason most woman don't consider dating a Sikh is out of sheer ignorance. Until recently, I thought turbans were worn by celibate holy men (don't even ask) I did more research after seeing a complete HUNK in the airport a couple months ago who seemed to be giving me bedroom eyes (which was totally reciprocated).
My advice is wear your turban proudly and be more blatant about your interests w woman. I think the more it's normalized and explained to those of us who are woefully ignorant, that it will be less of a hinderance to your dating life.
A
male
reader, American_Sikh +, writes (9 January 2013):
Thanks for comment T92.I know UK overall is filled with Sikhs, especially in some areas. People around here don't have the same familiarity with Sikhs so its hard sometimes not to feel out of place. But like you mentioned, Sikhs have wonderful quality traits and each person as an individual needs to make the pro-active effort in letting people see those traits.
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A
female
reader, T92  +, writes (22 December 2012):
 I'm a 22 year old Brit Indian, and I've been with my Sikh boyfriend for 6 years. We met in high school and I still find him incredibly attractive! If anything Sikh men are incredible lovers, passionate, sexy, and caring!
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (27 June 2010):
 I went to college with a guy who was Sikh and he was cool as hell, so I would not be turned off at all by a guy wearing a turban. If anything, I would be surprised that he would express a romantic interest in me because I am from a different cultural and racial background.
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A
female
reader, Philosophyzer +, writes (27 June 2010):
 I can see why you might feel awkward about your appearance, but you shouldn't! It might not be the popular or mainstream behavior to wear a turban in the USA, but hey, it's what you do and you should embrace it and love it. As a woman, I look for a cute face and a great personality. A beautiful mind wins over a beautiful body or style any day. If a woman is going to reject you on the basis of a piece of head wear, she is not worth the time, my friend! Forget her! Just try to be outgoing and overcome your awkward feelings. If you let yourself shine through, there will be a woman who falls for you!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): Thank you all for your answers. I guess living the in California for the past 15 years made me question who I am and where I am going with my life. To answer some of your questions, I would like to point out that I am a Sikh. I've been taught since childhood that God is one but instead is called upon by various names. I guess I was wrong in believing the majority of people thought that way. As far as dating is concerned I think I will let fate decide. If there is one thing I've learned while living in LA, it is that I should expect the unexpected. I mean I would be married by the time I am 25 but here I am, 25 and single. Once again, thank you for your honest opinions.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (26 June 2010):
 Me and CindyCares have the European experience, people with Turbans (Sikh's) blend very well into the European culture and date outside their religion and marry other races often... it's as normal here as a cup of English tea.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (26 June 2010):
Turbans and trimmed beards have no problems with girls.. but I'm in the UK, we have large Sikh community, so it's normal to me.
A native american indian, now that is strange and different...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): OP
Do not date racists.you don't need them.trust me.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 June 2010):
 The only turban wearing guys I have seen were Sikh so I assume ,maybe wrongly , that you are one.
Personally, I found you guys rather hot - genetically speaking, you have been dealt a very good hand of cards :)
I think the turban is a problem not per se but as a sign of belonging to a culture,religion, and tradition that's not well known and very "foreign ",very alien to Westernized minds.
In Italy,where I am now, there are a couple of pretty big Sikh communities. While they are well liked and much respected for being peaceful,sober and hard working, they are much less integrated with locals than, for instance, Muslim immigrants from North Africa. You can see several italian girls hanging out with Arab guys, but never with Sikhs. Why ? It's not the turban, I think. But there are
issues .For instance, Sikhs always marry only Sikhs girls ( I don't know if it's just a tradition, or a precise religious duty ). So our girls know they would always be just a fling, there can be no future even if they fall in love. Sikhs do not ever divorce- it's against their religion. ( That would be true ,in theory, for Catholics too, but only in theory- in practice, it's all another story ) Sikhs ,at least here, live in very close knit,patriarchal families and are very closely involved with parents, in laws,aunts,uncles-
you get one,you get the entire family. Scary thought for
modern young girls. And so on and so forth.
It's an entire culture, mentality and lyfestile that we know very little, and that little we know, we don't get it.
You guys are still pretty "exotic " to us.
So, it's not strictly about the turban and the beard ( which in fact, are pretty ccol ! ) it's about these things being symbols of an entire world that these girls feel perhaps too different from what they know and understand...
And in case you are not a Sikh...would you mind to tell us
what you are ? I admit I am curious....
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (26 June 2010):
 Jump on the boat with all other minorities. There are people who won't date others because of the clothes they wear, the color of their skin or because they're pro-choice. Personally, I'd be very much open to dating a guy wearing a turban. I'm the kind of gal who thinks - hey, if he's cute, nice, funny, I'll date him. But lots of chicks aren't quite as open-minded, or might make assumptions about you and your religious beliefs.
I'm half-black and while I don't wear something in particular, I wear the color of my skin every day and there are plenty of people who will judge me or not be interested in me just at face value. But those are people that I'm not interested in dating!
I think that you'll find a great gal because you seem like a great guy who wears a nifty accessory that gives you character, depth and a story. Good luck, sweetness!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): If you are Sikh ?? and wearing your turban as a religious commitment then that is part of your identity. Unfortunately, like the comments by 'ask oldersister' people do not go beyond overt symbols of identity and make a judgement purely on that. A bit like, they have red hair, I don't like red hair - thats it - they're off the list. There is a great deal of ignorance I'm afraid in the western world about what your turban may represent - both to you and to your religion. For that reason people just don't 'get it'. I don't think a party is perhaps the best place to explain or openly discuss things anyway so my best advice if you wish to find love is to find an interest or hobby in which the opportunity for you to express yourself or just 'be' who you are is part of the enjoyment. I'm thinking of things like a book club where people regularly meet and their thoughts count and people can get to know others through a different route than parties. If a girl goes off you just because of your turban then I cannot imagine she is a girl you want? If you are considering removing your turban because this situation is making you unhappy then that is a different question altogether. In summary think about where you meet people and how you communicate rather.
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A
female
reader, Accountable +, writes (26 June 2010):
 The only reason I can see for it "turning girls off" is that they might worry about the religious aspect, and how that might affect the future relationship. It is a very extroverted symbol of a personal faith, and that might scare some girls who don't know about the religion, and fear it may become a problem for a relationships as they don't share it, off. I'll be honest, I would be wary of starting a relationship with somebody who was very strongly involved in religion, because I think it can become a big problem for couples who don't share the same faith. In just the same way as I would be wary of starting a relationship with a man who had wildly different views from myself on any number of other, non-religious values. But I wouldnt let it get in the way completely, if I had enough interest in the guy and felt we could overcome it.
I don't think you should stop wearing the turban or be selfconscious that it may scare women off, as it is a part of who you are and your culture, and any woman who it scares off is not right for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): You can't have your turban and eat it too. What kind of parties are you going to and what kind of girls are you hitting on? If you want a woman to see the real you then why arent you looking for women from your own cultural background who are used to guys with turbans? And what kind of a relationship do you expect to establish with those heathen western gals anyway? Wearing a turban all day in the USA tells me your religious beliefs are a major concern in your life. So apart from the curiosity factor that might entice a girl to date you once (sort of like dating a Catholic priest just to see whether he is a normal man)do you really want to spend the second date trying to justify why you have all that fabric wrapped round your head and/or trying to convert her to your ideological beliefs? Not worth the hassle. Better to make a choice before hitting the dating scene: either forget about 'American' women or do like the priest and ditch the collar for one night. Turn off the afterlife for a while and enjoy the here and now...you might like it. Welcome to America! There's a party going on and you're invited. Dress code: casual. I'm sure God has more important things to obsess about than turbans, don't you?
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A
female
reader, Blue Sahara +, writes (26 June 2010):
 I can't say that I have extensive knowledge of turbans. I know men in Arab/Islamic countries wear them. But aren't they mostly worn in America by Sikh's?
The reason I say that is cause that's what's in my head when I see a turban. That the person is religiously devote. So I would not reject a guy if he was hitting on me but I wouldn't expect him to hit on me at all cause I would figure if he was that devote to his religion, why would he want to be with me? Someone who isn't. I would honestly be shocked if a guy in a turban hit on me.
But if I got to know him and realized that he was a nice, sweet guy I would have no problem with it. I think my initial concerns would be to wonder if there is going to be a huge cultural difference between us or if he wanted me to convert to his beliefs. If those things weren't an issue I would seriously not have a problem with it.
I've actually grown to find them sexy after I saw Naveen Andrews take off his turban in The English Patient and he had all this long, black hair. And then I saw another movie where a guy took off his turban and had long hair under it too. And I was like "Wait a minute! They have long, black hair under the turban?! Why has no one told me this?!" I felt like I was let in a great secret I wish I had known about years ago!!
And please....if not all men have long, black hair under their turbans don't tell me!! Let me have my fantasies....
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A
female
reader, Lotsalove. +, writes (26 June 2010):
 That's a tough one.
I'm a black woman so im hardly racist. Honestly, it would turn me off. Not to say i wouldnt talk to you, but dating you would probably be an issue because of it. It's a terrible thing to say, but you did ask for honesty.
I work with a guy who wears a turban, and he is kind, sweet and has a great personality, I talk to him all the time. But he does tell me about women he likes who wont even talk to him because of his turban. So it must be that.
However, without this sounding rude, what about women from your own culture? As they've been brought up around men who wear turbans, surely it wouldnt be an issue for them.
Good Luck :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): Everyone is different, so this answer is probably not true for everyone. But what I think, is that it does not matter what you wear, but your personality. People should like you for who you are and your personality, not what you wear or anything. You just need to find the right girl who can appreciate you for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): I think once people got to know you, the turban would not be an issue, but for first impressions it might put a distance between you and new people. I think it's definitely possible for you to find a girl, as you seem like a really nice guy, but it might be best to (if you're comfortable with it) drop the turban until you get to know people/the girl better. There's nothing wrong with wearing a turban; just the fact that most people don't wear one might make people shy towards those who dress similarly. Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): I'm being honest, but I would date a guy who was compassionate, nice, wearing a turban (and dare I say it...nice to look at :))
The thing is, you have to be true to yourself. If you are a turban wearing guy (are you Sikh?) then you shouldn't stop wearing a turban to get a girl unless you REALLY are okay with not wearing a turban.
Yes, some girls may be turned off, but again do you want to stop wearing the turban for them? If it's a part of who you are, then you will have to find a girl who will accept all of you :)
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