A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is the third time me and my girlfriend have been together. Each time the relationship started i approached her and we talked things out and everything always starts off great. The first time I broke up with her she didn't like my friends and didn't want me to see them any more because they spoke out against our relationship. She also didn't like where we hung out which was a local bar where all we did was talk to each other and shoot pool. Just us being guys and nothing else. Were not the type to chase women or sleep around. I explained this and suggested that we hang out other places and it was a NO. No association with them whatsoever. So I abandoned my friends. Friends that I had before I dated her. So when I broke up with her she claimed that she thought she was pregnant, found all of my former girlfriends and contacted them through facebook without me knowing about it, and black mailed a married man to call me and harass me with phone calls and texting. I put a stop to it when I paid for a trace and got his wifes cell phone and threatened to tell her. He called it off and said it was a bad idea and that my girlfriend was crazy. His words not mine. All summer she kept talking about possibly being pregnant and sent me pictures of her stomach. Then she told me that in August when she came back to school she was going to have a male friend take her to the hospitial to see if she was pregnant and didn't want me there cause she was afraid I would put a mafia hit out on her and the baby. No ties to the mafia in my family. We're poor English/Irish descent living in PA. Then we got back together and everything was good for two weeks. We had a fight and I said some things to her and she started punching me and tried to kick me in the groin. Then she threatened to kill herself and texted me how she'd do it all day while I was at work. Two weeks later after the suicide episode I broke up with her after we had a bad dinner which culminated with "Take me home right now." I ended it that night. Then we got back together in April. She keeps asking me everyday about engagement rings and wants to get engaged soon and married no more than 6 months after the engagement. She also keeps track of who texts who first and who says I love you first. And if she discovers that she has said it more than me or has texted me more first then that is an indicator that I have commitment issues and that I'm open to the possibility of cheating and that she's doing all the work in the relationship and I should be ashamed and feel bad for being so selfish. I admit that in conversations that I did speak too soon or out of turn and interrupt. So I took some communication classes and a conversation course and have been practicing with other people and have dramatically improved. I can regularly hold 3 to 5 hour conversations with her and now shes not so much the bad guy. However, now she has zeroed in on my mom and hates her and refuses to communicate with my mom at all. My mom doesnt like her because of the pregnancy issue last summer. She refuses to talk to my mom at all cause shes afraid my mom will yell at her and she doesnt want to come to the town I live in at all and stay the weekend cause shes afaid my mom will come after her. Her reason for this is that last year my brother hid pot in his room and my mom found it and went off and then his dad got into it and it ended with a screaming match and a butcher knife drawn in the kitchen. Mom has since been in therapy and has made a lot of progress. My girlfriend doesn't want me to have much of a relationship or any at all with my mom if we get married and she wants to be there and supervise with me if my mom is around our children. Also were supposed to have 4 children all spaced 4 years appart beginning 6 years after were married. She claims my mom is trying to destroy our relationship and I'm too ingnorant and blind to see it. She also made the claim that my mom treats me as if I'm her boyfriend or husband and that my mom has the hots for me. I showed that text to my brother and his jaw hit the floor. He was like "your girlfriend is sick and needs help." Most of conversations feel like a police interrogation or being on the witness stand. She majored in Religion and Philosophy and asks more questions than the average person. Probably 4 times more. People at college don't have a good opinion of her and think that our relationship is a mistake. I don't like hearing things like that and it hurts when you think someone you love could be as bad as your fears have suggested. I love her but I can't continue with this stuff hanging over my head and if she can't get along with my family and holidays will be strained what's the point of continuing? She also tells me at least once every two weeks that shes perfect for me and that if I would break up with her I would never do better. Has anyone else dealt with a person like this (and if not I'm selling the movie rights)?
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male
reader, kansan22 +, writes (22 July 2010):
Thank you all for the feed back. So things have been smooth for a while but I've been giving up/ sacrificing things I like to do for her and really got blown away yesterday when she said to me "true love doesn't care at all about what you want. It's all about the other person." That really cut through me. That wounds deeper than any weapon ever could. She wants me to move to her city which I am totally for if I can find a job there related to my major. I am applying there but not having any luck and she gets mad when I apply to other cities. She says "no one should move just solely for the other person" but she doesn't want to leave KC because her friends are there, she likes taking dance lessons there at a studio, and loves her church and does not want to leave them unless I get a really good paying job in another city. I still have yet to learn from her what a good paying job is defined as but I'm sure it'll be something that insures that I come to KC. She claims that I'm never interested in her even though I ask how her day is, what shes been doing today, has she hung out with her friends, what new dance routines shes learning, how far she is in her book, but according to her all I'm doing is asking about "general crap." I'm trying here, really trying and I'm just shy of seeing a therapist about this. But for some reason I don't think I should be taking all the blame for why this relationship is my fault. If anything it's both ours but me pointing fingers at her is only going to get her pointing fingers at me. Sometimes I wonder how well sound her conclusions are cause I get the feeling shes looking for red and counting magenta and burgundy. I know she had a bad relationship in her past and it's lead to her being real insecure. So much that yesterday my ex from VA asked what i was doing for summer activities and my girlfriend took that to mean my ex wasn't over me and that my ex was plotting to try and get me back. I called my ex and she said no that she wasn't plotting to take me back and that she had to go cause she had a date. Good enough for me not good enough for my girlfriend. So now I'm forbade from talking to anyone that I've had a previous relationship with. My dad's the one told me to never alienate your previous relationships by burning bridges cause you have now way of knowing where opportunities are going to come from. While I think that has the element of the fear that the grass is always greener on the other side I see that he's right about the opportunity part. My friend list continues to dwindle and now I just find my self at home when I have free time just passing time and watching my life pass before me. My mental picture of her is now that of a Spanish Inquisitor who is going to keep accusing me and employing methods to do so until I crack and admit to something I didn't do just so that she'll stop. She's a religion and philosophy major and is always quick to point out errors in my logic and reasoning and because I am not skilled in such matters I always lose the argument. When I picked up a book on logic and read it over and over and tried to fight back with logic and errors in reasoning on her part I was attacked for not interpreting the text right.
A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (3 July 2010):
 Note to self: the next time your friends speak out against your relationship, take a moment and listen to them. They might be on to something.
Sounds like everyone except you has figured out that this girl is throwed off.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): Buddy, you CANNOT help her. Get out of this relationship. Get out get out get out, she needs a therapist/doctor who is better equipped to handle her. If the people around you have the same bad feelings about her, chances are high that THEY ARE RIGHT.
This woman is poison, please, save yourself! You may feel guilt, anger, sadness, when you leave her but these feelings are normal, and you WILL get over it. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (26 June 2010):
 I know sick crazy women and buddy, she's right up there. Wake up, open your eyes, grow a backbone and get rid of this psycho.
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A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (26 June 2010):
 I would imagine your girlfriend is in her early 20's and is an attention seeker because she feels insecure in her own right. She hasn't worked out who she is yet. Embarrassing for me but I can clearly see similar elements in the way I behaved when I was young. I always wanted to make some drama and if there wasn't one I would create one. For me it was attention seeking and I felt disappointed in the hand life had dealt me so expected everyone around me to run around all the time to see if I was ok, put me first etc. This doesn't bode well for your future together as I have gone on to have three marriages. Your girlfriend will find fault or engineer the situation against anyone that she perceives is taking you away from her or spending time with her. I know the behaviour pattern well, interestingly these kind of women are often good looking and successful in careers because they put a lot of effort into fulfilling what they think they should have in life and it is important to them how others perceive them.
To solve this if you want to be bothered , you need to give her constant attention, guess what she wants before she even knows it herself but most of all be firm and clearly say that the answer is 'no' - you are not putting up with this shit. She won't want to lose you and will huff and puff and show off but ultimately these women like and respect and want to be with a man who puts his foot down. From now on even if it is something you might consider negotiating on just say no and do not waiver. Her attitude will either improve or she will slink off into the distance but you will have the upper hand and your self respect back.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 June 2010):
You need to end this. This girl is boderline. She's not perfect for anyone at all. She's round the twist and needs professional help. Sell those film rights and make a run for it.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (26 June 2010):
 normally in these situations I would suggest a "walk, don't run" solution but for you I am going to suggest, run, start running, don't look back, run away as far and as fast as you can.
This woman is off her trolly, unhinged, a sandwich short of a picnic, hasn't just slipped off the rails but also one wheel stuck in the sand etc etc.
Good luck in getting away, if you need help to do it speak with your family members, or simply print off your letter and show them. You may need to involve the police with a restraining order or similar.
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A
female
reader, Lotsalove. +, writes (26 June 2010):
 I agree with your brother 'your girlfriend is sick and needs help'.... If you break up with her, you are going to take a huge weight off your shoulders. This is NOT normal! She's told you she's pregnant, she's commiting suicide, she's threatening your family, she's said your own mother has the hots for you? (thats sick btw) she's using an innocent married man as bait and she's made you abandon your friends? The bit i cant get over is that you went to communication classes?? Every guy doesn't like to share their feelings, my boyfriend being one of them, thats normal! It's hardwork but in the end they start to unravel! You seriously need to get out of this relationship, whether you love her or not. This is not healthy! Imagine if you marry her? You are 'legally bound', and what if you have children? What happens at the birth when your mother wants to come and see their grandchild? But your girlfriend puts a ban to it. She would rule your life. (Like she is now).
You seem a decent guy, and there are millions of decent girls out there. If you broke up with her, and found someone new you would see the difference and the relief! She's telling you that if you broke up with her you wouldn't find better, because she doesn't want you to leave her. And she's perfect for you?? This girl is perfect for anyone who wants HIGH stress levels in their life. I know you said you don't like being told this, but you asked! And from reading this, this girl must have been through something traumatic to be so insecure?? Honestly hun, you need man up and walk away. Cut off all communication from her and get on with your life, you are completely wasting time with her.
Keep us updated!!
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A
female
reader, ctds001 +, writes (26 June 2010):
Hey Honey,
You need to write the book 1st and then get the movie rights.
But honestly NO ONE will believe the story is real and not fiction!
This girl is off the rictor scale for being out of order and definately insane.
I would have dumped her FOREVER when she started saying your Mum fancies you!
She has no respect for your family, friends or YOU. If you marry her you will live everyday in HELL.
You obviously enjoy being with someone mentally unbalanced, go see a therapist so you don't end up constantly attracted to people like this.
Good Luck x
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