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Tricked by a man - again!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues

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Question - (23 August 2011)

30 Answers - (Newest, 26 August 2011)

A female age 41-50, *etty blue writes:

What is going on with me ? I have just been totally tricked yet again.I have had my fair share of life lessons regarding relationships but seem more naive than I have ever been. I met a guy who I thought really liked me .he seemed so genuine and we met twice . He was all over me from the word go buy I just thought he was the tactile type. I feel stupid and used. How can I know who is genuine and who is not. I can't believe there are men out there that are so conniving and calculated .

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A female reader, betty blue +, writes (26 August 2011):

betty blue is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well yes I agree to all comments . We are still in touch daily but who loss what Will happen. I have learnt a lot from all this and will never rush so quickly again .

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011):

The faster you open your legs,the less chance of being took serious.

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A male reader, starguy +, writes (24 August 2011):

Its not just men, all people have two faces. As a man, I can say, there are just as many treacherous and conniving and abusing women out there as there are men... the world is an ocean full of them.

However, you do not say... how you feel... tricked. Has he not called you back? Maybe he is waiting on you to call him back. Maybe he is shy. Maybe he doesn't want to seem overbearing and is being polite, and waiting for you to give him a signal you are still interested in him so he won't set himself up for rejection.

Or maybe he is the other end of the spectrum, a player, just out to add yet another girl as a notch to his lipstick case, so to speak. If he told you everything you wanted to hear, and made you feel totally comfortable around him and said a bunch of nice things about you and made you feel good about yourself, then he probably is a player.

Remember the interactions you had with him, and decide which end of the spectrum he falls on, or where somewhere in between... and then decide... do you call him back and tell him you've been thinking about him, and can't get him off your mind... or do you avoid him like the plague, because he made you feel cheap and discarded.

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A female reader, betty blue +, writes (23 August 2011):

betty blue is verified as being by the original poster of the question

This has been so beneficial thanks guys. Well we have spoken on and off since we met last Tuesday. He explained I. His messages about six of them that he definitely wants to see me again soon but has been a bit busy this week as he's moving home. I am hoping that if things are meant to be we will meet. In the past I have followed my heart maybe its.time to think a bit . The funny thing is normally I make guys work for me but I guess I'm just a little vunerable after a toxic relationship. Time to keep my feet on the ground but I don't want to become cynical .x x

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A female reader, BettyBoup +, writes (23 August 2011):

Please be careful. Perhaps he does have good intentions and wants a relationship with you. But he could also have contacted you again because he was lonely and knew you would speak to him and possibly have sex with him again.

How can you know for sure? Well, how long was it after your last communication that he contacted you? If he is truely keen to get to know you better he will not leave it more than a day or two. If he only contacts you a week or 2 or more later, after he has slept with you, this would show he may be only after sex, or does not have strong feelings.

So tread carefully. Do not let your heart get ahead of you. You will only get hurt again if you do. As everyone else has said - take it slow! By all means have fun, but take your time while you are getting to know each other. That way you can build a lasting relationship and he will respect you more because this shows you have respect for your own self and your own heart, mind and body. Don't allow yourself to be fooled. Even men with good intentions will take advantage of someone if it's easy to do. By all means live for the moment and have fun. But if you try to think about the future more, as you are having fun, then you won't have to go through the heartache of being used, tricked, humped and dumped. You deserve better treatment from men, but you have to believe it and make sure they treat you right! Don't give them a chance to take advantage. Make them prove that they deserve to be your boyfriend, before letting them in, emotionally and sexually.

Good luck :)

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A female reader, angelDlite +, writes (23 August 2011):

just remember to not let yourself get swept along too fast again. remember how miserable you were when you thought you had been used and do everything you can to avoid feeling that again. keep your feet on the ground next time!

good luck and best wishes to you

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A female reader, betty blue +, writes (23 August 2011):

betty blue is verified as being by the original poster of the question

No I'm not lonely just let my heart get carried away. I'm a great believer in live for the moment and I regret nothing in my life. He has made contact with me and time will tell if its going to progress.

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A female reader, birdynumnums +, writes (23 August 2011):

Don't sleep with any guy for at least 2 months when you start going out. THat should give you enough time to get to know them. No going to his apartment, no inviting him to yours, no being alone together period. Just date. Movies, dinners, bowling, museums, parties - whatever. Dates.

That way - you get to know the guy first and then you can decide if he is a decent human being or not.

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A female reader, thinkb4 +, writes (23 August 2011):

Are you so lonely that you accept being used? Tricked by a man - again!

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 August 2011):

DO NOT sleep with him. if you really like him DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM... he may get angry because he probably just wants sex.

please be prepared for disapointment

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A female reader, betty blue +, writes (23 August 2011):

betty blue is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I don't really know Angel. I guess I need to communicate with him and not get so carried away with someone I don't know. I know I'm vulnerable so I need to protect myself and my heart. I normally go with my gut feeling and it has never let me down until now. I do however think he may see things differently to me . I need to work on my self worth that's for sure .

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A female reader, angelDlite +, writes (23 August 2011):

are you going to have sex with him or actually take a step back until you get to know him properly? - which will be a tough thing to do but its not impossible - its your body. if he doesn't understand that just let him go or else this might end up in a FWB scenario.

did you really get this so wrong when you said he had tricked and lied or are you making excuses for him to make him fit your template?? be careful

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A female reader, betty blue +, writes (23 August 2011):

betty blue is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hey guys. Just got a text from him !!!!! He wants to meet again .I just want to start again really !!!. I have been so hurt in the past I just think the worst.don't give people time to respond. But i will definitely be a bit more clued up.

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A female reader, k_c100 +, writes (23 August 2011):

This is just classic male behaviour - man says lots of nice things to woman, woman laps it all up and enjoys the attention, man is aware that his lines are working, man and woman sleep together, man doesnt contact her again.

Basically, if a man knows he has found a woman who he can easily get into bed, he will use her and then never contact her again, because he got what he wanted.

In order to never be tricked again - dont sleep with him so soon! Even if you click, you can make him wait for it....you dont have to give it up so easily. If you have sex after only meeting up twice you are asking to be used, men will see you coming a mile off and know that if they feed you all the nice lines of how much he likes you, how beautiful you are, how he cant wait to spend more time with you.....etc then he knows he will get you into bed. A lot of men are masters at this - they can spot a vulnerable and naive woman and single her out, talking the talk so you fall for it, then get her into bed, use her for sex, and then off they go never to be seen again.

At least now you have identified where you have gone wrong - you are allowing yourself to be used and you buy into a man's words far too easily without stopping to question his intentions. Regardless of what a man says to you, and regardless of the spark - take it slow! Go on lots of dates, really get to know each other, make him work for your attention, dont give everything away so early - a bit of mystery is very attractive to a man! Sex can come later, if the spark really is that strong then it will be amazing just spending time with him, and then eventually when you do have sex the anticipation will make it all even better.

I hope this helps and good luck!

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A female reader, betty blue +, writes (23 August 2011):

betty blue is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Ah thanks. Yes point taken. I am no longer going to let myself be a fool and work on my self.. many thanks angel. X

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A female reader, angelDlite +, writes (23 August 2011):

i hope this practical advice will help -

make a rule book for yourself and don't deviate from it

the rules are

don't go back to his place or have him at yours or go anywhere else secluded for X amounts of dates (this will keep you from the temptation of giving into sex when your hormones (oxytocin) is raging all over the place

study the way he acts MORE than listen to what he says

i agree with blond30s - keep your dates to cinema trips and stuff like that, keep alcohol to a minimum as this will lower your inhibitions and common sense levels!

don't sleep with a man until you have met his friends and family. if he never introduces you to them that means that he is not planning to stay with you

let him wait. and if he can't be bothered waiting then he is free to leave

the best womanisers are not necessarily the best looking, they are the ones with the gift of the gab and they will literally 'charm the pants off you' if a guy is being too sweet too soon, see this as a red flag, not a sign of cuteness

if you don't wise up now then each one of these experiences will take your self confidence lower and lower which in turn will make you feel that this sort of experience is all you are entitled to. a cycle is thus created

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A female reader, betty blue +, writes (23 August 2011):

betty blue is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks guys and girls for all your comments and advice. I feel I need to clear a few things up. I am not desperate nor clingy. I have had my share of love and loss. I just wanted honesty . I don't regret sleeping with him or feel tricked by that. He said be wanted to see me again and I feel gave me false promises. That's why I feel tricked because I genuinely liked him and thought we had a great time . I would rather be alone than with a guy I didn't click with. I just don't understand how some men can be such liars. I would have respected him more if he'd been honest .

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A female reader, betty blue +, writes (23 August 2011):

betty blue is verified as being by the original poster of the question

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A female reader, angelDlite +, writes (23 August 2011):

hi again, like i said last time - take things slow. you seem to be talking yourself into (or letting the guy talk you into) making you think you have a special connection. this is a dangerous way to think coz it means you will not be alert to the fact that they are laying the sweet talk on with a trowel in order to fast forward you into bed.

see these hurtful events as a LIFE LESSON. never take what someone says as gospel. of course a guy isn't going to be tell you that he is gonna dump you as soon as he has had you - if he told you this you would just pull your pants back up and send him on his way - he knows this!

yes it hurts, and while i sympathise with you for that the thing is this - they will only carry on fooling you for as long as you are letting them.

take some time away from men and do some work on yourself to improve your self esteem - you are desperate for a man and desperate to be loved and this is leading you into dodgy territory every time. improve your social life with your friends and family - this will make you less lonely and needy

it would be lovely if we could just surrender to our feelings and believe and trust everything that people say but you are finding out to your emotional cost that this is NOT the way the world is.

you owe it to yourself to be a bit more clued up. no offence to you Betty but I do not want to see you coming back with anymore stories like this ok? :) i want you to STOP being a pushover with men now. you made a mistake, don't berate yourself for this but please learn from it

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A female reader, Lexie88 +, writes (23 August 2011):

The way to know who is genuine and who isn't is to give them time to show their true colours.

You said you met twice. I don't know what happened, but meeting someone twice is nowhere near enough time to know what they're about.

Next time, take it slow and don't believe anything a guy says until he proves with time and his actions whether he's genuine or not.

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A female reader, lerato29 +, writes (23 August 2011):

we need details to help you.

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A male reader, barry blue +, writes (23 August 2011):

Some men are very good at spotting desperation and tend to take whats on offer. You are looking at situations what are not there and believing what you want it to be. He didnt trick you,he simply took what was available. He hasnt done anything wrong.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011):

having looked through your previous questions,it seems you should seek help. Your so desperate for a relationship that your imagination runs away.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011):

He never tricked you. You saw exactly what you wanted it to be. It wasnt a daft Charles type of a dating site was it? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/can-it-be-true-that-you-make-your.html

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A female reader, betty blue +, writes (23 August 2011):

betty blue is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I slept with him yes and he. Said he wanted to see me again. Sent me text messages etc. I now nothing. He has completely blanked me. I'm so hurt and confused.

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A female reader, Battista +, writes (23 August 2011):

What did he do to trick you? I agree, more info needed!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011):

How did he trick you? Did you agree to have sex in exchange for a relationship and he didnt keep his side of the bargain? In truth you wasnt tricked,you gave and read into it how you wanted to. He is a right charlie.

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A female reader, k_c100 +, writes (23 August 2011):

What did this man do to you? How did he trick you? How did he use you - did you have sex with him?

More information is needed before we can comment in detail!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011):

For me i remind myself next time i meet a guy do not lose my mind, keep myself a clear mind, remind myself rather no guy than meet a wrong guy!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011):

Are you the one who wrote about you thought you had met your soul mate? Anyhow,the quicker you jump into bed the quicker they will go. It looks like you have experience by what you say. Are you hard work,clingy,demanding attention 24-7 by any chance? Move on to the next just as fast? If its a pattern then why not change it?

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