A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have recently been suffering from both PE and ED (the ED is suspected from low testosterone levels - only 20 years old - and the PE from anxiety etc., however, despite being prescribed cialis\viagra my girlfriend of a few months does not seem to help and seems to be inconsiderate. For example, last night I went down on her for at least 30 minutes which resulted in her orgasming, after 30mg of Cialis, obviously the anxiety must have been getting to me (despite _never_ suffering from this problem with my previous 5 partners) and I couldn't get a _proper_ erection, to carry on what we started after she orgasmed and have sex with her.She tried masturbating me, didn't work, I hinted at BJ, she wouldn't have none of it. I don't mean to sound bitter here, but surely, there's got to be a bit of give-and-take. She isn't even really dirty in bed, she scratches my back and moan (which I like) but other than that she is not spontaneous at all, and it almost feels robotic.Resulted in me laying there with a 80% erect penis - but still with a bit of bend in it (not hard enough for sex, probably would have went down) and because the sex didn't work this time I can see this perpetuating in its vicious cycle of psychological failure.I know I have my own problems - Erectile Dysfunction, Premature Ejaculation - but surely she could at least do something........N.B. Running at wits end here - in regards to ED and PE, I am going to see an endocrinologist and urologist respectively soon.
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 You need to talk to her that you want to work TOGETHER on your sexuality and that includes trying oral on you.
Problem or no problem. If oral might help make things more pleasurable and possible for the two of you, talk to her that you want to try that.
This conversation should take place outside of a sexual moment. It is not penalizing, punishing, or cruel to say that you are frustrated sexually.
She can not read your mind, and at this moment, does she know it is important to you to be mutually satisfied?
A
female
reader, NennaHB  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 I come from another generation and to me one month and a half is awfully short before having sex with someone. I don't rush things into bed before knowing the person, before I get to meet his friends(equivalent that he wants to stay with me). But that's just me.
However, I think you should give yourselves time to know each other, both as people and explore your sexuality together.
The abusive ex in her past could be the answer to her reactions. So give her time, attention, let her know what you would like, maybe start with a warming oil body massage as foreplay.
And if any medical problems fail to show up - don't get over anxious over it. The first times I had sex I didn't even know the right moves, I was afraid I would come up as ridiculous. A few years later it turns out you don't need to learn sex, you need to practice and everything comes naturally.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): I'm not on any anti-depressants. I am aware of the possible medical problems - be it psychological or physiological :)Urgh.. I dunno what to do..... How can you penalise someone\be annoyed for essentially not giving me a blowjob, that's cruel. But it was to her advantage to do it because then I'd get rock hard and have sex :s
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (23 August 2011):
You might have a slight medicial problem and congrats to you for going to address the possibility...
But you also have a relationship problem because you are not sexual equals. She is inconsiderate of your pleasure and your sexual wellbeing.
Being ignored in the bedroom can effect your libido too.
Oh, and if you are any anti-depressants, that can effect your libido/erections too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): Yeah, this could be it. She had a troublesome relationship with an abusive ex (he's a right idiot, I know him). But she doesn't seem to be particularly touchy and she is quite introverted; on hindsight, she clearly has a lot of problems with people - although she has tons of friends etc. What would you say is _normal_ or _acceptable_ after being boyfriend and girlfriend for a month and a half in terms of reactions to me etc. It just seems that it is always me going in for the kiss, doing the foreplay, kissing her neck etc., the most I get is she grabs my hair softly (while enjoying any pleasure I am giving her), scratches my back or attempts to give me a hand-job (which I am not one to enjoy too much)Perhaps it is the lack of passion which is making me anxious - because I have slept with 4-5 other people without experiencing this problem, and have had sex 100s of times (had a 4 year relationship).On the other hand, I don't want to simply displace the problem on to her when it could be me all along?Out of the sexual realm as well, how loving would you expect a partner to be after a month and half, because obviously it is a short time - and everyone wants to seem socially acceptable and not too clingy etc - perhaps I'm coming across as too clingy.
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A
female
reader, NennaHB +, writes (23 August 2011):
I think that what you are experiencing is lack of passion. I don´t dismiss any medical problems that you could have and that need being looked into but it just seems that she isn´t interested in YOUR pleasure. As someone wiser than me stated on this forum, a selfish lover is simply unacceptable.I am sure once you find yourself a young woman to share attraction and passion with, your anxiety in bed will be history.
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