A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here's my dilemma:I've moved in with my girlfriend of 14 months. She's had numerous (unknown number) lovers in the past, and she has been my first and only sexual partner. I DON'T want this to be a retroactive jealousy post, but what I would like is some advice for how I might be able to bolster my influence in the bedroom.Our relationship is awesome - we love each other dearly and are each other's best friends. In the bedroom we have sex about 5-9 times a week and it is often tonnes of fun. Sometimes, however, I feel as though I'm in a bit of a servient position sexually. When we first started sleeping together it was clear that she knew what she liked... "I like this position more than that; I'm never horny in the morning; I've been told I'm excellent at giving oral; etc...". That kind of information is awesome when it comes to providing for her sexual needs (and it's a wonderful feeling for me to have such a satisfied partner), but it really does nothing for mine own needs or curiosities. I'm still very much in the exploratory phase of my sexuality (by today's standards I'm definately a late bloomer in the bedroom). I'm still curious about things (don't worry, nothing over-the-top...) that I've inferred through conversations with my girlfriend that I'll likely never experience because of her pre-emptive 'been there, done that' perspective. Although I don't make a big deal about her past, I do feel as though this has short-changed me a little bit sexually. The curiosity and excitement that I feel towards activities in the bedroom is definately not mutual, and the spark of the moment is often replaced by her needing to get off and me needing to provide that for her. The novelty of just providing satisfying sex for my partner is starting to wear off, and her lack of desire to re-explore some of the possibilities in the sac is making me feel a bit unworthy of anything more than sex on her terms...Any suggestions on how I can crack this wall without turning it into a 'I'm not your ex-boyfriend' bag of worms?
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Don't be ashamed to express to her that you want to try something. If shes done something before and refuses to do it with you then that's her choice, but if you express curiosity in something (within reason) and she's not interested in pleasing you... well that's a good indication of what kind of a lover she'll forever be to you...
You're not just a sex toy for her to get off on bro...
be a man and not just a tongue.
A
male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (10 February 2011):
Maybe you could find something new for both of you. Try asking her if there is anything (reasonable) that she's wanted to try sexual, but has never actually done. If she finds something, chances are it will be something both of you haven't tried. This will, perhaps, re-open her mind to that exploratory phase in sexual maturity and allow her to sympathize with you more about the desires you still have yet to find. After talking to her about it, I'm sure she'd be more than happy to help you discover your own idiosyncrasies/preferences so that you'd both be able to harmonize on what makes sex great for both of you, not just her.Honestly, the first step is communication. I don't see any reason why you couldn't just repeat what you've written here; it all is very well thought out and doesn't provide any insults against her. Sex is about both people, and when it becomes about both people servicing to one another in mutual harmony, it can honestly be one of the greatest experiences of human existence.
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A
male
reader, Leodjoneluv +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Never let a women control you with sex. Turn her down and make her feel that you can get it else where. During conversations, mention other women.
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A
male
reader, Ldu +, writes (10 February 2011):
Just be straight up about it. Tell her you'd live to try things that yours interested in even if she's "been there, done that", sex should go both ways and sometimes do things that your partner wants, aslong as it doesn't degrade or offened the other person.just be like baby I know you've done certain things but I've never had the chance to do, and I would like to have those experience with you. Something along those lines. Good luck budd
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