A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys,so was dating this girl for almost 2 years and she broke up with me. She never told me why though, but I could figure that out a little myself, we've always been fine but lately both of us were feeling depressed. And seeing as I always helped her but couldn't right now she broke up. She told me to move on and so I did. But then a few weeks ago she called me to apologise for her behaviour and that it isn't a relieve that we broke up, what a mess she has been and stuff like that. Overwhelmed as I was I let it be and a couple of days later I send a text saying we could always hang out and talk. Got a response that she wasn't ready so I let it be.But now I find myself constantly thinking and dreaming about her, I get attention from other girls so it isn't that I'm desperate that no one else will ever love me. I just can't stop thinking about her and wanting her back and dreaming about her. But the worst part is, every girl I meet, I start comparing them to her.It's just our relationship has always been fine and there's nothing been going on that couldn't be fixed. And now I keep blaming myself for not caring and being so depressed and angry all the time and not seeing our relationship slip.Do you guys have any advice on how to deal with this?I was thinking about writing her a letter or something. I just need to do something cause I've tried doing nothing and it's really starting to kill me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): This is the poster.
@ LovelessAct1
Yeahh that sounds about the same, the only thing is, something like this happened before and she stayed then. So that's why I'm thinking it's still in there, she just forgot about it this time cause a lot of shit was going on.
So here's what I'm thinking of doing, do what both of you guys said.
I'm gonna write two letters, the one LovelessAct1 suggested and the one the anonymous suggested. And the letter that is going to be easy to write and feels right, that's the letter I should send.
A
male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (10 February 2011):
Wow this sounds familiar. I was in nearly the same situation not so long ago. We dated for about 2 years, were very much in love, had plans to spend our lives together, and shared a lot of incredibly happy memories. All of a sudden, she started bringing up a bunch of things that were bothering her during a depressing time in her life, and despite my persistence to try and fix things and keep us together, she saw it as a lost cause and called it off. It happened so fast I didn't know what to do. One day we were in love and a few days later she was gone. I had no idea what happened.Well I tried my best to forget about her and move on until I received a long email from her telling me what a rough time its been for her and how sorry she was for hurting me. She was still strong on her decision to break up, but I could tell she still cared. After that, it was hard for me to consider dating anyone else. I just thought (and had dreams) about being with her. Every girl that I had considered going out with was no longer viable as they couldn't replace her.So I had a lot of the same feelings/occurrences as you did, so I'll share what I did, hoping that it helps. I sat down and decided that it was best for me to move on. I sent her an email, telling her that I will always care for her and always be there for her, but its not healthy for me to sit and wait for her to realize how great we had it and how in love we were. I told her that if she can't see a good thing for what it is and work her hardest to keep it, then I'm better off moving forward with my life. And its true. Why would I want to be with someone who will call off an entire relationship just because things hit a snag? How can I rely on her to be strong and help us make it through the bad times and look back and enjoy the good? Doesn't she know that marriage has plenty of struggles, plenty of ups and downs? I knew I deserved better.Once I was able to clearly decide that, and tell that to her, I was finally able to move on. After I sent her that letter, she told me that she still cared about me too, but was too confused to know what she wanted, that she still has a lot to think about. With that I knew that she was not ready to love me the way I loved her and that she still had a lot of growing up to do. After that, I started dating other people, and while its been tough to move on, I know that its much better for me in the long run. I'm ready to find people who really care about me; people who are willing to look past the negative parts of a relationship and are strong enough to help us get through them; also, they need to be smart enough to recognize how great things are when they are great, and be willing to hold onto those memories when times are tough.I recommend you do the same. Lay it on the line for her. Tell her that you'll always care for her and be there for her, but that you need to move on. You can't just sit around and wait for her to realize what she's missing. Its unhealthy and it will only hurt you more. If she still can't realize what you have to offer, then she isn't worth it and she needs to spend more time discovering who she is before she can be emotionally accountable for another person. After that, I guarantee it'll be much easier to move forward. It won't be simple, but it'll be better. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): If u care that much about her do it...let all ur feelings in that letter..my gf wantd a break...but idk wat to do since shes been my one and only...write her a letter...or sweet talk her to meeting up and talking...hey valentines is coming up...thats wat I told my gf or ex...if I can take her out n b her valentine
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