A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am dating this girl who is without a doubt the greatest person I have ever met, however, I recently inquired about her having a threesome with two guys, mostly because I made a joke about us having a threesome with some random 10/10 I saw, then she said its not a threesome with two chicks, but with a strait face. So I asked if she had and she told me she once had a threesome with two dudes when she was high or drunk like three years ago, in my mind I would think of this chick as a slut and being the douche that I am, i cannot get the image of her getting screwed by two dudes at once out of my head. She "nicely" said that, "its not like they were railing me at the same time or anything, how the f__k else does a threesome work? either she is getting dp'ed or she is blowing and taking, anyways, does anyone else think this is slutty behavior or should I just say fuck it and move on, though with the way my brain works and my inability to forget things that would be difficult, or should I drop this chick before I find out something else? Also, should I trust that she only did it once?
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female
reader, demeplev  +, writes (28 September 2012):
 Would it be slutty of you to have two girls at the same time? If not to you, then the answer is NO for her too, If you think its morally wrong for you then YES, then it is slutty...but I think men have double standards and quite honestly I am offended by all the remarks here about "not wife material" jeez barbarians..and no I never have had a threesome. but how does soemthing sexual in your past make you not a good wife? hmm but anyway if you cant handle it then A) you shoudnt have asked and B) you shouldnt tease about it either since you are clearly offended by such slutty? behaviour, Me personally no I dont think its slutty depending on the context of the situation I cannot make a call because I dont know her or her life story, ps also if she is your girlfriend and you care and love her she must be pretty awesome so really this is clearly YOUR issue and an insecure one at that.Good luck.Peace and love
A
male
reader, Founders +, writes (28 September 2012):
Dude no matter how nice she is, you'll never get that image out of your head. Trust me, I've been in the same situation. You won't be able to stop judging her whether you're a stud who has screwed a million chicks prior, or a virgin. You're a man, and you can't help but judge and have high standards for your lady. It's not your fault she got into this slutty stuff, and the way our brain works, we just can't stop thinking about stuff like that. Figure out whether you can live with these thoughts, and if you can't, you'll have to find someone else
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): Do I think this is slutty behavior? you really have to look at the person who is involved in the deeds. Did she just go out to the corner and pick up two guys to have this experience with or was it a couple of guys that she knew for a while ad was curious to know what it felt like.
Im not one who would be involved in that sort of action because I just dont believe in two exposed men should be in the same room together. Not a homo phobe but its just not my thing.
From experience on my end, You should probly just consider this to be a temporary relationship. it obviously has bothered you enough to seek out advice in this and it will continue to bother you for as long as you are with her. You arent expressing this as the first strike outta three and your gone but deep down thats what your gut is telling you. I'd be willing to do a 3some with wwm but not mmw. then again Im married to my wife for 15 years.
Either make a decision to let it go or stay out of a commited long term relationship with her because your already holding a negative against her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): Your double standards are pretty funny. You would be happy to indulge in a threesome with her...seeing her be with someone else at the same time as you but seeing as she has already done it and you werent involved it suddenly...slutty??? WTF
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): Honestly dude. Think of it as nothing other than her having sex with two guys. Think of it as her having two partners. Don't put a name and don't ask for details. If you talk to her more about this, it will hurt you more. Just accept it and don't do anything to spite her.
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A
male
reader, Emerald2000 +, writes (24 June 2009):
Come now, you have to ask? That is slut city, my friend. You know it, too. Of course it's going to drive you crazy - it'd drive any guy crazy. Don't beat yourself up for getting worked up over it. You're normal. I wouldn't like it one bit. I realize it's a shame because of how you feel about her but trust me, it will never work now - and deep down inside you probably realize that. You could always just stay and just have fun with her until a more serious relationship comes around but, personally, I find when you're serious with a chick and she comes out with something like this, it's hard to go back to the "just for fun" thing. You probably need to move on, my friend.Oh yeah... and I love the "it's not like they were both railing on me at the same time" line ... like that makes it a wholesome event. Don't waste another minute over it - you're allowed to want the values you want and there aren't many guys at all that would put up with that. And as for any, "but it's in the past" comments that might be forthcoming from all you sexually liberated women, yes it is, but we don't care. We don't want to have to think about that every time we make love to you. You just don't get it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): Oh, yeah, no question -- slut-so city here. Not wife material, but definately a helleva-good-time dirty GF! Deal breaker? Probably not. Sounds like you have a healthy open relationship and can share things. There is a double standard in behavior: Males of all species have to compete for choosey females, and if GF is banging 'em two at a time, she ain't all that choosey, and it isn't all that special. (I love the excuse I was drunk... really no excuse at all, unless you were passed out.) Wait until you bump into one of these guys at the next reunion, or people that were there at the party, or roommates: Hey, remember when? Gotta love the dirty GF.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCheers for the help everyone.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): Slutty is an opinion, not a statistic. Different opinions for different people.
I think the biggest question is whether you're being hypocritical or not.
Would YOU do a threesome under any circumstances (even if it was two chicks)? Have you already? If the answer to either of those questions is "yes" then it's time to shut up & take you lumps.
But if you know you would never do what she did, and if that was always your feelings & you are not just making that decision in a self-serving way right now . . . then I think it's fair to call her more promiscuous than you agree with.
You have a right to your opinion. If it's clear that her life is way out of your moral comfort zone, then don't feel like you have to stay with her if it's making you unhappy.
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A
male
reader, guppypig +, writes (24 March 2009):
It's not a quality I'd look for in a wife. Then again, I wouldn't bring up threesomes with a "wife-material" girl either.
If you wanted to be daring and experimental around her, don't be surprised if she serves you in your own coin.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): It's slutty to me and cheating at the same time. I don't get how girls just do it without any guilt or regret.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): Your thoughts on the whole 'threesome' concept are pretty inconsistent and to be honest I don't think you seem mature-minded enough to deal with it. In which case, I would avoid it full stop. I think you are trying to claim territory on this girl and the fact two guys seemingly got there before you has created some problems. You are right to question a girl who has has sex with two men. It is a question of boundaries though - and perception - not about calling her 'slutty'. Who is to say she is a slut? More importantly is what you want in a relationship with a girl... and if you could not trust her, and you need trust in a relationship then you are going to have problems. If you need someone who has never had sex before, and she has done rather more than that, then again maybe she is not the girl for you. You cannot on the one hand decide it would be cool to have a threesome with another woman and your girlfriend and then to wonder why she did it with two guys. Maybe you would not like another man to have sex with your girlfriend in front of you (I would understand that) but then is it ok for your girlfriend to witness you and another woman??? This is why I think you are partly intrigued and partly afraid of the whole idea. Just remember that if you do engage in this type of thing it can't be erased.
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A
female
reader, revanchist  +, writes (24 March 2009):
Of course this is slutty behavior. By definition.The question you have to ask is if you care. Do you want a slutty girl who complements you in other respects? Are you prepared to be understanding and forgiving when her exotic sexual needs lead to seek partners outside of your relationship? Does her slutty past subconsciously excite you? Would you perhaps like to get into the swinger/orgy scene?Or would you prefer a normal girl you could actually marry with a straight face?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): It's apparent this bothers you. This relationship will be difficult for you, regardless what she might be or not be. Many people have an infatuation with needing to know their partner's past to fill in the void of curiosity and often times, the belief that past deeds should also be an integral part of their current knowledge and feelings towards each other. Unfortunately, this is also one of the leading factors in breaking up relationships.
Your 'trust' is personal. Asking strangers for a "yes" or "no" answer is meaningless and inaccurate. Her past is her past. If you really must ask, then be prepared for prolonged discomfort.
I often wonder, "Why bother with such knowledge, when your current relationship fulfills you?"
Ultimately, since this knowledge has been revealed and since it is obvious you are bothered by it, I would suggest that you leave at once. This is to save your sanity and to save herself from someone who won't be bothered nor curious enough about her past.
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