A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 24 year old female, I've had 2 abortions. I had the first one in August 2007 and thereafter in January 2008. The first time I was so scared I didn't even think of anything but my fear of my parents and my boyfriend at that time not at all financially stable, I was so frantic we agreed on the abortion but yet it was mainly my decision. I know he really wanted it... life was normal after the Abortion and I thought I was happy but dreaded it for a while but life went on but no regrets really.In January 2008 I found out I was pregnant again, having issues with my boyfiend I decided to not tell him and went through the abortion again. Life felt good at that time and took time away from my boyfriend but yet we knew we still loved each other. Having been through so much I just kept my distance. We were on and off but still seeing each other, then in August last year we started seeing each other again, being in a relationship for 3 years and creating 2 lives with him I just felt there was no room for anyone but my boyfriend.We reconciled in October last year. I found out he impregnated another girl, he isn't involved with her but somehow I regret my abortions and now she has his child and not me! I'm in such a state I feel like breaking down....
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female
reader, Smiles +, writes (27 March 2009):
You have received good advice but I would like to suggest you consider counseling; a counselor will be able to help you to work through all the unresolved issues of the past and help you to focus and do what is best for your future.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 March 2009):
 This is a difficult post with different angles. One could be why a 24 year old is having two abortions in a matter of months with a boyfriend she has issues with. Another angle is what this girl is going through because of the abortions and the unstable relationship with the man. Another is why not use contraception. Yet another is the fact that the poster has resumed her relationship with a man and has found he impregnated someone else.
I think it would be important to face all of this and try to get it solved. I think we should begin by providing advice to the poster, so she can sort her own situation. The abortions, the problems with the boyfriend, and all the et ceteras will resolve themselves if the poster finds her lost balance.
I believe, dear poster, that the first thing you need to do is evaluate why you are involved with your boyfriend and whether you're happy with the relationship. Apparently, you're not, and you need to know just why. The fact that your boyfriend now has a son with someone else makes me wonder what it is that bothers you, whether it's the abortions, or the fact that he and someone else have something you don't, which would reduce your importance for him, or both, or then something else. Only you can tell. Dig in yourself and find out what is bothering you.
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A
male
reader, guppypig  +, writes (24 March 2009):
Talk to your boyfriend about having a child with. Do not bring up the abortions. You need to focus on the future, not the past
Others will disagree, but I don't think contraception is the answer here. I think your maternal instinct is kicking in, and you feel a child will be a fulfilling addition to your life. If so, you need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend. It's not a light or easy decision, but having a child can be a rewarding experience.
If he is not willing or able, perhaps it's time to find someone who does want a family with you.
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A
female
reader, revanchist  +, writes (24 March 2009):
It is too late for regrets. The babies are dead already, and your boyfriend needs to step up to his new responsibilities as a father.
Perhaps it's time you found someone else, a person with whom you have a less painful past?
That said, please seek professional counseling. The loss of a child is difficult, especially when you're struggling with guilt.
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