A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend broke up with me after being engaged, telling me he loves me every day, that i am going to be his wife soon, met his mother and he spoke of meeting his other relatives too. out of the blue he says its over, that he has issues, that we can still talk on the phone and see how things go, meanwhile some girl at his job picks up the phone and says she is his girlfriend now. he says its not true, that he wants to be by himself. what am i to believe? how could he hurt me like this and not care anymore. When i ask him how he could stop loving me he hangs up the phone on me. we were best friends, he says i know you were there for me, but its over. i am devastated left with no real answers. he said he did care for me but things have changed now, for no reason other than this new woman?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): Wow, I feel so sorry for you because my boyfriend did the same thing to me. Only he didn't even break up with me, he just disappeared and refused to talk to me again. It's so hard when you have no idea anything is even wrong, then suddenly the other person is gone without warning or explanation. I hate to say, but it sounds like yours was cheating on you. Either he dated the other woman behind your back and decided she was the one he wanted, or he wanted to go out with her and didn't want to do it while with you. He's too much of a coward to tell you the truth, afraid of how he'll look, afraid of your reaction. That's why he hangs up on you, because he doesn't want to hear the pain in your voice or have to answer questions that have no good answer. Honestly, as much as it hurts, you will be far better off without him. Anyone that can treat someone like this is not a good guy. Even if he has moved on emotionally, he should have given you an explanation, a REAL explanation and not some vague "I have issues" type of thing. That's a cop-out. You meant a lot to him at one time, and he should have ended things as kindly as possible. As strange as it sounds I almost envy you - at least you have an idea of why yours left, as bad as it is. Mine literally just stopped talking to me one day. We had a small tiff on the phone one night then "poof!", the next day he disappeared. Never spoke to me again, after a year and a half of a very close relationship. We had never even had an argument until that night, and it was so tiny that I know it wasn't the real reason he left. Anyway, that was almost 6 months ago and I've had a really hard time with it. Some days it's like it just happened, still as painful as ever, then other days aren't so bad. I did a lot of reading right after - that's how I came to this website. Another site that really help me is http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/. The woman that runs the site is a psychologist and has great insite into relationships. It might help you. I hope for your sake that you get some answers at some point. But even if not, there WILL be someone else out there for you. Give yourself time to heal, then get back into the dating world. You'll find the man who wouldn't dream of doing this to you, who will treat your feelings with kid gloves and consider himself the luckiest guy in the world to have you!
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (24 March 2009):
I understand your frustration. Its hard to move on when you dont have closure. You are left wondering why???
No one here can tell you an exact reason, but from what you have said, I get the feeling that this other women has something to do with it. He may of cheated on your during the r/ship, thats a possibility, but I dont know him, so I cant really say. He may not of technically cheated on you by kissing, sleeping with her etc, but there could of be some sort of 'emotional affair' with this other women.
It sounds like he used the typical 'its not you, its me' line, when he said he has issues. This isnt him being caring by the way, trying to save your feelings, its him SAVING HIMSELF, from looking bad, because if he gave you the truth (which you deserve) he would probably come out looking bad. He is certainly not behaving like an honest person would. If he honestly had 'issues' that he needed to deal with and wanted to be single, needed ot be by himself etc, then he would be able to go into more detail, and he wouldnt hang up on you on the phone. He should be able to understand that you need closure, you need reasons, but he cant give you reasons without blowing his cover, so his reaction, is to avoid you.
I doubt you will probaly ever get some true answers out of him, especially if he really is seeing someone else now. Thats arealy hard thing to accept, ive been in that position before, but it does get easier with time, and you will see that one day too.
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (24 March 2009):
 Maybe it could be this new woman... Maybe he had an affair with her and now she is blackmailing him to leave you? There can be lots of reasons that he could do this, and you already picked out the most obvious.. Only real way is to let him tell you in his own time or perhaps it's just time for you to move on.. Perhaps take him out of your life and go from there.
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