A
male
age
41-50,
Dr Vendetta
writes:As of late i find my posts.. vanishing or not even being posted. Apparently some of the mods/admins around here thinks its ok for a man to want to sleep with his sister.Instead of telling people what they need to hear, it seems as if they would rather us tell people what the poster wants to hear.We are not sheep and we are not "Yes" men/women.This is reality, and reality is a harsh Mistress, the world is not wrapped in cotton wool, where little pink bunnies play in the fields.You can not have proper debates on here if everything is: " Aww don't worry about it, i'm sure you didn't mean to beat her and the kids.. maybe they all walked into a door? or fell down the stairs."" no its fine to want to have sex with your 12 year old cousin"" no i think its nice you and your husband have a love hate relationship. You love him, but hate him beating you and he loves to beat you... i think its nice you can both share"The world is not a perfect place.The Truth is called that because nobody likes hearing "The Truth" the honest to god, in your face, blunt painful truth.I may well looked down upon here, but i have given plenty of good advice, they may well not like it but the truth is the turth.or should we all just start lying?now you must excuse me. me, my sister and cousin are going to go have unprotected sex whilst beating up some midgets.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): Vow, I am surprised; we are all unique and different, so we will not always agree to everything or see things the same, but are we here to judge each others comments and to criticize each other? Or to try and give our honest input, advice and assistance to the person who asked the question?
I salute all the uncle's and aunts giving up free time trying to help others!
No job, or sport or hobby is always without injury!
Keep SMILING!
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female
reader, BigSis +, writes (28 June 2008):
 No hard feelings, Dr Vendetta, please carry on the good work.BigSis xXx
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2008): Yippie, Go on Big Sis, you make them pay.... LOL
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2008): Hey, don't pick on me, you bunch of vultures, take it out on the Wizard, he can stand it, he's got bigger shoulders than me an he's a man. Come on ladies we gotta stick together.
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female
reader, BigSis +, writes (28 June 2008):
"Play nice, or I'll find somebody bigger to make the whole lot of you cry."
You called??
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2008): Don't go Ms Strict... He dosen't really mean it.... Bohoho, why you got to argue about things I don't understand....(Diovan takes out tissue and wipes tears away) Aren't we supposed to set an example to the children and learn to play nice. I like Dr Vendetta's answers, I like yours and I like Waz. All this fighting about who says what is above my head..... What's the problem anyway, everybody gets helped and that's all that matters.... Play nice, or I'll find somebody bigger to make the whole lot of you cry.
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reader, Susan Strict +, writes (28 June 2008):
 Well, Waz, you are of course entitled to your opinion.
I would only say that if this part of this site turned into a debating forum, I most certainly wouldn't be here.
Nor would I be here if the site policy were to allow offense and insult to those who ask for help and advice, and I would respectfully suggest that those who believe that should be allowed are completely missing the whole point of this site and what it achieves.
In fact, I think you and Ask-oldersister are right. That's exactly what it's turning into.
So I'm not here. It's been fun.
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reader, BigSis +, writes (28 June 2008):
"I also once had a psychology teacher tell the class that if they didn't know how to spell "p s y c h o l o g y" , they had no business being there."
Good point, Oldersis.
The other 'oldersis'
xXx
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reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (28 June 2008):
I do let most of Dr V's stuff through, especially when it's witty. But I have rejected a couple that I think have been just a tad too harsh to the question poster.
Yes some people deserve the harsh truth to be delivered on a sharp stick - but some people are not mentally strong enough to take it.
Good Luck!! xx
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reader, Susan Strict +, writes (28 June 2008):
You can't have debates on here, you say.
I think that's right. This is not the place for debates. Debates belong in forums, discussion boards and similar. They don't belong on a part of a site where the purpose is to give the most helpful, constructive advice we possibly can to everyone who feels the need to ask for it - whether they are right, wrong, immoral, amoral or positively round the twist. Debates may follow an article, I think, or on DearCupid's forums as long as they do not become too heated. This part of this site is not normally the place for them.
The aunties answering the questions are, in my view, quite at liberty to criticise the actions or the proposed actions of anyone asking a question, and most certainly a little acid wit of the Dr Vendetta type is a welcome change to the same boring drivel most of us spout repeatedly in answer to the same repeated questions.
However, and more importantly, I think it is a duty of the moderators to remove any answer (or question for that matter) that is insulting, belittling, illegal or completely unhelpful - which includes those that may be misunderstood by the majority of the readers. I fear, Dr Vendetta, that if some of yours are going missing then one of those criteria may be the reason. If truth is presented in a way that is unhelpful and unpleasant to someone who needs real help, then it ceases to be truth and becomes something far less desirable that has no place as an answer here.
I think people like many of your answers, Dr Vendetta, but I also think that when, occasionally and like many others who reply to questions in a forthright manner, your answer takes a tone that is offensive to the asker of the question - however much that person's views and actions may be wrong - then if the moderators are removing it they are doing a good job. And that, I think, should not discourage you. Without any doubt in my mind whatsoever, I can truthfully tell you that without those answers of yours that do pass the zealous team of moderators, this site would be a worse place. You are appreciated, Dr Vendetta; very much so. And I hope you can also appreciate what I think the moderators are trying to do to ensure that none of those who really need help will go away feeling worse than when they came here. It can, no doubt, be a delicate balance to achieve.
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reader, BigSis +, writes (28 June 2008):
Young Master 15 year old Phsyciatrist-to-be, read Dr V's posts thru'out this forum, he often makes good and valid sense.
Like he says in his profile; he is "blunt and to the point - but the advice is still truthful.
But nobody likes the truth".
BS x
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reader, Phsyciatrist-to-be +, writes (24 June 2008):
 That, my friend, was the most pointless thing I have ever read.Can I ask how many people you have heard saying "I'm sure you didnt mean to beat up your kids"? How many articles, or answers to questions have read: "It's fine if you want to sleep with your sister."Yes, the truth is very important, but people come to this site for help and advice, not for other people to tell them they have screwed up their lives and are complete and utter idiots. There is a certain nack to telling someone the truth about things like that. If someone says they slept with their sister on this site, then they're obviously worried and most probably ashamed at what they've done. We are here to tell them what the next step is, not what the step that they should have taken was.I'm not saying it's ok to sleep with your 12-year-old cousin, or it's not a big deal if you beat your family. But emphisising a persons mistakes will only make whatever the situation that person is in worse.Still, I actually quite enjoyed reading your article. It's always interesting to see what other people think of different things, and I like hearing the views of those with strong opinions.And I enjoy the following debates even more.
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reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (24 June 2008):
Dr Vendetta is verified as being by the original poster of the question "LazyGuy"what you say does hold weight and is very true.here is my reply.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-make-my-brothers-wife-have.htmli think i've made my point..i'm gonna go shower and try and scrub away the total loss of faith in humanity with some battery acid and some wirewool.
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reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (22 June 2008):
 The truth?
Is that you god?
Oh no it isn't, then how can you claim to hold the truth?
Part of giving advice is to put yourself in their shoes, not to just say what you think they should do but try and help them with their problem from their point of view.
There is no point in telling a guy who wants to sleep with his sister asking for help that this is wrong or that siblings should not be attracted to each other end of story.
He KNOWS it is wrong because that is why he is asking for help, you only need to gently re-inforce his own notions that this is wrong. Be to harsh and people withdraw into their own shell and god knows what they then tell themselves in their own mind.
As for saying siblings ain't attracted to each other, the fact that he is attracted to his own sister proves that wrong. Again, giving advice you got to keep this in mind, not just tell what you feel.
Sometimes the truth is needed to shake someone up but there is no point in just a rant against someone because that is NOT helping them. This ain't a debate forum. It is an advice forum. Big difference.
To illustrate. On slashdot.org I would debate that any computer user should just install linux (an operating system) on a helpdesk.org I would ADVICE people how to fix windows problems.
If you want to vent your opinion on X do it elsewhere. Here people come for advice, if they ask advice how to stop themselves for desiring incest give it, don't lecture them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): Oh showers... hold on.... they're gonna disappear me again..... poof....
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): Yep I've been wondering about these missing posts, I started to think I was crazy and starting to see things. Somebody asks a question, you answer and then one day every trace of the post disappears.... Poof, gone just like that.
I personally have my own theories about what happens to these posts and am currently investigating the possiblity of a Bermadua Triangle or Twilight Zone.
PS: Please remember who I am, no matter what happens, cause I'm afraid that I too might disappear just like that.
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reader, Minelisse  +, writes (21 June 2008):
 Hi there...
I actually agree with a lot of the things you say in this Manifesto. LOL However, being judged or ridiculed is not what the questioners come here for, I do believe they get that at home and that's why they come here (there are, of course, also the fake posts that I don't even bother to look at).
I have seen a lot of your answers and I believe a lot of them are good, maybe sarcastic, ways to tell people what your view is on the subject but nonetheless VERY good. Some of them are not even sarcastic and those are very good too!! LOL However, when you shift from being sarcastic about what you feel is going on to being sarcastic and offensive, then you are not really helping the poster... you are just venting your frustration on a lot of difficult things we might encounter here... and then the moderator has to choose between your venting and the posters "well being".
I mean... the one with the woman who feels neglected because her partner is going to AA after jail for example... I understand how YOU think is not a good alternative to date a guy in prison, but this is not YOUR choice, it is HERS. And that needs to be respected, I believe. As soon as your answer hits the: "Now given the digital age we live in, my question is, in what format and resolution would you like me to paint you a picture in?" you lost me. And you can see that on the posters defensive update she is saying: "I'm trying to understand my feelings, and trying to get past them." She only wanted to see peoples views on her feeling abandoned by the partner (whether he is an ex con or not).
In conclusion, I feel you have great advice to give and are a very wise man. I like your sarcasm and on the edge way of saying back out or hang on... but, when you just get infuriated by what was posted and blatantly disrespect the poster and offer no real suggestion, I have to agree on not posting them!
Good luck!
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reader, Sophia_Sweetheart +, writes (21 June 2008):
 I haven't been on here long, about a fortnight, but I have read some of your answers. I think people appreciate the truth and they should come here to get honesty, not be told what they're doing is right when it's often not! So although you may feel some people look down on you, sweetheart, a lot of people do like your answers. I do.
As you said, what would be the point in wrapping all your answers in cotton wool? But you've got to do it in a way that's respectful of their feelings as far as you can, because they need help and not to be offended.
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