A
female
age
36-40,
*oldenEyez
writes:I don't know what could've happened to me to make me fall so stupidly and blindly in love with someone that never cared for me from the beginning. I've been in a very emotionally abusive and complex relationship for 2 years and it has recently ended about 2 weeks ago. I caught him lying and cheating and I still went back to him after finding this out to try to work it out and he just looked at me like I was a piece of trash and said that he'd rather "be friends". At the time it didn't hurt me and I actually felt relieved but, everyday I think about the time, love, money, and effort that I wasted on him. I tried my hardest to make everything work between us but, I realize now that he never loved or even liked me.He began to tell me how overweight I was when I would ask him to pick me up, which I thought was romantic, I'm not that overweight I'm 155 lbs. and 5'6" tall, so I know that couldn't be the reason. He stopped complimenting me and even kissing me. I still stuck around hoping that if I changed a little he would love me again but I don't know why I didn't leave. I'm hurt badly and I can't believe that I've been so betrayed and hated by a man that I thought would be the father of my children. How could this happen, I'm confused and severely hurt. Please help.
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emotionally abusive, kissing, money, overweight Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): I'm so sorry hunny. I wish that your pain could just dissapear, but it will take time.
First of all sweetheart, Love is commonly blind. You are not alone. And you are not at all stupid for being in love and trying to make it work.
You were a good girlfriend and he did not deserve the efforts and love you gave him.
Try to think of it as a leason well learnt.
Good luck. x
A
female
reader, GoldenEyez +, writes (21 June 2008):
GoldenEyez is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everyone that responded to my cry for help and answers as to why and how this could happen, I feel better hearing from you all. Thank you again ^_^
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): i never understood why the mean jerks get the good girls to fall in love. U probably wont fall out of love so easily. Its your mind that creates the desire to want him. But think to yourself, if a guy truly loves you he will always be true to you no matter what and will never try to hurt you. You just need some confidence, talk to him and work things out. If it doesnt then maybe he was never the right one in the first place.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): This is an old story. I'm sorry it hurts so badly but remember it's common and it doesn't make you a bad person. It still happens to some of the strongest and smartest people you ever know.
If this was going to happen to you, it's better that it happened now. You are young enough to learn from it and not to be totally messed up by it. I know you feel very messed up now. Bt imagine if you had been with this man for 10 years and had 3 kids with him stuck in the middle of the breakup. You got out pretty early so be glad for it.
You may want counseling, it would probably help. The important thing is to not let this guy set a pattern for your relationship future. He wounded you. It has to heal in a healthy way or you might end up reopening this wound over and over again with a whole list of future BFs just like him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): hey, im really sorry to hear about your situation. mine is really similar at the moment. I was with my boyfrined for 2 years and as far as i was aware we were happy. We had discussed having a future together, even having children and he seemed really keen in the sense that that sort of conversation was always started by him. Out of the blue 4 months ago he just got me to go round his house one day and he said he didnt thiknk it would work and finihed it, no reason given other than that, i then found out a week later he had started seeing someone younger when he was still with me. he acs like hes done nothing wrong and the way he talk to me is as if i am something on the bottom of his shoe, its so nasty. and i really dont think he will change at all, and i miss him every single day. the only thing i can suggest is to try and look forward to when you meet someone who deserves you, becuase he obviously didnt.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): I was in a similar relationship to this for a number of years. He cheated on me and abused me mentally time and time again also playing mind games so I began to doubt every aspect of myself. He told me if I changed things about myself then it would work adn he would be there for me. This wasn't the case - he also said I was overweight - I am a size 0. I loved this man so much and put up with all his affairs and sleeping around. I understand why you feel the way you do because you really loved him. Like my man the truth of the matter is he didn't love you as much. You were always there for him, obviously helped him financially and supported him but he did not feel the same way about you. This guy is never ever going to change and he will continue in the same vein with all the women to come. It took me a long time to accept that my boyfriend actually didn't like me or care for me at all even though I invested so much time in looking after him and into the relationship itself. I know you are upset but splitting up with this man is the best thing long term. He will not change and would continue to be abusive and to use you. It took me nearly 2 years to get over a similar situation and on some days even though he was horrible I still want him back.
What you may find is if you leave him alone and don't contact him in any way that he will want to come back to you. As we know with men if you show no interest then they immediately want to know why? You must prepare yourself for this and think carefully because I know your heart wants him but he is no good for you. He sounds like my boyfriend who was one of lifes users. I found with him that even when he was dating other women when he was with me when he grew tired of them he could just dump them easily with not a backward glance whereas the women were all upset and wanted a proper reason.
This is two weeks ago for you. Things have calmed down in your mind and you are now beginning to think about how you miss him etc. Please try to let him go. You have done two weeks and can keep going. He is abusive and not a nice person. There will be loads of guys out there who are nice and will love you as much if not even more than you loe them so don't take this one back. I will be thinking of you.
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