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My best friend is a priest and fell in love with a woman. What should I advise him?

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Question - (21 June 2008) 8 Answers - (Newest, 19 July 2008)
A female Philippines age 36-40, anonymous writes:

i have a friend. he is a priest.he fell in love with a woman. he is facing in a very crucial decicion-making of wether to give up his career and disregard his vows as a priest in order to be with that girl for good or to just forget her.what can i do as a friend?i dont want his life to be ruin by that woman.what do you think would be the best advice that i could give him?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008):

I have been in love with a priest for two years. In my case, the priest is in love with me as well but has decided to do what is right and honorable and has put distance between us. This is agony for both of us, but is necessary to prevent impurity. Please pray for the woman involved in the situation, as she needs help too.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008):

Is this women a Catholic that he is in love with? As a Catholic I would never be the reason a Priest leaves the Priesthood. Ask him why he became a Priest? He needs to pray on this issue. I knew a Priest that left the Priesthood for a women. I'm not saying they are wrong that's up to them. He can still be a good Catholic if he decieds to leave. The Priest I knew I think became a Deacon so it worked out for him. My mom told me still to call him Father. once a Priest always a Priest. Realy it's up to him. I hope this women knows what she is asking of him and realy loves him if he leaves for her.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (21 June 2008):

Danielepew agony auntBeing a priest is more than just a career. It's a lifestyle, and also a choice. By the way, one that is just as valid as any other.

The difficult part of this lifestyle and choice is that you are at fault if you don't give up sex. Many priests have lived in perfect celibacy, and, why deny it, many others have not.

The woman is not "ruining" your friend's life. In case anyone forgets it, priests are men, too, and it's not unnatural that they feel attracted to women. What this woman does represent is a hard choice: will your friend go this way, or the other? I guess that's for him to decide. It would be equally wrong to encourage him to go in one way or the other. It's his life. And he can be a perfect Catholic in either way.

Signed, a former altar boy who wanted to become a priest.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008):

As a true friend you must give him time and space to make the correct decision for him. It's not your life, so unfortunately your opinions about the matter do not count. Listen to him if he wants to talk, but do not give him any advice. Imagine how you would feel if he followed your advice and made the wrong decision and blamed you for the rest of his life.

Give him space and pray for him, he only needs his God's guidance at the moment and time to think. (Yes Ms Strict, in this situation obviously the power of prayer will help)

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A male reader, JTalbott United States +, writes (21 June 2008):

JTalbott agony auntDiscovering someone you love, who loves you and who you wish to share a life with is a rare joy.

Don't let a monsignor make decisions for you, go for the challenge!

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A female reader, SugarCookie United States +, writes (21 June 2008):

Tell him to follow his heart. Tell him to weigh his decisions and then what is the worst that could happen if he choses either one. I dont know about priest vows but if it didn't work out with this woman could he go back and be a priest? If he really thinks this is his chance for love and a family that might end up meaning more to him and he could get a different job that he could love have a family and volunteer at the church to still feel like he is doing his part. Ultimately the decision will be his and you have to just be his ear for the ups and downs because either choice could have both.

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A female reader, Susan Strict United Kingdom +, writes (21 June 2008):

Susan Strict agony auntI would suggest that if he has fallen in love with a woman then the life of celibacy as a priest wasn't right for him in the first place.

Most importantly, I think you shouldn't try to advise him or to sway him in one direction of the other. This is a matter for him, for his conscience, and the answer he needs is within him. In many ways it's not so very different from having two loves and needing to choose just one, except that for him there is no need to give up the love for God and the church - just his particular career in that particular church.

At the most, you should listen to him and ask the questions that he should be asking himself.

You could suggest that he prays for the right answer. And for those reading this who don't believe in the power of prayer, I would also point out that by putting desires, hopes and questions into the form of a prayer, the answer we need may come from deep within ourselves - and you can debate forever whether it comes from Divine guidance or not! It works.

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A female reader, pepper27 United Kingdom +, writes (21 June 2008):

pepper27 agony auntHi Hunny

You say you dont want his life to be ruined by that woman, So have you made your mind up that she is no good for him sweetheart..

As a true friend I would listen to my friend and all he has to say and just be there for him, You can not decide such a life changing decition for him love he has to do this for himself, This is his path in life so as a friend hunny just be there when he needs a shoulder to lean on and listen to how he feels and he will make the choices that feel right and true for him..TAKE CARE HUNNY WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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