A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'll start by saying this: I've never been overly obsessed with romance, like I've never chased it, if it happens then it happens. I'm 19 and I've never had anything romantic, I've never even been on a proper date, the guys I go for get comfortable with me very quickly, which sounds like a good thing, but it's not! They stop caring about how I feel, because they assume they're okay, they stop making any effort. It's like as soon as a guy "gets me", that's it. Nothing else. No fun, no passion, a lot less affection etc. I'm getting so sick of it. The guy I'm "going out with" right now (Cringe whenever I think about it.) was a pretty okay boyfriend for about a week, then it went completely downhill, there is absolutely no romance at all in this, if it's possible, there's minus romance!! :/ He begs me to buy him stuff, steals my stuff, slags off my parents (I'm really close to them!) and tells my mates that he "sees no future in this", but when I ask him and try to dump him he completely ignores me! Like I said to him “WHEN this ends, will we be friends?” and he said yes, and two minutes later he comes back and calls me babe? Like… No!! -.-I can't tell if I've got this idea of romance and because he's not hitting it, I'm over reacting? He does stuff like... Just this morning, he ate two pizzas, then asked for mine, when I said no, he said I could go have some toast while he enjoys my pizza, that I paid for. He disappears whenever I have any time with him, constantly puts himself first and ignores me whenever I say something serious (I've tried to dump him/move out like 4 times this week!) and just yesterday, I hugged him (trying to reconnect and be the bigger person), but he moaned and told me that I "always force hugs". Like honestly? I'm his girlfriend, if I want a hug in the 5 minutes I see him before he disappears, is that to much to ask?!I seriously just think that I DESERVE romance, I want a guy to show he cares, be affectionate and nice to me for longer than a f^^^^g week! :( Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, yupthatsme  +, writes (14 January 2013):
I am in the same exact boat as you & I wish we both weren't in it. Yes you absolutely deserve romance in your life. People say love can't be like in the movies, but it can be. Why not have a magical experience with it? You should be with someone who puts in just as much effort into make you happy IF NOT more than what you put in. You deserve the best, nothing half assed. I hope it all turns it okay. You deserve the best. Remember that.
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (13 January 2013):
 If you are unhappy and I have to say it does sound like it then the question is... Why are you with him?
You're not going to get anywhere with this one I'm afraid.
How can I tell? you "want a guy to show he cares, be affectionate and nice to me for longer than a f^^^^g week!"
Says it all to me. This guy doesn't fit that bill does he? Get rid and find someone who does. And take it SLOW next time.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 January 2013):
 Well, of course you deserve romance, but you've got to ask it from the right source . Like, if you accept to date a pig, or a pig in human shape like your bf, the best you can get is grunts and snorts , not love poems . The trick is in the prescreening, and being quick to distinguish pigs from poets.
I know that you are only 19 and you are not supposed to know it all have seen it all, but... did it not strike you as a curious, in fact sinister coincidence,that such a seriously either broke or greedy guy ( begs for your money, steals , even eats your food ) is nice and romantic the first week,... when he is not sure yet he has " got" you ... and when he does ( he does, he does by now, having seen how your attempts at dumping him are so weak and half hearted ) and he's got you under his thumb, abandons any pretence of being romantic, in fact of being just civil ? ...does not this ring any bell ?...
It's not that the guy is unromantic and not good at expressing his feelings, ( that too , probably ), is that he could not care less about what you want, what you feel and what you deserve, all he cares is stuffing his face at your expenses.
Don't " try " to dump, just DO it ! I take it you are living together, so , if that's his place, you just pack your stuff and go ( you have my blessing to do it while he is out somewhere, if you fell there are going to be nasty scenes ) . If that's your place, you tell him, " dude,it's over , you need to leave, within the next X hours or days ". If he refuses to leave , you can call the police and MAKE him leave, but ,before worrying about this worst case scenatio, just TELL him to leave .
The tecnicalities aren't really that many, so if you " try " to dump him then you don't, it's basically,because you don't want to, maybe you think that if you stick around long enough he'll turn into Prince Charming.
Not a chance. If there is a Prince Charming in your destiny, as I wish you cordially, .. is out there somewhere , the more you waste time with this current guy, the later you'll meet him.
...............................
A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (13 January 2013):
 Errrr right, it seems to me like your attracted to selfish jerks. I don't think its unreasonable to expect romance from your partner, it's not unreasonable to expect hugs and affection from your partner and a bit of consideration for yourself. My honest belief with you is you're looking in the wrong places, for the wrong things. You've never chased romance yet your post here speaks of desperation for romance. It appears to me that you don't need the affection, you want it, you want the thrill of romance, of being swept off your feet and being the object of somebody else's devotion. I don't think you're low in self-confidence, quite the opposite actually, I think you are high in it. This being the case it baffles me why you settle for something you know you deserve better than, for second best. Go out there, get rid of this most recent guy and find your prince charming, I am sure he is out there.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 January 2013):
 The boyfriend you described is not the typical guy who takes you for granted after he won you. He is a boy who needs a mom to feed him, buy him stuff. He even stole from you. You don't have a relationship with him because he can't even take your words seriously. A relationship involves give and take, and he has been a taker all the way. You don't try to dump him, you just do. You should have dumped him the moment you hear him tell others "there's no future in this."
...............................
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (13 January 2013):
Well you’ve just been unlucky so far. But you’re never going to get romance with this guy. Don’t try to dump him, do it. Move out, move on! He’s know good, he thinks nothing of you and you deserve a lot better. You said you don’t chase romance, well it mightn’t have come to you yet but there’s no reason why it won’t. Just look out for guys similar to your current boyfriend in the future because they’re clearly unsuitable for you. Get rid of him, what’s there to like about him?
I wish you all the very best.
...............................
|
